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“I got her facebook info!”

My friend says to me after an interaction.

- How about a phone number? (I ask)

Nah. just facebook for now.

Why did he do that?  Chances are you’ve done it too.  Why?  Why did you ask for her facebook?  Be honest now.   You wanted to get together with her.  For better or worse, a date is the idea  you had in mind.

“Facebooking A girl”  for the purposes of dating her is a really piss poor strategy.  By the way, let’s not kid ourselves: You’re not facebooking a girl you met at random “to keep in touch.” That’s the equivalent of buying a porno magazine to read the articles back in the day.  (As a side note: Does anyone buy porno mags anymore?)   Anyhow, you’re doing the Facebook thing to get a date out of it.

Well, if that’s your goal, then step up the plate.  I know Baseball analogies don’t make sense to the vast International audience.  So, point being, be a man!  Show some balls.  Get the number.

If you don’t think you have enough of a solid interaction to get the number, then you don’t have much.  So you got the facebook, and now you want to date her.

How are you going to do that now? At this point, you’ll have to exchange emails on facebook, get her on the phone, then ask her to meet you out and about somewhere. Chances are getting her to come meet you on a date without ever having a conversation are going to be a lot more slim

In essence, you’re working backwards. By asking for her facebook, you went a step backwards, you still have to get back to square one and get the number.

The question is why do guys do this? Before you become defensive, you should know that most guys have done this.  Yes, I’ve done it too.

Truth of the matter is that sometimes you don’t feel like there is enough there in the interaction to warrant asking for a number.  You can tell when things are going well, and when things are just lukewarm.   In such times, it’s easy to ask for facebook, but feels tough to ask for a number.

Then again, for some guys, it’s always tough to ask for a number.

So facebook becomes the wussy way out.  It feels like a victory of sorts, because you got something.  but as I said, you haven’t got jack shit, especially if you log on to see that she has 359 friend.

If you actually know what you’re doing and didn’t ask fro the number, it’s because you felt that you didn’t have enough rapport or a fluid-vibe in the short interaction to ask for the number.

In that case, you still don’t have much.  That interaction is still too raw and hasn’t matured enough to enable you to move forward properly.  So you ask for the facebook hoping that something more could happen in the future.

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Keep this in perspective: What I am discussing here is asking for a facebook only because you wussed out from asking for a number.   This is not to be confused with a scenario where you exchanged numbers and then did facebook on top of that.  When girls like you, they’ll give all sorts of contact info, phone, email, driver license,

The idea of facebooking someone in order to get a date out of it is playing low percentages.  Can it be done?  Yes.  I have done it.  I have even worked it backwards where through email, I asked for the number and then called.

Was it more work than it should have been? Yep.

I got buddies who do the “facebooking” often.  Do you know how many of those girls they end up going out with? Less than 5%, I’d say.  (That just sounds better than zero, which is what the case it most often.)

Of course there are dudes who will swear to you they’re making this work left and right, but those are also dudes who date a lot of phantom women. You’ll never see them with the women  they’re supposedly meeting off of facebook, but oh, how they will brag about it to no end.

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Dating & Facebook can be intrusive

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Then there is the part of the equation where it’s intrusive.  If you work in an office environment, I don’t think it’s a good idea to add coworkers to your facebook account.  the negatives far outweigh the positives.

Furthermore, it’s simply intrusive.

Suppose you add someone to your facebook whom you just went on a first-date with.  Now, that can create havoc.  She’ll see other girls who flirt or interact with you on there.  Those girls could include ex-girlfriend from a while back, female friends, (girls you added because you were interested in them, but wussed out), not to mention girls who are, or have been friends-with-benefits at some point.

You add all of that up and it’s a recipe for disaster.

If  you’ve just met a girl at random, you’re better off asking for a number, and NOT adding her to Facebook.  Not until you’ve gone on several dates and feel like you get along on some level.

Please keep in mind these guidelines are meant for normal guys who want pointers for dating girls.  My advice is not geared towards aspiring “Pick Up Artists” or “PUAs.”  PUAs don’t have that many friends nor do they have any women in their social circles, so the problem really solves itself.

Back to the normal guy.  Don’t be a pussy.  Take the interaction further.  Don’t just settle for playing it safe and asking for a facebook.

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How To Use Facebook for Dating

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Is facebooking completely useless?  No.

There are ways you can use it to your advantage. The following are some scenarios where you can use this which usually depend on one’s lifestyle or job:

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• Club promoter types, (Including promoters. DJs. hosts, event planners)

This is using facebook as part of the label that goes along with it: Social Media. It’s a way to conjure up a mass amount of people to make your event successful.  Along those lines, you could invite girls you’d like to get to know better as wel.

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• Professional Event hosting.

Maybe you’re not the average coke-snorting club promoter but have a prfoessional association.  Maybe you host art gallery openings, or someone who is able to use social gatherings to your advanage to invite women to your environment  you could use this to your advantage.

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• Going into Events:

Say you’re the type of dude who attends a lot of social events.  You have the sort of lifestyle where (for social or work reasons), you’re invited to various events.  In this context, you could use Facebook to invite the girl(s) you’ve met to the event, or perhaps ask her to go with you.

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• You’re the Event host (non professional capacity):

An even better situation is if you’re the type who likes having social get-togethers or parties in your house.  Now it’s just common sense. “Hey, I’m having a house party on Saturday night.  It’d be great if you could make it, and feel free to come with friends…”   (Or something along those lines.)

What you’re trying to do is open that release-valve on the steam pipe to relieve the pressure.  Going to a party or an event doesn’t feel awkward for her, and if she is inclined, she may bring a girlfriend or two.  Most girls will not bring guys to this sort of situation, as they know better.

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• Long Distance Situation

Say you live in NY and a girl you just met lives a 4-hour drive north of you in Boston.  You had a nice chat, liked each other, and agreed you were able to coexist despite the Yankee/Red Sox conflict.  On the same note, this is not really a dating situation.  You’re probably not meeting someone for a date who lives four-hour away. You Facebook each other, and the next time you’re in Boston or she is in NYC, maybe you’ll hang and have fun.  It’s not that serious.  This is a much more casual approach, and has more of a friendship vibe to it.  (Which is totally cool.)

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• “Cool-chick scenario.”

This one is sort of a far out concept for some guys.  It’s out there in the realm of dating advice, but let’s say you actually liked her as a person and wanted to keep in touch.  For a variety of possible reasons, you’re not able to call often and chit-chat like high school girls.  In this scenario, Facebook serves as what it’s meant to be, “A Social Network.”

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Lifestyle, job, and social proof can serve as beneficial tools.  Most guys don’t have this scenario.  They facebook girls and end up collecting random individuals.

If the above situations do not apply to you, then you’re better off asking for a phone number and moving on.  If she is not going to give you a number, she is not going to want to date you from facebook either in most cases. (Unless you want to grind this out.)

Even more silly is trying to date girls off twitter.  Why waste so much time twitting back and forth with nitwits?  Not to mention that if she is a hardcore twitter, she ain’t worth dating in the first place.  (excluding work/professional reasons for twitting.)

Of course, to some of you this may seem like common sense.  Other will want to resist the notion and think it’s a great idea to befriend girls on facebook after a 10 minute interaction.

The latter group will hold on to that notion until they overhear a conversation between women that I have heard several times now: What’s wrong with men these days?  Don’t they have the balls to ask you out anymore?  They ask you to be a facebook friend….

When you hear that one, it may really sink in.

Cameron

Balancing indifference vs. accountability

This is one of those articles that you’re going to want to mark as a favorite on your web browser, because it’s going to clear up much of that perplexity regarding dating.

Well, let’s face it: Advice on dating and attraction can confuse the f*ck out of ya.

The following scenario may resonate with you, as it might be all too familiar in your life experience.

• Typical scenario:

Guy searches the Internet for advice to improve his dating life.  He sees various conflicting advice that are often diametrically entirely opposed.  Dating gurus, who all claim to be decedents of Casanova preach entirely …

One coach or self-proclaimed pick up artist advises you to not ever show your intention.  Be “indirect”, he tells you.   He instructs you to ask for an opinion and pretend to be gay if you have to, whatever it takes to not let her know you actually like her.

Another “coach” tells you to be direct, just state your intentions.  Tell her, “I like you, I want you, I find you breathtaking.”  Be bold, poetic, and romance-novel hero profession his fondness for that special woman.

Just when that sounded interesting, another dating-coach type raves about “Indifference.”  He is not so much indirect or direct, but rather he is just indifferent.  He just doesn’t care.  He wants you to react as though someone told you the score of a cricket game between rival’s teams in Timbuktu.  (Not even sure if they play cricket there..)

Having been exposed to such opposing perspectives, the dating-advice student concludes that “These guys are all full of shit” and that probably nobody knows anything.   It’s all a confusing mess, and you still can’t get too many dates.

When you understand CONTEXT of what is going on, you’ll begin to see the overall picture with more clarity. You’ll recognize the nuances of what is happening and you’ll be able to decipher how to apply these nuances to your personal social interactions.

• Let’s take “Indifference” as an example.

