{"id":1618,"date":"2010-01-28T07:00:33","date_gmt":"2010-01-28T14:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=1618"},"modified":"2010-05-31T22:00:08","modified_gmt":"2010-06-01T05:00:08","slug":"more-real-world-practical-knowledge-on-direct-openers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2010\/01\/28\/more-real-world-practical-knowledge-on-direct-openers\/","title":{"rendered":"More REAL WORLD Practical knowledge on Direct Openers."},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 Being Direct With Women – Practical Guide<\/span><\/h2>\n

.<\/p>\n

A blog reader, Charlie V, wrote a comment to the last post that deserves a well thought out reply in order to explain the dynamics involved.\u00a0 Here are some of the excerpts:<\/p>\n

\u00a0The irony in meeting women especially in clubs is that us guys think we have to do so much work. But the reality is that they will have us pegged the minute we open our mouths. What you say, in conjunction with your attitude, will let them know if you\u2019re a \u201cPlayer\u201d, \u201cRegular Guy\u201d or a \u201cDumbass.\u201d And thus, this is where the problem arises.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve used Mode One, Pickup101, BadBoy, and Shark opening tactics before (i\u2019ve tried them all) and I can tell you, consistently opening with direct or so-called \u201csincere\u201d openings and getting laid is just a fantasy. I\u2019ve never done it and I\u2019ve never met anyone who can do it on a consistent basis also.<\/p>\n

And believe me, I tried it for awhile and gave it a chance. But, all it gets you is getting pegged as the player wolf who hangs out late at night every weekend.<\/p>\n

I also worked as a bartender at Se\u00f1or Frog\u2019s here in Puerto Rico and in many other bars and have also hung out with the best players of San Juan, so I can attest to you, that I have observed them and my customers with a keen objective eye as possible and I have never met or seen any of them consistently open with \u201cdirect\u201d openers and get laid at a night club. It is a high numbers game.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s why I call bullshit on all of those guys who preach Direct as the best way. In some cases, it may work. But in most cases it will just leave you with a fantasy.<\/p>\n

Cameron, I enjoy reading all your posts. I\u2019ve used them to reaffirm what I have experienced and seen and not just to regurgitate what I have read in an e-book. Great shit, man!!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ——————————————————————————————————<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Thanks for the good words, my man.\u00a0 As they say in the hood, I like to “Keep it Real.”\u00a0\u00a0 Just another way of saying, there is practical advice and there is fantasy that people have previously sold you.\u00a0\u00a0 So, let\u2019s get to your comment.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0Here is the essence of what\u2019s going on:\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Someone sold you a bill of goods as a scheme on how to get laid quickly.\u00a0 Look, there are guys in the market looking to \u201cscore with chicks\u201d and no one wants to be told that they have to be interesting, a little charming, and at least, attempt to radiate a fun vibe.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Fuck, who wants to do all of that??\u00a0\u00a0 So guys want a scheme that\u2019s going to bypass having to be appealing, engaging, and somehow smooth-talking the girl.\u00a0 Hence, we have \u201cGet Laid Quick\u201d schemes without the need for being interesting or attractive.\u00a0 \u00a0There are numerous \u201cget laid quick\u201d schemes sold out there and I can make a list of them just of f the top of my head, but that\u2019s fodder for a different blog post.\u00a0 You asked about Direct, so let\u2019s stick with that for now.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Direct can work great in starting an interaction, but man, you still have to be able to create some banter.\u00a0 Guys want to have a method to approach which can bypass basic bantering skills as well as basic \u201cShooting the shit.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0There is no \u201cBest Way.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d like to sit here and tell you that there is an end-all, be-all solution. But really Charlie, you have to factor in your personality, and the types of environments you\u2019re hanging in and frequenting.<\/p>\n

\u00a0You mentioned having been a bartender at \u201cSenior Frogs.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve never been to Puerto Rico, but I am guessing Senior Frog\u2019s is a meat-market where drunks prey on each other.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0In such an environment, you\u2019re not doing \u201cSincere, I\u2019d like to get to know you better and discuss early century Russian Literature<\/em>\u201d type of approaches.\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re doing frat-boy game: Drunks imposing their will on other drunks.\u00a0 This is a fire-at-will environment.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0This is not a place where you do \u201cSets.\u201d\u00a0 Well, personally I never look it as a set.\u00a0 (Also different subject for a different blog post.)\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s just random people, nothing invested.<\/p>\n

