Oh, how I have another simply awesome blog article for ya.  This time, it’s about tell-tale signs that a girls is promiscuous and will sleep with you pretty quickly. 

A little backdrop as to what inspired this article: I am hanging with some pals and a friend of a friend is talking about how he’d like to just once try having a one night stand with a girl he met at a bar.  Just once, he’d like to walk in, meet a girl and take her home. 

  This is a big deal to him, and while I don’t think of this as some accomplishment, it dawns on me that most men have never done something like this.  To some guys, the completion of this task holds some form of validation.  So, I am going to provide a few tips on some of the secrets of what guys who are good at this are able to do.   Its significance and what it means to you personally “to accomplish this” is between you and your therapist.

 The funny thing is that women are under the impression that any guy can walk into a busy nightclub filled with drunks and pull someone home.  That’s because their impressions are formed from the 20-30% of men who ever approach them in these environments.  Now, some of these guys are smooth operators, and some are just aggressive beligerent drunk idiots and play the numbers until they find that straggler.  (See limping gazzele game on this blog.)  However, female impressions are formed by the guys that do approach them, not by the ones that sit & look at them from afar.  (Which constitutes 80% of men.)

 What if you’re one of those guys who has a dream to have a same-night lay? (Let’s hope it’s not your only dream, but one of those things you want to “accomplish” like the guy I mentioned above.)  

  Even though I barely go to bars/clubs anymore, I’ll throw some pearls of wisdom at ya, and what you do with it is your responsibility.  An important part of having one night stands comes down approaching the proper type of woman who has made it a habit to do this sort of thing. 

 Hence, screening for the proper type is one of the most important parts of the process.

   In my recent visit to Phoenix, my buddy Jon and I had a fun conversation comparing notes as to what mannerisms the proverbial “Slutty” girls display.  This goes back to the archetype stuff I’ve been talking about consistently throughout this blog.

 Again, people (male as well as female) fall into various archetypes.  Those archetypes always consistently display the same behavioral patterns.  By identifying the behavioral patterns, we can work backwards to identify the archetype.

Simply put: Promiscuous girls have certain habits, mannerisms, vernacular, and behaviors that give them away. 

Knowing this information helps you in two ways: 

1. Look for the type that is readily available to sleep around with anyone (including you.).  Important distinction is: Don’t think you’re special.  You’re one of many. 
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2. Help you cut your losses early if you’re not interested in the promiscuous type

 The second point is just as important. I am going to address in the next article. 

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   Signs that the girl you’re talking with in the bar is promiscuous:

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• Tells you about often & repeated bouts of drunken debauchery. 

 “Oh, man, I was so wasted last weekend, and then got hammered again last night on a Wed, I have to recover for a party this coming Friday.”    Not an isolated incident but a repeated pattern.  Also safe to say, you can probably assume this is not a career-minded person either.  This girl sleeps around, and may leave with you.  You may have to endure alcohol breath and drunken antics.. 

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• Has a lot of guy friends.  Does not get along with other girls.   (Credit this one to Sinn)

 Always competing for attention, has trouble maintaining friendships with women.  Has lots of guy friends, has hooked up with many of them.    (One notable exception to the rule above, I’d like to add: “Alpha-Females”, the athletic “Tomboy” types, but they’re a different breed and more rare to find.  Do a search on this blog and you can read all about “Alpha Females” on as well)

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•  Refers to her girlfriends as bitches. 

Example: “Hey bitches, what’s the plan tonight?”  

To me, this is perhaps the greatest tell-tale sign of a girl who is not only promiscuous, but also attention seeking.  I don’t think it has ever failed.   Please note the word bitch is used casually.  (Not used in hostility or judgment.)   

 The amazing about the casual usage of the word “Bitch” is that it is cross-generational.  I’ve seen 22 year old girls do it, and I’ve been to that Cougar-bar in Manhattan Beach and have seen 40 year old females use it.  Same exact behavior pattern, stemming from the same exact personality type.  They’re also the type to avoid, if you want someone of substance.  As I said, more on that later.

As soon as you hear that casual reference, “You bitches look cute tonight,” you already know this chick sleeps around, and most likely, so do all of her friends, including the married ones.

 This is also an immediate sign of a woman you’d never want to pursue a relationship with.

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• Tries to talk tough and ghetto. 

Example: “I would have fucked her up” or “I’d have knocked out that bitch.” 

Fill in the blanks here.  You already know who you’re dealing with.  
 PS. That’s a double whammy, as she used the word bitch and talked tough. (And we’re talking about White chicks here.) 

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• Uses overly dramatic & yet emotionally-empty phrases often,

“I missed you girlie.  You’re so the best!  I love you guys so much…. “

The usage of emotional hyperbole in casual conversation denotes a promiscuous girl.   Basically, it’s like this: You see these plastered on a facebook page and within 10 seconds, you already know the score…  (because you read my awesome article.)

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•  Cigarette Smoking –   Credit Sinn for this one.

 This is his greatest tell-tale sign.  There is a correlation between risk taking behavior and promiscuoity.  If she is willing to kill her to blow puff to look cool, she is willing to do a lot of other things.  I am not sure how this would correlate in Europe for example, but it definitely applies in the United States where smoking is hugely frowned upon, and specially in California. 

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• The Skank tonality.   

 One of my favorites to joke about.  I don’t even have to see the person’s face sometimes.  If I hear the skank-tonality from behind, I know the type. 

 It’s difficult to describe that on paper, but these girls sound like every sentence has a question mark at the end of it, and they drag the last word.  “Like, oh my gosh, that is sooo weiiiiiiiiiiiird????”   (weird would sound like “We-Eeeeeerdd?”    It sounds like a question, but it’s not.  It’s a statement.  There was an episode of the TV show “Family Guy”: where little Stewie points this out regarding a girl Brian the dog is dating.  (If you’ve seen that episode, then you exactly know what skank tonality is.)

 If you hear that speech pattern, you immediately know two things within a few seconds:

  1. Girls sleeps around a lot.
  2. May not be gainfully employed.  

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• Drama.   This is huge!  She is telling you about drama. 

 “My friend Lisa broke up with her boyfriend, was late to the post office, ran over a cow, had to move out, missed her paycheck, which was eaten by the cow she ran over, that cow was turned into steak, and gave my indigestion because of the paycheck it had eaten…….”   It never ends…. 

 I am going to cover “Drama” in the next article, regarding girls you want to run AWAY from. However, when you’ve heard that dramatic story, you KNOW you’ve met someone who’ll sleep with you quickly if that’s what you seek.

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• Inner Thigh touch- 

 Sinn added this one.  I suppose it’s an obvious one some, but a lot of guys are sometimes clueless.  If her hand should brush your inner thigh during the convo, well, it’s pretty much a done deal.

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•  Girls who tell you, “I hate Drama”.  

Usually, it’s the girl above whose friend’s paycheck was eaten by the cow telling you this.   Girls who don’t have drama, don’t say “I hate drama” because it does not occur to them.  Now, if you’re the girl above, you deal with it on a daily basis.

 So FYI: As soon as you hear (or read) the following words from a girl:   “I hate drama” or “I am so over all this drama,” you know 3 things: 

1. This girl has lots of drama
2. She’ll be telling about it often, if you see her more than once
3. She’ll sleep with you pretty quickly.

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• She tells you, “I’m trying to be good.”

 I don’t even know where to start with this one.  This could be the girl who had to move out of a small town at some point because she was basically ran out.  (yes, I’ve met them,)  If someone is trying to change their ways, They don’t say “I am TRYING to be good.”  They just do it.   This is like your buddy who is over-weight telling you he is trying to lose weight….. for the past 3 years.  You get the idea….

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• She mentions Drugs.

Talking about drugs, Ecstasy, Cocaine, Speed, is also a sign of girls who sleep around.  Unfortunately, with these girls, it goes beyond sex for just pleasure.  Sometimes, it’s having sex to GET the drugs for free.  And by the way, if you hear “Heroine”, run away.  Don’t walk.  Run.  (Can’t speak from personal experience but I’ve seen enough cracked out people.)

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• She tells you,   “I don’t date.”

Sinn pointed out this one, and it’s true!   Some girls will tell you, “I just don’t date.  I am over the dating thing. I am taking a break from it.” 

That’s fine!  If you had your cute Star Trek universal translator, what you’d really hear is, “I sleep around, and then complain that I can’t have decent relationships.  I’ll sleep with you too IF you’re very sexual with me.” 

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• Self-Proclaimed Bitches  

Girls who tell you in a proud manner, “Oh, I am just a bitch” are promiscuous as well, and also have toxic personalities. This is usually a cry for attention and attempts to claw at holding on self-grandeur.  (mainly because it doesn’t take any talent or work to be rude.)  Nevertheless, you know she sleeps around.  (Credit Sinn for this one as well.) 

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Subtleties:  

And then we get to the really subtle stuff.  You spend enough time talking to girls, you hone your eyes and ears and cute little subtle phrases tell you that they are promiscuous. These are tiny phrases that most people completely miss.  They seem innocent and completely in the norm, but I catch them, and now, so will you.

Example:  “I Know, right???” 

That phrase above, said with a certain flare and tone equals girls who will sleep with you pretty quickly.  Now, they say the phrase frequently, so if you’re tuned in, you’ll recognize it. 

 Some random individual will read that at some point and say, “Oh come on!  How can you determine someone’s sexual behavior from a few phrases, or sentences?”  And the short answer it that I am just good at identifying people’s characters and behaviors.

 Keep in mind that, the above individuals display the same type of demeanor and body language as well.  If you know screen properly, then you have isolated the right type that will leave with you.  Now, it’s a matter of attracting them, and having the proper logistics.  Is there an after party?  Inviting her back to your house?  You have to provide the logistics!

 Congrats.  You now know information that only a small percentage of men are privy to. They may know it intuitively having never broken down consciously, but these are the subtle clues they use to determine the right type.    In the next article, I am going to talk about how to use above information to AVOID certain personality types who will be toxic to your life.  Stay tuned………

Cameron

 My buddy Jay told me about this and I found it hilarious.  It’s too good not to share.  And the timing is awesome!  Fits right into the theme of the last two articles about the Guru Epidemics.

 It’s a spoof very reminiscent of self-help gurus.  To truly appreciate this clip, you have to have had some involvement with self-help and I am guessing most of my blog readers fall into that category. 

 A joy to watch the :39 second mark of the video : His telling of the origins of how he founded the system majestic hawk in his field of vision…  While totally ridiculous, I’ve seen too many people present this sort of thing as serious fodder for thought.   

 Enjoy the Hawk Panther system, and remember, we’re animals too:

 The key is to combine the freedom & majesty of the Hawk, and the Strength & Instincts of the Panther.

  In the last article, The Guru Epidemic, I talked about the behavior of most Gurus and their Modus Operandi.  Someone unfamiliar, (or even familiar) with self-help gurus and teachers of enlightenment may natually wonder: WHY do people take refuge in gurus?

• SO WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GO TO GURUS?

 Come on Cameron.  The picture you paint is not very flattering.  Why would people worship these individuals?

Well, I’ll share a quick story that may help you see this dynamic from another perspective.

A gentleman by the name of David DeAngelo has been giving Dating advice online since about 2001.  He has countless DVDs, seminars, and audio products on dating advice.  You probably have heard of him.    2 years ago, ”David DeAngelo” decided to give seminars on marketing under his real name Eben Pagen.

 Yet, some of the same people who attended his dating seminars, STILL chose to willingly attend his marketing seminars though they had zero interest in learning about Internet Marketing   A very analytical friend of mine was about to lose his mind.  As though he were “Rainman” on uppers, he kept repeating,  “But I don’t get it!  They’re looking for dating advice.  This is a marketing seminar!  Why are they paying 5000 Dollars to see this guy speak about marketing when they want DATING advice? Why, why, why???”

To which I replied:

“You’re not getting it emotionally.  That’s Daddy up there!  That’s their father on stage!!!   That’s why they’re there, a chance to see daddy one more time”

There you have it!  The guru relationships.  Most subjects, specially in the DATING FIELD, (I don’t know if this’d apply in the financial-advice field for example) are NOT EVEN SEEKING ADVICE.  THEY’RE LOOKING FOR A FATHER amidst these gurus.