Some dating-advice wisdom leans towards indifference.  Let’s define indifference as such advisors teach it.  The overall ideology is something along the lines of the following:

-Don’t ever show that you care about her.  Don’t show you like her.  Don’t even act like a give damn if you ever went out with her.  All of your actions should convey that you couldn’t possibly care less about her.

A common phrase that you’ll hear from people who apply to the indifference school of thought is:  “Don’t give your power Away!  Keep your power.  Don’t give it away!”

To show that you care would be giving your power away.  Why?  Because now she can manipulate you.  Now, she knows you like her and can hold that against you.

Imagine living your life with the fear that you just might give your power away.(By the way, in the next article, I am going to cover Indifference in detail.)

Like everyone else, I do run into girls who start to play these cute little games.  Actually, I live in LA, so I get the entire spectrum of such women.

You call a girl on Tue, and invite her to some event on Sat.  She tells you, “Not sure.  Let’s talk on Friday.”  Now, if you have gotten this reply, (and if you interact with a lot of girls, chances are you’re cringing right now) because you know that the odds of this whole thing coming together just plummeted faster than Enron Stock.

So what would Mr. Indifference advise you?  The indifference advice is to not care.  And just forget about it, and invite them to something else the following week nonchalantly. Or rather next time:  Mr. Indifference would say that you shouldn’t even ask them out.  However, that’s counterproductive too as you’ll see in my next article.

So what do you do?

- Introduce a bit of Accountability & Personal Standards -

In the last article, “The Preferred Response” line you read some examples of holding people accountable.  But wait, if you did that, you’d no longer be indifferent.

If you said, “Hey, I’m looking forward to seeing you next Saturday.  Let’s meet at 7:00 PM.”  Then you just gave your power away.  What a cardinal sin to Mr. Indifference. Can the cosmos handle such diverse patterns of behavior within the same time space continuum?

{Side note:  This is written with the assumption that the girl is also interested in you on some level.  Please do not write me emails asking about some girl who is barely aware of your existence on this planet not reciprocating your actions.}

But then, if you care too much about seeing her, you may appear to be desperate.  What do you do?

You have to balance INDIFFERENCE with ACCOUNTABILITY.

• Real Life Example

So let’s revisit a likely scenario:

It’s Sunday afternoon.  You call a girl and invite her to spent time on Thursday evening. Simple enough, correct?

She gives you wishy-washy answers.  (If she has other legit previous engagements, then that’s fair.)  If she said, I’m having dinner with President Obama and the other heads of State on that night, that is a fair as well as firm response.  We’re not talking about that.

We’re talking wishy-washy answers such as, “I think that might work.  Let’s talk again on Wednesday night.”

Do you know what that really means?

“If nothing better comes up, then I’ll hang with you.”

That’s what a wishy-washy answer is.  You’re a back up plan if nothing else better comes up.  (I hate to say it but even I have done it to girls I didn’t care to see that much.)   Here is where you hold her accountable.  Yes or no.  None of this, “Let’s talk again.  If she can’t live her life with some sort of a discipline, then fine.  You can’t change how other persons choose to live their lives.  However, you do have the ability to cut them out of your life.

Sounds simple. Sounds sweet. Tougher to do to than it appears.   Because you friends will ask, “Hey, what happened with that girl you met. Man, she is really cute.”  Then you’ll be tempted to compromise.   It may be worse.  Your pals may be “Seduction community” conditioned people trying to coach you how to get her by having super-game.   Can’t worry about that.

You must be willing to walk away if the situation is counter-balanced to your values.

Trying to hold people accountable to every single thing will present you as someone desperate or very anal.  However, on issues like making plans, following through, it’s fair to be expecting common courtesy. If that common courtesy is not met, then you’ll walk away.

• So how do you balance indifference and accountability???

1. You show that you’d like to see them.  You show that you’re interested and that you’d love to hang out and HAVE FUN!
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2. On the same token, you know what you like, and you live your life upholding certain standards.  It’s also about being able to be decisive and make decisions.   AND if people are not able to live life on that plain with you, then you ARE willing to walk away.

Because remember, you HAVE choices too!  If she is not willing to meet you on an even plane, there are plenty of others who will.

The Walk-away is key.  Accountability hangs on a scale that must be equalized by the willingness to walk away. If you’re just indifferent, you’re aiming for the low-hanging fruit.  If you’re too obsessed with the accountability, you care too much about the interactions and are behaving as though you’re desperate.  The balance is knowing when to go forward, and when to walk away.

Cameron

Ps.  And seriously, all of this is predicated on the fact you’re somewhat of a cool guy to begin with.  If you’re missing that first step, you’ve completely derailed the locomotive off the tracks and the rest of it is a gigantic train wreck.

16 CD Audio Course.

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The “Preferred Response Line”

 When you read dating advice, it’s important to keep things in perspective and be able to distinguish as to what represents your personality.  It’s also important to have fun and experiment based on your specific personality.

Personalities come in a wide range: Some people are a bit sarcastic, others have a very dry sense of humor, and hey, some people have no personality.

In the last article on texting, I discussed “Cameron Ladder of Communication.” That was just fun a little gimmick meant to act as a preemptive strike.  That may or may not fit your persona, but nevertheless, keep in mind the importance of a little experimentation.

Another thing that I started trying with texts was what I call the “Preferred Response Line.”   I’m sure some dating coaches or “Pick Up Artists” would call it a method of gaining compliance, but really for me, it was meant as a way not to have my time wasted.

You can use it to flirt and you can use it to establish boundaries.  Here is an example of a flirtatious one:

• Example 1. [Flirting through Sexual Innuendo.]

Girl’s text to me:  Yada, yada, yada,  C.  [Note that she refers to me as “C”]

Me: You know, I’d prefer if you wrote my name out, and even more preferable,  if you MOANED it. ;-)

Her next text:  “Ok, Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam baby.”

The above example can also be categorized under a “How to Flirt” to article, but that’s not the focus right now.

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It’s fun to flirt and create a sexual vibe.  Then I thought why not apply that sort of “Preferred” response to other areas.

• Example 2:

Scenario:  I text a girl to invite her to a social “Happy-Hour” event on Wednesday .

-My text:  Hey, next Wed is blah, blah…  you should come with…. Etc, etc.

-She:  Not sure.  Let’s talk wed afternoon, and I’ll let you know.

-My text verbatim: OK, for future reference, the preferred response is, “that’s sounds fun.  I’d love to go with you Cameron :-)”

Here is the amazing part: Normally, it took this particular girl about 10-15 min to return a text.  It was weird, as though she had some sort of an egg-timer on her oven that she set to 15 minutes before she could return a text.    So it was surprising to see a reply back from her within 30 seconds.   Maybe she lost her egg-timee?   It definitely broke her normal sms-text pattern.

She:  I’d love to go with you Cameron!

Nice, this is awesome!  Wish I would have started asking for preferred response sooner.

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So is there a point?  Well, I guess if there had to be one, it’s learn to ask for what the fuck you want and don’t be so ashamed about it.  Establish a standard for yourself and stick with it.

• 3^rd example:

A Girl I’ve met has a weird work schedule.  Needs to make plans in advance.  I’m cool with that. She really likes advance plans though.

We’re planning a date for next Tuesday.  It’s only wed right now, so this is really advanced planning.  It’s a bit out of the norm for me. Let’s resume the texting at that point of the plan:

Me:  Sounds good. Tuesday eve works for both of us.

She: OK.  Why don’t we talk on Mon.

Me:  That’s not really my style, babe. I’d like to see you on Tue if you are free.  Otherwise…..

She: That’s not my style either….   Tue sounds good!

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Really???  That’s not her style?  Sure could have fooled me.

Men and women both play games.  Sometimes women feel compelled to play these games and if you befriend girls, they’ll admit so much to you.  They’ll literally tell you things you always suspected, such as, “I’m going to wait 3 days to call him back” or “I didn’t kiss him even though I REALLY wanted to.”

(Sidebar: Again, why it’s important to have female friends.  It gives you a perspective into their world as well.)

It’s not always malicious nor is it sinister, but it is the way it is.  The burden of circumventing this issue falls on your shoulders.   Again, you’re the man, you have the masculine energy, you take charge, and YOU LEAD!

Will this ALWAYS work perfectly?  Not necessarily.  Then again, this is not MEANT as a tactic or a means to be slick.  It’s meant to be a code of conduct, the way you live your life, exemplified in the manned in which you carry yourself.

By doing this, you build strength from the inside.  This goes back to theme of building that foundational strength, which is an absolute must-read article on this blog:  Strength is Generated from Within.

The “preferred response line” is a bit tactical.  I’m giving you what is basically a maneuver to implement as part of a strategy to use to create the results you want.  I shared it with another dating-coach, one of the very few whose knowledge I respect,  and he had fantastic results with it as well.

However, always remember that this bit of strategy is just one piece in a greater picture, and that greater picture is establishing ground rules for what you will or will not tolerate. It’s also the ground rules for taking the lead in this situations to short-circuiting the game playing that goes on in dating a bit.

