{"id":2332,"date":"2010-09-19T15:19:27","date_gmt":"2010-09-19T22:19:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2332"},"modified":"2011-01-13T17:25:00","modified_gmt":"2011-01-14T00:25:00","slug":"toxic-personality-traits-the-solely-external-validation-seeker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/19\/toxic-personality-traits-the-solely-external-validation-seeker\/","title":{"rendered":"Toxic Personality Traits: The Solely External Validation Seeker"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"> Toxic Personality Traits in Dating (With Facebook bonus)<br \/>\n<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Continuing with the series on Toxic personality traits, I am going to reveal one of the most toxic traits you could ever run into out in the world: The <strong>solely externally validated stimulus junkie<\/strong>. This particular personality trait is one of the most toxic of all.\u00a0 The complainer may annoy the hell out of you with his bullshit complaints, but at least he may mean well.<\/p>\n<p>As usual, I\u2019ll provide the reasoning and the backround and then provide concrete real life examples of how these individuals operate.\u00a0 Once you understand the modus operandi of such people, you shall easily recognize their behavioral patterns.<\/p>\n<p>How you choose to deal with such persons then, obviously, is entirely up to you.<\/p>\n<p>What exactly do I mean by a solely externally validated individual? <em> Externally-validated stimulus junkies suffer from a need for constantly searching for some sort of validation and stimulus from the outside world<\/em>.\u00a0 Now, it&#8217;s\u00a0 not uncommon for human beings to seek approval of a person or persons.\u00a0 It may be the approval of a parent, friend, mentor, or sports coach, most of us have all tried to impress someone.\u00a0 That&#8217;s just part of growing up, I believe.<\/p>\n<p>The externally-validated stimulus junkie takes it to unprecedented levels.\u00a0 Their need to receive constant approval as well as stimulus will destroy your relationship and drive you insane.<\/p>\n<p>But then, doesn\u2019t everyone to some extent want to be liked?<\/p>\n<p>Yes, of course.\u00a0 It&#8217;s a natural tendency for human beings to want to be liked.\u00a0 Sometimes, upon receiving the impression no one will like him\/her, a person will turn to a polar opposite direction and become mean spirited to everyone.\u00a0\u00a0 It&#8217;s somewhat reminiscent of the George Foreman story.\u00a0 One of the greatest boxers of all time, he became a super nice guy later on in life, and even put his name on a grill that\u2019s made him close to a 100 Million Dollars.\u00a0 (Yes, that grill has been that profitable for him!)<\/p>\n<p>By his own admission, he was a mean-spirited thug who was abusive in his youth.\u00a0 In short, he was an a**hole.\u00a0 He figured no one liked him, and he wasn&#8217;t going to like anyone either. He was going to be a mean spirited rude bastard and who was going to challenge him?\u00a0 He was after all George Foreman, one of the greatest heavy weight boxers of all time.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not all that different of a story with various factions of people such as goths, punks and the like.<\/p>\n<p>Their external appearance is designed to somewhat garner attention from the rest of the world, but before they ever put that hideous outfit on, they decided the world didn&#8217;t like them either.\u00a0 While this dynamic could warrant its own article, today&#8217;s article isn&#8217;t about that.\u00a0 (But that\u2019s another toxic personality trait for another day: \u201cI hate the world\u201d type of individual.)<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li> Let&#8217;s get back to the topic at hand: Sole External validation and stimulus junkies.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Ok, we figured out most of us want to be liked, or at least respected, by some people. Whether it&#8217;s our friends, peers, \u00a0bosses, or subordinates, we do desire a level of mutual respect.\u00a0 Even a rogue and generally disliked individual like basketball player Kobe Bryant still desires the respect of his peers in the field.<\/p>\n<p>Here is the key point:\u00a0 That desire must be counter-balanced with an <strong><em>internal<\/em><\/strong> source of validation and comfort. <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">The external must be balanced with the internal strength<\/span>. \u00a0It&#8217;s through this balance that a level playing field can be established.<\/p>\n<p>Henceforth, the type of individuals I am discussing in this article are almost completely driven by outside stimulation.\u00a0 They have a constant need\u00a0 for approval or attention of others.\u00a0 <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">This never stops.<\/span><\/strong> There is a constant search as to from where that new external validation will come.\u00a0 An insatiable appetite for external attention from others consumes them, and they&#8217;re on a quest for that stimulus.<\/p>\n<p>These are the type of people who will flake on you in a heartbeat regardless of the situation.<\/p>\n<p>In the night scene, that outside stimulus could include \u00a0parties, loud music, various concoctions of drugs and alcohol, the &#8220;seen and be seen&#8221; type of spots, and \u00a0various forms of lewd behavior designed to just garner attention to fill an abyss that cannot be filled.<\/p>\n<p>If you care to read about this particular scene, I wrote an article on &#8220;Party chicks&#8221; which you can find here for reference.\u00a0\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2009\/09\/11\/definitive-post-on-party-girls-part-2\/\" target=\"_blank\">Definitive Post on Party Chicks part 2<\/a><\/p>\n<p>In this article, I am going to take it way beyond that.\u00a0 This is not a \u201cHow to get laid\u201d article as you probably have figured out by now. There are other blogs for that.