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In part 1, (Understanding Indifference in DATING,) I discussed how Indifference works in attracting women, and what the requirements are.  In this part, we’re going to tackle the next two questions.

• How does Indifference Backfire?
• What type of Women best respond to this?

In the following segments, I’ll discuss the drawbacks .

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3.  How does Indifference Backfire?

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I’ll illustrate through a likely scenario you can relate to:

You call a girl on Tuesday, and invite her to some event this coming Saturday.  She tells you, “Not sure.  Let’s talk on Friday.”  Now, if you have gotten this reply, (and if you’ve interacted with a lot of girls, chances are you’re cringing right now) because you know that the odds of this whole thing coming together just plummeted faster than Enron Stock.

As I explained in the last article, that reply from her translates into: “You’re the backup plan.  I’ll go out with you last minute if nothing else better comes up between now and then.”

So what would Mr. Indifference dating-coach advise you?  The indifference advice is to not care.  And just forget about it, and invite them to something else the following week nonchalantly.  Just extend an invite and forget about it.  Or perhaps better option next time:  Mr. Indifference would say that you shouldn’t even ask them out.

Just issue invites every so often.    So, you ought to just send a text telling her, “Hey, going to bar Y, or Event X on Friday.  You should go.  It’ll be fun.”

She may or may not come.  Either way, you’ve lost nothing.  Hey, all you’ve done is just send invites out.  This is a viable strategy and it can work.  More noteworthy, it works well with specific types of women.  (I’ll come back to that later.)

Here is the key and what you have you to understand:   You just dragged that interaction to gamesmanship.  Now, it’s a chess game.  Who is going to invite whom, and who’ll show.  Invite her, she either shows up or not.

Repeat same pattern next week.  But remember kids, don’t call. Don’t show you care, drink your milk, eat your vitamins, and keep your power.  You’re full fledged involved in playing games back and forth.

You have just encountered one of the drawbacks of “Indifference.”  You have created a gamesmanship playing field, and some people do enjoy that.  You’ve created a social dynamic in which you’re waiting to see who is going to cave in first, and give in to the attrition.

Others are too busy and don’t have the time or the patience.  Where do you fall in?

Furthermore, here are a slew of problems with the pattern of behavior you’ve chosen:

• What if you actually like to go on a somewhat traditional date?
• What if you are not a big fan of bars?
• Even more, what if you don’t want to have a first date at a bar?
• Even more important, what if you like the type of women who are bar hoppers?

Well, you’re sort of fucked.  Issue out invites and some will show, some won’t.

While this may be functional for a non-discriminatory “Get-laid” system, it may not be what you seek exactly (or at what so ever.)

So I say, find a better way!  I say, forget the, “Live in fear of giving your power away.”  This may not be your attitude and that’s fine.  If you are however uninterested in going back and forth, then you have to have standards and expect some accountability.

Hence this article: Understanding Indifference versus Accountability.

By establishing a certain standard of what behavior you tolerate and which behaviors you refuse to tolerate, you circumvent this circular time consuming level of gamesmanship.  You take the attitude of, “I do what I say, and I say what I mean.”

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4.  What type of women does Indifference best work on?

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What about pure indifference as it’s taught?  Surely, you’ve read advice that has instructed you to act like you don’t care about her or women in general, ever!  TWO key points about pure indifference that you ought to remember:

Point 1:     The pure indifference  “Don’t ever show you care” advice is ONLY designed to GET YOU A PIECE OF ASS! It is NOT designed to allow you to connect with another human being, because you’ve most likely dragged the interaction down to gamesmanship.  So if you want a cool girl to date or if you want a girlfriend, you just threw it all away.

Point 2:    That advice is also NOT designed to get you a quality woman of high value. A quality girl with high self-esteem is going to want to know & feel that she is somewhat valued by the guy she is dating.  Remember, she’s got a lot of choices too.

Having said that, I’ll again concede that certain women respond well to that pure indifference.  If this is all you ever do, then you’ll find unequivocally that Club-skanks, certain party chicks, and socialites respond well to this type of behavior.

Why is that so?

OK, if you must know why, If you MUST KNOW the reason, if your analytical part of your brain is begging to KNOW…. I’ll tell you in the next article.  (Just teasing on the last note.)

Here is the reason:  The archetypes of women I just mentioned are mostly EXTERNALLY VALIDATED. When you withhold that external validation, it fucks with their system, to put it scientifically.

The reason it does not work well with high QUALITY women is because they have some sort of an INTERNAL source of validation (not to be mistaken with ego).  Their internal source of validation can come from a variety of sources: It may be higher education, or  it could be something as simple as that they joined some volunteer organization to do some good.  The origin of the source is somewhat irrelevant.

Key is realizing that they have some source of personal pride.  Hence, they TOO, have standards regarding how they want to be treated.  (Just like I advised you in the Accountability article.  They apply to the same mindset as well.)

So when such gurus say, “Be completely indifferent,” what they really mean is “Be indifferent to the QUALITY of woman you’re going to get.  You may get some trashy insecure invalid to ride your pogo stick, but that’s how it goes.”

• This is where you have to make a conscious decision!

You have to think about what sort of relationships you want and with what sort of a woman.  If your chief goal is to stick your cock into a random vagina, then that pure-indifference may work well.  If you’re looking to get a girlfriend, and you want your girlfriend to be a quality person whom you can respect, then you have to part ways with the mindset of complete indifference.

The conscious decision you make has to factor in that the behavior which you exude will attract/repel certain type of people, in the same manner that the people whom you choose to call friends ultimately speak volumes about who you are.

As far as indifference is concerned, now you understand  why it works, how it works, what type of women it’ll get you, and what sort of scenarios it’s best suited for.   (Btw, I may have just saved you over 5000 Dollars, but keep that between us.)

Cameron

(And yes, the following Ebook, Building Attraction Secrets,will change your dating life for the better)

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Continuing on my quest to clarify Dating concepts, I am going to deconstruct the “Indifference” today.  Undoubtedly, I am sure that you’ve come across people touting this concept if you’ve sought dating advice for a while.

1. How does Indifference Work?
2. What Are the Requirements?
3. When does it backfire?
4. What type of women/girls best respond to this?

If you don’t intuitively understand the answers to the above four questions, you’re not going to be very good at applying this concept.  This is one of the biggest reasons why 90% of guys who seek dating advice do not really improve much, and to be completely honest with you, most dudes teaching you dating techniques don’t know it themselves.

• How does  Indifference Work?

Its chief design is to create, or rather trigger, an emotional response in people by providing the appearance that you have higher value and to further trigger that “people want what they can’t have” type of situation.

This is generally a sound concept, but there is an enormous piece of the puzzle most guys overlook.  That piece, a prerequisite to making Indifference functional, happens to be “Attraction.”

During a conversation with a girl, you can apply “Indifference” by having the attitude of “I don’t really care.”  It’d resemble the following attitude: “You want to go out on a date?  Sounds great.  You are not interested in seeing me?  OK, no biggie.  There are other girls who are interested.”   C’est la vie as the Frenchies say.

It’s not angry, nor is it being bitter.  It is what it exactly indicates: Indifferent.  Lacking emotion towards any issue makes you indifferent.  Hey, random Joe blow doesn’t like chicken sandwiches.  You’d say, “OK, so what?”  That’s being indifferent.

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• What are the Requirements?

Indifference, in and of by itself, is not an end-all be-all solution.

Case and Point: If you live in the U.S, you’ve probably walked into a 7-11 (or equivalent) convenience store at some point and have had a vagrant ask you for money.  Now, on some occasion, you probably even gave that homeless individual some change out of your pocket.

Pop quiz: If you walked to that same 7-11 and saw that bum asking everyone for money, except when it came to YOU, would you suddenly feel self-conscious?  Would you think, “Man, why didn’t that bum smelling like a mixture of alcohol and urine ask ME for money?”

Probably not.  If you would think that, seek help.  You’re far beyond the scope of what my blog can do for you.

Lesson here:  You need some attraction for indifference to work.  Whether it’s sheer physical looks, charm, wit, charisma, or your 1957 Corvette, you need some appeal.  How do you achieve attraction?  Well, you can get my Attraction Ebook for that.  Regardless, you need some attraction, meaning she must be somewhat interested in you.  You must appeal to her on some level.

If you do not, indifference will not be very effective for you.  This is the part most men miss.  They’re falsely under the impression that if they somehow stood in a corner facing a wall, and ignored a girl, somehow she’d be turned on and her juices would start to flow.

You’ll have a better chance to see the Chicago Cubs win a Baseball World Series before that actually works for you.

So now you know how Indifference functions and what you need in order for it to be functional.

• How does it backfire?  What type of women are ideal for this?

Well, you’ll have to tune in for the next article to see that one. Trust me, it only gets better.

Cameron

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  In the last article, The Guru Epidemic, I talked about the behavior of most Gurus and their Modus Operandi.  Someone unfamiliar, (or even familiar) with self-help gurus and teachers of enlightenment may natually wonder: WHY do people take refuge in gurus?

• SO WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GO TO GURUS?

 Come on Cameron.  The picture you paint is not very flattering.  Why would people worship these individuals?

Well, I’ll share a quick story that may help you see this dynamic from another perspective.

A gentleman by the name of David DeAngelo has been giving Dating advice online since about 2001.  He has countless DVDs, seminars, and audio products on dating advice.  You probably have heard of him.    2 years ago, ”David DeAngelo” decided to give seminars on marketing under his real name Eben Pagen.

 Yet, some of the same people who attended his dating seminars, STILL chose to willingly attend his marketing seminars though they had zero interest in learning about Internet Marketing   A very analytical friend of mine was about to lose his mind.  As though he were “Rainman” on uppers, he kept repeating,  “But I don’t get it!  They’re looking for dating advice.  This is a marketing seminar!  Why are they paying 5000 Dollars to see this guy speak about marketing when they want DATING advice? Why, why, why???”

To which I replied:

“You’re not getting it emotionally.  That’s Daddy up there!  That’s their father on stage!!!   That’s why they’re there, a chance to see daddy one more time”

There you have it!  The guru relationships.  Most subjects, specially in the DATING FIELD, (I don’t know if this’d apply in the financial-advice field for example) are NOT EVEN SEEKING ADVICE.  THEY’RE LOOKING FOR A FATHER amidst these gurus.

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Guru is not your father

 The over-bearing guru who has all of the answers represents a father-figure most guys  at that seminar have not had.  Maybe they had fathers who were meek, or perhaps their dad was never around. In these modern times, people are missing father figures, and hence, they seek to fill that void through finding gurus who can tell them what to do, give them direction, and tough love.  (To be fair, David D never signed up for this.  However, there are plenty of “Gurus who relish in taking this role and do take advantage of it).

 I think if you had a father who was a masculine figure, a man’s man, who spent time with you when you were a kid, you’d have a hard time ending up in the guru-worshipping circles.  You could even get sucked in for a short while perhaps, but you’d snap out of it quickly.   A lack of a strong caring father figure is a common trend you’d find as the common element in the guru worhippers.

 I should add that I am not condemning anyone for going to a seminar to improve on anything, whether it’s financial advice, or how to be a better Tennis player weekend crashcourse.  Being progressive is a great attribute.  However, when the knack for being for being progressive is replaced by a need for a father figure/guru who influences your every decision, you’ve crossed  on over into a slippery slope.