There is one more piece to this puzzle that I’m going to explain thoroughly in the next blog post.  It’s going to clear a lot of the confusion you’ve been having in the Dating-World.. It’ll provide clarity, good feelings, and may even curl your toes.

For the time being, apply the preferred response as you see fit.  I’d prefer if you left a comment telling me the results you’ve been having with it. ;-)

Cameron

Building Attraction with Women Ebook

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Texting by itself has taken on its own culture in the last 10 years.  On the one hand, it can be fun, a good tool to use to flirt, and prevents you from falling asleep in boring corporate office meetings.  Sneaking your phone under the desk to text your friends (Or ANYONE) just to keep from wanting to scream is a skill onto itself.

 Texting can also be used to flirt with someone while you’re somewhat bored sitting around at a doctor’s office stacked with shitty golf & fishing magazines , behind a red light in heavy traffic, or at a club where you’re about to vomit from another song from Lady gaga

I have had both experiences with it:

     A. It can keep things warm, keep a somewhat sexual vibe going by flirting with the occasional texting exchange, and schedule casual meet ups.

    B. Things go stale because it creates a pseudo-impersonal/virtual vibe where you’re not chatting, but just exchanging way too many texts back and forth. 

 While there Is a practical functionality to texting as well as a good tool for flirting, It can also lead you down a stray path.  This article Is not so much about how to flirt via text, but more so about not getting too sucked Into a text-relationship.   

 Sometimes too much texting can also create a sort of stalemate at times where you’re not making progress.  You go back and forth, but can’t seem to arrange a proper meeting, or  you have cute texts going back and forth but then start wondering who is going to be the FIRST person to stop

The little nuances can be enough to fill an entire episode of  ”Seinfeld, “  or perhaps  “Curb Your Enthusiasm” currently.  (This is where Larry David would be ranting, “Hey, what’s deal? I just lost the Texting faceoff.  Clearly, that last text was one too many.  Some sort of Texting protocols were breached” )

 In my experience, and I think it’s common sense, it’s far easier to get a girl to meet you for a FIRST date if you can talk to her for 15 to 20 minutes than texting back and forth incessantly.  (After the first date, dynamics change obviously.)

 After a 15 minute conversation where you’re having banter and sharing witty repartee, you’re going to find it quite a natural transition to meet up in person for more fun. 

 If you’re constantly texting, sometimes you go down this weird path of exchanging electronic messages where you’re locked into this weird impersonal relationship.  At that point, it’s more difficult to get the person to meet you in person, or even to get a phone called established.

 Now, if you have trouble maintaining decent conversation on the phone, then maybe a 20 minute convo isn’t for you.  I just hope that you’re able to sustain that 20-minute conversation on the actual date, if or when you do meet her in person.

The issue goes both ways.  I’ve heaven heard complaints from girls about “How come guys can’t call anymore?  What’s the deal with asking me out on a text?”

The point really home when at one point I met a girl for a date, and I was curious about why she was giggly. She said, “I was surprised you didn’t text me. No one really calls anymore….”

 Well, all that texting sort of resembles the following cartoon.  It’ll resonate with a  lot of people because the dynamics that are spoofed are far too common.  One of my acquaintances was so inspired by this satirical cartoon, he actually disabled the text function on his cell phone.  Maybe it’s not a bad idea.  No more texting for a while, he said! 

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 If you’ve hit the bars and clubs often, you’ll really relate to the cartoon you just watched, unfortunately.

 In retrospect, I realized that sometimes I’m the culprit.  I start the texting process with nonchalant little notes of texts, and that opens a whole new can of worms.  That’s the annoying text-relationship that can be a waste of time.  I like to avoid that.

As a result, I had to create the “Cameron Ladder of Communication”.  I’ll get to that in the next post.

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A simple Concept to Enable You to Reap Great Gains.

In the last article, I discussed the 3 areas of potential benefit from Dating advice.  (You can read it here: 3 Areas of Benefit)

Next is Application! You have to apply what you have learned.  I have 3 rules that I’d emphasize to you when it comes to in-field-application:

1. Simplify
2. Simplify
3. Simplify

If you can’t remember this last point, you probably shouldn’t be reading my blog.   It is far easier to apply simple techniques for the brain under duress than it is to carry out plans that you have to think about.

Simplicity works because,

• Fewer things to remember, less moving parts,
• Becomes instinctual rather quickly.

For many guys, cold-approaching a girl they’ve never met is nerve-racking.  Why this nervousness exists is irrelevant to this article.  This outside pressure is similar to the one a fighter faces when he steps into a ring.  When faced with this nervous stimulus, it is easier for your brain to carry out simple tasks.

Concrete Example:  Cold-approaching

How do you simplify it?  You throw away all of the thinking that goes inside your head.  You focus on the simple task you have to carry out.  You throw out most of the complicated stuff you’ve come across in a dating community, (DHVs, IUDs, etc.)

Even the archetype info you’ve read from me, throw it out in that moment!

Yes, it’s awesome, yes it’ll benefit you well in the long run, yes, and it’s “one of kind information” that most of the socially-inept folk who call themselves “Dating-gurus” cannot offer you.  All of this is accurate.

Yet, at the moment of action, you need not be concerned with it.

Here is something I’ve created that works for me!  I have a phrase that I say in my mind, which I created while weightlifting.  I think YOU may find it useful as well in a dating context!

Do it Now!  Think About it Later.

When I am in the gym weight-lifting, about to lift another heavy weight (for me) for yet another set, a bit of restlessness can set it.  You have to do another set of deep squats, the weight is heavy, and you still have to get underneath it, squat down low with heavy bars & plates of steel on your back, and then come back up.  Sometimes, you can start thinking about it too much as you’re standing there staring at the squat rack…

There comes a time when it’s just time to lift.  Thinking about it various thoughts doesn’t do you much good.  Your focus needs to ONLY be on hoisting the steel up and down.  Other thoughts are counterproductive.  Simplify.

Do it now.  Think about it later.

It’s a simple command, but it makes sense in my mind.  Obviously, there has to be an overall safety issue factored in.  It’s not implying to go snort cocaine while putting a giant dildo in your ass, and then thinking about it later as you leave the emergency room with a bloody nose and a bill from a proctologist.  (In case, there is 1 moron out there who finds this article by mistake.)

In the weightlifting example, I know that I can do the weight.  I know it’s safe, and that I won’t suffer injuries.  It’s still f*cking heavy, and it’s still tough, but no point thinking about that now.  Do it now, think about it later. Come to think of it, I don’t think about it much later except that I am glad I got it done.  The simple mantra just helps my mind focus on action instead of thinking about it.

Same application with the approaching women.  Do it now, think about it later.   Again, take common-sense safety factors in.  If she is hanging with a group of Hell’s Angels Bikers, and you walk in trying to be Mr.  cool-Alpha….. Well, you may get knifed or stabbed in the stomach if you’re a disrespectful little prick, and let’s be honest, it’ll probably be well deserved. So let’s keep it within reason.

Barring similar situations mentioned above, there isn’t much to worry about.  Keep it simple.   You’re interested in a girl who works in your office building?  Have a simple game plan, nothing fancy.  Go & talk to her.  Do it now.   Think about it later.

Back when I taught “In-Field” workshops, I came across many guys who were deathly afraid to go over and talk to a girl in a bar.  In that situation, you have to keep it simple.

-Forget about getting a phone number.

-Forget about “Closing” any sort of deal,

-Forget about any tactics or strategies or acronyms.

At the point of action, the above are irrelevant.

For the nervous wreck guy (From the east coast) , here is what I told him: Keep it beyond simple.  Here is the simple opener in one particular situation:

“Hey, Know where I could find good pizza around here?  I just came out here from back east, I’m having a tough time finding good pizza!”

Now, in the above scenario, if she asks what part of the East Coast you’re from, or WHY you moved out here, feel free to converse like you would with me.  If she just offers plain information from an uninterested disposition, then just say, “Cool, thanks.  I’ll see you around.”  And walk away as though you accomplished your mission.  Remember you push comfort zone in baby steps.  (Read important article here:    Pushing your comfort zone.)

Why such a no-brainer conversational starter about Pizza?  How is this great “Game?”

Because it’s SIMPLE!  It’s easy to execute.  It’s a simple mission. Apply the basic parameters:  Approach with the proper body language at the right time, have your basic mission in hand, do it, and get out.  By the end of the weekend, that same guy is able to do direct-approaches, situational ones and even had full-fledged 30-minute long conversations that resulted from a cold-approach.  Yes, the same guy who was nervous to even ask about Pizza.  Btw, if’ve you just cold-approached someone and are still engaged in conversation (dialogue) 20 minutes later, you’re in!  That’s most of the game.

Key is simplicity in application. There are plenty of guys who can spout theories (Including many guys who claim to be “Teachers”) but most of them can’t talk to women (or men).  Theory only gets so far.

• Application is what counts.  Simplicity creates easier application.