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Guru is not your father

 The over-bearing guru who has all of the answers represents a father-figure most guys  at that seminar have not had.  Maybe they had fathers who were meek, or perhaps their dad was never around. In these modern times, people are missing father figures, and hence, they seek to fill that void through finding gurus who can tell them what to do, give them direction, and tough love.  (To be fair, David D never signed up for this.  However, there are plenty of “Gurus who relish in taking this role and do take advantage of it).

 I think if you had a father who was a masculine figure, a man’s man, who spent time with you when you were a kid, you’d have a hard time ending up in the guru-worshipping circles.  You could even get sucked in for a short while perhaps, but you’d snap out of it quickly.   A lack of a strong caring father figure is a common trend you’d find as the common element in the guru worhippers.

 I should add that I am not condemning anyone for going to a seminar to improve on anything, whether it’s financial advice, or how to be a better Tennis player weekend crashcourse.  Being progressive is a great attribute.  However, when the knack for being for being progressive is replaced by a need for a father figure/guru who influences your every decision, you’ve crossed  on over into a slippery slope.

 Would you like to be horrified for a bit?   This will only take you 10 minutes and save your hours of time from having to watch another shitty “Saw” movie.    Stick your head in “Tony Robbins Forums” for 10 minutes and be sure to  have a vomit-bucket close by.  You’ll find people who can’t figure out what to do for exercise, or what to eat for breakfast, or how to tie on their shoelaces without Tony Robins telling them the proper way to do it.  Again, Tony seems like a nice guy.  I don’t know that he set out to do this, but it’s bound to happen. 

 If you happen to be one of these people and can identify with the above people, then maybe you should look into getting your issues fixed.   Most people assume “Gurus” to be a notch, (or two or three notches) above average normal people.  The ultimate irony is that most gurus are a notch (or two or three) BELOW normal average people. (For reasons mentioned above, and trust me, I’ve spent enough time with self proclaimed gurus.)  

  If you want to learn to better social skills, and learn more about attracting women, then yes, learn from me. Get my audio course.  If you want to read more good stuff, then learn from “Stephen Nash” or “Sinn”.  If you want to learn the piano, then hire a piano-teacher, and if you want to learn to play basketball better, then hire the proper basketball coach. 

There are some people who don’t sign up to be a guru, but end up being one by default because they’re such strong masculine figures.  My buddy Steve P. probably falls under that category but it doesn’t change the fact that he does great work to create change through hypno-therapy.  Steve is also a guy you can hang with, talk about movies, business, or MMA.  There are rare exceptions as I mentioned.

If you’re looking for a guru to be your father, then you’ll have to address that on your own.  I have enough understanding of social behaviors and dynamics to take full advantage of people seeking fathers, but it’s not my style.  It’s not who I am.  I’ll leave that to the guys who have all of the answers, who occasionally carry an Asian assistant behind them.  (I’m telling you: Look for the crony walking behind.)

 Then how will you know when you have arrived?  How will you know when you’ve had enough seminars to become enlightened?  How is anyone ever suppose to really know?  You know when you know!  (A truly guru-esque answer, btw. Thank you!)   You know when you’ve arrived at that point when you know what want to do, and now it’s a matter of doing it.  You start exploring the how, and by that I mean, you start exploring what specific actions you have to take. 

 Study those who are successful in that endeavor.  They know what they wanted to do, and then started doing it. Sometimes, it took them a while to get their act together, and if they’re famous, there maybe a mug-shot of them on some Internet website just for laughs. Sometimes it takes a few years to figure out your “Stuff” and along the way, you may stop at a few seminars, and read some books.  You’ll figure out and you’ll know you’ve arrived when you know that you don’t need any gurus anymore…. 

 I believe that gurus are only building on the same psychological principles that were started 1000s of years ago with the advents of prophets.   Whether it was Moses, Jesus or Muhammad, these individuals recognized that probably a good 80% of the population desperately needed a figurehead to give them answers, without which, they could not find purpose!  (This theme of Purpose & Identity is so ever recurring.) So these clever individuals took on that role.  Seriosuly, could you other wise sell that story about a guy living inside a whale?  But let’s get back to the modern day gurus… 

     Ultimately, you learn that no human being has ALL of the answers.  A little spirituality is good, but still, no person (or team of persons) has all of the answers.  Those who achieve great things have a drive that comes from within and they have a certain strength that they’re going to push forward.  This sense of achievement is not always material or financial.   Sometimes, it’s a simple story about an individual who had to learn to walk again after being told by doctors that he would not be able to ever walk again following a tragic accident. 

 It’s having the confidence in yourself that you’re going to get it done, and you shall find a way to do so.  Along the way, you’re going to learn a few things, including things about yourself, and certainly, there will be people/family/friends/coaches/teachers/professors who will contribute to this endeavor.

 Or so that is my finding. 

Cameron

The Guru Epidemic.

Wise Guru

 Gurus are an interesting breed of people.  Quite frankly, I never knew any gurus until I entered this world of dating-advice where I came face to face with a multitude of gurus and they’re not always in dating arena.  There are plenty of self-help gurus out there and it’s definitely a multi-million dollar industry.

 The guru-epidemic is fascinating.  If you’ve read any portions of this blog, you know that I enjoy deconstructing behaviors of human beings, as well as looking at the social psychology of personal human interactions.   I’ve enjoyed doing this long before I ever found a dating-advice community.  Some people enjoy studying cells under a microscope, some people enjoy smoking various types of weed, and me, I enjoy looking the human character. 

 And man, let me tell ya, gurus are a fascinating bunch.  They present themselves as these perfect infallible creatures who have all of the answers and underlying that presentation is layered with undertones of “Holier-than-thou” snobbery that’d make an art critic blush.  Perhaps people who have all of the answers feel entitled to a notion of pomposity for the gifts that the universe has bestowed upon them.

  I have had a chance to personally spend time with many of these gurus and I am here to report my intriguing discoveries.  When you’re in awe of someone, you don’t see the angles.  At some point, I became of someone of equal stature to the gurus.  Being someone’s equal provides an entirely different perspective.   Gurus have a very unique social behavior that is specific to them, and after reading this, YOU too will be able to pinpoint it.

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•   The Appearance of Perfection:

Part of a guru’s selling point is the “All-knowing” frame.  This is an important part of the presentation because many people who seek self-help advice from gurus are seeking answers.  But it goes far deeper than that and I am going to get to that in a bit.  Stay tuned because we’re just getting started.

 To their subjects, Gurus are the embodiment of perfection.  It’s similar to how a 12 or 14 year old teenager has posters of his/her favorite idols.  We all go through that phase, but when you’re 12, it’s part of the process of growing up.  You’re friggin’ 12 years old.  When you’re in your 20s or 30s, (some cases men much older), you have to let go of the concept of a perfect humanoid.

Nevertheless, Gurus present an appearances of Perfection which is so ever appealing to the crowd of folks lined up looking to get a piece of that perfection.

*PS. Hidden Dating Tip: If you’re ever about to date a girl who thinks you’re perfect for some reason, you must admit some flaws about yourself.  Say you met someone in real life or on the Internet for that matter, and you’ve been chatting on the phone lots and she just thinks you’re perfect.  You’re setting her up for disappointment.  You don’t want your date ever being under that illusion.

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•   Limiting Time spent with Subjects

 Gurus will often not spend a lot of time with you.  You will have been very lucky to get an hour or two of their time. They’ll repeatedly tell you about how busy they are and how much they have going on.  Truth of the matter is, they CANNOT afford to spend too much time.  If they did, most people would become disenchanted with the guru.  They’d see, not only the guru is not perfect, but he is incredibly flawed.  For the most part, they’d see a lazy person who doesn’t do a whole lot, except talk.  Action is sorely lacking.  Talking is profusely prevalent. 

 Personally, I always have a chuckle when I hear a guru tell me about how busy he is.  Ron Livingstone’s character, Peter, from the movie “Office Space” is a bona fide workaholic compared to most gurus… But the catch is, you won’t get the chance to ever see that. ;-)

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•  Gurus’ Mode of Communication

  To me, this is the most fascinating part of the social-behavior of gurus.  Gurus do not have conversations or engage in dialogue.  They engage in monologues.  More accurately, they engage in lectures.  It’s a one-sided conversation where they lecture everyone else.  Much like a University professor in a classroom, they have one-sided conversation where they lecture everyone else.  Well, except for that the fact, once the college professor leaves the classroom, he is able to have normal conversation with his friends and peers.

 Self-help gurus never leave this mode.  Their only mode is “Lecture” mode where they will tell you how things are.  You could even be meeting them as equals on the same plain (Which in this case does apply to me), and yet they go to their lecture mode.  I find it fascinating, (and let’s be honest, their behavior gives me comedy material.  So I sit back and listen.)

 If you’re skeptical of this, I’d invite you to have an encounter with a guy who claims to have started the “Seduction Community” by the initials of RJ.  10 Minutes is all you’ll really need. 

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• Gurus Do Not really have Friends.

          
I know.  Shocking, isn’t?  Am I really serious about this one?

  Well, this one is really simple: If all you do is lecture people, what sort of people are you going to keep around?  Anyone worth a damn with decent self-esteem who has something going for himself/herself is not going to stick around very long. 

 Only highly insecure people are willing to stick around and spend time with someone who does NOT consider them equals.  You don’t have to be Einstein to figure this one out.

  By the way, WTF!  What’s with the friggin’ Asian assistant?

yes, I assistant to Guru.

 Some “Gurus” have an Asian assistant  Now, this is usually an Asian guy with a very thick accent who is very submissive.  I’ve yet to see an assitant was born and raised in the United States.   There are actually a few such gurus in the Seduction Community with such minions.  They have an Asian assistant who runs errands for them, keeps track of their appointments, and does daily activities. 

 These people are not paid any money or if they are, it’s minimal.  (Properly paid people would be employees.)  These assistants are people who are under the impression that if they hang around the Guru, somehow through osmosis, the guru’s perfection can rub off on them.  Hence, they offer free labor for the opportunity to be in the vicinity of the guru and be part of his life.   Pay close attention and you’ll see the Asian Assistant three steps behind the guru.  The assistant is a lackey who is virtually a free secretary.

 If you step away to look at it from a distance, you’ll note that this is very much a Master- Slave relationship. It’s a bit sad, but really, that’s what it reallyis.  It may be a willing slave not held captive against his will, but he is still a slave being treated like a 2^nd class citizen.

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• Gurus Cannot Function Well In Normal Society.

 If you’ve been following the article thus far, you know that gurus like to spent short amounts of time with people whom they can lecture, who in turn will not challenge them.  For this reason, most gurus cannot function in a normal house party, (Of course, there’ll be some exceptions always.)   By the way, we are not talking about a frat-party full of drunken 21 year olds.  It could be a sophisticated party.  It doesn’t matter.  Gurus are NOT used to people who assume equal stature to them.  They feel out of their element, and if they cannot lecture you, they will not participate. 

 Furthermore, a lot of gurus are just pretty fucking ignorant.  If they cannot talk about their one specialty (be it dating or whatever), they have nothing to say.  You could start a discussion regarding a hot current event such as providing Universal Health Care for all Americans.  They’ll have nothing to say because, well, they don’t know anything about it either way.   Take a guru to a non-assuming down to earth dinner party, and notice how they start to sweat like a whore in church.  They’ll have a very difficult time making small talk (that normal people make all the time)  about how the New Orleans Saints won the SuperBowl a few weeks ago, or anything else for that matter.  

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•  Gurus will shun you if you disagree: 

 This is the greatest cloak-and-dagger trick gurus ever pull.  They will never engage you in a discussion.  First, remember, that you are NOT their equal, so you’re really not in a position to disagree with the wise being.  If you do muster the courage to do so, you will fall out of favor with the guru and be shunned from the group.  You’re exiled and ashamed.  The majority of this blog’s readers are pretty smart people.  The blog tends to attract intellectuals, and some of you may think you can easily disprove a particular guru, but you’ll never have that opportunity.

 The one thing a guru will never ever EVER do is have a discussion based on reason, logic, and rational.  You want a concrete example?  OK, here you go:

You have an equation that reads as follows:  (2X + 10=20)  Solve for X.    Simple algebra tells you that X would equal 5.   But then, a guru may tell you a variety of numbers and you may try to prove to him that X equals 5, but you’ll never get the chance.

 You’ll be met with Vague references such as ,  “You have a scarcity mindset”  or “You don’t come from a place of Abundance.”  Hey, if you did, you’d know that X can equal 55, 21, or negative 5.  Only if you understood the “Laws of Abundance.”    (FYI, This is pretty much the point where the guru will walk away from you, by the way.) 