\u00a0 \u00a0It\u2019s geared towards avoiding negative relationships, and fostering positive ones with quality individuals.<\/p>\n<p>Negative relationships, be it in friendships, romance, or business will suck your emotional and mental energy (and sometimes financial too), and detract from your quality of life.\u00a0 This type of trait is not, however, limited to clubs and bars and other such environments.\u00a0 \u00a0You don&#8217;t have to a drunken lush flashing her tits while dancing on table tops to put two and two together. There are clues everywhere around you.<\/p>\n<p>People\u2019s behaviors reveal their inner beliefs and their core values.<\/p>\n<p>Take <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>Facebook<\/em><\/span> as an example.\u00a0\u00a0 It&#8217;s the most popular social networking site at the moment so for 2010, it&#8217;ll serve as a good example.\u00a0 The social networking sites and trends may change through out the years and decades, but human behavior will remain consistent throughout centuries.<\/p>\n<p>Leaf through someone&#8217;s facebook account and it&#8217;ll tell you so much about their persona.\u00a0 OK, so you met a girl at a party and you only chatted for a short bit.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You become facebook friends and you check out their profile.\u00a0 You may even be excited about this new person you just met, but a ten minute chat hasn\u2019t given you enough insight into their personality.\u00a0 . (If you&#8217;re a girl, you can apply some of these to a dude&#8217;s facebook as well.)<\/p>\n<p>You met that person on his\/her best behavior when you first met.<\/p>\n<p>So here is a simple guideline of observations regarding someone\u2019s persona that just jumps out at you with very little effort:<\/p>\n<h3>.<\/h3>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Facebook Status Updates:<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>You see someone inundate their facebook account with random weird updates, and that already tells you everything you need to know. \u00a0We\u2019ve all seen these in some form.\u00a0 \u00a0I&#8217;ll translate the actual real social meaning in parenthesis below.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;<em>Just had lunch with xyz. so fabulous&#8230;&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>(Ahh, it was an OK lunch, but trying to sound ridiculously positive is the in-trend, plus I can maintain my usual levels of pretentiousness.)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;<em>Love you girlie. you guys are so awesome<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(Pay attention to me BITCH!!)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>&#8220;I have the greatest friends.\u00a0 You guys are so great<\/em>&#8220;<\/p>\n<p>(I wish I had friends instead of the fellow self-absorbed douchebags I hang out with)<\/p>\n<p>(PS. When the above is posted repeatedly while you have 500 friends on facebook, this just makes you a bit of attention seeking loser who really doesn&#8217;t have a single solid friend.)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u201c<em>Hey, girlie, we have to get out soon!\u00a0 I miss you guys so much<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>(Pay attention to me BITCH!!)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;Going to club xyz to see DJ funkyzeit spin.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(I&#8217;m a moron.)<\/p>\n<p>{free tip to all: Anyone who ever discusses going to a nightclub with the motivation to see a particular DJ spin suffers from low IQ.\u00a0 Seriously, I&#8217;ve never ever met a girl who was respectably intelligent utter or write those words in the above quote.\u00a0 Nope, not even once!}<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>&#8220;Oh, a *Delic* lunch with &#8230;..&#8221; <\/em><\/p>\n<p>(Yes, I am that pretentions. I say delic, not delicious)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;You bitches looook so fine in that photo!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(Pay attention to ME now Bitches!!!)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;<em>Oh, this Diva doesn&#8217;t do that.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>(I&#8217;m a C*nt. any questions?)<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I resorted to the dreaded &#8220;C&#8221; Word.\u00a0 But it&#8217;s only because I once read in a scientific journal (JAMA?) \u00a0 that <em>diva<\/em> is a synonym for c*nt!\u00a0 And hey, \u00a0that was good enough for me.\u00a0 \u00a0Plus the person actually referring to herself as &#8220;This Diva&#8221; has certainly solidified c*nt-status beyond reasonable doubt.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Here is the key:<\/p>\n<p>The above &#8220;Status Updates&#8221;\u00a0 are not mentioned in the spirit of sharing info with friends. They&#8217;re done so just to garner attention until their next update or tweet 30 minutes later.<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>That&#8217;s different than posts that are in the spirit of sharing or venting for that matter (stuck in traffic, etc).<\/li>\n<li>They&#8217;re also different than posts meant to entertain or inform.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>I have acquaintances that post often about particular topics they&#8217;re passionate about.\u00a0 One such guy who is a proud atheist will often post updates on religious matters and another pal of mine will post links or comments to articles regarding political\/economical matters. He posts links to articles regarding the war in Afghanistan or the economic crisis or faulty politicians.<\/p>\n<p>These latter people are crusaders of sort, a completely different breed of person.\u00a0 The crusader has a cause he deeply believes, just as he believes he is making a positive difference in the world with his updates.