 Would you like to be horrified for a bit?   This will only take you 10 minutes and save your hours of time from having to watch another shitty “Saw” movie.    Stick your head in “Tony Robbins Forums” for 10 minutes and be sure to  have a vomit-bucket close by.  You’ll find people who can’t figure out what to do for exercise, or what to eat for breakfast, or how to tie on their shoelaces without Tony Robins telling them the proper way to do it.  Again, Tony seems like a nice guy.  I don’t know that he set out to do this, but it’s bound to happen. 

 If you happen to be one of these people and can identify with the above people, then maybe you should look into getting your issues fixed.   Most people assume “Gurus” to be a notch, (or two or three notches) above average normal people.  The ultimate irony is that most gurus are a notch (or two or three) BELOW normal average people. (For reasons mentioned above, and trust me, I’ve spent enough time with self proclaimed gurus.)  

  If you want to learn to better social skills, and learn more about attracting women, then yes, learn from me. Get my audio course.  If you want to read more good stuff, then learn from “Stephen Nash” or “Sinn”.  If you want to learn the piano, then hire a piano-teacher, and if you want to learn to play basketball better, then hire the proper basketball coach. 

There are some people who don’t sign up to be a guru, but end up being one by default because they’re such strong masculine figures.  My buddy Steve P. probably falls under that category but it doesn’t change the fact that he does great work to create change through hypno-therapy.  Steve is also a guy you can hang with, talk about movies, business, or MMA.  There are rare exceptions as I mentioned.

If you’re looking for a guru to be your father, then you’ll have to address that on your own.  I have enough understanding of social behaviors and dynamics to take full advantage of people seeking fathers, but it’s not my style.  It’s not who I am.  I’ll leave that to the guys who have all of the answers, who occasionally carry an Asian assistant behind them.  (I’m telling you: Look for the crony walking behind.)

 Then how will you know when you have arrived?  How will you know when you’ve had enough seminars to become enlightened?  How is anyone ever suppose to really know?  You know when you know!  (A truly guru-esque answer, btw. Thank you!)   You know when you’ve arrived at that point when you know what want to do, and now it’s a matter of doing it.  You start exploring the how, and by that I mean, you start exploring what specific actions you have to take. 

 Study those who are successful in that endeavor.  They know what they wanted to do, and then started doing it. Sometimes, it took them a while to get their act together, and if they’re famous, there maybe a mug-shot of them on some Internet website just for laughs. Sometimes it takes a few years to figure out your “Stuff” and along the way, you may stop at a few seminars, and read some books.  You’ll figure out and you’ll know you’ve arrived when you know that you don’t need any gurus anymore…. 

 I believe that gurus are only building on the same psychological principles that were started 1000s of years ago with the advents of prophets.   Whether it was Moses, Jesus or Muhammad, these individuals recognized that probably a good 80% of the population desperately needed a figurehead to give them answers, without which, they could not find purpose!  (This theme of Purpose & Identity is so ever recurring.) So these clever individuals took on that role.  Seriosuly, could you other wise sell that story about a guy living inside a whale?  But let’s get back to the modern day gurus… 

     Ultimately, you learn that no human being has ALL of the answers.  A little spirituality is good, but still, no person (or team of persons) has all of the answers.  Those who achieve great things have a drive that comes from within and they have a certain strength that they’re going to push forward.  This sense of achievement is not always material or financial.   Sometimes, it’s a simple story about an individual who had to learn to walk again after being told by doctors that he would not be able to ever walk again following a tragic accident. 

 It’s having the confidence in yourself that you’re going to get it done, and you shall find a way to do so.  Along the way, you’re going to learn a few things, including things about yourself, and certainly, there will be people/family/friends/coaches/teachers/professors who will contribute to this endeavor.

 Or so that is my finding. 

Cameron

The Guru Epidemic.

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Wise Guru

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Gurus are an interesting breed of people.  Quite frankly, I never knew any gurus until I entered this world of dating-advice where I came face to face with a multitude of gurus and they’re not always in dating arena.  There are plenty of self-help gurus out there and it’s definitely a multi-million dollar industry.

 The guru-epidemic is fascinating.  If you’ve read any portions of this blog, you know that I enjoy deconstructing behaviors of human beings, as well as looking at the social psychology of personal human interactions.   I’ve enjoyed doing this long before I ever found a dating-advice community.  Some people enjoy studying cells under a microscope, some people enjoy smoking various types of weed, and me, I enjoy looking the human character. 

 And man, let me tell ya, gurus are a fascinating bunch.  They present themselves as these perfect infallible creatures who have all of the answers and underlying that presentation is layered with undertones of “Holier-than-thou” snobbery that’d make an art critic blush.  Perhaps people who have all of the answers feel entitled to a notion of pomposity for the gifts that the universe has bestowed upon them.

  I have had a chance to personally spend time with many of these gurus and I am here to report my intriguing discoveries.  When you’re in awe of someone, you don’t see the angles.  At some point, I became of someone of equal stature to the gurus.  Being someone’s equal provides an entirely different perspective.   Gurus have a very unique social behavior that is specific to them, and after reading this, YOU too will be able to pinpoint it.

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•   The Appearance of Perfection:

Part of a guru’s selling point is the “All-knowing” frame.  This is an important part of the presentation because many people who seek self-help advice from gurus are seeking answers.  But it goes far deeper than that and I am going to get to that in a bit.  Stay tuned because we’re just getting started.

 To their subjects, Gurus are the embodiment of perfection.  It’s similar to how a 12 or 14 year old teenager has posters of his/her favorite idols.  We all go through that phase, but when you’re 12, it’s part of the process of growing up.  You’re friggin’ 12 years old.  When you’re in your 20s or 30s, (some cases men much older), you have to let go of the concept of a perfect humanoid.

Nevertheless, Gurus present an appearances of Perfection which is so ever appealing to the crowd of folks lined up looking to get a piece of that perfection.

*PS. Hidden Dating Tip: If you’re ever about to date a girl who thinks you’re perfect for some reason, you must admit some flaws about yourself.  Say you met someone in real life or on the Internet for that matter, and you’ve been chatting on the phone lots and she just thinks you’re perfect.  You’re setting her up for disappointment.  You don’t want your date ever being under that illusion.

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•   Limiting Time spent with Subjects

 Gurus will often not spend a lot of time with you.  You will have been very lucky to get an hour or two of their time. They’ll repeatedly tell you about how busy they are and how much they have going on.  Truth of the matter is, they CANNOT afford to spend too much time.  If they did, most people would become disenchanted with the guru.  They’d see, not only the guru is not perfect, but he is incredibly flawed.  For the most part, they’d see a lazy person who doesn’t do a whole lot, except talk.  Action is sorely lacking.  Talking is profusely prevalent. 

 Personally, I always have a chuckle when I hear a guru tell me about how busy he is.  Ron Livingstone’s character, Peter, from the movie “Office Space” is a bona fide workaholic compared to most gurus… But the catch is, you won’t get the chance to ever see that. ;-)

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•  Gurus’ Mode of Communication

  To me, this is the most fascinating part of the social-behavior of gurus.  Gurus do not have conversations or engage in dialogue.  They engage in monologues.  More accurately, they engage in lectures.  It’s a one-sided conversation where they lecture everyone else.  Much like a University professor in a classroom, they have one-sided conversation where they lecture everyone else.  Well, except for that the fact, once the college professor leaves the classroom, he is able to have normal conversation with his friends and peers.

 Self-help gurus never leave this mode.  Their only mode is “Lecture” mode where they will tell you how things are.  You could even be meeting them as equals on the same plain (Which in this case does apply to me), and yet they go to their lecture mode.  I find it fascinating, (and let’s be honest, their behavior gives me comedy material.  So I sit back and listen.)

 If you’re skeptical of this, I’d invite you to have an encounter with a guy who claims to have started the “Seduction Community” by the initials of RJ.  10 Minutes is all you’ll really need. 

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• Gurus Do Not really have Friends.

          
I know.  Shocking, isn’t?  Am I really serious about this one?

  Well, this one is really simple: If all you do is lecture people, what sort of people are you going to keep around?  Anyone worth a damn with decent self-esteem who has something going for himself/herself is not going to stick around very long. 

 Only highly insecure people are willing to stick around and spend time with someone who does NOT consider them equals.  You don’t have to be Einstein to figure this one out.

  By the way, WTF!  What’s with the friggin’ Asian assistant?

yes, I assistant to Guru.

 Some “Gurus” have an Asian assistant  Now, this is usually an Asian guy with a very thick accent who is very submissive.  I’ve yet to see an assitant was born and raised in the United States.   There are actually a few such gurus in the Seduction Community with such minions.  They have an Asian assistant who runs errands for them, keeps track of their appointments, and does daily activities. 

 These people are not paid any money or if they are, it’s minimal.  (Properly paid people would be employees.)  These assistants are people who are under the impression that if they hang around the Guru, somehow through osmosis, the guru’s perfection can rub off on them.  Hence, they offer free labor for the opportunity to be in the vicinity of the guru and be part of his life.   Pay close attention and you’ll see the Asian Assistant three steps behind the guru.  The assistant is a lackey who is virtually a free secretary.

 If you step away to look at it from a distance, you’ll note that this is very much a Master- Slave relationship. It’s a bit sad, but really, that’s what it reallyis.  It may be a willing slave not held captive against his will, but he is still a slave being treated like a 2^nd class citizen.

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• Gurus Cannot Function Well In Normal Society.

 If you’ve been following the article thus far, you know that gurus like to spent short amounts of time with people whom they can lecture, who in turn will not challenge them.  For this reason, most gurus cannot function in a normal house party, (Of course, there’ll be some exceptions always.)   By the way, we are not talking about a frat-party full of drunken 21 year olds.  It could be a sophisticated party.  It doesn’t matter.  Gurus are NOT used to people who assume equal stature to them.  They feel out of their element, and if they cannot lecture you, they will not participate. 

 Furthermore, a lot of gurus are just pretty fucking ignorant.  If they cannot talk about their one specialty (be it dating or whatever), they have nothing to say.  You could start a discussion regarding a hot current event such as providing Universal Health Care for all Americans.  They’ll have nothing to say because, well, they don’t know anything about it either way.   Take a guru to a non-assuming down to earth dinner party, and notice how they start to sweat like a whore in church.  They’ll have a very difficult time making small talk (that normal people make all the time)  about how the New Orleans Saints won the SuperBowl a few weeks ago, or anything else for that matter.  

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•  Gurus will shun you if you disagree: 

 This is the greatest cloak-and-dagger trick gurus ever pull.  They will never engage you in a discussion.  First, remember, that you are NOT their equal, so you’re really not in a position to disagree with the wise being.  If you do muster the courage to do so, you will fall out of favor with the guru and be shunned from the group.  You’re exiled and ashamed.  The majority of this blog’s readers are pretty smart people.  The blog tends to attract intellectuals, and some of you may think you can easily disprove a particular guru, but you’ll never have that opportunity.

 The one thing a guru will never ever EVER do is have a discussion based on reason, logic, and rational.  You want a concrete example?  OK, here you go:

You have an equation that reads as follows:  (2X + 10=20)  Solve for X.    Simple algebra tells you that X would equal 5.   But then, a guru may tell you a variety of numbers and you may try to prove to him that X equals 5, but you’ll never get the chance.

 You’ll be met with Vague references such as ,  “You have a scarcity mindset”  or “You don’t come from a place of Abundance.”  Hey, if you did, you’d know that X can equal 55, 21, or negative 5.  Only if you understood the “Laws of Abundance.”    (FYI, This is pretty much the point where the guru will walk away from you, by the way.) 