What if you talk with girls here and there, but your interactions don’t go very far?  There are a number of a variables causing that dynamic.  Again, keep it simple.  Devise a simple game plan as to what you want to do in those interaction and accomplish those one at a time.  Gettiing lost in a plethora of complicated tactics is going to have you where you are right now.  Hey,  if you want to hold on to the old complicated model, that’s fine too, but then how came you haven’t made any strides in your ability to attract women or have more dates since Clinton was President?

Like I’ve written before, most guys won’t improve because they don’t put in the work based on proper applicative knowledge!

I provide the knowledge.

You do the work!

You will reap the rewards.  It’s that simple, if you simplify.

Cameron

 PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women

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In the last two articles, (How underground advice makes you weird) I talked about two polar opposite ways of thinking.  One is clueless and the other resembles a sociopathic style of thinking where everything is analyzed to the nth degree.

How do you balance these two a blog reader asked?

First and foremost, your first objective ought to be improving your SOCIAL SKILLS, Social Intelligence and SOCIAL Confidence.     If you’re looking to improve your dating life, you probably need improvement in one or more of those areas.  Some guys need major improvement in all 3!!!

Take concepts and principles from the seduction community and apply them in a way that is socially pleasant.  Apply them in a way that makes sense in your world, your town, and your culture.

As a concrete example:

• Having a Strong Reality:

This is a fantastic concept.  It implies believing in yourself and believing in your ideal.  You remain steadfast and undeterred in those standards which you value.  Great idea!  Present a strong reality.   But then you wouldn’t go to a Christmas dinner party with your cock hanging out of your pants, would you?  “Hey, I have a strong reality, and it doesn’t bother me.”   Well, it bothers everybody else, and it’s not socially cool.

“Such a ridiculous example, Cameron!  Of course, I wouldn’t do that.”

Well, OK, a bit ridiculous, but is this too far off?

count Mexicula

(photo compliments of BKRS)

At least with the guy whose cock is hanging out, you can ask him to put it back in.  How do you make this guy normal again?  That’s fodder for another day.

Pictured above is a guy who  at some point lost touch with common sense and sensibilities. His emotional zeal for becoming a “Pick Up Artist” overpowered his brain’s logic and reason.  Granted, this can happen to any of us to some extent, but this dude took it to another level.  Point is that you have to balance the concept and its application.  I am for pushing social boundaries but then you have to know how to do so without repercussions to yourself, your lifestyle, and your career.

As another example, you may get away with dressing up like a flamboyant rock-star in Los Angeles or NY, but you just might downright get your ass kicked in a smaller redneck town.  Now, this is pretty much common sense, but it becomes lost in the zeal of “Pick Up Artist Mastery.”

If you can remember the objectives in the back of your mind,,

• Chief goal is improving your social skills, social intelligence, social confidence,
• Staying true to your identity and ideals
• Applying fair-Balance between the outrageous advice and your particular lifestyle.

When you come across ANY concept, you have to apply the following questions:

-Does this fit in within my lifestyle?
-Is this conducive to the TYPE OF WOMEN I desire?
-In which Area is this going to benefit me?

The 3 areas for potential benefit are:

1. Social Skills.
2. Social Intelligence.
3. Social Confidence.

Which area are you improving in?

• Example:  NLP Infatuation

Some guys become obsessed with learning NLP, hidden phrases, embedded commands.  So, let’s say you’re being bogged down in NLP. What areas are you going to improve you in?

–Social Skills?  Definitely not.  It’s sold as a better communication tool, but have you ever observed NLP people trying to socialize at a party?  Enough said.

–Social Intelligence?  Probably not in terms of getting girls.  Unless you consider trying to manipulate people with embedded commands a tool of social intelligence.

–Social Confidence?  Well, I don’t think so.  If you think it helps your confidence, go for it.

Apply common sense and decide for yourself.  As a side note, now that you know that, you’ll see a trend amongst my dating-related articles.  Each article fits into one of the above categories.

Example of my previous articles (Yes, this is where I get to boast) :

1. My recent Articles on “How to spot promiscuous and/or toxic girls“: Social Intelligence.
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2. Recent Article on “How to develop Charm“:  Social Skills.
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3. Various Articles on “Understanding the importance of purpose & Identity“: Confidence (Better Self-Image.)
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I know you’re thinking,  “Clever Cameron!  How did he do that!” I know, right???   [Inside joke if you follow the blog]

OK, but now that the secret is out, let’s get to another important issue in the AREA OF SOCIAL SKILLS that will ENABLE you to gain SOCIAL CONFIDENCE.

That’s coming in the next article, I am going t share one of the most profound secrets that’s been staring you in the face all along!

Stay tuned,

Cameron

Building Attraction Ebook

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People find seek Dating-Advice from unorthodox sources when the conventional route has completely failed them.

 Have you ever made mainstream advice that left you somewhat disenchanted?  Maybe even a bit disgusted!  It’s usually advice that seems to make sense on paper but does not translate to your experience in the REAL World. 

 A while back, I logged on to Yahoo and saw a dating-advice column regarding attraction from one of their writers.  It was an article by a dude called “Rich” who was trying to share his pearls of wisdom.  Now, we don’t even know if he is the real author.  They may be just putting up his face as the poster boy for an article someone wrote.

 Nevertheless, they’re pushing it on their readership and since “Yahoo.com” does have a pretty large audience, you can bet a lot of people read this dude’s pontifications.  On one hand, he claim to be clueless, and on the other, he is giving advice to both men & women.  That’s the funniest part about the guy. He is like, “Hey, I’m clueless but lemme break it down for you anyway.”

 Apparently, this guy has his own dating-blog on a major magazine online, which makes his comments below ever more fascinating.

So let me print the actual excerpts from that article and I’ll provide my commentary below. Excerpts are in Brown Color.  My reply is in blue. 

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My friends and I have spent many a long night brainstorming that magic formula of characteristics that drives the ladies wild. It is impossible to know just what the mixture is supposed to be, but is there one characteristic that can work alone to make a guy really attractive?

Here are the nine characteristics we’ve come up with:

• Sense of Humor
  

Everyone says how important sense of humor is and I’ve learned to look for it in women  I am lucky enough to be able to make women laugh, but I’m still super single.

–Super single? As opposed to just single?  Translation: I can’t get dates, nor can I maintain a meaningful interaction, but I write articles on the topic anyway because I enjoy giving advice on this matter. Yes, sense of humor is attractive, but this guy had to hold many nights of brain-storming sessions to discover this?  Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall during these brain-storming sessions where they also recently discovered about gravity, that the earth is round and that humans need to breath air to survive!

Nevertheless, sense of humor is a good attribute to possess.  It’s obvious but hey, the guy is trying.

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• TrustworthyTrust is the holy grail of a relationship. It takes years to build it, and it is so delicate. There are few things that take so long to attain that can be destroyed so quickly. So a lot of us may finally settle on a very trustworthy person when we finally find that.

–Trustworthy is great for relationships but it does not turn on that animal magnetism that draws people.  No one looks at someone across the room and thinks, “Wow, I want that guy!  He just looks sooooooooo……….umm…. trustworthy!”

 Trustworthiness has nothing to do with attraction.  She only has to trust you enough to know that you’re not the midnight slasher. 

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• KindnessThis seems like a no-brainer, but I’ve seen plenty of girls stay with guys who don’t treat them well.  So, I’m thinking that most women look for a nice guy, but the fact of the matter is that mean guys seem to get girlfriends too-and at a better rate than nice guys.    

—No, “Sense of Humor” was a no-brainer. Kindness is only relevant if you’re someone who is perceived to be of high social value.  Otherwise, it’s totally worthless, unless she is looking for a dog-sitter.  This is not to say that one should be a prick either.  Kindness is a good quality but learning to attract properly takes precedence.

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• Money I admit it: I sometimes envision myself marrying rich and sitting there doing nothing.  I could lie out on my wife’s yacht and host lavish parties and hear about how crazy the Roaring 20’s were, when my wife’s friends were my age. Money is definitely high on a lot of people’s list: remember when Anna Nicole Smith married that really old rich guy? I doubt it was because she thought he was hot, funny, or great in the sack.
            

–Sometimes I envision reading an article where the author has a brain…. 

-Seriously?  Anna Nicole Smith?  Truth be told, I can’t tell this guy is that retarded or if he is playing a joke on the readers.  Sad thing is that I think he is serious.  Money does impress people, of course,  but by itself is really useful for attracting gold diggers. So if you want to attract strippers or the Anna Nicole Smiths of the world, sure, wear your wallet on your sleeve.   

-As for marrying a rich woman?  You’ll have to trade in your self-respect as a man.  Sort of reminds of the Bartender who was Tom Cruise’s Mentor in the movie “Cocktail!”  (Really Good movie if you’re interested in dating-advice, btw.)

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• Super HotAs much as we hate to admit it, the first thing we notice about someone is how good or bad they look. But one of the first lessons we learn in the dating world is as beautiful as someone is on the outside, they could be ugly on the inside.    

–  Surely, he is fucking with us?  Being super hot helps??   Wow, was this another product of those hard working brain-storming sessions of the think-tank?   So if you look like a male Model, you’re going to have women who are physically attracted to you quite often.  That’s great Sherlock.  How about the guys out there who are average looking guys?  I guess they might as well go and jump off a cliff now…..