So what would \u201cI<\/span>\u201d do personally in such an environment?\u00a0 (Assuming this is a venue full of drunks having a good time sipping margaritas doing occasional sing-along songs).\u00a0 I would walk around, have a lot of fun, and talk a lot of shit.\u00a0 (In a fun way.)<\/p>\n

\u00a0Have you ever seen Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack or Back to School?\u00a0\u00a0 When\u00a0Rodney walks into a place and systematically just throws one-liners at everything within sight?\u00a0\u00a0It’s a sight to see!\u00a0 That\u2019s what I enjoy doing, but in a fun way.\u00a0 (Whereas Rodney\u2019s characters enjoy insulting people.)\u00a0 It\u2019s a party, people are looking to have fun, and you go around having fun.\u00a0 There isn\u2019t anything vested.\u00a0 In that specific environment, I like doing a lot of quick short bursts interactions.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Does it mean it\u2019s the right thing to do for everyone?\u00a0 Not necessarily.\u00a0 I enjoy joking around and entertaining (at the very least, myself).\u00a0 And if you\u2019ve heard me on the podcasts with Sinn, you\u2019d probably get that vibe.\u00a0 So it\u2019s what works for me.\u00a0\u00a0Remember that context changes too, however.\u00a0 In that same exact scenario above, if I spotted a girl who seemed like she was out of a place and didn’t like that bar, I’d change my approach.\u00a0 I actually might do a direct approach and joke about the crazyiness of the place with all of the drunks.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Is this starting to make sense?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 I know what works for me in various contexts.\u00a0\u00a0 You have to figure out what\u2019s the best vehicle for you<\/span> to have fun, be a little charming, and create a vibe where some of the girls in that environment want to hang with you.\u00a0 (They ALL will not want to hang with you, just as you will not want to hang with ALL of them.)<\/p>\n

\u00a0That\u2019s how it\u2019s done in the real world.\u00a0 Like you wrote, you can go and observe for yourself.\u00a0 Get away from being dogmatic.\u00a0 Dogma and Doctrine of strict methodologies arise out of ego and commercial interest.\u00a0 There is no one-way that\u2019s right for everyone.<\/span>\u00a0 If there is one constant, it\u2019s that you have to become more attractive through building your attributes.\u00a0 (Similar to a pro-athlete having to be in good cardiovascular shape.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 Do not limit yourself to one particular method.\u00a0 Circumstance change as do people.\u00a0\u00a0 Explore various ways that work with your individual personality, and once you discover what works best for you, do you really care about other guys\u2019 \u201cSystem\u201d or \u201cMethod?\u201d\u00a0 Do you really care about this mode or that mode?\u00a0 Focus on what\u2019s going to work for you, my man.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Like Bruce Lee once wrote: It\u2019s about Having No Limitation as Limitation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0When we talk about direct, indirect, and such, we\u2019re speaking in the context of a cold-approach.\u00a0 If you\u2019re talking to a co-worker, then you just focus on bantering and flirting.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 The conversation has already begun, and in fact, it\u2019s in process.\u00a0\u00a0 So in reality, during a cold-approach, you\u2019re looking for a way to create some sort of banter, and perhaps some witty repartee to simulate a normal convesation.\u00a0 HOW you go about doing is your prerogative.<\/p>\n

If you want me to break it down, I\u2019d say your style or approach depends on 3 things:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Your Personality,<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Her Persona\/vibe. (This is a matter of social intelligence, and calibration.)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n
  3. The Context & Circumstances.\u00a0 (Meeting in a club, house party, the gym , Coffee shop, conference, or ski club. Your position & social value.)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00a0I could go into more detail, but then, it\u2019d be a very lengthy post.\u00a0 You know your own personality, so play with what works for your own person.\u00a0 And anyone who is a beginner ought to understand that you\u2019re going to have a few screw-ups here and there.\u00a0<\/p>\n

    You\u2019re going to make some major mistakes along the way, and eventually, you\u2019ll minimize those mistakes.<\/p>\n