 You could try to reason, but it won’t work.  You may say, “But Ol’ Wise guru, I attempt to build a bridge.  If my calculations are off, the bridge will collapse and result in great tragedy.”  They’ll tell you that you don’t have enough faith, and perhaps you’re not confident enough.  They’ll find something along those lines and then walk away from you.

 The one thing a guru will never do with ANYONE is engage in a discussion of reason. 

1. Most gurus sell fluff. 
2. Even the ones who believe their own fluff still KNOW that they are not analytically blessed individuals. 

Luckily for the gurus, this situation does not come up.  Why?

1. People with high self-image do not hang around them.
2. People, who do stick around, are submissive to them.
3. The submissive folk run the risk of falling out of favor with the guru, so they won’t challenge him.

  That’s the beauty of being your typical guru:  Lack of accountability.   In a war, they’d call you a war-criminal and attempt to put you on trial.  In a guru-ship, they call you enlightened, and put you on a pedestal.

Just make sure most of your teachings are VAGUE statements that sound enlightened but could never be pinned down to anything specific.  You won’t be challenged, and if you are, you throw your vague teachings at them, and then ostracize them from the group.    

 So the guru will go around and just throw fluff out there. Sometimes there are truisms mixed in there to give you the appearance of legitimate philosophy.  Truisms are important because they satisfy people’s need for a tiny bit of rationale.  One self-proclaimed lifestyle guru (I’ve known personally) will actually tell you verbatim,  “The most important thing you have in this world is your time!” 

REALLY?  No kidding?  Was this the same excerpt taken from the same speech given to “Son of Jor-El from Planet Krpyton??”  

 Because maybe, these are earthlings  out there under false of impressions of immortality?    So, we needed reminders of this?  I could see how Superman (Son of Jor-El for the comic book challenged) would need a reminder every now and then.  He is immortal and bulletproof and so he could become complacent.  I think the rest of us are somewhat aware of the importance of time spent alive.

But this truism makes people have that typical enthralled reaction of “Uhhhhhh, ooooh”.   Heck, sometimes the proverbs might even get a slow-clap from the followers similar to the one Pacino’s character gets at the end of the “Scent of a Woman” (where he actually does make a compelling and thought provoking speech.)  [By the way, I admit it, I love the ”Slow-clap” in movies.) 

 Sometime the philosophy could even be a helpful to an advanced person, but useless to a beginner. Let’s say you just wanted to learn to throw a few punches and started a boxing class for the frist time in your life.  They’d teach you how to throw a “Jab” and a maybe “Cross.”  A few weeks later, they’d teach you how to throw a “Hook” punch and you practice those combos.

 A guru-equivalent would tell you that you just need to come from a place of abundance and need to go of your scarcity mentality.  That doesn’t change the fact that a jab is a jab, a cross is a cross, and a hook is a hook.  No matter how you cut it, you need to learn those basics at some point.  If your social skills, or Financial skills, are broken then you need to fix them, one step at a time.

You need to learn how initiate conversation, or learn how to start spending less & saving more, and so forth.  Baby steps, one step at a time.  Simple, devisable formula to get you going.  Fluff rhetoric sells and it’s guaranteed to have you back (Because it’s not going to solve your issues anyway.)  Hence, the real challenge at hand is formulating an actual plan that starts with some frame of reference. 

 If you want to grow your business, you need some sort of a reference point where you are, and a strategy that you can properly execute to get to the next level.  Sounds really simple, but sometimes, we can all get lost in the fluff.

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 You won’t fully realize the impact of this article until you do come face to face with a  guru one day.  At that point, you’ll probably scream, “Holy crap!  It’s exactly like what Cameron said.”  You’ll probably note that the guru will immediately take a position of higher authority to you on all issues, ignore subject matters your bring up which happen to be out of the league of his guruship, and he’ll shun you if you assume yourself his equal.  He will answer you with vague ambiguities that sound cool but due to their vagueness could be interested a 1000 different ways…

 And hopefully, having read this article, you’ll have a good laugh instead of feeling slighted or snubbed!  Just realize that you’re dealing with an individual who can’t have any real friends or meetings of the mind with peers… because he can only lecture his ever attentive & thirsty subjects who yearn more for the juice the guru wishes to feed them.

• SO WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GO TO GURUS?

 Come on Cameron.  The picture you paint is not very flattering.  Why would people worship these individuals?

 The reason for why people flock to the gurus is an interesting social phenomenon by itself.  I’ll get to that in the next article where it becomes even more interesting and twisted…  Stay Tuned……

Cameron

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In the last article, I talked about what Charisma is and how you can go about developing it.   Remember that there are two main elements to charismatic individuals:  Their inner-working and personal beliefs, and subsequently, the Behavior that the display as a direct the result of how they’re wired.  You can read that article here:

Defining Charisma & Charm – How to develop each

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Charm is different than Charisma.   I touched upon this briefly in the last article. Certain people such as JFK were extremely charismatic as well as charming.  Other historical figures such as General Patton were charismatic leaders who were not thought of as “Charming” by anyone around them.

What’s the difference?  What creates Charm?  These are answers I had to go and research for myself to learn and so I came to realize the consistencies and patterns of those individuals, so let’s get to it.

People who are charming have the ability to make other people feel good, even if it’s for a very short period.  The definition is really that simple, but then, if it’s so simple, why can’t everyone be charming?  Surely, someone is to read this article at some point and think, “I try hard to make others feel good.  They don’t appreciate it, nor do they see me as charming.”   (By the way, trying hard to be charming is part of the problem, but I’ll get to that later.)

The reason is that charm has to come from a cool confidence.  It’s funny but until about a few years ago, I didn’t even know the word con-man really stood for “Confidence Man.”   I had assumed it meant “Fraud” or a “Swindle.”   I was amazed to learn that the “Con” in Con-man stood for “Confidence.”   The people who can dupe you easily sometimes are “Confidence-men.”   Interesting, don’t ya think?   You don’t have to rip people off to be charming.  The point is that confidence from a cool reserved demeanor is a prerequisite for having Charm.

Noteworthy examples of Charming Individuals:

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Bill Clinton

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Two of the most famous notable charming people in recent history are United States Presidents Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama.  It’s not uncommon to hear reports of their “Charm” from random individuals recvalling their encounters.

Both Clinton and Obama possess that cool confidence and demeanor which is mandatory.  It’s an absolutely necessary ingredient one must possess before he/she can start making others feel good.

Once you have that baseline established, you can make people feel better about themselves, usually by giving compliments.  They don’t have to be cheesy compliments, but rather they can be appreciations for their work.  Even our current president Obama has this charm.  Obama and Bill Clinton don’t have anywhere close to the Charisma of JFK, but they do have the Charm factor.

It’s also the ability to relate to people.  Whether it’s the stockbroker, or the farmer plowing the land, they both feel like Clinton and Obama understand them to some degree.  This is also part of “Charm.”

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Barack Obama

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Bill Clinton has a fantastic memory and is able to recall names and faces of countless individuals he has come across.  This is part of his charm.  He is able to make people feel important, and those who have come to meet him personally, usually report what a charming man he is. If he can’t remember their name, he remembers the encounter which still has a significant impact on people’s emotions.

Individual like Dale Carnegie have written extensively about having the ability to make people feel good. “How to win friends & influence people” is a fine piece of writing that has stood the test of time.   I’ve read quite large chunks of the book and think that it is a fantastic piece of prose on creating rapport and improving rapport skills.  Yet, there is one area which Dale Carengie and his contemporaries failed to address: Social Value.

This single element of human-interpersonal relations is the most neglected factor by social psychologists, and self-help advisors such as Mr. Dale Carnegie.   Sometimes, people read these books in order to be able to become more attractive in the dating world.  It rarely ever works in gaining attraction because the mechanisms for human attraction require a different set of criteria than criteria for establishing rapport.

YES, to be charming, you’ll be served well to dish out compliment.  YES, it’s important that those compliments be sincere.  YES, these actions will make people feel good

All of that is true, IF YOU HAVE PROPER SOCIAL VALUE.  This is the piece of the puzzle that Dale Carnegie and his contemproraries missed.  People don’t always care for a barrage of compliments from those who have less social value. They LOVE compliments from those who have higher, or at least, equal social value. You may not meet Bill Clinton or Mr. Obama, but then, you may find yourself at a house party with a charming host.

What made this party-host charming?  He made you feel good, important and welcomed in his house, but he did so from a place of non-needniess.  In other words, he was not seeking your approval.  This is key.  Approval seeking compliments backfire just as non-approval seeking compliments charm.

A sincere non-needy compliment that is not fishing or seeking your approval from someone of respectable social value will charm you.  It’ll make you feel good, and accepted.  It’s a natural human trait to want to be accepted.  It’s almost hardwired in us from 100s of thousands of tribal living. No one likes being the outcast from the tribe.

Let’s remind ourselves that this charm is different than charisma.  So let’s revisit the party host who made you feel good, warm, and fuzzy.

-Did he galvanize you (or anyone else for that matter) to take action?   No.
-Was he inspirational or passionate?  Not necessarily.
-Did he have a strong sense of purpose?  Not necessarily.

What he had going for him was the fact that he came from a cool place of confidence. He has a “Cool” demeanor about him, and had reconginzable social value.  Having established that, his compliments came across not as a vehicle to seek your approval but rather, as a sincere act of chivalry and generosity.

It made you feel chummy and cozy.  Hey, maybe it made you curl your toes and giggle.  Regardless, you left the encounter thinking, “Wow, Charming Fella.”   It’s no different if Bill Clinton shook your hand and thanked sincerely for making the event and even cracked a joke for you to share.  You may hate his politics but you’ll probably still walk away thinking he was charming.

Again, a sincere “Thank you” coming  from someone of high social value carries weight and it has some meaning.  That same “Thank you” from someone of low social value will be very easily dismissed.

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• Including you in the Fun

As I mentioned already, the ability to be charming is to INCLUDE and incorporate people in the fun.  You’re enrolling them into the club.  In other words, you’re giving them acceptance.   It’s natural for all human beings to want to be “Accepted.”  Whether it’s high school kids, or the repulsive hipster, they all want to be accepted, at the very least by their peer group.  The Hipster may snob his nose at upstanding members of society, but he still wants to be accepted by his peers.

It’s part of our natural instinct as humans.  Again, we’re evolutionary wired to survive in groups and tribes working together and being accepted to our tribe is important.  Let’s not get lost in evolutionary psychology please.

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• Being Comfortable with oneself

If you want to be charming, you have to learn how to give other people the feeling of acceptance.  However, before you do that, you have to establish yourself as someone whose acceptance carries meaning! In order to establish that, you first have to be comfortable with yourself.  You can’t make others feel comfortable if you are not comfortable with yourself.  A compliment, regardless of how sincere, from a nervous, fidgety, insecure person will carry little meaning in teams of being charming or endearing.

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• Optimism

Another ingredient in being charming is optimism.  Being a positive & a happy guy/girl goes a long way in setting up the platform to become charming.  Hence, you have to find a happy medium with yourself first.  It’s difficult to be charming when you’re stressed out or “Bummed out.”

The appearance of not taking things too seriously goes along way in establishing this attitude of charm.  Remember incidents when you were a kid when you did something stupid and your parents or teachers admonished you.  It may have been a case where you knew you did something dumb but it was done and over with.  Nothing you can do, and yet you got scolded anyway.

Then you may have had that uncle (or a teacher perhaps) who just laughed it off and made it seem like it was no big deal.  Hey, maybe he even said something like, “Man, you should have seen the stupid shit I did when I was your age.  Learn and move on.”

