{"id":2516,"date":"2011-03-02T19:00:58","date_gmt":"2011-03-03T02:00:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2516"},"modified":"2011-03-02T13:49:22","modified_gmt":"2011-03-02T20:49:22","slug":"the-goal-of-self-help-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2011\/03\/02\/the-goal-of-self-help-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"The Goal of Self-Help Advice"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">The Goal of self help<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Are you ready for this??<\/p>\n<p>This is one of those articles that may not be liked by those of you knee-deep entrenched in self-help right now, and it certainly won\u2019t be liked by most of the self-proclaimed gurus who are teaching self-help. Nevertheless, a self-check is always beneficial.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Why do some people take refuge in self help?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>I got involved with this stuff long ago.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually, I came to the conclusion that everyone who becomes involved with this stuff has some sort of an issue.\u00a0 I realize it\u2019s a very general statement but please stay with me here.\u00a0 I just haven\u2019t met any exceptions and perhaps one person exists out there who defies the rule, but it\u2019s safe to say, the blanket statement covers 99% of people heavily involved with self-help.<\/p>\n<p>It was difficult for ME to come to this conclusion, because then, that meant I had some sort of an issue as well.\u00a0 And truth is, I did.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s just a matter of identifying the issues and realizing its severity.\u00a0 I\u2019ve come across so many men who lack basic social skills, the ability to interact at a house party or even give you a friendly handshake.\u00a0\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have those issues, so I wondered why I ended up in some conference that was hosting a slew of such men.<\/p>\n<p>Different people take refuge for different reasons.\u00a0 For some, it\u2019s a lack of social skills, for others it\u2019s lack of confidence or suffering from low self-esteem.\u00a0 As for me, I went through a period where I was really depressed and not feeling all of that great about myself.\u00a0 I suppose that\u2019s a mark of all people who go through that phase. If you felt fantastic about yourself, you wouldn\u2019t be depressed.<\/p>\n<p>Still, I don\u2019t have any regrets about studying so much about human behavior or psychology because it\u2019s something I always enjoyed.\u00a0 For whatever reason, I\u2019ve enjoyed looking at different people\u2019s characters, their behavioral patterns and mannerisms since I Was a kid.\u00a0 Reading certain blog posts will give you that impression rather quickly.<\/p>\n<p>But surely, you\u2019re talking about just the \u201cSeduction Community?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Absolutely NOT!\u00a0 I am talking about ALL Self-help.\u00a0 I am talking Tony Robbins, NLP, Bandler, Eckhart Tolle, and as main stream as Dr. Phil.\u00a0\u00a0 People take refuge in this because they have issues.<\/p>\n<p>Does it mean you\u2019re a bad apple?\u00a0 Or in layman\u2019s terms, are you a f*cked up individual?<\/p>\n<p>No.\u00a0 It just means you\u2019re going through a period where things are rough.\u00a0 You\u2019re navigating through troubled waters.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s all.\u00a0 Granted, you\u2019re going to come across some weirdos and sociopaths, and that\u2019s just how it goes.<\/p>\n<p>Clearly, there also exists a segment of self-help fanatics who have gigantic issues that need serious help.\u00a0 The majority of self-help enthusiasts, got into it because of the place they were in life.<\/p>\n<p>There are events in life that unravel human beings.\u00a0 Failed businesses or marriages serve as a good example.\u00a0\u00a0 Ever come across a man\/woman who went through an extremely bitter divorce?\u00a0 What about some poor guy who got laid off a job after 20 years of service?\u00a0 (Similar to the opening sequence in the movie \u201cUp In the Air.\u201d)\u00a0 \u00a0That job was his professional life!\u00a0\u00a0 Or perhaps someone who is going through depression, OCD, anxiety disorders, and etc?\u00a0 It happens.<\/p>\n<p>So where does Self-help come in?\u00a0 Are you ready for this?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Self-Help mostly APPEALS To human beings at the time when they\u2019re most vulnerable!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0All of the aforementioned\u00a0 folks in the last paragraph could be subjects lured in by\u00a0 self-help!\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s at these times of desperate destitution that self-help suddenly appeals to us.