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• Confident

Confidence is based on a lot of these characteristics. You are confident if you are talented, super hot, intelligent, or wealthy most likely. But confidence also enables you to treat people better, so you are kind and trustworthy as well. Because confidence includes so many of these other characteristic, it may just be the one major thing women look for in a man.

–Confidence is one of the most important ingredients.  BUT HOW Do you get it?  I’ve had workshop clients who were doctors, business men and lawyers, all successful in their careers who lacked confidence.  There are building blocks on developing confidence and it does not require being “Super Hot” or wealthy.

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• Talented & PassionateWhen someone possesses a special skill, such as visual art or guitar virtuosity, they get tons of girls. People like Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, and Tom Brady can go out with anyone they want because they are skilled. Heck, I’d go out with them. Usually skill occurs in tandem with passion, another attractive quality. When someone is really good at something, but not “hot,” it makes sense that they can still attract a lot of women. It’s less annoying to see someone like this in a relationship than it is to see a rich mean guy in a relationship.

-However, none of it is even remotely as annoying as reading this guy’s article.  Let’s give he and his pals credit: They got one right.  Talented and Passionate is an important ingredient.  We can delve deeper into that by realizing why that is, but you could read about that in my other articles.

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• IntelligentI am intimidated by women who are more intelligent than I am (which explains why I’m intimidated by about 97% of the female population). For a lot of people, intelligence is sexy. When someone is stupid, it’s frustrating and boring, which is enough to drive someone away.    

–Intelligence is attractive to other intelligent people.  In and of by itself, however, it only stimulates the logical mind, not the emotional mind.  Attraction is built through emotions not logic.  Hence, a moron with confidence could be a player while a noble prize winning Astro-physicist gets to watch from the sidelines. 

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• ConvenientOne can argue that convenience is a huge driver for a relationship. Does he live near you, is he “ready” to be in a relationship, does he want to have kids or not? Everything matches up correctly. Sure, he may not be the best-looking guy or have a lot of money, but it’s just what you need and it’s been a long, difficult search.    

–Convenience can play a factor in relationships but unless you’re living in a cabin in the woods like the Unabomber, you’re going to have a lot of people around you in a normal city.  The convenience this guy is talking about is “Settling.”    Hey look, we’ve all probably been guilty of taking the easy route at some point.  That doesn’t mean you ought to settle however.

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If we put these characteristics on a pie chart, what would get the biggest piece of the pie with you? Again, some of these characteristics occur together: intelligence and wealth, talent and passion, kindness and generosity, convenience and wealth.

–I don’t know.  IF the character the Punisher was real and came to your brain storming session and shot down you and your friends, would anyone notice?  We could all speculate.

How often do women care about superficial things like money? It’s scary, but sometimes I fear that no matter how funny I am, if I had lots of money I could date any cute girl I wanted.

How do all of these characteristics shake out for you when choosing a boyfriend, and are there any you’d add to the list? Does confidence just take all of these characteristics into consideration?

                            —————————–

–This poor guy sounds more confused than some of the guys I run into at seminars and conferences.  The real question is how did he get a gig writing for Yahoo?  The point of this is not to single this dude out.  His writing are representative of what a lot of dudes feel when it comes to dating.

  To some people, the guy’s article will seem like common sense, and to others, it’ll be utterly ridiculous. The Internet as well as mainstream magazines are full of such advice.  This is why the seduction community was created in the first place.  Guys who were fed up with arm-chair theory, wanted something that worked.

  Granted, I’m having some fun picking on this guy for the ridiculous article he has put forth, but it’s important to note that his article is s a microcosm of what exists out there.  There are men who are resentful or disenchanted because they reflect the following feeling:

Hey, I am nice, caring, interesting, kind, and have a decent career.  Can’t attract too many women, (or too lengthy a dry-periods in between dates.).  Why is that?

 Hence, there are a lot of guys who seek advice in the alternative route.  However, only 10-20% find for success for reasons I mentioned long ago.   (Flunking in Community)

 As for the other 80%, many give up and go away.  Some insist on guru worship, (yes, the guy going to his 10th DeAngelo Seminar) and doing the same things over though he is not getting results.  And then,  a small percentage become angry for not having success in dating and turn their anger towards whomever they can fid in the dating-advice realm.

Truth of the matter is anyone can become improve in attracting women, just like anyone can improve their physique following the proper physical training and nutritional plan.  Most people will not put the effort in.  If you do you can LEARN solid skills that will help you, such as :

•  Learn to Flirt more effictively
•  Increase social intelligence (know what to say, and WHEN)
•  become more interesting (Conversational skills)
•  Learn to be convey sexuality,
•  Learn to Lead (in all 3 ways.)
•  Take steps to gain confidence
•  Deal with anxiety, low self-image issues,
•  Work on body language, demeanor.
•   And more….

   If you’re not willing to work on key points, then you have no one to blame but yourself.  If you do work on them, you’ll attract more women and will never have to resort to reading mind-fucking articles such as the one written by “Rich” for Marie Claire magazine…. 

Cameron

Building Attraction Ebook

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In part 1, I talked about giveaway signs that a girl is promiscuous.  You should read that article first before you continue on to this one:
How to Spot Promiscuous Girls – Part 1

After reading that, you can take this fun pop-quiz:
Scenario: House party.  Interior.  Night time.
You see a group of girls from a short distance away.  You’ll observe one turn to her friends and loudly say:

“You bitches look so fine tonight!  We totally gotta party it up tonight, but I can’t handle getting as wasted as last Tuesday.  The “E” is so weeeeiiiiirrrrddd…..”

OK, Tell-Tale signs from what you just learned in my last article.  (REAL-LIFE applicative tips you’re not going to find in too many places) :

1. She casually referred to her friends as “Bitches.”
2. Realize that “You look so fine tonight,” was a cry for attention, not a compliment.
3. Talked about being repeatedly wasted.
4. Wasted on a Wednesday night.
5. Talked about Doing Drugs. (“E” indicated Ecstasy” )
6. Used the Skank Tonality while speaking

You keeping track here?  That was 6 clues, and we haven’t even looked at the way she was dressed, make-up, tattoos, body language, and demeanor.

That short 10 seconds of conversation just gave you A LOT Of information.  In 10 seconds time flat, she gave you 6 piece of information.   From that, you can NOW deduce and conclude that it’s 90% likely:

1. This girls is promiscuous
2. Will sleep with you tonight if you can create the circumstances. (Attraction + Logistics.)
3. She seeks attention at every chance
4. Probably not a career woman
5. Will tell you stories of “Drama” of her girlfriends often.
6. She is an Underachiever
7. Will upgrade on you in a heartbeat to a better party, (more stimuli.)
8. Thinks she is unique for reasons unknown to the rest of us.

And irrelevant but fun facts:

9.  She probably has a twitter account and tells people what she just ate for lunch
10. Probably gives status updates on facebook 6-8 times on a daily basis.

In fact, if she referred to her friends casually as bitches, talked about doing drugs carelessly while using the skank tonality, this is a mathematician’s dream.  It’s about 99.5% likely she sleeps around indiscriminately.  This is like you counting cards at a blackjack table, you got an Ace, and you’re 99% sure the next card you’re getting is a King. Your chances of taking her home just increased by tenfold.

You recall the guy who wanted to “Just Once” pull a girl back home from a bar?   Lets revisit him. Let’s say he does do that, and now he is feeling very proud of himself.  Problem is you can’t get your ego wrapped in this.

Remember, some of these girls are the type who screw guys indiscriminately.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get your ego caught up in thinking that you have some magical skills.  It may be true that you’re smooth and likable, but also do remember, if it weren’t you, she’d be going home with some other guy she met 5 minutes later.

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• The Lumberg-Newman Effect

This all may be fine and dandy, until that day you come across the girl who fucked Newman.  (Reference to the Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s date had slept with his disgusting evil neighbor known simply  as “Newman.” )

Better reference yet, you’ll come across the girl who had sex with “Lumberg” from the classic must-see comedy, “Office Space.”

You may even think to yourself that she liked your personality, intellect, humor or just your looks superficially.  Truth of the matter is you met the baseline requirements and let me tell ya: The bar was set VERY low.  If you could walk in a straight line and operate heavy machinery without crashing into a wall, you met the minium standard that night.  Seriously, you’re not that special in that instance and the girl above will be the first to say so.

You’ll scratch your head and think, “WOW, she is willing to fuck that guy?  The Lumberg-Newman mutation?  Are you kidding me?” In that moment, you’ll learn to not so feel special having banged a girl who fucks indiscriminately.  Again, this probably won’t make sense to most guys until they’ve been in that situation, and granted, some guys don’t care at all anyway.  Nevertheless, I think a word of advisory caution is well warranted.

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• Promiscuity : Not Always about Sex.

Here is the key:  Not all promiscuous  girls are cut from the same cloth.  This is an important distinction to make.  There are girls who play around and experiment just as men do.  Sometimes, it may be a phase, and if your goal is to maintain a monogamous relationship, you can still create that dynamic with that particular type.