He was the charming uncle.  He made you feel good by establishing an attitude of positivity and making you two feel like you were on the same team: Two individuals who made stupid mistakes at a very particular age.

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• Dating application:

You too can apply this exact same dayamic to your personal encounters.  Let’s say you’re at a party talking to a girl you like, (Or say you’re a girl talking to a man you like), and you hear the other person confess to a dumb recent mistake.

Some people will overly sympathetic, and will want to probe & ask a 100 questions about the details.  Others will want to provide solutions immediately.  You can be charming by taking the path of the charming uncle.  You can discuss the issue briefly and then quickly share something dumb that you did, but not to TOP the other person’s story. (Topping others’ stories is a very repulsive quality.)  You share your mistake QUICKLY, and then say something to the tune of, “Man, we all make dumb mistakes at some point, but hey, guess we wouldn’t be who we are without them…”

If that sounds too cheesey, change it to what sounds natural coming out of your mouth.  You don’t have to use what I wrote verbatim.  It’s just so that you get the idea.

Socialites are many times charming individuals.  In some parts of the world, the aristocratic folk are taught and raised to be charming.  They’ve learned to make people feel good by saying the right things.

Coincidentally, this is one dynamic where you may find the Charismatic leader diametrically opposed to the “Charming & smiling” individual.  The Charismatic leader has a cause and a purpose that drives him.  Nothing will sway him otherwise.  If general Patton says, “We’re going to take that Hill/castle/bunker” the you better believe everyone will fall in line.  He is not going to understanding of those who may not agree. He is not going to charm you by making you think that your disagreement matters a whole lot.

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The Cocky Charmer

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A good example of a super famous charming individual is Arnold Schwarzenegger.  You’ll notice this while watching his interviews.  A good example can be witnessed in the beginning of the 1975 documentary “Pumping Iron.”  We see Arnold go to a gym to start gearing up for a new comepition.  You can see his charm right away, even in the way he tells the skinny guys working in the gym, “Hey, I am here to get big like you guys. Hahahah. ”

Yes, it’s very cocky and a little bit condescending, but on the same level, he is applying to what I talked about earlier:  He is getting everyone involved in the fun.  Despite his arrogance, he is making the skinny guys feel like they’re on board with the Arnold. He is (obviously) not complimenting  the Skinny dudes, but he is making them feel involved as though they’re part of the team.  This in, essence, is part of his charm.  A common misconception is that you have to be a sweet-understanding person and Arnold shattes that misconception.

The interesting thing is that if you live in Los Angeles, you’re going to inevitably hear a lot of anecdotal stories of personal encounters of everyday folk with celebrities.  We can all agree that one story from one individual does not present an accurate presentation of the person discussed.  However, you hear enough personal anecdotes from enough people and you’ll find consistency patterns a majority of the time.  I mention this because it directly applies to Arnold and his brand of charm.

The fascinating thing about Arnold is that he is NOT a charming individual with all people.  He turns it on and off.  If he believes that you have enough social-value to be important, he will be very charming, and if he deems you as a low-status person, he can be a complete unkind & cruel prick.  In some ways, you can make the case for him as the “Charming-asshole.”

He knows how to be charming and applies to get ahead in life, in order to get what he wants.  It’s a very intriguing character study.  He is definitely a hard worker and very driven, and he is a fascinating study of charm because he is charming despite being a supremely arrogant individual.

In another interview, I observed Arnold tell the interviewer, (Imagine his famous thick accent in your mind here)   “You know you could go work out all day long, everyday, you could lift weights, go hiking,  and no matter what, you’d never ever get sore…  You know why? Because bones don’t get sore. You’re so skinny.  Hahahahah”

OK, no one said he was a comedian!  These jokes are atrocious, but these terrible jokes are part of his charm, and despite being condescending, that interviewer will walk away thinking, “Man, he is a charming nice guy.”

It’s important to mention Arnold here for he proves that you don’t even have to be humble to be charming, nor do you even have to compliment people.  His charm is counter to the charm of someone like George Clooney.
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Clooney

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Clooney, as well as being charming, is also a charismatic as he has a cause that he will stand up & fight for.  Anecdotal stories about George Clooney are also consistent in Los Angeles: He is an extremely charming individual.  The difference is that Clooney’s charm is genuine.  Perhaps a better explanation would be:  Non-discriminatory.   He’ll be charming to an attractive woman, but he’ll also be charming to the disheveled guy working for minimum wage at a job he hates.

In direct stark contrast with Arnold, George Clooney uses a lot self-deprecating humor.  You’ll notice this works well for him because it enables people to be able to relate to him, and again, makes people feel as though he is just one of them.  It gives him a more human dimension.  I don’t think it’s contrived or planned out.  It’s his natural way of being just as Arnold is naturally arrogant.  Yet, they both can charm others.

Clooney’s charm stems from the fact that the disheveled bitter guy working for 6 dollars an hour will feel like the 3 minutes he spent with Clooney somehow made his life better.  This is the same experience that Obama would provide.    The same disheveled hapless individual would be probably be shunned by Arnold and treated like a peasant who shouldn’t have even looked him in the eye.  (Yes, I’ve come across both of these stories from various people in L.A.)

What’s the point of the Clooney vs. Schwarzenegger comparison?  It’s that you don’t even have to be genuine to be charming.  You can be charming when you choose to be when the moment is right for self-serving gains.  Is it cool? No.  Is it a fact of life? Yes. I suppose you could make a case that Arnold’s charm is also sincere towards the people he deems important.  If you can’t help him financially, politically or career wise, then he is very sincerely going to be very standoffish.   (PS.  I’ve never met either person, so all of this is based on numerous anecdotal stories of other people.)

However, let’s put that judgment aside.  Point of this article is to explore charm, and give you ideas on HOW YOU CAN BECOME MORE CHARMING IN YOUR INTERACTIONS.

You just have to make the feel like they’re part of the team, provided you have somewhat of a high-status yourself.  Again, no one wants to jump on board a sinking ship.

 Whether it’s Presidents JFK, Clinton or Obama, or a movie-star like Clooney, or just a non-famous random individual, their charm arises from the fact they are able to make the people they come in contact with feel good.  They compliment people and give them acceptance.   On the other side, someone like Arnold is a bit condescending and arrogant, and still charms people.  One common element is that they are all people who are comfortable with themselves, positive, and enable to incorporate others in the fun.  In other words, they make other people feel like they’re on board the same team.

 OK, I touched on a lot of different points in this article.  I’ll provide a summary so you can look into the specific elements of what behaviors a charming individual displays and what elements play an essential role  in creating a charming person.

RECAP.

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Charming individuals ARE:

• Generally Happy
• Comfortable with themselves.
• Optimistic
• Establish an easy going demeanor
• Generally Higher Status
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Complimenting other people:

• Must be from non-approval seeking disposition.
• Must be sincere
• Must be not-needy.
• Coming from higher social value.
• Can’t be kissing their ass.

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Differences in Charming people as opposed to Charismatic people:

• Don’t have to have a strong sense of purpose
• Not necessarily passionate,
• Not necessarily believing in any cause,
• In some case, Are willing to say the right thing even if they don’t believe it.
• Not necessary to be very passionate
• Not necessary to have extreme sense of purpose or charismatic leadership qualities.

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Charming individuals make other people FEEL GOOD Through:

• Make people feel good through compliments
• Make people feel good through relating to their issues
• Make people Feel good by granting others the feeling of acceptance.
• Make people feel good by incorporating them into the team
• Make people feel good by including them in the fun, as part of the In-crowd
• Make people feel good by making them think that they are important

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Of course, in order to accomplish the above, you must have the necessary elements taken care of: Carrying yourself as a high-status person would, and being comfortable with yourself armed with a bit of social intelligence.  If you don’t have those basics, you’ll probably never be considered charming.  If you think you need help on the basic, a good place to start is my ebook or audio course.

When you have the basics down, you can utilize the above elements to create a more charming persona if that’s what you wish to do.

Cameron

PS.  The articles you just read will have profoundly improve your dating life!  Please realize it’s supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my 16 CD  Audio Course here:  Building Attraction with Women

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What are they?  Are there differences between the two?  Can you develop Charisma or Charm?

If so, how?

There was a time I really wanted to understand what made someone Charming.  I understood Charisma on some level but I didn’t really get the notion of what elements made someone charming.  Problem was no one else could define it either.  19-years old in a university full of professors, and I couldn’t find anyone to give a straight answer.

I mean you could ask the professor who has a PH.D in sociology from a distinguished university and all he could give you was some fluff that couldn’t really deconstruct the elements.  If professors in psychology, philosophy, or sociology couldn’t define it, then who could?  There wasn’t even an Internet database where you could conduct searches on Google.

So, I had to find my own answers. Textbooks didn’t have it, and nor did any professors. I wish I had some sort of a noble intention but I really wanted to know because I knew charm was a good quality to possess in attracting women, and when you’re 19 years old, that’s a very serious issue.  It took me a while, and I sort of went the long in doing all of this, lots of trial & error, mixed up with various individuals, lots of reading, experimenting, essentially absorbing data like a sponge and writing analysis based on that data.  Eventually, however, I was able to not only understand it intuitively, but even able to explain to others cognitively.

So then, what is CHARM? What is CHARISMA?  Are they the same or is there a difference?  Can you become more charming or charismatic?  If it’s possible, then how do you do that?

Well, it’s Valentine’s day, and so here is my Valentine’s day gift to you, the Blog reader:  An Article to provide insight in order to enable you develop these characteristics.

Being Charismatic and charming are two different behaviors and while they affect each other, they operate on separate plains.   You can be charismatic and not very charming, but in order to be charming, you need a little charisma.  Not a lot, but you do need a little bit of it.  Before going any further, we need a baseline & agreeable description of each quality.

First we have Marian-Webster Dictionary definition:

*Charisma:   A personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (as a political leader)79856320

*Charm:  A trait that fascinates, allures, or delights. B: A physical grace or attraction- used in plural <her feminine charms>  C: compelling attractiveness <the island possessed great charm>  Charimg: extremely pleasing or delightful.

Those were the “Official” definitions.    I’ll personally provide the following general layman definition:

*Charisma:  Charismatic is being magnetic and inspirational.  Magnetic is perhaps the perfect word here because it describes the ability to attract people.  More so, being charismatic implies that one has the ability to inspire people.

*Charming:  Charming is essentially having the ability to make people feel good.  Unlike being charismatic, you don’t have to necessarily be passionate or inspirational to be charming.

So let’s start with those general definitions.  The next is a step by step break down to deconstruct what each one is, using historical figures who depict those qualities.  In order to illustrate these behaviors and paint a more clear picture, I’m going to utilize various historical figures who depicted and exhibited these behaviors.

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What is Being CHARISMATIC?

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People who are charismatic are able to lead and sway people’s emotions.  Leadership in this context takes on a very interesting connotation.  It’s not merely enough to want to force people to do something, but rather, the more important distinction is to realize that leaders have the ability to inspire people to WANT to do something.  It is this innate ability to inspire people’s desire level to take action that separates charismatic leaders from the rest.

In essence, charismatic figures are able to lead by swaying people’s emotions.  They do so through inspiring them, and essentially, they galvanize people to take action.

But how?

They have a unique ability to allow people to see the bigger picture.  They’re able to move people emotionally through allowing them to see the bigger picture of life, of how they can be better.

Essentially, they have the ability to allow people to see a better version of themselves in the future.  Not too many individuals were better at doing this than John F. Kennedy.  Growing up, he was one of the people I idolized even though he had long passed away before I was even born.  Nevertheless, I was inspired enough to read more about him, and get my hands on various pieces of literature regarding his life and times. As a result, I was able to learn quite about him which will serve well in the following examples.