 You could try to reason, but it won’t work.  You may say, “But Ol’ Wise guru, I attempt to build a bridge.  If my calculations are off, the bridge will collapse and result in great tragedy.”  They’ll tell you that you don’t have enough faith, and perhaps you’re not confident enough.  They’ll find something along those lines and then walk away from you.

 The one thing a guru will never do with ANYONE is engage in a discussion of reason. 

1. Most gurus sell fluff. 
2. Even the ones who believe their own fluff still KNOW that they are not analytically blessed individuals. 

Luckily for the gurus, this situation does not come up.  Why?

1. People with high self-image do not hang around them.
2. People, who do stick around, are submissive to them.
3. The submissive folk run the risk of falling out of favor with the guru, so they won’t challenge him.

  That’s the beauty of being your typical guru:  Lack of accountability.   In a war, they’d call you a war-criminal and attempt to put you on trial.  In a guru-ship, they call you enlightened, and put you on a pedestal.

Just make sure most of your teachings are VAGUE statements that sound enlightened but could never be pinned down to anything specific.  You won’t be challenged, and if you are, you throw your vague teachings at them, and then ostracize them from the group.    

 So the guru will go around and just throw fluff out there. Sometimes there are truisms mixed in there to give you the appearance of legitimate philosophy.  Truisms are important because they satisfy people’s need for a tiny bit of rationale.  One self-proclaimed lifestyle guru (I’ve known personally) will actually tell you verbatim,  “The most important thing you have in this world is your time!” 

REALLY?  No kidding?  Was this the same excerpt taken from the same speech given to “Son of Jor-El from Planet Krpyton??”  

 Because maybe, these are earthlings  out there under false of impressions of immortality?    So, we needed reminders of this?  I could see how Superman (Son of Jor-El for the comic book challenged) would need a reminder every now and then.  He is immortal and bulletproof and so he could become complacent.  I think the rest of us are somewhat aware of the importance of time spent alive.

But this truism makes people have that typical enthralled reaction of “Uhhhhhh, ooooh”.   Heck, sometimes the proverbs might even get a slow-clap from the followers similar to the one Pacino’s character gets at the end of the “Scent of a Woman” (where he actually does make a compelling and thought provoking speech.)  [By the way, I admit it, I love the ”Slow-clap” in movies.) 

 Sometime the philosophy could even be a helpful to an advanced person, but useless to a beginner. Let’s say you just wanted to learn to throw a few punches and started a boxing class for the frist time in your life.  They’d teach you how to throw a “Jab” and a maybe “Cross.”  A few weeks later, they’d teach you how to throw a “Hook” punch and you practice those combos.

 A guru-equivalent would tell you that you just need to come from a place of abundance and need to go of your scarcity mentality.  That doesn’t change the fact that a jab is a jab, a cross is a cross, and a hook is a hook.  No matter how you cut it, you need to learn those basics at some point.  If your social skills, or Financial skills, are broken then you need to fix them, one step at a time.

You need to learn how initiate conversation, or learn how to start spending less & saving more, and so forth.  Baby steps, one step at a time.  Simple, devisable formula to get you going.  Fluff rhetoric sells and it’s guaranteed to have you back (Because it’s not going to solve your issues anyway.)  Hence, the real challenge at hand is formulating an actual plan that starts with some frame of reference. 

 If you want to grow your business, you need some sort of a reference point where you are, and a strategy that you can properly execute to get to the next level.  Sounds really simple, but sometimes, we can all get lost in the fluff.

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 You won’t fully realize the impact of this article until you do come face to face with a  guru one day.  At that point, you’ll probably scream, “Holy crap!  It’s exactly like what Cameron said.”  You’ll probably note that the guru will immediately take a position of higher authority to you on all issues, ignore subject matters your bring up which happen to be out of the league of his guruship, and he’ll shun you if you assume yourself his equal.  He will answer you with vague ambiguities that sound cool but due to their vagueness could be interested a 1000 different ways…

 And hopefully, having read this article, you’ll have a good laugh instead of feeling slighted or snubbed!  Just realize that you’re dealing with an individual who can’t have any real friends or meetings of the mind with peers… because he can only lecture his ever attentive & thirsty subjects who yearn more for the juice the guru wishes to feed them.

• SO WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GO TO GURUS?

 Come on Cameron.  The picture you paint is not very flattering.  Why would people worship these individuals?

 The reason for why people flock to the gurus is an interesting social phenomenon by itself.  I’ll get to that in the next article where it becomes even more interesting and twisted…  Stay Tuned……

Cameron

A note to my sponsors

 Over 90% of communication is non-verbal.    You hear that little stat thrown out often when people talk about interpersonal human relationships.  Is that number completely accurate?  I don’t know, but I one thing remains certain:  The majority of human communication is established non-verbally.  Such defines the abomination that was Tiger Wood’s presentation and press conference.

  He uttered an obviously carefully written speech by a team of professional speechwriters.  The speech itself was extremely well written.  It hit the right notes, and appealed to the right emotions.  These speeches are written to hit certain psychological points and this speech hit those points.  It appealed to people’s compassion and it appealed to our sense of being humans all too capable of making mistakes.

  One thing was lacking:  Any sort of demeanor that showed he was sincere. He lacked emotion.   It was more like, 

  “Awww, fuck, I gotta do this, because I am in hot water, and my advisors/publicists whom I pay good money for tell me this is the right thing to do.  Sponsors, are you watching this?  Shit, why can’t I just pay someone to read this for me?  Is Steven Seagal available?  He likes making dramatic speeches with no emotion that still trump my delivery….Hey, corporate sponsors, you are watching this, right?”

  Well, I guess Steve Seagal wasn’t available and Tiger was told to do the speech himself. His advisors forgot to give him one pointer: “Hey Tiger, try to come across as sincere and that you really care.”  Or maybe they tried, and this is still what we got.

 Agent Smith from the movie “The Matrix” could have managed to do a better job than this guy.    A soulless robotic speech that became worse with every minute really has stirred up tense reactions, specially from women.

 I suppose most men don’t really care.  They probably have the attitude of “Well, he wanted to bang a lot of chicks.  I’d do it too if I were in his shoes.”  But Tiger’s case is interesting because it resembles another “Scandal” from about 10 years ago, that of President William Jefferson Clinton.

  Intriguingly enough, a lot of women forgave Bill Clinton very quickly.  That’s what’s fascinating about it.  There was this attitude of, “Well, the guy is stressed, and he needed a release.”   In some places, the backlash turned towards Hillary.  Maybe she should have been keeping her man happy.  That’s what makes this comparison amazing. 

 Bill was the President, leader for the free world, fooling around with an intern inserting a cigar in her vagina, and yet most people (without a political agenda) were quick to let it go.  With Tiger, not so much.  One key element separates the two: Likeability.   Clinton comes across as likable, someone you could go to a restaurant and have dinner with as well as a glass of wine. 

 Tiger comes across as a guy who has stick up his ass.  Who knows, he may be a real nice guy to hang with, but his public persona does not convey that, and what’s what matters.  People see the public persona and make a snap judgment.

            ————————-
  

•         Identifying with each character

  Here is where it becomes fascinating: Women watching this identify with either one of two characters, the woman who was cheated on, or the one who was cheated with.  There aren’t any other options.

  In Bill Clinton’s case, women who forgave him identified themelves with either Monica or Hilary.  With Monica, they see it as some super filthy romance novel type of torrid affair in the White House.  Those who identify with Hilary, ultimately, come to see it as a mistake made by a man who is a good guy and means well. 

 In Tiger Wood’s case, it’s different.  Those who identify with the mistresses see it as some guy who just used them for cheap sex and was quick to sell them out.  Those who identify with the wife see it as a cheating guy who has no backbone. He went into hiding for months, then finally came out for a press conference where he took no questions, and will go back to hiding.

 If there is a quality more dislikable than infidelity, it’s cowardice.  It’s a guy who is just looking to save his ass and that’s all he cares about.  Such is the way Tiger Woods comes across to the female population.  They can’t see a redeeming quality from either perspective.  As a result, it induces a lot of anger from women.  No matter what, a percentage of women would have been angered by his actions.  There also would have been some who were understanding and very forgiving, a lot more than there are now.

                   ————————-

 In my estimation, Tiger had two choices: 

•  Choice 1:  Admit the situation, make a quick apology, and get back on the golf course.  Allow his playing to dazzle people who do care about golf and those who don’t care about golf don’t watch anyway.   This is what Kobe Bryant  did and he was accused of rape.  Even one account of rape is far worse than multiple accounts of consenting adults engaging in extramarital affairs. 

  Truth of the matter is that in one year, no one is going to give a shit.  Really, no one is going to care in one year.  Some people don’t even care now. 

•   Choice 2: Make a sincere apology, and move on.  This is what he tried to do, but the problem is that he doesn’t have that Bill Clinton “Likable” factor going for him.  By making a lengthy phony apology, he accomplished two things: 

1. Made the situation into a very big deal
2. Made himself look worse, by appearing to be a phony person.   

 As for me, I didn’t care about Tiger Woods before his “Transgressions.”  I don’t care about him now.  I don’t particularly like golf, and don’t even consider it a sport.  It’s a skill-game much like bowling.  Hence, I am rather indifferent to golf, Woods, and the entire issue.  Its sociological impact is what I find intriguing. 

 I find the social significance of this a bit alarming.  Considering that we live in a nation that is waging war on two fronts, Afghanistan & Iraq, an economy full of unemployed people, crashed real estate market, and not to mention that recent quake in Haiti has left people without access to so much as a band-aid. 

   Yet, the eyes of the nation are glued to a 30-minutes press conference because some professional golfer cheated on his wife.  Words can’t begin to describe the absurdity of this.  Basically, some dude you don’t know, who has a wife you don’t know, banged a bunch of sluts you don’t know (but perhaps would like to now), and he is apologizing for 20-minutes for something that is essentially between him and his wife. 

 If you think about it, it makes no sense at all.  It’s like, “Hey, I shouted at my grandma last week.  That was not a nice thing to do.  So……. I am going to apologize to Joe the plumber (or other random guy.)”

  There have been football players who have stabbed people, and killed people.  One guy was completely wasted on alcohol while driving and killed another man.  Granted, they’re not as famous as Tiger Woods, but people have done far worse. 

 I am not a spin-doctor but part of me thinks it would have been better if he has made a 5 minute apology a long time ago.  Something like “I fucked up, I admit it.  I am trying to work it out with my wife.  There are bigger problems in the world.  I am going to get back to doing what I do best, which is my profession and my occupation.  Let’s all get back to our lives…” 

 Instead he dragged it on, and now he is going to take a year off from his job, try to hide in the shadows.  No one will care in a year, except when he announces he is coming back, which will make the issue resurface briefly.  (Which is he should get back to golf quickly.)  All in all, it’  pretty silly.

In the last article, I talked about what Charisma is and how you can go about developing it.   Remember that there are two main elements to charismatic individuals:  Their inner-working and personal beliefs, and subsequently, the Behavior that the display as a direct the result of how they’re wired.  You can read that article here:

http://attractwomenanywhere.com/blog/2010/02/14/defining-charisma-charm-how-do-you-develop-them/

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Charm is different than Charisma.   I touched upon this briefly in the last article. Certain people such as JFK were extremely charismatic as well as charming.  Other historical figures such as General Patton were charismatic leaders who were not thought of as “Charming” by anyone around them.

What’s the difference?  What creates Charm?  These are answers I had to go and research for myself to learn and so I came to realize the consistencies and patterns of those individuals, so let’s get to it.

People who are charming have the ability to make other people feel good, even if it’s for a very short period.  The definition is really that simple, but then, if it’s so simple, why can’t everyone be charming?  Surely, someone is to read this article at some point and think, “I try hard to make others feel good.  They don’t appreciate it, nor do they see me as charming.”   (By the way, trying hard to be charming is part of the problem, but I’ll get to that later.)

The reason is that charm has to come from a cool confidence.  It’s funny but until about a few years ago, I didn’t even know the word con-man really stood for “Confidence Man.”   I had assumed it meant “Fraud” or a “Swindle.”   I was amazed to learn that the “Con” in Con-man stood for “Confidence.”   The people who can dupe you easily sometimes are “Confidence-men.”   Interesting, don’t ya think?   You don’t have to rip people off to be charming.  The point is that confidence from a cool reserved demeanor is a prerequisite for having Charm.