Then there are girls who are promiscuous, but also have toxic personalities that will ruin the quality of your life.  The toxic personalities sometimes have sex indiscriminately and it’s not always about sexual pleasure.  The psychological reasons, (Needing validation, feeling of importance, being accepted, or just your various social climbers) are outside of the scope of this article.

It’s not the act of sex or pleasure driven from sex. It’s what it represents and signifies, and that’s just the beginning of the toxic personalities.

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Question for you:  What do you want?

If you’re the 25 year old guy emailing me about how to score, then you just learned that you can take the above girl (in the quiz example) home tonight if you attract her and then create the proper logistics (After party., whatever.)

If you’re the 35 year-old guy emailing me (or whatever age) , saying you want to settle down, get a girlfriend, life partner, wife, or whatever, then run for the fucking hills.  Actually, age is irrelevant.  If you’re looking for a girlfriend, then run, because the above woman will make you miserable.

Marrying her means you’ll watch reruns of “Married with Children” and will identify with Al Bundy, which is not encapsulation of happiness by any means.

Similarly, if you’re a well-adjusted woman who somehow stumbled upon my blog (and you’re not a motherfucking dating coach, or seduction teacher, or porno participant; I specifically said a well-adjusted woman!!) then the same dynamic applies to you.

I have female friends who tell me they want to meet a guy to have a meaningful relationship.  (They’re not ugly or fat, so get that out of your head.)   Meeting some dude who talks about partying all the time, being out til the wee hours of the morning on a Wednesday night is not the type of man you’d want for a relationship.

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• Examples of TOXIC PERSONALITIES:

• Dramatic Girls.

Take this to heart:  Girls who have these dramatic stories ALWAYS have them.  You could go out with this girl for 6 weeks or 6 months, and every single time you talk to her, there’ll be such a story, about drama.  Between her girlfriend of the same ilk and herself, there’ll be some form of drama.

You’ll run through gamut.  You’ll hear everything from her girlfriend’s boyfriend leaving and taking all the furniture, to her same girlfriend with repeated DUIs (Driving Under Influence of Alcohol) who is in jail again for her 2^nd or 3^rd DUI infraction, to a recent tiff she’s having with another girl because she said this or that…..

So while you may a 25-year old guy taking the bait of the easy sex, it’s important to walk away from this type. (Unless you’re kinda fucked up yourself, in which case you two will be a good match for each other.)

From a sociology perspective, looking at the Macro-picture from afar, we’d see that these girls will also complain about how guys are assholes and there are no good guys left to date.  The reality is the good-guys they do meet run for the hills, and they’re left with “Player” guys who just want a piece of ass, (And then they run away), and the cycle of complaints keep on mounting.

This is the other reason why these last two articles are important.

*Yes, they  identify girls who sleep around.

*Perhaps more importantly, they identify girls with toxic personalities you should AVOID

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• Lack of Personal Pride.

This is not to be mistaken with arrogance or rude behavior.  Girls who lack any personal pride or dignity are toxic personalities who ruin the quality of your life through their actions and toxic comments.

Girls who have some sense of personal pride come from a more grounded place.  Part of their sense of self is internally driven.  This is monumentally important because having some sort of internal validation reduces the need for constant stimuli of the external kind.

In layman’s fucking terms: Person with pride is not going to fuck some random guy in order to score drugs and be invited to the cool party.  She does not need to do that in order to feel better about herself or to feel validated somehow.  On the otherhand, the girl with a lack of pride (Self respect) will blow the bouncer to get the chance to fuck the guy with the cocaine and to be invited to that party again.  This is basically a broke Paris Hilton.

To me, when that’s what the word “Slut” represents.  It’s not so much a girl who sleeps with guys for the sheer act of sexual pleasure, but more from the ulterior motives of the act.   My personal definition notwithstanding, women with lack of personal Pride are highly toxic and will ruin your life as well.

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• Incessant complainers:

You’ll recognize these quickly even if totally inexperienced.  They complain about everything.  I haven’t dated too many of these, but have been around friends who have.

Unfortunately, I watched them destroy the quality of my friends’ lives, and heck, they weren’t even married.  One particular friend really got a raw deal with one of these types.  So, this one hits a sore spot with me personally.

Rest assured that every time you go to a restaurant with the constant-complainer, she will complain about the food, or the service, or the venue (or ALL.)  The food is too cold, too hot, too rich, too lean, too thick, too thin, it arrived late, it arrived too early……. It’ll never stop.  If you spot this behavior, get rid of this type.   Within a few dates, you’ll notice the behavior pattern.

Do not allow the lure of easy sex entrap you into a courtship with the incessant complainer. Enough said.

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In conclusion, be able to distinguish the promiscuous girl from the toxic personality woman.

If you meet the constant complainers or any of the toxic personalities above, get rid of them quickly.  After 1 or 2 dates, cut them away from your life.  You can even be honorable about it.

Use my line if you’d like:

I think you’re a nice person, but we have very different personalities that don’t match well.  We’re both nice people, just too different.

Use that one compliments of me, free of charge.

In essence, you are FIRING that person from your life, except you give it that nice soft touch of being fired from a job respectfully.  “Hey, we think you have a lot to offer, and can excel somewhere else.  Unfortunately, you don’t fit well with our company and our goals.”

It’s honorable, and it’s the truth.  Not all personalities mesh well together.  Just like having good friends in life, having good women raises one’s quality of life. That may be something one of your parents told you when you were 15, but sometimes you gotta go the long way to find out for yourself.

Oh, yea, I almost forgot.  If you want more choice as to the quality of women you date, you owe it to YOU to get my audio product:

16-CD Audio Course on Attraction

Eitherway, the information in these last two articles will go a long way in helping you identify which girls are promiscuous and which ones are the toxic women to avoid.

Addendum:  The point of the last articles (Part 1)  was to help you identify promiscuous women rather quickly.   Not all promiscuous women have toxic personalities, but a good percentage do.   The point of the second article is to help you identify the toxic population of the promiscuous  type in order to save you stress and drama.

It’s like this: You meet the girl I mentioned in the beginning of this article and you hear her discuss Drama and refer to her girlfriends very casually as “Bitches.”  You immediately now know you’re dealing with a toxic personality type (as well as a promiscuous person).  What you do from that point on, is your choice……..

Enjoy

Cameron

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Oh, how I have another simply awesome blog article for ya.  This time, it’s about tell-tale signs that a girls is promiscuous and will sleep with you pretty quickly.

A little backdrop as to what inspired this article: I am hanging with some pals and a friend of a friend is talking about how he’d like to just once try having a one night stand with a girl he met at a bar.  Just once, he’d like to walk in, meet a girl and take her home.

This is a big deal to him, and while I don’t think of this as some accomplishment, it dawns on me that most men have never done something like this.  To some guys, the completion of this task holds some form of validation.  So, I am going to provide a few tips on some of the secrets of what guys who are good at this are able to do.   Its significance and what it means to you personally “to accomplish this” is between you and your therapist.

The funny thing is that women are under the impression that any guy can walk into a busy nightclub filled with drunks and pull someone home.  That’s because their impressions are formed from the 20-30% of men who ever approach them in these environments.  Now, some of these guys are smooth operators, and some are just aggressive beligerent drunk idiots and play the numbers until they find that straggler.  (See limping gazzele game on this blog.)  However, female impressions are formed by the guys that do approach them, not by the ones that sit & look at them from afar.  (Which constitutes 80% of men.)

What if you’re one of those guys who has a dream to have a same-night lay? (Let’s hope it’s not your only dream, but one of those things you want to “accomplish” like the guy I mentioned above.)

Even though I barely go to bars/clubs anymore, I’ll throw some pearls of wisdom at ya, and what you do with it is your responsibility.  An important part of having one night stands comes down approaching the proper type of woman who has made it a habit to do this sort of thing.

Hence, screening for the proper type is one of the most important parts of the process.

In my recent visit to Phoenix, my buddy Jon and I had a fun conversation comparing notes as to what mannerisms the proverbial “Slutty” girls display.  This goes back to the archetype stuff I’ve been talking about consistently throughout this blog.

Again, people (male as well as female) fall into various archetypes.  Those archetypes always consistently display the same behavioral patterns.  By identifying the behavioral patterns, we can work backwards to identify the archetype.

Simply put: Promiscuous girls have certain habits, mannerisms, vernacular, and behaviors that give them away.

Knowing this information helps you in two ways:

1. Look for the type that is readily available to sleep around with anyone (including you.).  Important distinction is: Don’t think you’re special.  You’re one of many.
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2. Help you cut your losses early if you’re not interested in the promiscuous type

The second point is just as important. I am going to address in the next article.

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Signs that the girl you’re talking with in the bar is promiscuous:

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• Tells you about often & repeated bouts of drunken debauchery.

“Oh, man, I was so wasted last weekend, and then got hammered again last night on a Wed, I have to recover for a party this coming Friday.” Not an isolated incident but a repeated pattern.  Also safe to say, you can probably assume this is not a career-minded person either.  This girl sleeps around, and may leave with you.  You may have to endure alcohol breath and drunken antics..