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John F. Kennedy

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JFK had the ability to project a better self-image onto people.  This is supremely powerful. Human beings by nature want to believe that they are noble.  They want to believe that they are better than they think they are at this very moment.  They look to those who can make them feel dignified.

If you ever watch Oliver Stone’s film “Nixon,” you’ll see an unforgettable scene featuring a memorable quote towards the end of the film.  Disgraced from the Presidency and the White House, Richard Nixon is getting ready to step down as President.  While walking the hallway, he sees an oversized portrait of John F. Kennedy.  Upon seeing this, a disenchanted and shameful Nixon utters,

When they look at you, they see what they want to be, when they look at me, they see what they are…

It’s one of the most profound quotes you’ll ever hear in a movie and nowhere is the difference in Charisma better explained in such short words than in that quote.

People are resistant to a negative self-image of themselves.  Even if the individual in question is the thief, liar, or the conniving con-artist backstabber, he still wants to believe that he could be noble if the circumstances were different.  When they look at John F. Kennedy, they are somehow reminded that they can be better. John F. Kennedy makes you feel and believe that you can be better, and he inspires you to be better.  When that same swindler sees Richard Nixon, he is reminded of what he actually is.

So then how was John F. Kennedy able to accomplish this?  How was he able to galvanize the masses to take action?

It starts with passion.  That person has to bring forth an easily distinguishable amount of passion. He has to present that passion from a place of sincerity.  In essence, that passion has to come from his soul, if you will.  It has to rise from within.  It’s difficult to fake that sort of passion.

So then, why is it that some people have that passion and some don’t?  What creates that difference?

In order to answer that, we have to yet dig one level deeper.  When we dig deeper, and delve deeper, we once again find ourselves looking at Purpose & Identity.  Purpose & Identity create an unmistakable quality that is very transparent.  People may not be able to define it but they can recognize it.

People who have a strong sense of self (Identity), and a strong sense of purpose have what is, in my opinion, the most attractive quality: Certainty.

Certainty is the most attractive quality a person can have.  (And if you’ve read my Ebook, you’d know this already.)  I’ve never heard another person say this, nor have I heard any dating “gurus” discuss it.  Nevertheless, I am sure of it.  Certainty, certainly is the most attractive quality.

“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” is an old cliché, but really it’s not power that people really are talking about, it’s strength.  (Read my article, Strength.    ) And that strength is generated from with in because you have to have certainty.

It’s Certainty in your purpose & Identity which then forms certainty in your beliefs. This certainty manifests itself in the way you speak, in the way you carry yourself, and in your overall actions.

Why this is the most attractive quality is outside the scope of this discussion .  However, this attraction applies in the dating world, and to your dating life as well.  Interestingly enough, it also applies to world leaders who want to inspire people to action.

It’s with conviction and resolve that JFK stands on a podium and tells the masses that we are going to put a man on the moon before the end of the decade. He believes it, and more importantly, he makes us believe it, even though the technology to accomplish this task is not even in place yet.

 He creates the Peace Corps, a volunteer organization that allows people to serve humanity in 3^rd world countries for very little pay.  This is done so with passion, purpose and it also gives people the ability to see the bigger picture, and a better version of themselves and it is carried out with certainty.

 John F. Kennedy, through consensus by almost all eyewitness account was also a very charming individual.  Yet, you don’t have to be charming to be a charismatic individual.

 You don’t even have to be “Good” in the clichéd definition of that word.  There are characters in history who have been widely recognized as charismatic and they weren’t necessarily charming and sometimes they weren’t even necessary nice guys.

 As a simple example, most historians and people in general would describe Hitler as a very charismatic individual and almost no one would ever describe Hitler as “Good.”  This is a case where we could throw around the word “Evil” and even the most foo-foo pansy new-age type person would dare not disagree with us.   Yet, the tyrant was able to galvanize people to take action because he had certainty, conviction, and had a strong purpose. He also was able to project a better self-image onto people by promising them a better tomorrow.

 His ability to lead people to see things through his eyes is perhaps in the same mold as the modern day religious leaders and evangelists you see on TV. They all have a certain passion for something, and believe in that cause.  That cause doesn’t necessarily have to be a humane cause, but the believers must believe that they’re doing the right thing.

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George S. Patton

 You could make a strong case for WWII, United States general George S. Patton being a charismatic leader.  Patton is regarded as an astute tactician, a great leader, and a charismatic individual.  By all historical accounts, Patton is by no means considered a charming individual.  He was a proverbial “Hard-Ass” and didn’t take shit from anyone, and yet, his attitude commanded respect from his soldiers and peers alike.  George S. Patton is recognized as perhaps the best in field leader of that war.

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Earvin Magic Johnson

 In the Sports world, basketball player Ervin “Magic” Johnson is generally regarded as a very charismatic individual.  Magic Johnson is an interesting case, because he has redefined his sense of purpose over the years.  A kid with a perpetual enormous grin on his face, he set out to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time.  He went on to establish himself in the eyes of many (and certainly me) as the greatest basketball player who ever played the game.

 After prematurely retiring from the game, he went on to build a business empire of sorts becoming far more financially successful in business than he ever was in basketball.  His purpose of being a great basketball player shifted to being an ultra successful businessman and father.  Does his name warrant being mentioned in the same article as Patton and JFK?  Well, before you decide, you have to see the overall picture of what Magic had to deal with.

 It’s important to note that in 1991, Magic Johnson contracted the HIV Virus.  Also, in 1991, people thought of that as death sentence.  Yet, there stood on the podium, the only one believing that he was going to beat the virus, and continue living.

 To throw the towel in at that point would have been easy and yet his strong sense of purpose and identity enabled him to move forward and make progress.  In this case, just staying alive by itself took purpose, and perhaps, it was his strong sense of purpose that gave him the passion to live. Magic Johnson is inspirational in the sense that his life’s goals may have changed but his passion for life and his purpose remained unaffected.

 Going from one of the top basketball players ever to a successful businessman while contracting a disease most folk considered a death sentence, Magic remained purposeful and still moved forward while inspiring people.   In 2010, Magic is still living an active productive life running multiple business while finding time to do occsasional commentary on basketball shows.  In the midst of all this, it is forgotten that he wasn’t even supposed to be around at this point.

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In a nutshell:

Whether they are individuals we consider “Good” or “Evil”, and regardless of whether they push for forward-progress or tyranny, charismatic individuals are passionate individuals whose sense of passion arises from a strong identity and a very clear strong purpose.  Regardless of whom we are discussing,  JFK, Martin Luther King Jr. or Fidel Castro, the aforementioned charisma stems from the fact that they are able to move people emotionally.

They are able to galvanize people to action, inspire them, and project onto them a better image of themselves.  They are able to give the masses a better self-image & the chance to be noble,  as well as able to unite the masses for a common cause. They carry this out with certainty, fervor, and passion.

You can use this information to create more charisma in your personality whether you want to be more successful in dating or if you’re a college kid who plans to run for political office one day.  The elements of charisma do not change.  Without delving into too much detail and psychobabble, I am going to provide a bullet point & concise list of what creates charisma, and what you need in order to develop it.  I discussed two main elements:  The behavior of a charsimatic individual, as well as the personal inner-working of such individuals that makes them what/who they are:

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Charismatic Individuals:

• Extremely Passionate People
• That passion stems from a strong sense of Purpose & Identity
• Possess Certainty
• Certainty is the most attractive quality.
• Again, that certainty in their beliefs fuels their unbridled, unwavering passion.

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Charismatic individuals are able to:

• Utilize that passion & Purpose to inspire people,.
• Galvanize people to action
• Enable people to see the bigger picture
• Help them imagine how they can be better  (project onto them a better self-image)
• Appeal to a higher cause than the self. (Make humanity better, a better place for their children, homeland, etc…)
• Unite people based on a common cause
• Appeal to people sense of wanting to be magnanimous

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Charismatic individuals are not necessarily charming individuals.  Charm is a different characteristic and one that I’ll deconstruct in the next article.  In the meanwhile, you can use the information above to take an introspective look at yourself, discover where you can make improvements and adjustments, and develop more charisma in everyday life & your relationships.

Cameron

PS.  The articles you just read will have profoundly improve your dating life!  Please realize it’s supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women

Kobe Bryant

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 Kobe Bryant is the most intriguing social-outcast in Los Angeles Sports history.   Seldom will you run into a player who has so much success and yet is so detested by his own hometown crowd.   People from various walks of life dislike Kobe. You talk to the average L.A. resident and you’ll often hear casual fans say, “I used to like the Lakers, but I just can’t stand Kobe.”  Women specially dislike Kobe, and I used to think it was due to his rape trial, but then I learned, it wasn’t even that.  

Many women will concede that it’s possible that was an extortion plot to milk some money out of a rich athelete superstar, so they’re not angry about the rape trial.  It just seems that their sixth sense/intuition tells them that this guy can be a bit of scumbag.  It is an anomaly to see an athlete so dislike in his own hometown, sometimes by the very fans of the team he plays for.

 Kobe is the exact opposite of Magic Johnson whom everyone loves.  Magic is an anomaly in that he breaks color barriers.  Regardless of whether someone is White, Black, Asian or Eskimo, they can identify with Magic. Think about it and you’ll find it to be true.  You don’t see Magic as a “Black guy” or this or that.  You just see him as a good guy you’d like to meet.  Perhaps that’s the way it should always be, but clearly, it’s not how things unfold in the real world.

Magic appeals to the non-basketball fan.  Kobe is detested by that same non-basketball fan despite his attempts to appear as the nice sweet caring family man.  Somehow, there is a voice in your mind that screams, “Hey, Kobe, I am NOT buying this act you’re putting on!”

  Which brings it to ME: The Los Angeles Lakers Fanatic. 

In 20 plus year as a Laker Fan, never have I been so frustrated watching a superstar that played for my team.

 Kobe has been the best player in basketball for years.  You can make a case for Lebron being better now (and I’d agree) , but then, you’d still have Kobe at a very close 2^nd best player in the entire league.

To me, the game of basketball’s objective is simple: 

• Offense: Get as many high-percentage shots as you can. 
• Defense: Prevent other team from high percentage shot attempts. Force them into low percentage shots.

That’s all the game of basketball is when you break it down to its most simple component.  Sometimes, it really is that simple.

So, when you watch a game, (and when it’s done properly within a team concept, it’s beautiful to watch,) you’ll see Pick’n Rolls, Give & Gos, Weak Side Picks, Backdoor cuts on the baseline off of those weakside screens….. all designed for one purpose: To get you a high percentage shot: Preferably a “Layup” or a “Slam-Dunk” from 2 feet away.

 Which is why as a Laker fan, it’s so frustrating to watch Kobe single handedly throw games away shooting the ball 13 for 34, losing the games.  It’s not just that he shoots the ball poorly, but that attitude and selfishness deflates his teammates.  They’re no longer willing to move around on offense because what’s the point?  “The Jackass isn’t going to pass anyway.”

They’re not going to hustle back on transition defense because they’re disgusted with the state of the game.  This is what Kobe doesn’t get, or maybe he does.  I am sure he does get it, but he doesn’t care.  It’s apathy.
       

Jerry West - The Logo

 A (very) brief history on the Lakers

  As a kid, I grew up watching NBA basketball in its golden age.  Magic, Kareem, Worthy, Cooper, and company versus Bird, McHale, Parish and Co.  I could watch Magic score a mere 12 points in a game and completely control the tempo and “Feel” of of the game.  It’s hard to explain or grasp on paper.  It has to be watched and seen.