Noteworthy examples of Charming Individuals:

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Bill Clinton

Two of the most famous notable charming people in recent history are United States Presidents Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama.  It’s not uncommon to hear reports of their “Charm” from random individuals recvalling their encounters.

Both Clinton and Obama possess that cool confidence and demeanor which is mandatory.  It’s an absolutely necessary ingredient one must possess before he/she can start making others feel good.

Once you have that baseline established, you can make people feel better about themselves, usually by giving compliments.  They don’t have to be cheesy compliments, but rather they can be appreciations for their work.  Even our current president Obama has this charm.  Obama and Bill Clinton don’t have anywhere close to the Charisma of JFK, but they do have the Charm factor.

It’s also the ability to relate to people.  Whether it’s the stockbroker, or the farmer plowing the land, they both feel like Clinton and Obama understand them to some degree.  This is also part of “Charm.”

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Barack Obama

Bill Clinton has a fantastic memory and is able to recall names and faces of countless individuals he has come across.  This is part of his charm.  He is able to make people feel important, and those who have come to meet him personally, usually report what a charming man he is. If he can’t remember their name, he remembers the encounter which still has a significant impact on people’s emotions.

Individual like Dale Carnegie have written extensively about having the ability to make people feel good. “How to win friends & influence people” is a fine piece of writing that has stood the test of time.   I’ve read quite large chunks of the book and think that it is a fantastic piece of prose on creating rapport and improving rapport skills.  Yet, there is one area which Dale Carengie and his contemporaries failed to address: Social Value.

This single element of human-interpersonal relations is the most neglected factor by social psychologists, and self-help advisors such as Mr. Dale Carnegie.   Sometimes, people read these books in order to be able to become more attractive in the dating world.  It rarely ever works in gaining attraction because the mechanisms for human attraction require a different set of criteria than criteria for establishing rapport.

YES, to be charming, you’ll be served well to dish out compliment.  YES, it’s important that those compliments be sincere.  YES, these actions will make people feel good

All of that is true, IF YOU HAVE PROPER SOCIAL VALUE.  This is the piece of the puzzle that Dale Carnegie and his contemproraries missed.  People don’t always care for a barrage of compliments from those who have less social value. They LOVE compliments from those who have higher, or at least, equal social value. You may not meet Bill Clinton or Mr. Obama, but then, you may find yourself at a house party with a charming host.

What made this party-host charming?  He made you feel good, important and welcomed in his house, but he did so from a place of non-needniess.  In other words, he was not seeking your approval.  This is key.  Approval seeking compliments backfire just as non-approval seeking compliments charm.

A sincere non-needy compliment that is not fishing or seeking your approval from someone of respectable social value will charm you.  It’ll make you feel good, and accepted.  It’s a natural human trait to want to be accepted.  It’s almost hardwired in us from 100s of thousands of tribal living. No one likes being the outcast from the tribe.

Let’s remind ourselves that this charm is different than charisma.  So let’s revisit the party host who made you feel good, warm, and fuzzy.

-Did he galvanize you (or anyone else for that matter) to take action?   No.
-Was he inspirational or passionate?  Not necessarily.
-Did he have a strong sense of purpose?  Not necessarily.

What he had going for him was the fact that he came from a cool place of confidence. He has a “Cool” demeanor about him, and had reconginzable social value.  Having established that, his compliments came across not as a vehicle to seek your approval but rather, as a sincere act of chivalry and generosity.

It made you feel chummy and cozy.  Hey, maybe it made you curl your toes and giggle.  Regardless, you left the encounter thinking, “Wow, Charming Fella.”   It’s no different if Bill Clinton shook your hand and thanked sincerely for making the event and even cracked a joke for you to share.  You may hate his politics but you’ll probably still walk away thinking he was charming.

Again, a sincere “Thank you” coming  from someone of high social value carries weight and it has some meaning.  That same “Thank you” from someone of low social value will be very easily dismissed.

• Including you in the Fun

As I mentioned already, the ability to be charming is to INCLUDE and incorporate people in the fun.  You’re enrolling them into the club.  In other words, you’re giving them acceptance.   It’s natural for all human beings to want to be “Accepted.”  Whether it’s high school kids, or the repulsive hipster, they all want to be accepted, at the very least by their peer group.  The Hipster may snob his nose at upstanding members of society, but he still wants to be accepted by his peers.

It’s part of our natural instinct as humans.  Again, we’re evolutionary wired to survive in groups and tribes working together and being accepted to our tribe is important.  Let’s not get lost in evolutionary psychology please.

• Being Comfortable with oneself

If you want to be charming, you have to learn how to give other people the feeling of acceptance.  However, before you do that, you have to establish yourself as someone whose acceptance carries meaning! In order to establish that, you first have to be comfortable with yourself.  You can’t make others feel comfortable if you are not comfortable with yourself.  A compliment, regardless of how sincere, from a nervous, fidgety, insecure person will carry little meaning in teams of being charming or endearing.

• Optimism

Another ingredient in being charming is optimism.  Being a positive & a happy guy/girl goes a long way in setting up the platform to become charming.  Hence, you have to find a happy medium with yourself first.  It’s difficult to be charming when you’re stressed out or “Bummed out.”

The appearance of not taking things too seriously goes along way in establishing this attitude of charm.  Remember incidents when you were a kid when you did something stupid and your parents or teachers admonished you.  It may have been a case where you knew you did something dumb but it was done and over with.  Nothing you can do, and yet you got scolded anyway.

Then you may have had that uncle (or a teacher perhaps) who just laughed it off and made it seem like it was no big deal.  Hey, maybe he even said something like, “Man, you should have seen the stupid shit I did when I was your age.  Learn and move on.”

He was the charming uncle.  He made you feel good by establishing an attitude of positivity and making you two feel like you were on the same team: Two individuals who made stupid mistakes at a very particular age.

• Dating application:

You too can apply this exact same dayamic to your personal encounters.  Let’s say you’re at a party talking to a girl you like, (Or say you’re a girl talking to a man you like), and you hear the other person confess to a dumb recent mistake.

Some people will overly sympathetic, and will want to probe & ask a 100 questions about the details.  Others will want to provide solutions immediately.  You can be charming by taking the path of the charming uncle.  You can discuss the issue briefly and then quickly share something dumb that you did, but not to TOP the other person’s story. (Topping others’ stories is a very repulsive quality.)  You share your mistake QUICKLY, and then say something to the tune of, “Man, we all make dumb mistakes at some point, but hey, guess we wouldn’t be who we are without them…”

If that sounds too cheesey, change it to what sounds natural coming out of your mouth.  You don’t have to use what I wrote verbatim.  It’s just so that you get the idea.

Socialites are many times charming individuals.  In some parts of the world, the aristocratic folk are taught and raised to be charming.  They’ve learned to make people feel good by saying the right things.

Coincidentally, this is one dynamic where you may find the Charismatic leader diametrically opposed to the “Charming & smiling” individual.  The Charismatic leader has a cause and a purpose that drives him.  Nothing will sway him otherwise.  If general Patton says, “We’re going to take that Hill/castle/bunker” the you better believe everyone will fall in line.  He is not going to understanding of those who may not agree. He is not going to charm you by making you think that your disagreement matters a whole lot.

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The Cocky Charmer

A good example of a super famous charming individual is Arnold Schwarzenegger.  You’ll notice this while watching his interviews.  A good example can be witnessed in the beginning of the 1975 documentary “Pumping Iron.”  We see Arnold go to a gym to start gearing up for a new comepition.  You can see his charm right away, even in the way he tells the skinny guys working in the gym, “Hey, I am here to get big like you guys. Hahahah. ”

Yes, it’s very cocky and a little bit condescending, but on the same level, he is applying to what I talked about earlier:  He is getting everyone involved in the fun.  Despite his arrogance, he is making the skinny guys feel like they’re on board with the Arnold. He is (obviously) not complimenting  the Skinny dudes, but he is making them feel involved as though they’re part of the team.  This in, essence, is part of his charm.  A common misconception is that you have to be a sweet-understanding person and Arnold shattes that misconception.

The interesting thing is that if you live in Los Angeles, you’re going to inevitably hear a lot of anecdotal stories of personal encounters of everyday folk with celebrities.  We can all agree that one story from one individual does not present an accurate presentation of the person discussed.  However, you hear enough personal anecdotes from enough people and you’ll find consistency patterns a majority of the time.  I mention this because it directly applies to Arnold and his brand of charm.

The fascinating thing about Arnold is that he is NOT a charming individual with all people.  He turns it on and off.  If he believes that you have enough social-value to be important, he will be very charming, and if he deems you as a low-status person, he can be a complete unkind & cruel prick.  In some ways, you can make the case for him as the “Charming-asshole.”

He knows how to be charming and applies to get ahead in life, in order to get what he wants.  It’s a very intriguing character study.  He is definitely a hard worker and very driven, and he is a fascinating study of charm because he is charming despite being a supremely arrogant individual.

In another interview, I observed Arnold tell the interviewer, (Imagine his famous thick accent in your mind here)   “You know you could go work out all day long, everyday, you could lift weights, go hiking,  and no matter what, you’d never ever get sore…  You know why? Because bones don’t get sore. You’re so skinny.  Hahahahah”

OK, no one said he was a comedian!  These jokes are atrocious, but these terrible jokes are part of his charm, and despite being condescending, that interviewer will walk away thinking, “Man, he is a charming nice guy.”

It’s important to mention Arnold here for he proves that you don’t even have to be humble to be charming, nor do you even have to compliment people.  His charm is counter to the charm of someone like George Clooney.
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Clooney

Clooney, as well as being charming, is also a charismatic as he has a cause that he will stand up & fight for.  Anecdotal stories about George Clooney are also consistent in Los Angeles: He is an extremely charming individual.  The difference is that Clooney’s charm is genuine.  Perhaps a better explanation would be:  Non-discriminatory.   He’ll be charming to an attractive woman, but he’ll also be charming to the disheveled guy working for minimum wage at a job he hates.

In direct stark contrast with Arnold, George Clooney uses a lot self-deprecating humor.  You’ll notice this works well for him because it enables people to be able to relate to him, and again, makes people feel as though he is just one of them.  It gives him a more human dimension.  I don’t think it’s contrived or planned out.  It’s his natural way of being just as Arnold is naturally arrogant.  Yet, they both can charm others.

Clooney’s charm stems from the fact that the disheveled bitter guy working for 6 dollars an hour will feel like the 3 minutes he spent with Clooney somehow made his life better.  This is the same experience that Obama would provide.    The same disheveled hapless individual would be probably be shunned by Arnold and treated like a peasant who shouldn’t have even looked him in the eye.  (Yes, I’ve come across both of these stories from various people in L.A.)

What’s the point of the Clooney vs. Schwarzenegger comparison?  It’s that you don’t even have to be genuine to be charming.  You can be charming when you choose to be when the moment is right for self-serving gains.  Is it cool? No.  Is it a fact of life? Yes. I suppose you could make a case that Arnold’s charm is also sincere towards the people he deems important.  If you can’t help him financially, politically or career wise, then he is very sincerely going to be very standoffish.   (PS.  I’ve never met either person, so all of this is based on numerous anecdotal stories of other people.)

However, let’s put that judgment aside.  Point of this article is to explore charm, and give you ideas on HOW YOU CAN BECOME MORE CHARMING IN YOUR INTERACTIONS.

You just have to make the feel like they’re part of the team, provided you have somewhat of a high-status yourself.  Again, no one wants to jump on board a sinking ship.

Whether it’s Presidents JFK, Clinton or Obama, or a movie-star like Clooney, or just a non-famous random individual, their charm arises from the fact they are able to make the people they come in contact with feel good.  They compliment people and give them acceptance.   On the other side, someone like Arnold is a bit condescending and arrogant, and still charms people.  One common element is that they are all people who are comfortable with themselves, positive, and enable to incorporate others in the fun.  In other words, they make other people feel like they’re on board the same team.

OK, I touched on a lot of different points in this article.  I’ll provide a summary so you can look into the specific elements of what behaviors a charming individual displays and what elements play an essential role  in creating a charming person.

RECAP.

Charming individuals ARE:

• Generally Happy
• Comfortable with themselves.
• Optimistic
• Establish an easy going demeanor
• Generally Higher Status

Complimenting other people:

• Must be from non-approval seeking disposition.
• Must be sincere
• Must be not-needy.
• Coming from higher social value.
• Can’t be kissing their ass.

