{"id":2107,"date":"2010-05-16T23:57:26","date_gmt":"2010-05-17T06:57:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2107"},"modified":"2010-05-30T22:09:30","modified_gmt":"2010-05-31T05:09:30","slug":"indifference-vs-accountability","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2010\/05\/16\/indifference-vs-accountability\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Indifference&#8221; vs. &#8220;Accountability&#8221; in Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Setting Standards In Dating<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Balancing indifference vs. accountability<\/p>\n<p>This is one of those articles that you\u2019re going to want to mark as a favorite on your web browser, because it\u2019s going to clear up much of that perplexity regarding dating.<\/p>\n<p>Well, let\u2019s face it: Advice on dating and attraction can confuse the f*ck out of ya.<\/p>\n<p>The following scenario may resonate with you, as it might be all too familiar in your life experience.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Typical scenario:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Guy searches the Internet for advice to improve his dating life.\u00a0 He sees various conflicting advice that are often diametrically entirely opposed.\u00a0 Dating gurus, who all claim to be decedents of Casanova preach entirely \u2026<\/p>\n<p>One coach or self-proclaimed pick up artist advises you to not ever show your intention.\u00a0 Be \u201cindirect\u201d, he tells you.\u00a0\u00a0 He instructs you to ask for an opinion and pretend to be gay if you have to, whatever it takes to not let her know you actually like her.<\/p>\n<p>Another \u201ccoach\u201d tells you to be direct, just state your intentions.\u00a0 Tell her, \u201cI like you, I want you, I find you breathtaking.\u201d\u00a0 Be bold, poetic, and romance-novel hero profession his fondness for that special woman.<\/p>\n<p>Just when that sounded interesting, another dating-coach type raves about \u201cIndifference.\u201d\u00a0 He is not so much indirect or direct, but rather he is just indifferent.\u00a0 He just doesn\u2019t care.\u00a0 He wants you to react as though someone told you the score of a cricket game between rival\u2019s teams in Timbuktu.\u00a0 (Not even sure if they play cricket there..)<\/p>\n<p>Having been exposed to such opposing perspectives, the dating-advice student concludes that \u201c<em>These guys are all full of shit\u201d<\/em> and that probably nobody knows anything.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s all a confusing mess, and you still can\u2019t get too many dates.<\/p>\n<p>When you understand CONTEXT of what is going on, you\u2019ll begin to see the overall picture with more clarity. You\u2019ll recognize the nuances of what is happening and you\u2019ll be able to decipher how to apply these nuances to your personal social interactions.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Let\u2019s take \u201cIndifference\u201d as an example.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Some dating-advice wisdom leans towards indifference.\u00a0 Let\u2019s define indifference as such advisors teach it.\u00a0 The overall ideology is something along the lines of the following:<\/p>\n<p>-Don\u2019t ever show that you care about her.\u00a0 Don\u2019t show you like her.\u00a0 Don\u2019t even act like a give damn if you ever went out with her.\u00a0 All of your actions should convey that you couldn\u2019t possibly care less about her.<\/p>\n<p>A common phrase that you\u2019ll hear from people who apply to the indifference school of thought is:\u00a0 \u201c<em>Don\u2019t give your power Away!\u00a0 Keep your power.\u00a0 Don\u2019t give it away!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>To show that you care would be giving your power away.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because now she can manipulate you.\u00a0 Now, she knows you like her and can hold that against you.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine living your life with the fear that you just might give your power away.(By the way, in the next article, I am going to cover Indifference in detail.)<\/p>\n<p>Like everyone else, I do run into girls who start to play these cute little games.\u00a0 Actually, I live in LA, so I get the entire spectrum of such women.<\/p>\n<p>You call a girl on Tue, and invite her to some event on Sat.\u00a0 She tells you, \u201c<em>Not sure.\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk on Friday<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Now, if you have gotten this reply, (and if you interact with a lot of girls, chances are you\u2019re cringing right now) because you know that the odds of this whole thing coming together just plummeted faster than Enron Stock.<\/p>\n<p>So what would Mr. Indifference advise you?\u00a0 The indifference advice is to not care.\u00a0 And just forget about it, and invite them to something else the following week nonchalantly. Or rather next time:\u00a0 Mr. Indifference would say that you shouldn\u2019t even ask them out. \u00a0However, that&#8217;s counterproductive too as you&#8217;ll see in my next article.<\/p>\n<p>So what do you do?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8211; Introduce a bit of Accountability &amp; Personal Standards &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>In the last article, \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2010\/05\/11\/the-preferred-response\/\" target=\"_blank\">The Preferred Response<\/a>&#8221; line you read some examples of holding people accountable. \u00a0But wait, if you did that, you\u2019d no longer be indifferent.