 In High School, I got my hands on every piece of basketball literature I could find.  I’d read about the older teams and study Laker History in particular.  I’d read about George Mikan in the Minneapolis Lakers to Jerry West.

  I’d learn about how Wilt Chamberlain, one of the greatest physical specimen’s to set foot on a basketball court also had just as big a ego to match.  I’d learn how the man who average 50 points per game for an entire season put his scoring aside when he joined the Lakers and Jerry West.  He focused on defense, rebounding and passing the ball.   In the 71-72 season, Lakers won the championship (not to mention 33 games in a row) with Wilt scoring only 15 points a game on 9.3 shot attempts as he average 19.2 rebounds.   (Jerry West and Goodrich each average 26 pts per game that season.) 

 He put his ego aside to win.  That’s the Lakers’ way, and the way it’s always been.  People seem to put ego aside when they join this franchise because they know winning comes first.  Bob McAdoo is another such example, a problem player league MVP who finally found a home with the Lakers.

  The end of last season, the NBA officially finished its 60th year anniversary.  In those 60 years, the Lakers have been in the Playoffs for 56 of them, 30 times to the finals, with 15 championships to show for it.  They’ve been to half the finals and have won 25% of the championships.

In 60 Years, 56 Playoff Appearances, 30 NBA Finals, 15 Championships for the Lakers.

 Because the organization historically, from top to bottom, is about winning, not about indiviual accolades.

  Which brings us to one Kobe Bean Bryant, the man who is all about himself.  The man who has not one, but TWO starting 7 footers who can play the low-post to dominate, but still can’t get himself to run a team offense.

  Watch the games, specially in the 4^th quarter:  There are times when Kobe dribbles up the court and you know damn well, he has absolutely no interest in passing it.  He decided he is going to shoot before he got to the half court line and nothing is going to get in his way.  It won’t matter how terrible of a shot he takes, he is going to do it anyway.

  This is the Kobe WE [The Lakers fan] are stuck with.  The same Kobe who makes spectacular buzzer beaters is the one who is going to lose games because he wants to make the game a “Playground” game at times.   You take the bad with the good.  He can’t just give us the good.  His self-absorption is too great for that. 

 One thing needs to be said for that.  What a lot of casual fans don’t fathom is that if Kobe has orchestrated a little better, there’d be no need for those last second buzzer beaters.  They’d be up by double digits at the end of the game.  The fact that they’re in that position to need a buzzer-beater at home versus a mediocre team  is also often times due to Kobe’s ulra self-absorption.  It’s frustrating to watch games and not see professional analysts and commentators not mention this. 

 This is why we lost the recent game at Cleveland.  Kobe consistently loses games to Lebron because he wants to have a 1 on 1 battle.  In the first quarter, they ran the offense properly and had a 12 point lead.  In the 4^th, Kobe needed to prove, he can score.  We know he can score.  He averaged 35points per game for a whole season, not to mention 81 points in a single game. 

 Kobe has Gasol, Bynum, and Odom off of the bench. Lebron has mostly bums and a fat sloth named Shaquille.   Lebron has to try to force the issue.  Kobe Doesn’t.  Lebron does not have what Kobe has: A strong supporting cast.  Yet, Lebron does his best to encourage his teammates.  Kobe annoys them! 

 Watching a recent game at Madison Square Garden drove me crazy.  So much so, that I went back, rewatched the 4^th quarter, and wrote down what took place on every single possession in the Laker offense:

LA @ NY.    Jan 22^nd, 2010

4^th Quarter Laker offense:

-11:49  Gasol goes to the line to shoot Free-Throws

-11:21  Kobe free throw.  Note:  Kobe fouled on a back-door cut from a screen.  Pass from Gasol playing high post)

-10:45  Odom hits 15ft baseline jumper- Pass from Kobe’s drive & kick

-10:19 Kobe hits jumper off of 1 on 1 move, hand in his face. 

-9:44  Kobe Misses forced jumper from 1 on 1 move. Odom rebounds, passes to Kobe.

-9:28  Kobe Misses another jumper, forced 1 on 1 move from baseline this time

-8:50 Shannon Brown makes a 3-pointer

-7:59 Odom makes open jumper. Pass from a Double-teamed Gasol.

-7:36  Gasol Posts up & makes Shot

-7:09  Brown Misses 3-point attempt.  Odom another Offensive board

-7:04  Gasol tips in Odom’s offensive board tip in attempt

-6:36 Kobe Misses 3-point shot

-6:12 Kobe forces it.  Called for Offensive Foul

-5:35 Gasol travels on what would have been easy lay up

:5:10  Kobe shoots free throws, after being bailed out by refs

-4:30  Kobe makes a 3-pointer off of Gasol Double-Team

-4:03: Gasol post up. Beautiful spin move. Bucket + foul

-3:32: Kobe blatantly ignores Gasol posting up.  Misses 3-pointer badly.  I yell profanities out-loud at Kobe on this possession. 

-3:07 Gasol shoots free throws- Open in post.

-2:25 Kobe never considers passing to anyone in this possession.  Shoots free throws after refs bail him out on a horrible drive

-1:52 Kobe misses another jumber- Off board to Lakers.

-1:19  Kobe misses lay up off in bounds pass.

-00:40  Kobe airballs a very deep 3-pointer.

• Recap of 4the quarter: 

Gasol makes 3 baskets, and also attempts 5 free throws.

Odom, and Kobe make shots off of Gasol double-teams.

Kobe: 2 for 7 shooting.1 offensive foul.

Kobe: Shoots 6 free throws. (4 of which were bail outs he may not get in a playoff game.)

• Final line for the entire game:

Kobe shoots: 8 for 24, an unflattering 33.33%

Pao Gasol shoots: 7 for 10   

Andrew Bynum shoots: 7 for 11  

Gasol & Bynum combine for a total of 14 out of 21.   67% – Shooting percentage, (not to mention GOOD Things happen when they get double teamed in the post.) Stats do not tell the whole story here.  When your post player gets double-teamed, it leads to over all good fuzzy-feeling things on the court. 

 This is the Kobe we’ve got.  We need him on the team to win the championship, and yet we can’t get over that he is selfish, self-absorbed individual only out for himself.  Some people say Michael Jordan was the same way, but then again, Jordan is also well known for being a douchebag (and he never played for the Lakers, so I don’t care.) You can also make the case that Jordan had stiffs as big men.  He never has a Shaq in his prime, and never had two solid post-men in Gasol & Bynum. 

 A simpleton may yell out: “But Kobe wins.”  This is true, but he wins because he is on teams that have by far the most talent in the league.  Magic & Kareem could not have beaten formidable competion against the Celtics or the 76ers playing self-absorbed ball.  They had to involve every essence of team, and even then, it was tough. 

 Kobe’s championship teams have by far the most talent in the league.  This year in particular, anything less than a championship is a failure for the Lakers.  And yet, as a Laker fan, you’re worried……..   You’re worried about that playoff series where the series stands at 2 games to 1, and in that pivotal 4^th game, the series can either be tied 2-2, or one team can go up 3-1.  The series’ fate can be determined in this game crucial game. 

During that Game, will Kobe decide to take 35 shots, forcing bad shots, and neglecting his two talented post-up big men in Gasol and Bynum?  Will Kobe’s desire to be Mr. Hero be greater than his desire to want to win the game?  This is what’s frustrating with Kobe.  You admire that he is by far the hardest worker in all of the NBA, and that he is so focused.   Without him playing, we don’t have a chance of winning the championship.  Yet, he drives you crazy with his selfishness. 

 That is the essence of Kobe.  He is the poison you’re stuck with.  Will he administer the poison to the opposition or to our own team?

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 I have had a few guys write and ask questions regarding a particular excerpt in one particular blog post.  The post was “Definitive Series on Party Chicks Part 2″ and here is the excerpt I wrote:

“Everything is designed to garner attention, and yet they will disdain you for giving them that attention. That is paradox in all of this, and it’s the cornerstone of what so many guys miss. The psychological reasons for the disdain warrant an entirely different essay altogether. (That’d perhaps be good fodder for a different blog entry.)”

One of the readers commented on the Blog that he wanted to know more and he is not the only one.  A few guys emailed me and had the same request:

Dude, seriously, if you have the time and kind enough to type it up, would love to read a more in depth breakdown of the above!

 OK, so let’s talk about the reasons why this phenomenon exists.  I’ll talk about the reasons why, and perhaps more importantly, how to deal with it.  I am assuming that this is a common experience shared by a lot of dating-advice seekers.

 Well, to really understand this, you gotta dig a bit deeper.  You have to understand self-image, the conscious and subconscious mind.  Since so many guys are asking me about it, I’ll explain it and I am going to delve a little bit into the intellectual side before bringing it back to the caveman side.   To clearly understand and grasp what I am going to discuss here, please read the previous article on the Subconscious mind, Self-image, and beliefs and fears.  You can read it here:

Understanding the Key to Your Behavior: Your Subconscious mind!

 This article is an important primer.  It took me a while to understand this stuff myself, and I had to look at the deeper structure of the psychological reasons behind it, and learning hypnosis and such helped provide a clearer picture of the overall scenario.  Why all the psycho babble?  Well, you asked the question,  So we need this primer to understand the deep psychology of a behavior.  So assuming you read that primer article, let’s get to answering the question.

• Why would someone be uncomfortable with your good deed?  

- Reason 1:  The obvious one: needing to impress, kissing ass, trying too hard, etc…

However, in the party chick blog article, that’s not the modality I was referring to.  Sometimes, even doing a kind gesture, even without neediness, can result in their disdain towards ya.  Why does this happen?  How is that you could do something nice for someone, and they dislike you for it?

 Do remember that simply knowing this on an intellectual level isn’t going to be supremely beneficial to you.   Knowing how to apply the information is what’s going to be of benefit. I’ll get to that later as well.

  So back the Party-chick/attention-whore archetype.   You’re dealing with a type that is insanely insecure.  Heck, a lot of us have insecurities here and there, but this type of person takes it to a whole different level. 

• Deep down inside, in their subconscious mind, they have a very low self-image of themselves. 

In this case, let’s talk about the really cute low-self imaged cliché stripper with a slim waist and big tits.  This will help you with the imagery.  So with that visual in mind, imagine the following scenario. 

•  Hypothetical Scenario: 

 Imagine you’re in the same social circle and you make a run to a  run to local restaurant to buy a sandwich for yourself.  While standing in line, you recall that one of the girls in the group was pretty hungry and think to yourself, “I’ll get her a sandwich too.  It’s 5 bucks and I’d appreciate it if someone did the same thing for me if I were hungry.”

 You come back and give her the Sandwich, and somehow, she is less nice to you NOW than before.  You think, “What the fuck?  Not only I don’t get a basic thank you, but now she ignores me.”   You’re upset.  You think,

 ”I did something really nice for her, and in return, she only became MORE Rude to me! Why?”

 Why?  You want answers?  Well, here you go.

 You’re dealing with a person who has an extremely low self-image of herself.  On the outside, she may act arrogant, rude, and snobby.  She may dance around, strut her big tits in low cleavage shirts, and pose like a model every single time a camera remotely points towards her. 

Objection your honor!   Irrelevant.  Irrelevant. Irrelevant. 

If you could pull a Mr. Spock out of your ass and do a motherf**king Vulcan Mind-Meld with her in order to see inside her mind, you’d see that:

Subconsciously, she thinks she is a piece of shit, and that’s all that matters.  It’s what the subconscious believes that matters.  (As you ought to know by now from reading the last article.)