Differences in Charming people as opposed to Charismatic people:

• Don’t have to have a strong sense of purpose
• Not necessarily passionate,
• Not necessarily believing in any cause,
• In some case, Are willing to say the right thing even if they don’t believe it.
• Not necessary to be very passionate
• Not necessary to have extreme sense of purpose or charismatic leadership qualities.

Charming individuals make other people FEEL GOOD Through:

• Make people feel good through compliments
• Make people feel good through relating to their issues
• Make people Feel good by granting others the feeling of acceptance.
• Make people feel good by incorporating them into the team
• Make people feel good by including them in the fun, as part of the In-crowd
• Make people feel good by making them think that they are important

Of course, in order to accomplish the above, you must have the necessary elements taken care of: Carrying yourself as a high-status person would, and being comfortable with yourself armed with a bit of social intelligence.  If you don’t have those basics, you’ll probably never be considered charming.  If you think you need help on the basic, a good place to start is my ebook or audio course.

When you have the basics down, you can utilize the above elements to create a more charming persona if that’s what you wish to do.

Cameron

 Defining Charisma & Charm! How do you develop them?

What are they?  Are there differences between the two?  Can you develop Charisma or Charm?

If so, how?

   There was a time I really wanted to understand what made someone Charming.  I understood Charisma on some level but I didn’t really get the notion of what elements made someone charming.  Problem was no one else could define it either.  19-years old in a university full of professors, and I couldn’t find anyone to give a straight answer. 

 I mean you could ask the professor who has a PH.D in sociology from a distinguished university and all he could give you was some fluff that couldn’t really deconstruct the elements.  If professors in psychology, philosophy, or sociology couldn’t define it, then who could?  There wasn’t even an Internet database where you could conduct searches on Google. 

So, I had to find my own answers. Textbooks didn’t have it, and nor did any professors. I wish I had some sort of a noble intention but I really wanted to know because I knew charm was a good quality to possess in attracting women, and when you’re 19 years old, that’s a very serious issue.  It took me a while, and I sort of went the long in doing all of this, lots of trial & error, mixed up with various individuals, lots of reading, experimenting, essentially absorbing data like a sponge and writing analysis based on that data.  Eventually, however, I was able to not only understand it intuitively, but even able to explain to others cognitively. 

So then, what is CHARM? What is CHARISMA?  Are they the same or is there a difference?  Can you become more charming or charismatic?  If it’s possible, then how do you do that? 

Well, it’s Valentine’s day, and so here is my Valentine’s day gift to you, the Blog reader:  An Article to provide insight in order to enable you develop these characteristics. 

 Being Charismatic and charming are two different behaviors and while they affect each other, they operate on separate plains.   You can be charismatic and not very charming, but in order to be charming, you need a little charisma.  Not a lot, but you do need a little bit of it.  Before going any further, we need a baseline & agreeable description of each quality.

First we have Marian-Webster Dictionary definition:

*Charisma:   A personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (as a political leader)79856320

*Charm:  A trait that fascinates, allures, or delights. B: A physical grace or attraction- used in plural <her feminine charms>  C: compelling attractiveness <the island possessed great charm>  Charimg: extremely pleasing or delightful.

Those were the “Official” definitions.    I’ll personally provide the following general layman definition:

*Charisma:  Charismatic is being magnetic and inspirational.  Magnetic is perhaps the perfect word here because it describes the ability to attract people.  More so, being charismatic implies that one has the ability to inspire people. 

*Charming:  Charming is essentially having the ability to make people feel good.  Unlike being charismatic, you don’t have to necessarily be passionate or inspirational to be charming. 

 So let’s start with those general definitions.  The next is a step by step break down to deconstruct what each one is, using historical figures who depict those qualities.  In order to illustrate these behaviors and paint a more clear picture, I’m going to utilize various historical figures who depicted and exhibited these behaviors. 

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  What is Being CHARISMATIC?

 People who are charismatic are able to lead and sway people’s emotions.  Leadership in this context takes on a very interesting connotation.  It’s not merely enough to want to force people to do something, but rather, the more important distinction is to realize that leaders have the ability to inspire people to WANT to do something.  It is this innate ability to inspire people’s desire level to take action that separates charismatic leaders from the rest.

 In essence, charismatic figures are able to lead by swaying people’s emotions.  They do so through inspiring them, and essentially, they galvanize people to take action. 

But how? 

 They have a unique ability to allow people to see the bigger picture.  They’re able to move people emotionally through allowing them to see the bigger picture of life, of how they can be better. 

 Essentially, they have the ability to allow people to see a better version of themselves in the future.  Not too many individuals were better at doing this than John F. Kennedy.  Growing up, he was one of the people I idolized even though he had long passed away before I was even born.  Nevertheless, I was inspired enough to read more about him, and get my hands on various pieces of literature regarding his life and times. As a result, I was able to learn quite about him which will serve well in the following examples.

John F. Kennedy

 JFK had the ability to project a better self-image onto people.  This is supremely powerful. Human beings by nature want to believe that they are noble.  They want to believe that they are better than they think they are at this very moment.  They look to those who can make them feel dignified.

If you ever watch Oliver Stone’s film “Nixon,” you’ll see an unforgettable scene featuring a memorable quote towards the end of the film.  Disgraced from the Presidency and the White House, Richard Nixon is getting ready to step down as President.  While walking the hallway, he sees an oversized portrait of John F. Kennedy.  Upon seeing this, a disenchanted and shameful Nixon utters,

 When they look at you, they see what they want to be, when they look at me, they see what they are…

It’s one of the most profound quotes you’ll ever hear in a movie and nowhere is the difference in Charisma better explained in such short words than in that quote. 

 People are resistant to a negative self-image of themselves.  Even if the individual in question is the thief, liar, or the conniving con-artist backstabber, he still wants to believe that he could be noble if the circumstances were different.  When they look at John F. Kennedy, they are somehow reminded that they can be better. John F. Kennedy makes you feel and believe that you can be better, and he inspires you to be better.  When that same swindler sees Richard Nixon, he is reminded of what he actually is.

 So then how was John F. Kennedy able to accomplish this?  How was he able to galvanize the masses to take action? 

  It starts with passion.  That person has to bring forth an easily distinguishable amount of passion. He has to present that passion from a place of sincerity.  In essence, that passion has to come from his soul, if you will.  It has to rise from within.  It’s difficult to fake that sort of passion.

So then, why is it that some people have that passion and some don’t?  What creates that difference?

 In order to answer that, we have to yet dig one level deeper.  When we dig deeper, and delve deeper, we once again find ourselves looking at Purpose & Identity.  Purpose & Identity create an unmistakable quality that is very transparent.  People may not be able to define it but they can recognize it.

 People who have a strong sense of self (Identity), and a strong sense of purpose have what is, in my opinion, the most attractive quality: Certainty. 

Certainty is the most attractive quality a person can have.  (And if you’ve read my Ebook, you’d know this already.)  I’ve never heard another person say this, nor have I heard any dating “gurus” discuss it.  Nevertheless, I am sure of it.  Certainty, certainly is the most attractive quality. 

“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” is an old cliché, but really it’s not power that people really are talking about, it’s strength.  (Read my article, Strength.    ) And that strength is generated from with in because you have to have certainty.   

It’s Certainty in your purpose & Identity which then forms certainty in your beliefs.  This certainty manifests itself in the way you speak, in the way you carry yourself, and in your overall actions. 

 Why this is the most attractive quality is outside the scope of this discussion .  However, this attraction applies in the dating world, and to your dating life as well.  Interestingly enough, it also applies to world leaders who want to inspire people to action.

 It’s with conviction and resolve that JFK stands on a podium and tells the masses that we are going to put a man on the moon before the end of the decade. He believes it, and more importantly, he makes us believe it, even though the technology to accomplish this task is not even in place yet. 

 He creates the Peace Corps, a volunteer organization that allows people to serve humanity in 3^rd world countries for very little pay.  This is done so with passion, purpose and it also gives people the ability to see the bigger picture, and a better version of themselves and it is carried out with certainty.

 John F. Kennedy, through consensus by almost all eyewitness account was also a very charming individual.  Yet, you don’t have to be charming to be a charismatic individual. 

You don’t even have to be “Good” in the clichéd definition of that word.  There are characters in history who have been widely recognized as charismatic and they weren’t necessarily charming and sometimes they weren’t even necessary nice guys.

 As a simple example, most historians and people in general would describe Hitler as a very charismatic individual and almost no one would ever describe Hitler as “Good.”  This is a case where we could throw around the word “Evil” and even the most foo-foo pansy new-age type person would dare not disagree with us.   Yet, the tyrant was able to galvanize people to take action because he had certainty, conviction, and had a strong purpose. He also was able to project a better self-image onto people by promising them a better tomorrow. 

 His ability to lead people to see things through his eyes is perhaps in the same mold as the modern day religious leaders and evangelists you see on TV. They all have a certain passion for something, and believe in that cause.  That cause doesn’t necessarily have to be a humane cause, but the believers must believe that they’re doing the right thing.

George S. Patton

  You could make a strong case for WWII, United States general George S. Patton being a charismatic leader.  Patton is regarded as an astute tactician, a great leader, and a charismatic individual.  By all historical accounts, Patton is by no means considered a charming individual.  He was a proverbial “Hard-Ass” and didn’t take shit from anyone, and yet, his attitude commanded respect from his soldiers and peers alike.  George S. Patton is recognized as perhaps the best in field leader of that war. 

Earvin Magic Johnson

   In the Sports world, basketball player Ervin “Magic” Johnson is generally regarded as a very charismatic individual.  Magic Johnson is an interesting case, because he has redefined his sense of purpose over the years.  A kid with a perpetual enormous grin on his face, he set out to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time.  He went on to establish himself in the eyes of many (and certainly me) as the greatest basketball player who ever played the game. 

After prematurely retiring from the game, he went on to build a business empire of sorts becoming far more financially successful in business than he ever was in basketball.  His purpose of being a great basketball player shifted to being an ultra successful businessman and father.  Does his name warrant being mentioned in the same article as Patton and JFK?  Well, before you decide, you have to see the overall picture of what Magic had to deal with.

 It’s important to note that in 1991, Magic Johnson contracted the HIV Virus.  Also, in 1991, people thought of that as death sentence.  Yet, there stood on the podium, the only one believing that he was going to beat the virus, and continue living. 

To throw the towel in at that point would have been easy and yet his strong sense of purpose and identity enabled him to move forward and make progress.  In this case, just staying alive by itself took purpose, and perhaps, it was his strong sense of purpose that gave him the passion to live. Magic Johnson is inspirational in the sense that his life’s goals may have changed but his passion for life and his purpose remained unaffected.

 Going from one of the top basketball players ever to a successful businessman while contracting a disease most folk considered a death sentence, Magic remained purposeful and still moved forward while inspiring people.   In 2010, Magic is still living an active productive life running multiple business while finding time to do occsasional commentary on basketball shows.  In the midst of all this, it is forgotten that he wasn’t even supposed to be around at this point. 

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In a nutshell:

 Whether they are individuals we consider “Good” or “Evil”, and regardless of whether they push for forward-progress or tyranny, charismatic individuals are passionate individuals whose sense of passion arises from a strong identity and a very clear strong purpose.  Regardless of whom we are discussing,  JFK, Martin Luther King Jr. or Fidel Castro, the aforementioned charisma stems from the fact that they are able to move people emotionally.

They are able to galvanize people to action, inspire them, and project onto them a better image of themselves.  They are able to give the masses a better self-image & the chance to be noble,  as well as able to unite the masses for a common cause. They carry this out with certainty, fervor, and passion.

 You can use this information to create more charisma in your personality whether you want to be more successful in dating or if you’re a college kid who plans to run for political office one day.  The elements of charisma do not change.  Without delving into too much detail and psychobabble, I am going to provide a bullet point & concise list of what creates charisma, and what you need in order to develop it.  I discussed two main elements:  The behavior of a charsimatic individual, as well as the personal inner-working of such individuals that makes them what/who they are:

Charismatic Individuals:

• Extremely Passionate People
• That passion stems from a strong sense of Purpose & Identity 
• Possess Certainty
• Certainty is the most attractive quality.
• Again, that certainty in their beliefs fuels their unbridled, unwavering passion.