<\/p>\n<p>I can respect a <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">crusader<\/span>.\u00a0 Personally speaking, most of the time, I get along rather well with this type.\u00a0 (Heck, you could make a case that I sort of am one.)<\/p>\n<p>Setting my personal preferences aside, I&#8217;d bring attention the to majority of the updates, and the intention behind them.<\/p>\n<p><strong> What&#8217;s the intention behind these updates?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>-Are they in the spirit of sharing, caring, entertaining, or perhaps even venting?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>-Or is it , &#8220;<em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">hey, look at me, hey look at me.&#8221;<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>If it&#8217;s the latter, the person is not worth dating.\u00a0 If you were looking to seriously get involved with someone<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What about Photos?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The biggest giveaway is a collection of photos.\u00a0 Photos do speak a 1000 words if I may resort to the clich\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>Incessant photos that are self-shots, or group shots where one person is completely trying to do outdo his\/her friends for attention tell you a lot about the individual as well.<\/p>\n<p>Once you are aware of these dynamics, you\u2019ll come to notice them quickly.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see a photo and think, \u201cCool!\u00a0 Just a bunch of friends goofing around, having fun, genuinely seem to like each others&#8217; company.\u201d\u00a0 Then, you\u2019ll see another photo and you\u2019ll note each individual trying to subtly\u00a0 (or blatantly sometimes) outdo each other.<\/p>\n<p>So you spent 15 minutes of your time on Facebook and noticed a combination of the above self-absorbed status updates along with the [attention garnering] photos I described.\u00a0 You already know you\u2019re most likely dealing with someone who has toxic personality traits.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re swimming in shark infested waters.\u00a0 Proceed accordingly, or maybe even find a different swimming spot.\u00a0 Maybe one alongside dolphins who want to jump around you to entertain and play.\u00a0 (OK, the dolphin thing was really cheesy, I\u2019ll readily admit.\u00a0 It gives it that feel-good Disney channel touch.)<\/p>\n<p>The exclusively-externally validated stimulus junkies are the ones who will constantly flake on you, and they\u2019re the type who will try to upgrade on you.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>If you ever get the feeling in your gut that someone is constantly hesitant to make commitments or plans because he\/she is just waiting to see if something better may come along, you\u2019re dating the type of person I\u2019ve just described here.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>In essence, <strong>the exclusively-externally validated individuals are like giant eggs<\/strong>.\u00a0 They have a seemingly hard surface, but underneath it, they&#8217;re composed of mush and puss.<\/p>\n<p>This is the polar opposite of a rock.\u00a0 You could take a hammer and chisel away a piece from a giant rock and what do you find? \u00a0Just more solid rock underneath.\u00a0 I suppose that&#8217;s why the expression is there:<em> &#8220;Man, That guy is like a rock!&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Our relationships in life often directly affect the quality of our everyday life.\u00a0\u00a0 Being able to lean against a rock provides a more solid foundation than leaning over a giant hollow egg comprised of mushy goo.\u00a0 If you want to attract Rock-Solid individuals, you should also take steps to become such a person yourself!\u00a0 (Unfortunately, improving your own self-esteem is often overlooked in advice dating gurus give you!)<\/p>\n<p>As always, to give it fair balance, remember that these toxic traits are HUMAN traits.\u00a0 They apply equally to men as well as women.\u00a0 Sometimes, I receive emails where an avid reader of my blog points out how some \u201cDating Guru\u201d discussed the contents of one of my articles. \u00a0I then discover that they bastardized the article to make it seem like it\u2019s something devious only women do.<\/p>\n<p>Men and women both share personality traits, positive and negative.\u00a0 In the next article, I\u2019ll provide some examples of this, and environments where such individuals gather, and sometimes by people who are actually my acquaintances!!<\/p>\n<p>Stay tuned\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n<p>Cameron<\/p>\n<p>PS. As always, the articles are meant to expand your knowledge provided you have the basic foundations in place.\u00a0 To build that rock-solid foundation, you owe it to yourself to read my Ebook: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.attractwomenanywhere.com\/ebook.shtml\" target=\"_blank\">Building Attraction Secrets<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Toxic Personality Traits in Dating (With Facebook bonus) . Continuing with the series on Toxic personality traits, I am going to reveal one of the most toxic traits you could&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[193,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-dating-advice","category-in-field-advice"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2332","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2332"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2332\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2339,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2332\/revisions\/2339"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2332"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2332"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2332"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}