Now, you come along, and do your good deed.  Here is the big question:

• What kind of a person does something so nice & thoughtful for a piece of shit?

 An even bigger piece of shit.  An even bigger loser than even she is.

 Again, I never said the subconscious mind was logical.  It acts out of EMOTION and those emotions are greatly affected by one’s self-image.  In those sequence of events, sometimes your kind and thoughtful gesture leads to disdain.

On the same note, what kind of a person takes photos with various women and puts them online as trophies that he has banged?  What kind of a person takes photos of women who were intimate with him and shows them to random stranger to show how cool he is?  You getting to see bigger picture here?

 You can see this behavior in men as well.  In fact, if any of you read the book “The Game” by Neil Strauss, are in for a treat because I have numerous anecdotal stories from the time spent in the famous “Pick Up Artist” house..

 Anyone who ever hung out at Project Hollywood experienced his fair share of backhanded insults by Neil Strauss at some point. He disguised them as jokes.  They became known as “Style-mogs.”  It was Neil’s attempt to show his superiority by belittling you.  It was his attempt to show that he was a “Cooler” guy to those around him.  This was behavior towards guys who had no ill-will against him, and initially thought well of him.  It’d all soon turn sour.  Just a matter of time. 

Then I realized Neil’s M.O.  His pattern on behavior was simple.

 In reality, his Modus Operandi is simple: Get in the first strike.  Don’t let them get the best of you.  If you meet someone for the first time, try to establish that you’re cooler than they are.  Don’t give them a chance to get a joke on you first.  Hey, that person may pull a joke on you, and embarrass you, but not if you get the initial punch in first.  If you get that one in, then the other person is just retaliating on some level, and you’ve already established that you’re cool anyway. 

 It’s born out of FEAR.  A fear that someone out there may be cooler than you, or maybe more suave or likable.  Insult them first, and establish a baseline.  Now, he may or may not be aware of this behavior consciously.  It doesn’t matter   Until you take steps to be cool with yourself, it’s difficult to be cool with others.  Until the subconscious mind is OK sharing the spotlight with someone else, you’re going to try to do things to out manuver them.

 This behavior can be seen in individuals in all walks of life.  If you live in the U.S, you probably are familiar with professional American-football player Terrel Owens,  otherwise known as T.O.  Despite all of his accomplishments as an athlete, his inner programming reeks of self-loathing and disdain for himself.  Hence, at every given opportunity, he does something to grab hold of the spotlight.  Granted, a lot of athletes love the spotlight, and most of us like our egos stroked.  It’s in our nature, and there is nothing dirty about it.  However, “T.O” takes it to a whole different level, because

- It doesn’t matter if his behavior hurts his team during the game by resulting in a penalty.
- It doesn’t matter if his behavior hurts his team or his teammates. 
- It doesn’t matter if his behavior serves as a distraction that results in his team losing games and consequently missing the playoffs.

None of it matters.  T.O wants his attention, and his deep-rooted insecurities wedged in his subconscious mind run that programming wherever he goes.  Every time he goes to a new team, he repeats the same behavior and in two-year’s time, his teammates can’t stand him, and he finds himself looking to go to a new team.

I give these examples to show that a low self-image can afflict male or females.  It can afflict the “Average Joe” or a famous American Athlete who plays NFL Football.

 People whose actions are driven from a low self-image often repeat the same pattern and now we’re back to your good deeds in the dating and attracting women realm.  Sometimes, doing a good deed for someone of low-self esteem will make them resent you.  The problem is that a lot of guys deal with this type of women and they conclude that “Women are bitches.”

 I won’t attempt to talk people out of that belief. It’s pointless.  However, perhaps, a better way to rephrase that is, “The type of women you choose to deal with are bitches.”  And in reality, they just really loathe themselves.  You may have just happened to catch he brunt of it.

OK, so now you understand the reasons for the disdain on an intelectual level.  It doesn’t do much good unless you can APPLY it.  So let’s get to the next segment…

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 -PRACTICAL PORTION OF THE SHOW:

So what does all this mean to you in the Dating/Relationship realm?

Well, here is what I’ve come to learn:

 When you want to do a good deed for someone, first decide if you’re doing it to impress them?   That’s the first basic rule.  Many times, guys will go out of their way to do nice things for women and it’s a bit too much too quickly.  You probably have read about this in various dating advice platforms, and it’s a basic truism of human interaction.  This behavior deseves its own blog post.  This behavior consists of everything from calling too many times to sending inordinate amounts of texts to buying gifts and doing favors when the relationship status does not warrant such behavior.

 Secondly, understand that sometimes doing unsolicited acts of kindness for low self-esteem people can backfire.  Granted, you may still do such things, but then, don’t frown and pout that they were “Unappreciative” or that they “Didn’t return the favor.”   It’s one thing if someone asks you for something, but if you’re just going to offer random acts of kindness, be more judicious as to whom the recipients of this act shall be.

So how does one decide if he should go forward with that doing that favor?  You can evaluate through a simple concept:

•  Willingness to Contribute

 This is how I see it: If you’re going to do nice things for people, you’ll have to gauge their personalities, values and actions.  You may do something nice for someone once or twice, but if you see a pattern of lack of contribution from them, then cut it off.  No harm, No Foul as the great Chick Hearn used to say. 

 This applies to men and women equally.  Whether it’s a woman you’re dating or a male-buddy, you have to make a decision at some point if that person has the willingness to contribute something.  Contribution need not be financial or monetary.  It could be as simple as someone helping you move a sofa, or giving you a referral, or helping you put together a resume. 

 An important key to make note of is that you’re not expecting things in return and you are NOT asking for anything.  As the great philosopher Rocky Balboa once said in Rocky III, “Nobody owes nobody nothing.  Friends do because they wanna do.” 

 Once again, if you stick with that basic Rocky philosophy, (even if it sounds simpleton), you’ll be alright. If you have friends (or girlfriends) who do not want to do, then maybe you should consider new ones.

Cameron

PS. The articles that you’ve just read will significantly impact your dating life..  Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Building Attraction Ebook

The Cemented Vagina

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  A couple of weeks ago, a friend was in town.  He is preparing to move to Los Angeles, and someone I met through my late friend Seth.  This guy knows about the type of work that I do in the dating-field and so he asked me questions regarding a couple of girls he is interested in. 

 There was one in particular that he really wanted to get out on a date.  Upon whipping out his iPhone, he showed me a lengthy chain series of SMS Text exchanges.  This texting must have gone on for a couple of weeks with no real substance to the conversation.  At the end of this exchange, he was not too much closer to getting the girl to come out for a date than he was in the beginning.

 I first corrected his obvious mistakes in his texts.  Quite a few texts exhibited approval seeking behavior and some were way too long.  You can’t constantly write paragraphs of texts when the other person’s replies are just one liners.  It’s an uneven flow.  It’s too much investment on your part, and not enough investment on her part.  She is not committed enough to whatever relationship you have, while you’re really going above and beyond the call of duty. 

 Having corrected his obvious texting mistakes, I took it one step further.  I gave him the Cemented-Vagina test.  I told him I’d thought about posting it on my blog quite sometime ago, but I never did.  He insisted that I must do so, as I owe it to all men, as it had given him a new perspective and clarity.

 This is by no means a pessimistic view of women.  It’s not about cruelty, castration, or objectification.  Rather, it’s about realization.  Realization of how you live your life and the decisions you make. 

It’s an exercise of the mind.  Here is how it goes:

 So the next time you’re talking to a girl, in her 20s, imagine that for some odd reason she poured concrete in her vagina.  Maybe she watched one of those boring French movies and couldn’t take it anymore.  It doesn’t matter.  There is cement in the vagina.  If asphalt helps you with the imagery, use that. Once cement solidifies, there is nothing going in, nothing going out. 

  So you have a Cemented Vagina.  It’s solid!  Tough with density of a brick wall, it’d break your hands if you hit hard enough.  Point being: your penis is never, ever, ever, going inside it. 

 So here are a series of questions for you to answer:

• Would you continue talking to her? 
• Would you continue texting her?
• Would you wonder why she hasn’t returned your most recent texts? 
• She promised to meet you on Wednesday night but flaked, do you care? 

Now, that you know it to be a physical impossibility for your penis to enter her vagina, do you care anymore?

 Take a moment and run this exercise on all the girls you currently know!  Yes, all the ones on your networks, all the girls on your cell phone, and this also includes all of the ones in your precious facebook account.  Do so and you shall be amazed.  Or maybe you’d cry!  You’ll realize that all of the stuff you’ve put up with was for chance to line up a landing formation for your penis into the tunnel of love. 

 I’d speculate that 8 out of 10 girls you associate with would immediately fall off your radar if you applied the cemented vagina imagery exercise.  2 out of 10 may fall into the category of, “Yes, I’d still talk to her!  She is a cool person.”

 Look, there are going to be girls/women that you like, and women whose company you enjoy.  Ones you engage with in interested discussions, ones who share common interests, and hold similar values, the ones you laugh with, and you two share a ton of inside jokes that only make sense to the two of you.  Romantic relationship or not, you like them as individual people.  You actually like them as human beings. 

 The real question is, how many?  Perhaps what percent fall into that category? 

 Now, look at your phone and look at the unreturned text you were thinking about emailing someone like me about.  Apply the Cemented-Vagina exercise.  You couldn’t have sex her with a rod made out of solid steel, let alone your penis.  Ahhh, you feel silly, don’t ya.  It happens to all of us.    All of that effort was to make a precision strike on what my friend Steve P. calls “A small piece of real estate.”

 You probably have met your fair share of douchebags, idiots, and the like in the male population.  You probably didn’t dwell on why they didn’t return your texts or phone call.  Sure, maybe it was annoying at first, because you were trying to arrange a meeting or had something to talk about…..  Nevertheless, shortly after, you forgot about it and moved on quickly.   Why?  Well, no piece of real estate between their legs that you were interested in.  Let’s be honest here.  We are not talk about friends or people whom you had an emotional investment in.  For the most part they were acquaintances.  “Stranger” is a better adjective for it.  The “Strangers” who didn’t have the desrired piece of Real Estate, you estranged rather quickly….

 So where does that leave the average guy?  Am I advocating that from now on, you should only associate with women you like beyond sexual attractions?  That would be nice, but I am not going to take that much of leap into an idealistic scenario.  Plus it’d be hypocritical of me.  I don’t even do that myself!!!  I’d like to tell you that I approach every girl with the noble intention of pursuing a relationship, but it’s not the case.  While I am open to the possibility, I quickly discover after 90 seconds of conversation that she is not ever going to be someone I am interested in dating long term.  Yet, I continue to converse with her.

  I flirt with lots of girls where my only intent is sexual and nothing else.   When Mr. Testosterone takes over, there is little rhyme, little reason, no room for logic, and your mind is subject to treason. 

 So what’s the take away lesson thus far?  It’s that we should NOT take this stuff too seriously.  Sure, part of our ego, and self-pride gets involved and there is the element of validation that comes from that ?ber hot professional model liking us.  At the same time, apply the cemented vagina test to the hot model and again, you’re sort of left pontificating your actions, and time spent.

 Hey, if you did that, you sort of would be behaving like an attractive high status girl.  How is that?  In my experience and observation, women are more choosy in selecting sexual partners than men are.  We pretend to be selective, but let’s be honest, when there is vagina thrown at us and we’re single, we take it.  (And sometimes even when married, but that’s a different story.)