Charismatic individuals are able to:

•  Utilize that passion & Purpose to inspire people,.
• Galvanize people to action
•  Enable people to see the bigger picture
•  Help them imagine how they can be better  (project onto them a better self-image)
• Appeal to a higher cause than the self. (Make humanity better, a better place for their children, homeland, etc…)
• Unite people based on a common cause
• Appeal to people sense of wanting to be magnanimous

 Charismatic individuals are not necessarily charming individuals.  Charm is a different characteristic and one that I’ll deconstruct in the next article.  In the meanwhile, you can use the information above to take an introspective look at yourself, discover where you can make improvements and adjustments, and develop more charisma in everyday life & your relationships.

Cameron

 Big UFC event on Saturday night featuring 4 solid matches that should be serve entertaining. 

 If you follow this blog, you know that I am a fan of the UFC and love the Martial Arts in general.  Yes, it probably all started watching Bruce Lee movies when I was a kid, and even though that’s a clichéd story, it holds true for many people including numerous successful professional fighters. 

 I wanted to take a retrospective look at the infant sport of “MMA” and take a look at athletes who pushed boundaries and changed the way we viewed the sport.  This is not about who is better than someone else in a particular fight.  Let’s keep perspective here.  It’s only about fighters that changed the way we think about the sport forever. 

 In the Spirit of Bruce Lee, who changed the way people thought about fighting philosophy, (and even Martial Arts movies for that matter), here are a list of fighters that changed the way WE think about the sport of “Mixed Martial Arts.”

They effectively changed our perceptions about the game by being pioneers of some sort.   The following are the list of 10 fighters, more or less in chronological order.

Royce Gracie

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 Grappling & Submission Wrestling

There from the very beginning in the Ultimate Fighting Championship [UFC], Royce was the one to the who introduced the “Ground Game” and submission style grappling to most of the world.    While not the best Brazilian Jiu Jitsu guy ever, he helped redefine the UFC by allowing us to see that you can be very effective on the ground.  Before that, most people thought that once you were rolling on the ground with a person bigger than you, that it was all over. 

 In essence, yes, it can be all over, but with you submitting that bigger individual.  Royce Gracie showed us that a smaller guy could somewhat neutralize a bigger guy by taking the fight to the ground, wrapping himself like a snake around that guy, until he got hold of a limb to dislocate or disjoint. 

 No where was this more prevalent than when he fought Aki Bono, the sumo wrestler.  Once the heavy giant sumo wrestler was on the ground, it was only a matter of time before Royce found one of his limbs, got an armbar and submitted the man who outweighed him by over a 100 pounds. 

  In essence, Royce Gracie changed the way we viewed the role of grappling in a fight. 

Mark Coleman:

Mark Coleman

 The Ground And Pound!

After Royce Gracie introduced Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the sport sported some dull matches where people stuck inside the guard of somebody spent most of their time trying to escape out of that position. 

 Mark Coleman showed that he was comfortable staying there, keeping his balance, and punching the hell out of the Jiu Jitsu guy lying on his back.

 Effective Ground and Pound.  If you were in someone’s guard, you had to escape that position.  Not with Mark.  Heavy handed and strong, Mark showed that he could punish you with a barrage of punches and elbows even from being inside someone’s guard.  The “Godfather of the Ground and Pound” as he is known,  changed the game forever.

 Mark Coleman changed the way we looked at being in someone’s guard forever.  In fact, because of his ability to pound someone while on the ground,  a new vernacular was introduced to the Lexicon of MMA vocabulary: “The Ground and Pound!” 

Mark Coleman was a true pioneer.  Enter…. “The Ground & Pound!”
        

Chuck Liddell:

Chuck Liddell

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 Keep The Fight Standing Regardless!

 One of my favorites in this category, the haymaker throwing chuck forever changed our perception.  Before chuck, an unspoken consensus had risen that all fights must go to the ground and that’s just the way it had to be. 

    By displaying excellent take-down Defense, Chuck repeatedly blocked attempts from Wrestlers and Jiu Jitsu guys alike, forcing them into a striking battle which often resulted in Chuck emphatically knocking them the fuck out.  And by the way, if they did succeed in taking him to the ground, the average time Chuck spent down there before escaping to get back on his feet:  16 seconds!!   Amazing! 

 Chuck would find a way to escape and get back on his feet where he could continue to rain down bombs on people. 

Chuck displayed exemplary take-down defense, and masterful escapes to keep the fights standing up in a kickboxing match.  Twice he knocked out Olympic-Caliber wrestler Randy Couture; Twice he knocked out grappler Tito Ortiz; and twice he knocked out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu master Renato Sobral. 

Unfortunately, for Chuck, his style of throwing haymakers took a setback when people started figuring out that you could beat him if you were well versed in a disciplined classical Western-Boxing style of punching.  Nevertheless, he is recognized as the most popular fighter in current UFC history, and it’s a well-deserved title. His mohawk and overall look reminded you of a White-supremacist who had just broken out of prison.  That “Scary” look only worked in his favor in establishing him as a legend who knocked people out. 

He is a true pioneer in changing the way we thought about MMA cage fighting.

Chuck Liddell changed the way we thought about having to go to the ground in every fight.  He showed that you could keep the fight standing against an Olympic level Wrestler and knock him out.  He is an unquestionable pinoeer in changing  MMA observer’s perceptions about the MMA fighting game.

 Mirko “Cro-Cop” Filipovich:

You KNEW this was coming, right?

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Head Kicks!
            
  Much like Chuck Liddell, Crocop had excellent takedown defense but more precision and technical striking than Chuck. (Though he wasn’t as skilled in escaping as Liddell.)    His left head-kick routinely knocked people out.  Prior to “Cro-Cop”, you didn’t see a whole lot of effective head-kicks. 

 Headkicks were considered a waste of time and effort, and if you managed to land one, it would have been considered lucky. Certainly, there was the famous Pete Williams head kick against in a gassed-out &  fatigued Marc Coleman in overtime, (and a few others), but they were considered somewhat of anomaly. People often thought of head-kicks as a general waste of time and effort.  Mirko “Cro-cop” changed all of that.

 Mirko Crocop took it to another level . He knocked people out consistently with a vicious left kick to the head that the opponents KNEW was coming at some point.  That was the scary part.  People knew that this was his main weapon and Crocop still pulled it off.  In a flash, he could swing hat left leg  a like an extra long, extra  heavy baseball bat.

 In his fight with Wanderlei Silva, Wanderlei KNEW that at some point Crocop was going to try that head-kick, and yet, cropcop still connected knocking hout Wandereli out-cold for a solid two minutes. 

 Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovich forever changed the way we viewed the effectiveness of head-kicks in a professional fight.

Wanderlei Silva:   
               

Wanderlei Sliva

 Clinch Work.  Vicious barrage of knees in the clinch.   

 At a time, where a lot of fighters liked to loiter and waste time in the clinch, Wanderlei’s usage of his vicious knees knocked people out in devastating fashion.  Employing subsequent hard knees to the forehead, he laid people out flat on the mat as he walked away.  Your perception of the clinch game had been changed forever after you’d watched a few Silva fights.

 Wanderlei’s handwork was primarily a barrage of hook punches that were thrown like bombs.  He didn’t really employ the “Sweet Science.”  You weren’t going to see a jab, cross, hook, uppercut, 4-punch combo from Wanderlei.  He threw hard kicks, hook punches, and once he got in clinch/trapping range, the opponent came to know his knees intimately.

Sporting a frightening looking face and a vicious fighting style, he lived up to his nickname of “The Axe Murder.”

 Wanderlei Silva changed the way we thought of what proper aggressive Clinch-work ought to look like.

Anderson Silva:

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  Precision technical striking. 

  While he was not a pioneer of sorts, he helped define what beautiful precision striking would look like.  He is light years ahead of anyone else in the game when it comes to striking, punches and kicks.  His nickname of “Spider” could easily be changed the “Matrix” because that’s what he looks like.  As though he is in the matrix where everyone else moves in slow motion around him.

 Watching/reading interviews with people such as Dan Inosanto, I often read things such as “I’ve never seen anyone who was as fast and precise as Bruce Lee.”  It made me wonder what it’d look like to watch someone strike with such quickness and precision.  I wondered what accurate, precise, powerful striking flowing in harmony would look like.  
 

 Watching Anderson Silva fight against former champ Forrest Griffin gave me an idea of what such quick & accurate striking looks like.  Silva made Griffin look like an inexperienced clueless high school kid thrown in the ring to be eaten by the lion. He toyed with Griffin, kept his hands down, dodged punches and throw few shots, all of which connected.

 His performance was reminiscent of Boxer Roy Jones Jr. in his prime.   While Silva is great all around (he submitted and choked out world-class wrestler Dan Henderson), it’s his striking that is a thing of beauty to watch everytime he sets foot in the Octagon.  He is so far ahead of everyone in his weight class that he cleaned out the 185 pound division in the UFC, and bored after doing that, he is now fighting in the light heavyweight 205lb class.  He is widely recognized as the best “Pound for Pound” fighter along with the following athlete, GSP.

 Anderson Silva changed the way we view precision striking forever.  He set a standard of what it accurate, fast, flowing striking ought to  look like.

Georges St. Pierre:

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 The Modern Day Athlete

 GSP, as he is now known, showed us to face of the new modern day complete package Athlete-fighter.  Long gone are the days of brawlers, fat guys with beer breath, and karate guys who looked like they’d never sparred in their lives.  GSP is a raw natural athlete who is well skilled, adapts efficiently, and learns quickly. 

 While having started with a background in Karate & striking, his grappling skills have improved so astronomically that he started to embarrass career wrestlers.  He starts training with the Canadian Olympic wrestling team, and then,  they ask him to try out to represent Canada in that sport (which he refuses.)  The guy is that good. 

 In his 2^nd fight with Matt Hughes, George St. Pierre  knocked out Hughes with punches and a vicious left kick.  In their 3^rd fight, GSP took Hughes to the ground, outwrestled him at his own game, and completely outclassed Matt Hughes on the ground to submit Matt Hughes.  (Keep in Mind that Hughes is a career wrestler.)  When you realize that GSP came to MMA with minimal grappling skills, you develop an appreciation for the athlete (And hard worker), he must be to make such strides so quickly. 

 While GSP did not introduce any new styles or techniques, he showed us a glimpse of what can happen when superior super-athletes become involved in this sport.  Combining his superior athletecism with hard work, GSP has dominated top level competition.  He does not squeeze out wins, but completely outclasses top level compettion, twice destroying Matt Hughes, displaying absolute dominance over top level contenders, BJ Penn, Jon Fitch, and Thiago Alves. 

Strong, Agile, Explosive, he shows us what’s to come in the future of the sport.   

Lyoto Machida: 

Incorporating &  Introducing Elements of a New Style: Karate!

 Let’s face it.  Most modern MMA fighters follow a simple boring formula because it’s safe and they figure it’s tested.  Few guys step outside the box and look to venture into incorporating various elements of various Martial Arts.  They’ll do some Muay Thai, some wrestling and Jiu Jitsu and that’s 90% of the fighters out there.  Some may venture out and work with an actual “Western Boxing” coach who teaches them some proper hand combos and even uppercuts.

 Few MMA fighters are willing to venture out this boring formula.  View are willing to explore, and incorporate new things.  Few are progressive.   Granted the formula works, but it’s potential is also more limited.  A great athlete can venture outside this formula and gain greater skills by incorporating other techniques from other Martial Arts.

 With his Karate background, Machida ventured into breaking that boring mold.  With Kicks that came from all sorts of various angles, a different stance, and precision that’s 2^nd only to Anderson Silva, he knocked people out while confusing them.  You have to respect Machida for this.  Most of his opponents have trouble preparing for him because they can’t even find sparring partners who resemble his style. (And yes, we can all agree that Shogun Rua beat him.)  There is something to be learned from Machida’s refusal to blend in, and ordering from the same menu every other fighter does. 

  He deserves credit for changing our minds.  Before Machida, everyone thought you had to go to a nice Muay Thai school to fight in the Octagon or MMA in general.   Lyoto Machida changed that.   

 One can only hope that future talented fighters will venture out and use elements of Kung-fu, Kali, Silat, or other Filipino martial arts, (and various other arts out there) incorporating them into their overall game.   There are still many arts out there that begged to be explored. 

 Honorable Mentions: 

Randy Couture: 

For being a competitive fighter at age 45 fighting men 20 years his junior.  Randy brings his best to every fight and fighting at such an age, he changes the way we think what a 45 year-old man can do.  Randy should also get a nod for being a good strategist who studies his opponents very carefully before a  fight.  Like a football or basketball scout, he watches a lot of film on his opponent looking to take advantage of their weakness.   He is recognized as a legend in the sport and continues to inspire many people. 