<\/p>\n<p>If you said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m looking forward to seeing you next Saturday.\u00a0 Let\u2019s meet at 7:00 PM.\u201d\u00a0 Then you just gave your power away.\u00a0 What a cardinal sin to Mr. Indifference. Can the cosmos handle such diverse patterns of behavior within the same time space continuum?<\/p>\n<p>{Side note:\u00a0 This is written with the assumption that the girl is also interested in you on some level.\u00a0 Please do not write me emails asking about some girl who is barely aware of your existence on this planet not reciprocating your actions.}<\/p>\n<p>But then, if you care too much about seeing her, you may appear to be desperate.\u00a0 What do you do?<\/p>\n<p><strong>You have to balance INDIFFERENCE with ACCOUNTABILITY.<span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"> <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Real Life Example<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So let\u2019s revisit a likely scenario:<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s Sunday afternoon.\u00a0 You call a girl and invite her to spent time on Thursday evening. Simple enough, correct?<\/p>\n<p>She gives you wishy-washy answers.\u00a0 (If she has other legit previous engagements, then that\u2019s fair.) \u00a0If she said, I&#8217;m having dinner with President Obama and the other heads of State on that night, that is a fair as well as firm response. \u00a0We&#8217;re not talking about that.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re talking wishy-washy answers such as, \u201c<em>I think that might work.\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk again on Wednesday night.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Do you know what that <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">really<\/span><\/strong> means?<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>If nothing better comes up, then I\u2019ll hang with you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what a wishy-washy answer is.\u00a0 You\u2019re a back up plan if nothing else better comes up.\u00a0 (I hate to say it but even I have done it to girls I didn\u2019t care to see that much.)\u00a0\u00a0 Here is where you hold her accountable.\u00a0 Yes or no.\u00a0 None of this, \u201cLet\u2019s talk again.\u00a0 If she can\u2019t live her life with some sort of a discipline, then fine.\u00a0 You can\u2019t change how other persons choose to live their lives.\u00a0 However, you do have the ability to cut them out of your life.<\/p>\n<p>Sounds simple. Sounds sweet. Tougher to do to than it appears.\u00a0\u00a0 Because you friends will ask, \u201cHey, what happened with that girl you met. Man, she is really cute.\u201d\u00a0 Then you\u2019ll be tempted to compromise.\u00a0\u00a0 It may be worse.\u00a0 Your pals may be \u201cSeduction community\u201d conditioned people trying to coach you how to get her by having super-game.\u00a0\u00a0 Can\u2019t worry about that.<\/p>\n<p>You must be willing to walk away if the situation is counter-balanced to your values.<\/p>\n<p>Trying to hold people accountable to every single thing will present you as someone desperate or very anal.\u00a0 However, on issues like making plans, following through, it\u2019s fair to be expecting common courtesy. If that common courtesy is not met, then you\u2019ll walk away.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>So how do you balance indifference and accountability???<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ol>\n<li>You show that you\u2019d like to see them.\u00a0 You show that you\u2019re interested and that you\u2019d love to hang out and HAVE FUN!<br \/>\n.<\/li>\n<li>On the same token, you know what you like, and you live your life upholding certain standards.\u00a0 It\u2019s also about being able to be decisive and make decisions.\u00a0\u00a0 AND if people are not able to live life on that plain with you, then you ARE willing to walk away.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Because remember, you HAVE choices too!\u00a0 If she is not willing to meet you on an even plane, there are plenty of others who will.<\/p>\n<p>The Walk-away is key.\u00a0 Accountability hangs on a scale that must be equalized by the willingness to walk away. If you\u2019re just indifferent, you\u2019re aiming for the low-hanging fruit.\u00a0 If you\u2019re too obsessed with the accountability, you care too much about the interactions and are behaving as though you\u2019re desperate.\u00a0 The balance is knowing when to go forward, and when to walk away.<\/p>\n<p>Cameron<\/p>\n<p>Ps.\u00a0 And seriously, all of this is predicated on the fact you\u2019re somewhat of a cool guy to begin with.\u00a0 If you\u2019re missing that first step, you\u2019ve completely derailed the locomotive off the tracks and the rest of it is a gigantic train wreck.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.attractwomenanywhere.com\/audiocourse.shtml\" target=\"_blank\">16 CD Audio Course<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Setting Standards In Dating Balancing indifference vs. accountability This is one of those articles that you\u2019re going to want to mark as a favorite on your web browser, because it\u2019s&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[193,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2107","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-dating-advice","category-in-field-advice"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2107"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2188,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107\/revisions\/2188"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}