    \u00a0You\u2019ll discover quickly what best suits your personality.\u00a0 So you\u2019ll use what works for you and the Internet is going to be full of guys on forums and websites with slick marketing letters who will want to tell you what proper method to use. (and pray that you\u2019ll never see how socially awkward some of these people are in real life.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

    \u00a0Any sort of flirtatious advance has a chance to flop.\u00a0 If I am at a club and I see a girl walk by a couple of times, I might say something like, \u201cHey you!\u00a0 Were you seriously gonna walk by a 3rd<\/sup> time and not even say hello? Seriously?\u201d<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

    \u00a0It\u2019s done in a fun way, (And I have said stuff like that enough times to know that it works for me)\u00a0\u00a0but I\u00a0understand that there is the chance it could completely flop.\u00a0 I know that most often, she\u2019ll probably smile, and say hi, and we\u2019ll chat.\u00a0 Every so often, she may roll her eyes and walk away less than impressed.\u00a0 My reaction, “Guess she’s having a bad day….”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

    \u00a0An\u00a0important key\u00a0I should probably mention: When I blurt stuff like this, I am factoring in that I am pretty socially savvy, well dressed, well groomed, decent looking, and rather fit.\u00a0\u00a0I have a good grasp of what works for me, and I am realize that some girls won’t respond to it.\u00a0\u00a0 “Never be rejected again” are the words of liars.\u00a0 Every single woman in the world will not want to date you even if you’re George Clooney or Matt Damon.<\/p>\n

    \u00a0That\u2019s the nature of the beast, my friend. \u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t let anyone tell you otherwise.<\/p>\n

    \u00a0Once you get comfortable in opening with your own unique way, then please realize: there is about a 3 to 5 minute window for you to really evaluate if it\u2019s going anywhere.<\/span>\u00a0 Some people personalities just clash.\u00a0 The same jokes\/quirks that make some people laugh will have zero effect on others.\u00a0 Some people will even look at you with that blank stare like \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u00a0And if you have to explain to them that it was a joke, and HOW it was a joke, it\u2019s a lost cause\u2026.\u00a0 It\u2019s all over. \u00a0Some people, you just won\u2019t click with.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean much except that you have vastly different personalities.\u00a0 Anyhow, I\u2019m veering off topic a bit.<\/p>\n

    \u00a0To get back on course, let\u2019s make it ultra simplistic:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Play around with works for you as far as opening conversations with strangers,<\/strong><\/li>\n
    2. Go into a situation & \u00a0start a conversation.\u00a0<\/strong><\/li>\n
    3. You\u2019ll know if you\u2019ll get along or not, pretty quickly.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      \u00a0Man, that was a really verbose post to just explain the three simple outlines above\u2026<\/p>\n

      \u00a0Lastly, [new stuff came to me, so I had to make an addition to the post], get to a point where you can represent the best version of you.\u00a0 At that point, put your best foot forward, and it’s either a hit or a miss.\u00a0 It’s a different way of looking at things.\u00a0 When I started, I thought about how I could have done things differently everytime.\u00a0 Now, it’s a matter, “Well, did I represent my true self?”\u00a0 If I did, and she didn’t like it, well, that just means we were never going to probably get along.\u00a0\u00a0 (We’re talking more in terms of having conversations with women, etc.\u00a0\u00a0 Cold-approaches are not a good gauge for this as they distort the interaction.) So the way I see it, basically, you’re getting a full dose of me.\u00a0 You get to see Cameron’s personality, and sense of humor.\u00a0 We’ll either get along or we won’t.\u00a0 I am not going to pretend to be a rockstar, or talk or pretend to be some super guru who knows all, (or whatever other schemes\u00a0dating coaches\u00a0pull.)\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

      \u00a0I go in with the notion that, “Let’s see if our personalities match.”\u00a0 That’s it.\u00a0\u00a0 I suppose if there were an essence to being direct in dating, that’d be it: To be able to present yourself in the most honest way, and understand that some\u00a0women may not like you.<\/p>\n

      Cameron<\/p>\n

      Building Attraction Ebook<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      \u00a0 Being Direct With Women – Practical Guide . A blog reader, Charlie V, wrote a comment to the last post that deserves a well thought out reply in order…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[193,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1618","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-dating-advice","category-in-field-advice"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1618","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1618"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1618\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1625,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1618\/revisions\/1625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1618"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1618"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1618"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}