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 Fedor Emelianenko  :

Sheer Dominance

   Changed the way we think about a dominant fighter.  When you look at Fedor’s photo, you may think he is a guy who office worker behind a desk who dabbles in a bit of weight training.  Powerful, agile, explosive, Fedor is a dangerous guy who can transition from standing to grappling and back, he is 30-1 in his fighting career (and that loss was a bit of a fluke)  and seems to find a way to win against everyone.   

 He has forever changed our perception of a dominant fighter and a super athlete.  He also shows us that athletic prowess doesn’t mean you have to look like a chiseled “Bodybuilder”.   He is perhaps most famous for his icy-cold demeanor, which resembles more of a guy bored at a corporate meeting, rather than a man about to step into fight.  

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Frank Shamrock:

 In many ways, Frank Shamrock is the forgotten fighter.  No one really thinks of him in discussions these days, but he was one of the pioneers.  In the early days of the UFC, he showed us the representation of a well-rounded fighter.  Long before days of guys like GSP and Anderson Silva, Frank Shamrock stood as the guy who could submit you with a leg-lock or knock you out with a punch.   There weren’t many guys who were that balanced in the early days of the sport taking on formidable competition.  

 A brash smack-talker, and ultimately a good guy, Frank knew how to sell fights.  Unfortunately, due to being under-paid in those days, Frank walked away from the UFC as a champion in his prime.  He relinquished his title and walked into a bit of obscurity.  He remains the forgotten fighter who doesn’t get his due. 

 Nevertheless, he changed our perception by showing us  a glimpse of what a well-rounded fighter would look like in the late 1990s of the UFC.

A few special nods should be thrown out to some guys.  While they didn’t change the way we think forever, they showed glimpses of interesting things.  BJ Penn showed us what dexterity and extreme flexibility could do, while Rampage Jackson showed an alternative way of getting out of someone’s guard by employing his “Power Bombs” which would destroy anyone if they were on any sort of hard surface. 

I ran this list by my brother who is also a fellow MMA fan.  He added two names, Tito Ortize & Marco Ruas.   Tito Ortiz should get a nod for being so efficient with his weight-cutting.  Able to make weight-cutting a science, Tito could step into the ring heavier & stronger than his competition.   Marco Ruas during one particular fight in the very early days of the UFC showed most fight-fans what damage leg-kicks could inflict.  In his match against a giant man named the Polar-bear, Marco chopped him down like a tree with effective leg-kicks.  It was memorable that if you saw that fight back then, you’d never forget it.

Lastly, special acknowledgment to Ken Shamrock for representing an early somewhat well-rounded fighter, even though his stand-up is terrible by modern standards.   I am torn on the Ken Shamrock issue, as part of me feels he ought to more than just a special nod.   By modern standards, he is not well balanced, but back in the beginning, he did represent what a well-balanced fighter ought to look like. 

Ken Shamrock

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  There you have it. 10 Fighters who changed the way we viewed the sport of MMA forever, plus some special nods.   Remember this is a list for men who changed our way of thinking and our perceptions.  For example, you may be a fan of Matt Hughes personally, but while dominant for a good period, he remains a great grappler and rather mediocre striker who hasn’t really done anything  to introduce  a new aspect to the sport of Mixed Martial Arts.  There are even great champs from the mid 90s period such as Bas Rutten and Don Frye, but they don’t make this list as pioneers of something new.  

 While you may not be a fan of some of the guys mentioned above, you do have to admit that they brought something new to the fighting game.  Whether it was the “ground-and-pound” of Mark Coleman, or keeping the fight standing through the entire fight ala Chuck Liddell, these men changed our perceptions forever. 

 As the Sport grows, there will inevitable be more phenomenal athletes who will change our perception in new ways to come.

 If you think I missed anyone who should be in the list above, feel free add the name and  discuss why:

Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant, a social-anomaly in Sports!

 Kobe Bryant is the most intriguing social-outcast in Los Angeles Sports history.   Seldom will you run into a player who has so much success and yet is so detested by his own hometown crowd.   People from various walks of life dislike Kobe. You talk to the average L.A. resident and you’ll often hear casual fans say, “I used to like the Lakers, but I just can’t stand Kobe.”  Women specially dislike Kobe, and I used to think it was due to his rape trial, but then I learned, it wasn’t even that.  

Many women will concede that it’s possible that was an extortion plot to milk some money out of a rich athelete superstar, so they’re not angry about the rape trial.  It just seems that their sixth sense/intuition tells them that this guy can be a bit of scumbag.  It is an anomaly to see an athlete so dislike in his own hometown, sometimes by the very fans of the team he plays for.

 Kobe is the exact opposite of Magic Johnson whom everyone loves.  Magic is an anomaly in that he breaks color barriers.  Regardless of whether someone is White, Black, Asian or Eskimo, they can identify with Magic. Think about it and you’ll find it to be true.  You don’t see Magic as a “Black guy” or this or that.  You just see him as a good guy you’d like to meet.  Perhaps that’s the way it should always be, but clearly, it’s not how things unfold in the real world.

Magic appeals to the non-basketball fan.  Kobe is detested by that same non-basketball fan despite his attempts to appear as the nice sweet caring family man.  Somehow, there is a voice in your mind that screams, “Hey, Kobe, I am NOT buying this act you’re putting on!”

  Which brings it to ME: The Los Angeles Lakers Fanatic. 

In 20 plus year as a Laker Fan, never have I been so frustrated watching a superstar that played for my team.

 Kobe has been the best player in basketball for years.  You can make a case for Lebron being better now (and I’d agree) , but then, you’d still have Kobe at a very close 2^nd best player in the entire league.

To me, the game of basketball’s objective is simple: 

• Offense: Get as many high-percentage shots as you can. 
• Defense: Prevent other team from high percentage shot attempts. Force them into low percentage shots.

That’s all the game of basketball is when you break it down to its most simple component.  Sometimes, it really is that simple.

So, when you watch a game, (and when it’s done properly within a team concept, it’s beautiful to watch,) you’ll see Pick’n Rolls, Give & Gos, Weak Side Picks, Backdoor cuts on the baseline off of those weakside screens….. all designed for one purpose: To get you a high percentage shot: Preferably a “Layup” or a “Slam-Dunk” from 2 feet away.

 Which is why as a Laker fan, it’s so frustrating to watch Kobe single handedly throw games away shooting the ball 13 for 34, losing the games.  It’s not just that he shoots the ball poorly, but that attitude and selfishness deflates his teammates.  They’re no longer willing to move around on offense because what’s the point?  “The Jackass isn’t going to pass anyway.”

They’re not going to hustle back on transition defense because they’re disgusted with the state of the game.  This is what Kobe doesn’t get, or maybe he does.  I am sure he does get it, but he doesn’t care.  It’s apathy.
       

Jerry West - The Logo

 A (very) brief history on the Lakers

  As a kid, I grew up watching NBA basketball in its golden age.  Magic, Kareem, Worthy, Cooper, and company versus Bird, McHale, Parish and Co.  I could watch Magic score a mere 12 points in a game and completely control the tempo and “Feel” of of the game.  It’s hard to explain or grasp on paper.  It has to be watched and seen.

 In High School, I got my hands on every piece of basketball literature I could find.  I’d read about the older teams and study Laker History in particular.  I’d read about George Mikan in the Minneapolis Lakers to Jerry West.

  I’d learn about how Wilt Chamberlain, one of the greatest physical specimen’s to set foot on a basketball court also had just as big a ego to match.  I’d learn how the man who average 50 points per game for an entire season put his scoring aside when he joined the Lakers and Jerry West.  He focused on defense, rebounding and passing the ball.   In the 71-72 season, Lakers won the championship (not to mention 33 games in a row) with Wilt scoring only 15 points a game on 9.3 shot attempts as he average 19.2 rebounds.   (Jerry West and Goodrich each average 26 pts per game that season.) 

 He put his ego aside to win.  That’s the Lakers’ way, and the way it’s always been.  People seem to put ego aside when they join this franchise because they know winning comes first.  Bob McAdoo is another such example, a problem player league MVP who finally found a home with the Lakers.

  The end of last season, the NBA officially finished its 60th year anniversary.  In those 60 years, the Lakers have been in the Playoffs for 56 of them, 30 times to the finals, with 15 championships to show for it.  They’ve been to half the finals and have won 25% of the championships.

In 60 Years, 56 Playoff Appearances, 30 NBA Finals, 15 Championships for the Lakers.

 Because the organization historically, from top to bottom, is about winning, not about indiviual accolades.

  Which brings us to one Kobe Bean Bryant, the man who is all about himself.  The man who has not one, but TWO starting 7 footers who can play the low-post to dominate, but still can’t get himself to run a team offense.

  Watch the games, specially in the 4^th quarter:  There are times when Kobe dribbles up the court and you know damn well, he has absolutely no interest in passing it.  He decided he is going to shoot before he got to the half court line and nothing is going to get in his way.  It won’t matter how terrible of a shot he takes, he is going to do it anyway.

  This is the Kobe WE [The Lakers fan] are stuck with.  The same Kobe who makes spectacular buzzer beaters is the one who is going to lose games because he wants to make the game a “Playground” game at times.   You take the bad with the good.  He can’t just give us the good.  His self-absorption is too great for that. 

 One thing needs to be said for that.  What a lot of casual fans don’t fathom is that if Kobe has orchestrated a little better, there’d be no need for those last second buzzer beaters.  They’d be up by double digits at the end of the game.  The fact that they’re in that position to need a buzzer-beater at home versus a mediocre team  is also often times due to Kobe’s ulra self-absorption.  It’s frustrating to watch games and not see professional analysts and commentators not mention this. 

 This is why we lost the recent game at Cleveland.  Kobe consistently loses games to Lebron because he wants to have a 1 on 1 battle.  In the first quarter, they ran the offense properly and had a 12 point lead.  In the 4^th, Kobe needed to prove, he can score.  We know he can score.  He averaged 35points per game for a whole season, not to mention 81 points in a single game. 

 Kobe has Gasol, Bynum, and Odom off of the bench. Lebron has mostly bums and a fat sloth named Shaquille.   Lebron has to try to force the issue.  Kobe Doesn’t.  Lebron does not have what Kobe has: A strong supporting cast.  Yet, Lebron does his best to encourage his teammates.  Kobe annoys them! 

 Watching a recent game at Madison Square Garden drove me crazy.  So much so, that I went back, rewatched the 4^th quarter, and wrote down what took place on every single possession in the Laker offense:

LA @ NY.    Jan 22^nd, 2010

4^th Quarter Laker offense:

-11:49  Gasol goes to the line to shoot Free-Throws

-11:21  Kobe free throw.  Note:  Kobe fouled on a back-door cut from a screen.  Pass from Gasol playing high post)

-10:45  Odom hits 15ft baseline jumper- Pass from Kobe’s drive & kick

-10:19 Kobe hits jumper off of 1 on 1 move, hand in his face. 

-9:44  Kobe Misses forced jumper from 1 on 1 move. Odom rebounds, passes to Kobe.

-9:28  Kobe Misses another jumper, forced 1 on 1 move from baseline this time

-8:50 Shannon Brown makes a 3-pointer

-7:59 Odom makes open jumper. Pass from a Double-teamed Gasol.

-7:36  Gasol Posts up & makes Shot

-7:09  Brown Misses 3-point attempt.  Odom another Offensive board

-7:04  Gasol tips in Odom’s offensive board tip in attempt

-6:36 Kobe Misses 3-point shot

-6:12 Kobe forces it.  Called for Offensive Foul

-5:35 Gasol travels on what would have been easy lay up

:5:10  Kobe shoots free throws, after being bailed out by refs

-4:30  Kobe makes a 3-pointer off of Gasol Double-Team

-4:03: Gasol post up. Beautiful spin move. Bucket + foul

-3:32: Kobe blatantly ignores Gasol posting up.  Misses 3-pointer badly.  I yell profanities out-loud at Kobe on this possession. 

-3:07 Gasol shoots free throws- Open in post.

-2:25 Kobe never considers passing to anyone in this possession.  Shoots free throws after refs bail him out on a horrible drive

-1:52 Kobe misses another jumber- Off board to Lakers.

-1:19  Kobe misses lay up off in bounds pass.

-00:40  Kobe airballs a very deep 3-pointer.

• Recap of 4the quarter: 

Gasol makes 3 baskets, and also attempts 5 free throws.