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• Has a lot of guy friends.  Does not get along with other girls. (Credit this one to Sinn)

Always competing for attention, has trouble maintaining friendships with women.  Has lots of guy friends, has hooked up with many of them.    (One notable exception to the rule above, I’d like to add: “Alpha-Females”, the athletic “Tomboy” types, but they’re a different breed and more rare to find.  Do a search on this blog and you can read all about “Alpha Females” on as well)

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• Refers to her girlfriends as bitches.

Example: “Hey bitches, what’s the plan tonight?”

To me, this is perhaps the greatest tell-tale sign of a girl who is not only promiscuous, but also attention seeking.  I don’t think it has ever failed.   Please note the word bitch is used casually.  (Not used in hostility or judgment.)

The amazing about the casual usage of the word “Bitch” is that it is cross-generational.  I’ve seen 22 year old girls do it, and I’ve been to that Cougar-bar in Manhattan Beach and have seen 40 year old females use it.  Same exact behavior pattern, stemming from the same exact personality type.  They’re also the type to avoid, if you want someone of substance.  As I said, more on that later.

As soon as you hear that casual reference, “You bitches look cute tonight,” you already know this chick sleeps around, and most likely, so do all of her friends, including the married ones.

This is also an immediate sign of a woman you’d never want to pursue a relationship with.

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• Tries to talk tough and ghetto.

Example: “I would have fucked her up” or “I’d have knocked out that bitch.”

Fill in the blanks here.  You already know who you’re dealing with.
PS. That’s a double whammy, as she used the word bitch and talked tough. (And we’re talking about White chicks here.)

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• Uses overly dramatic & yet emotionally-empty phrases often,

“I missed you girlie.  You’re so the best!  I love you guys so much…. “

The usage of emotional hyperbole in casual conversation denotes a promiscuous girl.   Basically, it’s like this: You see these plastered on a facebook page and within 10 seconds, you already know the score…  (because you read my awesome article.)

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• Cigarette Smoking –   Credit Sinn for this one.

This is his greatest tell-tale sign.  There is a correlation between risk taking behavior and promiscuoity.  If she is willing to kill her to blow puff to look cool, she is willing to do a lot of other things.  I am not sure how this would correlate in Europe for example, but it definitely applies in the United States where smoking is hugely frowned upon, and specially in California.

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• The Skank tonality.

One of my favorites to joke about.  I don’t even have to see the person’s face sometimes.  If I hear the skank-tonality from behind, I know the type.

It’s difficult to describe that on paper, but these girls sound like every sentence has a question mark at the end of it, and they drag the last word.  “Like, oh my gosh, that is sooo weiiiiiiiiiiiird????”   (weird would sound like “We-Eeeeeerdd?”    It sounds like a question, but it’s not.  It’s a statement.  There was an episode of the TV show “Family Guy”: where little Stewie points this out regarding a girl Brian the dog is dating.  (If you’ve seen that episode, then you exactly know what skank tonality is.)

If you hear that speech pattern, you immediately know two things within a few seconds:

1. Girls sleeps around a lot.
2. May not be gainfully employed.

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• Drama. This is huge!  She is telling you about drama.

“My friend Lisa broke up with her boyfriend, was late to the post office, ran over a cow, had to move out, missed her paycheck, which was eaten by the cow she ran over, that cow was turned into steak, and gave my indigestion because of the paycheck it had eaten…….” It never ends….

I am going to cover “Drama” in the next article, regarding girls you want to run AWAY from. However, when you’ve heard that dramatic story, you KNOW you’ve met someone who’ll sleep with you quickly if that’s what you seek.

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• Inner Thigh touch-

Sinn added this one.  I suppose it’s an obvious one some, but a lot of guys are sometimes clueless.  If her hand should brush your inner thigh during the convo, well, it’s pretty much a done deal.

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• Girls who tell you, “I hate Drama”.

Usually, it’s the girl above whose friend’s paycheck was eaten by the cow telling you this.   Girls who don’t have drama, don’t say “I hate drama” because it does not occur to them.  Now, if you’re the girl above, you deal with it on a daily basis.

So FYI: As soon as you hear (or read) the following words from a girl:   “I hate drama” or “I am so over all this drama,” you know 3 things:

1. This girl has lots of drama
2. She’ll be telling about it often, if you see her more than once
3. She’ll sleep with you pretty quickly.

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• She tells you, “I’m trying to be good.”

I don’t even know where to start with this one.  This could be the girl who had to move out of a small town at some point because she was basically ran out.  (yes, I’ve met them,)  If someone is trying to change their ways, They don’t say “I am TRYING to be good.”  They just do it.   This is like your buddy who is over-weight telling you he is trying to lose weight….. for the past 3 years.  You get the idea….

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• She mentions Drugs.

Talking about drugs, Ecstasy, Cocaine, Speed, is also a sign of girls who sleep around.  Unfortunately, with these girls, it goes beyond sex for just pleasure.  Sometimes, it’s having sex to GET the drugs for free.  And by the way, if you hear “Heroine”, run away.  Don’t walk.  Run.  (Can’t speak from personal experience but I’ve seen enough cracked out people.)

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• She tells you,   “I don’t date.”

Sinn pointed out this one, and it’s true!   Some girls will tell you, “I just don’t date.  I am over the dating thing. I am taking a break from it.”

That’s fine!  If you had your cute Star Trek universal translator, what you’d really hear is, “I sleep around, and then complain that I can’t have decent relationships.  I’ll sleep with you too IF you’re very sexual with me.”

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• Self-Proclaimed Bitches

Girls who tell you in a proud manner, “Oh, I am just a bitch” are promiscuous as well, and also have toxic personalities. This is usually a cry for attention and attempts to claw at holding on self-grandeur.  (mainly because it doesn’t take any talent or work to be rude.)  Nevertheless, you know she sleeps around.  (Credit Sinn for this one as well.)

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Subtleties:

And then we get to the really subtle stuff.  You spend enough time talking to girls, you hone your eyes and ears and cute little subtle phrases tell you that they are promiscuous. These are tiny phrases that most people completely miss.  They seem innocent and completely in the norm, but I catch them, and now, so will you.

Example:  “I Know, right???”

That phrase above, said with a certain flare and tone equals girls who will sleep with you pretty quickly.  Now, they say the phrase frequently, so if you’re tuned in, you’ll recognize it.

Some random individual will read that at some point and say, “Oh come on!  How can you determine someone’s sexual behavior from a few phrases, or sentences?”  And the short answer it that I am just good at identifying people’s characters and behaviors.

Keep in mind that, the above individuals display the same type of demeanor and body language as well.  If you know screen properly, then you have isolated the right type that will leave with you.  Now, it’s a matter of attracting them, and having the proper logistics.  Is there an after party?  Inviting her back to your house?  You have to provide the logistics!

Congrats.  You now know information that only a small percentage of men are privy to. They may know it intuitively having never broken down consciously, but these are the subtle clues they use to determine the right type.    In the next article, I am going to talk about how to use above information to AVOID certain personality types who will be toxic to your life.  Stay tuned………

Cameron

PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Audio Course here:  Building Attraction Audio Course

Kobe Bryant

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 Kobe Bryant is the most intriguing social-outcast in Los Angeles Sports history.   Seldom will you run into a player who has so much success and yet is so detested by his own hometown crowd.   People from various walks of life dislike Kobe. You talk to the average L.A. resident and you’ll often hear casual fans say, “I used to like the Lakers, but I just can’t stand Kobe.”  Women specially dislike Kobe, and I used to think it was due to his rape trial, but then I learned, it wasn’t even that.  

Many women will concede that it’s possible that was an extortion plot to milk some money out of a rich athelete superstar, so they’re not angry about the rape trial.  It just seems that their sixth sense/intuition tells them that this guy can be a bit of scumbag.  It is an anomaly to see an athlete so dislike in his own hometown, sometimes by the very fans of the team he plays for.

 Kobe is the exact opposite of Magic Johnson whom everyone loves.  Magic is an anomaly in that he breaks color barriers.  Regardless of whether someone is White, Black, Asian or Eskimo, they can identify with Magic. Think about it and you’ll find it to be true.  You don’t see Magic as a “Black guy” or this or that.  You just see him as a good guy you’d like to meet.  Perhaps that’s the way it should always be, but clearly, it’s not how things unfold in the real world.

Magic appeals to the non-basketball fan.  Kobe is detested by that same non-basketball fan despite his attempts to appear as the nice sweet caring family man.  Somehow, there is a voice in your mind that screams, “Hey, Kobe, I am NOT buying this act you’re putting on!”

  Which brings it to ME: The Los Angeles Lakers Fanatic. 

In 20 plus year as a Laker Fan, never have I been so frustrated watching a superstar that played for my team.

 Kobe has been the best player in basketball for years.  You can make a case for Lebron being better now (and I’d agree) , but then, you’d still have Kobe at a very close 2^nd best player in the entire league.

To me, the game of basketball’s objective is simple: 

• Offense: Get as many high-percentage shots as you can. 
• Defense: Prevent other team from high percentage shot attempts. Force them into low percentage shots.