 If I told you, I’ve known female friends who during a private conversation complained they had not been laid in months, you [the male reader] would immediately reply, “Why, they must be ugly dogs!  Surely a half-way decent woman could get laid extremely easily.”   And I’d tell you that they are physically very attractive, and no, they’re not fat either!  (I Know that’s your next thought.)  We’re talking very flat stomachs.    If you’re female and reading this, you probably understand it.

  Women are just as sexual as men, but for some reason, they seem to exercise better self-control when it comes to engaging in sexual activity.  Part of it is that they have offers of sex thrown at them all the time.  Now, you can get to all the evolutionary psychology and sit here to mentally masturbate about how men are genetically geared to spread their seeds while women must be careful because they can only bear one child every 9 months, and yada, yada, yada…  It is what it is.  The point is if you were to engage in that similar of behavior, you’d be in essence emulating the behavioral pattern of the proverbial “Hot chick” with high self-esteem. 

 Actually, doing so, is a lot more difficult.  Why would even want to try pal?  After all, you’re not a hot chick and you’re looking to clean up any vagina thrown at you.  Well, it’s that if you could successfully accomplish this exercise, even for a short period, you’d notice a huge difference in your interactions. 

 Essentially, if you could even for just 1 week, put away any expectations of sex on the interactions, it would effectively eradicate any neediness.  In layman’s terms: When you don’t expect pussy, you can’t possibly be needy.  Unless you’re one of those annoying multi-level marketing people who wants to sell your dumb schemes, you’d have no need to keep a conversation going, no need to get a phone number, no need to have her return your last SMS text, no need to push for a date, no need to impress your male friends with a girl you just laid.  The cemented vagina has halted of that.

  That’s part of the point of this post.  

   What if you’re in college right now and confused?  You’re the university student who is trying to figure out how to infiltrate that particular sorority that houses the really attractive and really snobby girls.  Maybe you know one or two of them from one of your classes.  Apply the Cemented-Vagina test.  Suddenly that entire sorority has come down with the cemented-vagina epidemic.  You can’t have sex with that girl or any of her sorority sisters, ever!  No one can!  It’s physically impossible. The laws of physics prevent it.  How much value do you put on trying to socialize with the girls of that sorority now?

 It’s Damn Frightening, isn’t it?? 

  What’s the greater point of all of this?  What if you could zoom out and see the bigger picture?  If you could step back, or rather step up a couple of hundred miles into outer space, right about the orbit of satellite and look down from the satellite-view perspective?

 Again,  don’t take this stuff so seriously.  You approach girls and date various ones.  You have sex with some, and others won’t be interested.  But if you’re approaching them just to have sex, then it isn’t that big of a deal if they’re not interested.  And if you’re looking for a girlfriend or relationship, you interact with enough girls until you find the ones that DO PASS The test of the cemented vagina.  If you still enjoy her as a person even without the sex, then you have something.  Then the sex is the proverbial icing on the cake as the American cliché goes.  It creates the complete package. 

 I’ll share my experience.  You may have sex with a lot of girls/women in your lifetime but the truth is you’re only going to remember a small percentage of those women….   And the ones that you do remember, well, it will NOT be because of the sex.  It’ll be of the times spent together, the silly stuff you did, goofy moments you shared together, fun activity you engaged in or moments that moved you emotionally.

  So my friends, if you’re confused and feeling dejected, if you’re knee deep in game-theory, and caught in a whirlwind of tactics of how to reply to that last text or say on that next phone call, Pause, take a moment, take a deep breath and apply the cemented vagina test.   It may alleviate all that self-imposed pressure you’ve put on yourself and it may just give you a new perspective.   It just may change your life for the better.

Cameron

Get it now:  Building Attraction Ebook

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Let’s contintue with more real world guidelines and practical tips on interacting with Party chicks.  (And by the way, you are receiving more valueable information here for free than workshops you’ve paid 1000s of Dollars for.)  So with that note, let’s talk more Real-Life Applications!

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• Tip # 3: Dealing with Drama

I briefly touched upon this in part 2 but let’s talk about how you deal with it.  Keep in mind that we are way past an initial cold-approach here.  These girls could be ones in your social circles or someone you’re dating.

Everyone is bound to have a bad day here and there, and they’re entitled to vent to get it off his/her chest.  With party girls, it’s never ending.  There is drama in everything, and everywhere regardless of how irrelevant or minuscule the situation or dynamics.

Whether you’re out on a date, or just talking to one at the club, you have to learn be to non-reactive to the drama of this archetype.  It sounds simple enough, right?  In reality, it’s a bit more difficult to be non-reactive to the bullshit drama thrown at you.  This mistake, I’ve made quite a few times.  You’d think you’d learn after the first mistake, but nope.  Well, I definitely didn’t.   I think most of us are conditioned to want to be helpful, or perhaps it’s our human instinct.  It’s noble and it’s dignified, except when it comes to this archetype of person.

The biggest mistake men make in this situation is giving in to the hero complex.  It plays out something like this: Party chick starts drama, guy tries to be the hero who “Helps” her, he becomes worse for it, she forgets about and moves on with no real resoultion to the matter.   The best thing you can do, specially if you’re a 3rd party who is not even involved in the matter, is to leave it alone.  Ignore it.

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• Tip # 4 – Expect Flaking.

Yes, this is going to happen.  At first, you may be disenchanted that the person is not being honorable, or perhaps they’re not “keeping their word.”  That’s a normal reaction when you operate under the umbrella of those value.  In dealing with party chicks, (And Party men), you’ll learn quickly that their word means nothing.   They meant to come join you, and it was certainly their intention when they sent you that text.  It’s just that something providing more stimuli presented itself.

You could have been engaging back and forth in various texts and things seemed fine.  Two days later, you send a couple of texts and you get…………nothing.  It’s not personal.  A bigger stimuli presented itself.  That’s all.

There is a silver lining in all of this.  Remember that you’re operating on different value systems equivalent to speaking two different languages.  So while YOU perceived the lack of reply (or the flaking) as a rejection, that’s not really how it’s perceived by the party chick (or the party dude.)  They just sort of forgot about it.

So let’s say you invited a party-chick to a house party and she agreed to go.  Then, on the night of the party, she is a no show.  You can ask her to the next event again next week!  The key is to do so nonchalantly and casual about it. This may seem like you’re chasing a bit, and you probably are.  However, if your social currency is lower, then sometimes that’s what it takes for you to get laid with this kind of girl.  And yes, let’s be honest, you’re not pursuing this archetype for a relationship.  You are not looking to make her a girlfriend or even date her.  You’re doing it for sex.  Let’s not kid ourselves here.  Well, welcome to the jungle.

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• Tip # 5: Understand the Social Value Scale:

The last paragraph segues to the social currency scale.   Most party girls are good looking, and even physically average looking party girl at age 22 is going to have more social value than a man at age 22.  It’s just the way it goes.  How do you best engage this archetype?

Well, go with your best foot forward.  But you gotta realize what your best foot is.  Also, realize that the gimmicks you learn in many “Methods” of pickup are designed as artificial tools to provide a temporary illusion that you hve high social value.  Whether it’s a neg, a cocky funny insult, pretending to be a rockstar, preteding to be whatever…

Good looks, a nice physique, money, connections, resources, all play a part in the social value scale.

You’d be better off as a douchebag who brags all the time. While socially unpleasant, it can serve its purpose.  It won’t win anyone high quality circle of friends, but it can win you low self-esteem women.  Guys who deal often with this archetype have found ways of upping their social values.

I’ve seen it all. Well, may be not “All”, but quite a few variations.  The following are different types of characters I’ve come across who use some sort of social leverage to gain an edge:

Rolling Stone reporter, porn-business guy who can you porn jobs! American in foreign country;  White guy in an Asian country, drug provider, connected guy, club promoter guy, porn-producer guys, fake producer guy, real actual producer, after-party guy, broke drummer of shitty band, actual retired drummer of good band, big fish in a small pond guy, small town guy from town’s influential family, the bad ass, the bad boy adventurer, drifter with an edge, flat ass broke but con-man charming guy.

At bars across various States of the Union, from CA to NY, I’ve met some form of the above.

A big party of the perception of you by others is going to be Fueled by your attitude as well.  Unfortunately, you can’t fake this one.  Well, people try but core-confidence cannot be faked, at least not in the long term.  It’s not sustainable.  Having a high self-image of oneself is going to pay good dividends in this matter.

Without the proper attributes, this knowledge will only partially help you.  To develop the attributes, you know where to go… Well, I’ll make it easy. Click here: http://www.attractwomenanywhere.com/audiocourse.shtml

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• Tip # 6:  Perspective.  Look at it for what it is.

This has been a lengthy series on the archetype of Party-chicks.  You may have various perceptions of such girls but it’s important to know that they’re not good or evil.  The acquaintance partygirls I’ve known over the years are not some sort of evil people.  They’re a bit self-absorbed, too concerned with their social value & hierarchy, and too much in need of constant attention regardless of where they’re at.  They may not be the sharpest tools in the shed, and they won’t win any intellectual awards any time soon, but they can be fun to hang with. They can be friendly and fun and you can even learn a thing or two from the way the move their way in social situations.

As the evil judge once said on the classic Rodney Dangerfield movie, Caddie Shack:

“The World needs ditch diggers too!”

And the World needs party girls.  Have you ever been to a bona fide Rock Star’s house party?  A real Band that is notorious for their tendency to party, (like a Motley-Crue type of band)?

Neither have I.   But I’ve heard stories.  It looks like something like the morning-after scene from the recent comedy movie, “The Hangover” except without the Tiger.  Want girls to do naked hot oil wrestling and then snort cocaine off each other’s tits?  A normal girl with dignity and self-respect isn’t going to that.  Party girls will.  Party girls will do almost anything so long as you are cooler than they are and have more social value.

Remember this motto: The Party girl who is a bitch to you, is someone else’s bitch.

That simply means this: A party girl may act standoffish towards you if you’re in a position of being deemed uncool, and yet 10 minutes later, she’ll be doing lewd acts even the government of Mexico would frown upon. Yes, there is a need for party girls.  We want them in the same way we feel for the desire for plastic beer cups, or disposable hand wipes.

So while guys complain on one hand about party girls, they don’t seem to mind the actual partying part of the equation.  Can’t have it both ways. If you like to party with this archetype, then you’ve gotta learn how to deal with such persons.  The other option is, spend time with a different type of person.

You may read the article and think that you are poor at attracting such women. First question you have to ask is, do you really want such people in your life?  If yes, then learn how create the proper social milieu.  As difficult as it may seem to get such girls for you now, it’s that easy when you tip the social scale in your favor.  Such is the nature of the beast.

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• Quick Recap:

• Party girls seek constant high stimulus environments. (loud clubs, alcohol, drugs, etc)
• Conversational Topics are very limited:  Partying, Gossip of various forms, Shopping, alcohol.
• Bigger Better Deal.  They will upgrade to the next highest bidder who can provide more stimulus? What, better drugs?  I’m there.
• Difficult to maintain conversations with depth.  Will not ask personal questions often.
• Seek Attention all the time.
• Social value is of the utmost important to them.
• Ignore the drama that is bound to happen, (repeatedly.)
• Don’t take flaking as rejection.
• Don’t fall for the obvious sexual baiting
• Have Fun
• Don’t take it seriously.  It’s not that big of a deal.
• Have fun and be cooler than they are.

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PS>  Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work. If you’re not at least “Somewhat Cool”, you’re not going to get girls. If you want to get that part handled, get yourself a copy of my Ebook here:   Building Attraction Ebook