Odom, and Kobe make shots off of Gasol double-teams.

Kobe: 2 for 7 shooting.1 offensive foul.

Kobe: Shoots 6 free throws. (4 of which were bail outs he may not get in a playoff game.)

• Final line for the entire game:

Kobe shoots: 8 for 24, an unflattering 33.33%

Pao Gasol shoots: 7 for 10   

Andrew Bynum shoots: 7 for 11  

Gasol & Bynum combine for a total of 14 out of 21.   67% – Shooting percentage, (not to mention GOOD Things happen when they get double teamed in the post.) Stats do not tell the whole story here.  When your post player gets double-teamed, it leads to over all good fuzzy-feeling things on the court. 

 This is the Kobe we’ve got.  We need him on the team to win the championship, and yet we can’t get over that he is selfish, self-absorbed individual only out for himself.  Some people say Michael Jordan was the same way, but then again, Jordan is also well known for being a douchebag (and he never played for the Lakers, so I don’t care.) You can also make the case that Jordan had stiffs as big men.  He never has a Shaq in his prime, and never had two solid post-men in Gasol & Bynum. 

 A simpleton may yell out: “But Kobe wins.”  This is true, but he wins because he is on teams that have by far the most talent in the league.  Magic & Kareem could not have beaten formidable competion against the Celtics or the 76ers playing self-absorbed ball.  They had to involve every essence of team, and even then, it was tough. 

 Kobe’s championship teams have by far the most talent in the league.  This year in particular, anything less than a championship is a failure for the Lakers.  And yet, as a Laker fan, you’re worried……..   You’re worried about that playoff series where the series stands at 2 games to 1, and in that pivotal 4^th game, the series can either be tied 2-2, or one team can go up 3-1.  The series’ fate can be determined in this game crucial game. 

During that Game, will Kobe decide to take 35 shots, forcing bad shots, and neglecting his two talented post-up big men in Gasol and Bynum?  Will Kobe’s desire to be Mr. Hero be greater than his desire to want to win the game?  This is what’s frustrating with Kobe.  You admire that he is by far the hardest worker in all of the NBA, and that he is so focused.   Without him playing, we don’t have a chance of winning the championship.  Yet, he drives you crazy with his selfishness. 

 That is the essence of Kobe.  He is the poison you’re stuck with.  Will he administer the poison to the opposition or to our own team?

Is there a more ridiculous sport than Bodybuilding? 

 It’s Super Bowl Week in America, and in honor of the grand spectacle, I’m going    to write a few sports related blog entries.  Speaking of “Sports,” it made me wonder: Is Bodybuilding actually a sport?    If you are a fan of this “Sport” and happened to suddenly find your way on this blog, before you start spewing venom and hatred on my Blog, you should first understand the perspective I am coming from. 

 Except for a bad three-year stint of being lackadaisical, I’ve been involved in doing sports in one way or another since high school. I’ve been lifting weights for the past ten years or so, and I highly recommend it to everyone, male/female, younger/older, whatever.  Hence, my issue is not with weight lifting. 

 More over, I really don’t care if you lift weights due to vain reasons of wanting to look good in front of a mirror.  I’ve done that myself and know plenty of guys in the gym who the same thing.  I can respect your right to wanting to sport the best physique possible in front of the mirror.  Most guys (and women) who start lifting do initially for aesthetic reasons. Look, everyone wants to look good shirtless (or bottomless) and few actually have the drive to do something about it.  No argument there.

 So what are we really talking about there?  An official “Sport” dedicated to posing on stage against each other while judges decided whose body appeases them more.  And believe it or not, in my early 20s, this made sense to me.  I even read the magazines, Flex, Musclemag, and other publications back then.  Then one day, I woke up and thought, “What the f**k kind of a sport is this?”  Suddenly, the whole completely ceased to not only make sense, but it seemed rather silly. 

 For some reason, it all made sense to me way back when.  Then almost overnight, I had a weird realization:  What does it say about a sport when the entire basis for competition is a bunch of grown men getting up on stage and engaging in a pose-off? They don’t really compete against each other directly.  They are not even competing indirectly in the way gymnasts do.  They are simply posing!  Grown men posing and flexing their biceps in front of judges and a miniscule audience to decide who has better looking biceps.

 I say grown men because if a bunch of drunken 19-year-old teenagers started engaging in a pose-off, then you’d just dismiss it as, “Well, drunken teens.  It’s the way it goes.”  But grown men, sober, training all year so they can strike a better pose?  [All that’s missing is Madonna’s song Vogue on that stage., and sometime that may not even be a joke. ]

 Being a fan of physical fitness, I respect most forms of athletic competition.  Even a sport such as Baseball, one that is ridiculed by many of my European friends, is still a sport that is very highly competitive.  Trying to swing a bat at a ball traveling at 95 miles per hour, versus the next one that is curving away from you at 75 miles, takes a lot of skill. (As does throwing those pitches.) 

 I can highly respect Power lifters and Olympic weight lifters.  Squatting a 800, 900, or a 1000 pounds is an incredible athletic feat by a human being.  Watching someone clean and jerk enormous amount of weight, like a human crane, is awe-inspiring.  But then, what about grown men building low-functional muscles to just show them off? Men who have just pumped up muscles that have very low functionality?

 What does it say for a sport when you hear the following conversations at a competition?

-Competitor X has enormous deltoid muscles.  His posterior and mid delts are looking fine but his anterior delts are a bit smaller in proportion.  Over all, good delts.  Competitor Y has smaller deltoids but enormous lat muscles.  His Biceps aren’t very elongated but they’re more compact as he flexes. 

-Competitor Z is sporting nice hamstrings, but his quads could use some help in relation to both competitor X and Y.

 - Can that be considered a sport?  Grown ass men posing in G-Strings as to who has the hotter body? 

Oooh, Look at me! Look at me!

 What are some Arguments that are supposed to establish bodybuilding as a legitimate sport: 

• “These are World Class Athletes”

   Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia contest participants would like to be considered “World Class Athletes.”  That’s the problem… It opens the Pandora’s box, and does it ever….  See, when you go that direction, you’re going to open yourself to being compared to NBA Basketball players, NFL Football players, Boxers, Olympic level gymnasts, wrestlers, and Track & field athletes, as well as MMA fighters.

 Yet, I’d bet you I can find high school level all-state basketball players who’d run circles around these “World Class” Bodybuilder athletes, and we are not talking basketball skills.  I am simply talking Agility, mobility, and coordination.

 Many of the above mentioned athletes use resistance training to strengthen muscle, and they do so for function and practicality.  The end goal is not posing on stage in a G-string.
       

• “Lifting heavy weights is an Athletic endeavor.”
  

  And I agree with you, except modern professional Bodybuilders are not that strong when compared to world class level strength athletes.  A world class Olympian lifter or powerlifter will squat or press twice what your average puffed up-posing on stage bodybuilder will do.  So Mr. Universe is most likely far stronger than you and I,  but world class?  Forget about it.

 Certainly, you have to be blessed with the proper genetics to become a bodybuilder, and a supreme athlete who could have otherwise excelled in a legitimate sport may opt to become a professional bodybuilder for whatever reason.  Yet, it doesn’t change the fact that you have people posing to see who has cuter muscles.

                                                            ———————————————————-

 So I ask again, is there a more ridiculous sport than this?  And yes, I get that they’re trying to treat the human body as some sort of a sculpture by adding pieces to the muscles to create this perfect physique.  I get it.   It’s not the endeavor that’s alarming.  It’s that it’s turned into a “Sport.”And yet, it’s still a bunch of grown men who trained for the past 9 months to pose against each other.  (Not to mention poor dietary habits, taking insane amounts of roids/growth hormone/insulin; and then taking massive prespecritpion grade diuretics days before the event, just to go on stage for an hour and look great in tiny little Speedos. ) 

 Before you say I don’t understand what it takes to become a bodybuilder, you should know that I’ve been around competing bodybuilders.   I am aware that it’s not an easy endeavor.  There is a lot of sacrifice.  I get that.  Going through periods of torturous “Cutting down” diets where you eat ungodly amounts of meat while dehydrating yourself to the point of insanity before a contest. 

   It’s just that something seems wrong with a sport where eating an organically grown apple, banana, or orange is wrong, but then you are forced to eat enough meat in one day that could feed an entire village in South East Asia for a whole week.  All so you can have more puffed out muscle on stage. 

And yes, I am familiar with the precision of trying to stack various amounts of anabolic steroids.  Taking the right amount of D-bol, synthetic testosterone, Winstrol, and some Deca for joints and help in recovery, tapering off of it while adding testosterone boosters to get your body’s production back up to speed, and supplementing with HGH….   Two weeks before you cycle off, you gotta hit the clomid or (if you can get it, receive HCG injections)  to get your normal test production up to speed.  (No, I haven’t taken roids or “Gear”, but I’ve learned enough about them from reading and being around the gym-rats.)

 I’ve been around guys who do compete in this endeavor and it’s not easy trying to manage the three variables: 1-the Proper diet, 2-proper training, and 3-the accurate anabolic steroid stack cycling.  I know it’s not easy. 

 Maybe the fact that it seems ridiculous comes from the transformation of the contestants in recent decades.  In my early teens, you could look at a bodybuilder as sort of the ultimate manifestation of masculinity and male physique.  To male teenagers, there is the appeal of the ultimate male representation in such a physique.   As an example, Here is a picture of Arnold in his prime:
 

Arnold - Governator

  Somehow we went from the above  to the grotesque representation of a human body below:

The Blob of Random Muscle

 A giant mound and blobs of muscle (And I’m with you: Who knew an alien could grow out of a human ass??)

 It’s what Jabba the hut woud look like if it lifted weights: 
     

If only Jabba was motivated...

  It’s sort of what Jabba-the-hut would like if he lifted weights, wouldn’t you agree?    In recent decades, bodybuilders starting injecting massive amounts of Human Growth Hormone [HGH] and the growth hormone abuse led to the new look bodybuilder with the protruding stomach.  Compare the Arnold slim abs to the one below.  This is a roid-gut:

The "Roid Gut"

 The above individual is NOT fat, but rather, abuse of HGH has not only grown his muscles but it also grown his intestines from the inside.  That’s how you get his protruding stomach look.   Compare that stomach with the Arnold photo, and you’ll note the  HGH difference.  (And Arnold did his fair share of steroids.  But the Steroid technology has improved drastically since the 1970s.) 

 On top of that, something interesting happened.  One day a group of bodybuilding bandits dressed in bandanas and tank tops intercepted trucks full of insulin en route to poor suffering diabetics in a remote village.  The professional bodybuilding world changed forever.

 Apparently injecting Insulin, (as well as Anabolic Steroids + Human Growth Hormone) enables your muscles to even grow bigger than even Arnold imagined. 

And that’s how you get the look of Jabba the bodybuilder…

 Yet, at the end of the day, it all amounts to puffed out grown men, fresh out of the tanning salon, posing on stage.  Can that competition be considered an athletic event?  Grown ass men posing in tights on stage as to who has a nicer ass!  Is this a sport?  We don’t call female beauty pageants a sport.  This is a male pageant except it’s not so beautiful! 

 I am sure if a competitive bodybuilder were to read this article, he/she would slightly peeved, but then again, it’s one person’s opinion.  Alright, relax.  I am not saying we should outlaw these contests, nor am I advocating that we should cut up these puffed out guys, turn them into “Soylent Green” and feed hungry people in Africa.  

 I am just asking a question. Is this really a sport? While I am certain, there are great athletes in professional bodybuilding, does it still count as a sport? If so, is there a more ridiculous sport than this where once again, grown ass men, pose against each other to see who has the nicer lats, pecs, or butt?

 It’s a great sports weekend coming up.  UFC on Saturday night featuring 4 very good matchups, (though none great), and then the big Football game on Super Bowl Sunday. 

 So, the Super-Bowl is less than a week away, (I’m excited about it) and we’re going to see the Indianapolis Colts play the New Orleans Saints.  And are YOU going to be the person to tell Peyton Manning, Dwight Freeney, Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush, that the three guys pictured below, (Yes, the same 3 guys who are shaking their cute butts on stage so judges can decipher who has the nicer ass in a g-string), that these guys feel they should be considered on the same plain as them???

I shake my tush on the Catwalk... yeah...

 Well, you could tell them, but you’d hurt Peyton’s and Drew’s feelings, and that’s not nice. 

Please discuss…