That’s all the game of basketball is when you break it down to its most simple component.  Sometimes, it really is that simple.

So, when you watch a game, (and when it’s done properly within a team concept, it’s beautiful to watch,) you’ll see Pick’n Rolls, Give & Gos, Weak Side Picks, Backdoor cuts on the baseline off of those weakside screens….. all designed for one purpose: To get you a high percentage shot: Preferably a “Layup” or a “Slam-Dunk” from 2 feet away.

 Which is why as a Laker fan, it’s so frustrating to watch Kobe single handedly throw games away shooting the ball 13 for 34, losing the games.  It’s not just that he shoots the ball poorly, but that attitude and selfishness deflates his teammates.  They’re no longer willing to move around on offense because what’s the point?  “The Jackass isn’t going to pass anyway.”

They’re not going to hustle back on transition defense because they’re disgusted with the state of the game.  This is what Kobe doesn’t get, or maybe he does.  I am sure he does get it, but he doesn’t care.  It’s apathy.
       

Jerry West - The Logo

 A (very) brief history on the Lakers

  As a kid, I grew up watching NBA basketball in its golden age.  Magic, Kareem, Worthy, Cooper, and company versus Bird, McHale, Parish and Co.  I could watch Magic score a mere 12 points in a game and completely control the tempo and “Feel” of of the game.  It’s hard to explain or grasp on paper.  It has to be watched and seen.

 In High School, I got my hands on every piece of basketball literature I could find.  I’d read about the older teams and study Laker History in particular.  I’d read about George Mikan in the Minneapolis Lakers to Jerry West.

  I’d learn about how Wilt Chamberlain, one of the greatest physical specimen’s to set foot on a basketball court also had just as big a ego to match.  I’d learn how the man who average 50 points per game for an entire season put his scoring aside when he joined the Lakers and Jerry West.  He focused on defense, rebounding and passing the ball.   In the 71-72 season, Lakers won the championship (not to mention 33 games in a row) with Wilt scoring only 15 points a game on 9.3 shot attempts as he average 19.2 rebounds.   (Jerry West and Goodrich each average 26 pts per game that season.) 

 He put his ego aside to win.  That’s the Lakers’ way, and the way it’s always been.  People seem to put ego aside when they join this franchise because they know winning comes first.  Bob McAdoo is another such example, a problem player league MVP who finally found a home with the Lakers.

  The end of last season, the NBA officially finished its 60th year anniversary.  In those 60 years, the Lakers have been in the Playoffs for 56 of them, 30 times to the finals, with 15 championships to show for it.  They’ve been to half the finals and have won 25% of the championships.

In 60 Years, 56 Playoff Appearances, 30 NBA Finals, 15 Championships for the Lakers.

 Because the organization historically, from top to bottom, is about winning, not about indiviual accolades.

  Which brings us to one Kobe Bean Bryant, the man who is all about himself.  The man who has not one, but TWO starting 7 footers who can play the low-post to dominate, but still can’t get himself to run a team offense.

  Watch the games, specially in the 4^th quarter:  There are times when Kobe dribbles up the court and you know damn well, he has absolutely no interest in passing it.  He decided he is going to shoot before he got to the half court line and nothing is going to get in his way.  It won’t matter how terrible of a shot he takes, he is going to do it anyway.

  This is the Kobe WE [The Lakers fan] are stuck with.  The same Kobe who makes spectacular buzzer beaters is the one who is going to lose games because he wants to make the game a “Playground” game at times.   You take the bad with the good.  He can’t just give us the good.  His self-absorption is too great for that. 

 One thing needs to be said for that.  What a lot of casual fans don’t fathom is that if Kobe has orchestrated a little better, there’d be no need for those last second buzzer beaters.  They’d be up by double digits at the end of the game.  The fact that they’re in that position to need a buzzer-beater at home versus a mediocre team  is also often times due to Kobe’s ulra self-absorption.  It’s frustrating to watch games and not see professional analysts and commentators not mention this. 

 This is why we lost the recent game at Cleveland.  Kobe consistently loses games to Lebron because he wants to have a 1 on 1 battle.  In the first quarter, they ran the offense properly and had a 12 point lead.  In the 4^th, Kobe needed to prove, he can score.  We know he can score.  He averaged 35points per game for a whole season, not to mention 81 points in a single game. 

 Kobe has Gasol, Bynum, and Odom off of the bench. Lebron has mostly bums and a fat sloth named Shaquille.   Lebron has to try to force the issue.  Kobe Doesn’t.  Lebron does not have what Kobe has: A strong supporting cast.  Yet, Lebron does his best to encourage his teammates.  Kobe annoys them! 

 Watching a recent game at Madison Square Garden drove me crazy.  So much so, that I went back, rewatched the 4^th quarter, and wrote down what took place on every single possession in the Laker offense:

LA @ NY.    Jan 22^nd, 2010

4^th Quarter Laker offense:

-11:49  Gasol goes to the line to shoot Free-Throws

-11:21  Kobe free throw.  Note:  Kobe fouled on a back-door cut from a screen.  Pass from Gasol playing high post)

-10:45  Odom hits 15ft baseline jumper- Pass from Kobe’s drive & kick

-10:19 Kobe hits jumper off of 1 on 1 move, hand in his face. 

-9:44  Kobe Misses forced jumper from 1 on 1 move. Odom rebounds, passes to Kobe.

-9:28  Kobe Misses another jumper, forced 1 on 1 move from baseline this time

-8:50 Shannon Brown makes a 3-pointer

-7:59 Odom makes open jumper. Pass from a Double-teamed Gasol.

-7:36  Gasol Posts up & makes Shot

-7:09  Brown Misses 3-point attempt.  Odom another Offensive board

-7:04  Gasol tips in Odom’s offensive board tip in attempt

-6:36 Kobe Misses 3-point shot

-6:12 Kobe forces it.  Called for Offensive Foul

-5:35 Gasol travels on what would have been easy lay up

:5:10  Kobe shoots free throws, after being bailed out by refs

-4:30  Kobe makes a 3-pointer off of Gasol Double-Team

-4:03: Gasol post up. Beautiful spin move. Bucket + foul

-3:32: Kobe blatantly ignores Gasol posting up.  Misses 3-pointer badly.  I yell profanities out-loud at Kobe on this possession. 

-3:07 Gasol shoots free throws- Open in post.

-2:25 Kobe never considers passing to anyone in this possession.  Shoots free throws after refs bail him out on a horrible drive

-1:52 Kobe misses another jumber- Off board to Lakers.

-1:19  Kobe misses lay up off in bounds pass.

-00:40  Kobe airballs a very deep 3-pointer.

• Recap of 4the quarter: 

Gasol makes 3 baskets, and also attempts 5 free throws.

Odom, and Kobe make shots off of Gasol double-teams.

Kobe: 2 for 7 shooting.1 offensive foul.

Kobe: Shoots 6 free throws. (4 of which were bail outs he may not get in a playoff game.)

• Final line for the entire game:

Kobe shoots: 8 for 24, an unflattering 33.33%

Pao Gasol shoots: 7 for 10   

Andrew Bynum shoots: 7 for 11  

Gasol & Bynum combine for a total of 14 out of 21.   67% – Shooting percentage, (not to mention GOOD Things happen when they get double teamed in the post.) Stats do not tell the whole story here.  When your post player gets double-teamed, it leads to over all good fuzzy-feeling things on the court. 

 This is the Kobe we’ve got.  We need him on the team to win the championship, and yet we can’t get over that he is selfish, self-absorbed individual only out for himself.  Some people say Michael Jordan was the same way, but then again, Jordan is also well known for being a douchebag (and he never played for the Lakers, so I don’t care.) You can also make the case that Jordan had stiffs as big men.  He never has a Shaq in his prime, and never had two solid post-men in Gasol & Bynum. 

 A simpleton may yell out: “But Kobe wins.”  This is true, but he wins because he is on teams that have by far the most talent in the league.  Magic & Kareem could not have beaten formidable competion against the Celtics or the 76ers playing self-absorbed ball.  They had to involve every essence of team, and even then, it was tough. 

 Kobe’s championship teams have by far the most talent in the league.  This year in particular, anything less than a championship is a failure for the Lakers.  And yet, as a Laker fan, you’re worried……..   You’re worried about that playoff series where the series stands at 2 games to 1, and in that pivotal 4^th game, the series can either be tied 2-2, or one team can go up 3-1.  The series’ fate can be determined in this game crucial game. 

During that Game, will Kobe decide to take 35 shots, forcing bad shots, and neglecting his two talented post-up big men in Gasol and Bynum?  Will Kobe’s desire to be Mr. Hero be greater than his desire to want to win the game?  This is what’s frustrating with Kobe.  You admire that he is by far the hardest worker in all of the NBA, and that he is so focused.   Without him playing, we don’t have a chance of winning the championship.  Yet, he drives you crazy with his selfishness. 

 That is the essence of Kobe.  He is the poison you’re stuck with.  Will he administer the poison to the opposition or to our own team?