\u00a0 <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Self-Help products generally do not appeal to moderately happy individuals.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d be hard pressed to find well-adjusted genuinely happy individuals at a Tony Robbins Seminar.\u00a0 More so, you\u2019ll have an even harder time to get that person to listen to a self-help Audio course! \u00a0 I\u2019ve tried!\u00a0 You have a better chance \u00a0of having them visit the dentist without Novocain than to get them to listen to Tony Robbins.<\/p>\n<p>Self-Help Appeals to us when we\u2019re most vulnerable emotionally and mentally.\u00a0 Why?<\/p>\n<p>Because it makes sense out of things.\u00a0 You\u2019re going through a period where your brain is searching for meaning.\u00a0 Imagine you\u2019ve worked for the same company married to the same spouse for 20 years.\u00a0 Suddenly, that job fires you (and 100s of others), and your spouse wants a divorce.<\/p>\n<p>20 years of investment of your life and energy seems to have been gone down the drain.\u00a0 It is so difficult to make sense.\u00a0 What does it mean?\u00a0 In times like this, the Universe and the planet don\u2019t make sense.<\/p>\n<p>Enter Self-Help.\u00a0 It makes sense out of things and sometimes, it\u2019s something as simple as providing perspective for where you\u2019re at.\u00a0 (Sort of like my attempt with this article, which you\u2019ve probably caught on by now.)\u00a0\u00a0 It provides a reference point as to where you are, and where you need to go.\u00a0 It provides some clarity, a goal, and some guidance. Sometimes, it also provides a support group of peers suffering through similar crisis.<\/p>\n<p>Through a renewed sense self, new goals and objectives, armed with a new perspective, and perhaps a support-group of like-minded peers, you are now ready to forge ahead once again.\u00a0\u00a0 In fact, one of the benefits of self-help is providing support groups.\u00a0 Much like &#8220;Alcoholics Anonymous,&#8221; a support group of peers is very effective in enabling people to deal with situations. \u00a0\u00a0 For the guy\/gal above, they\u2019ll find a new spouse or lover, get a new job, or even do something better.\u00a0 Maybe start a new business and be more productive than before.\u00a0 <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Maybe<\/span>!<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMaybe\u201d is the keyword.\u00a0 Some people just get stuck in the cycle.<\/p>\n<p>So wait!\u00a0 What the f**k man!\u00a0 Are you saying Self-Help is Good or Bad?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s neither and it\u2019s a both!\u00a0 Wow, what a zen answer.\u00a0 The type of shit you\u2019d find in Self-help books.\u00a0 I could be a great guru If I could ever stand to be a pretentious bastard.<\/p>\n<p>Self-Help can be good for all of the examples I gave in the last few paragraphs.\u00a0 3\u00a0particular concepts\u00a0stand out in my experience and obsevation:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>\u00a0<strong>New goals<\/strong>,<\/li>\n<li><strong>New perspective,<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>A support-group<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>\u00a0The above three concepts help individuals pick up the pieces and forge ahead.\u00a0 That\u2019s the good, or rather <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">beneficial<\/span><\/em>, part of\u00a0 self-help.<\/p>\n<p>The bad, or counterproductive, part is when self-help becomes a lifestyle.\u00a0 It\u2019s when it consumes your life and becomes everything, a perpetual cycle of constant involvement in self-help searching for a some higher goal.<\/p>\n<p>Heroin addicts call it \u201c<em>Chasing The Dragon<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 (OK, I\u2019ve seen it in Documentaries.)\u00a0\u00a0 Apparently, the greatest high off of heroin comes off the very first attempt.\u00a0 You can never rival that high again, and people start doing it to get that affect, but they never can.\u00a0 Hence, they start chasing the \u201cDragon\u201d which they can never find.\u00a0 In the process, it robs them of everything.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re knee-deep engulfed in the trenches of Self-help, you must evaluate if you too are chasing that dragon.\u00a0 Part of this is commercial.\u00a0 Similar to a drug-pusher, a self-help guru does NOT want to let you go!\u00a0 It\u2019s bad for business.<\/p>\n<p>You can bet that there will constantly be an influx of new self-help material\u00a0 that\u2019s designed to be better than the last.\u00a0 There will be new discoveries, new realizations, and programs to keep you addicted for a lifetime.\u00a0 In the meanwhile, the confused addicts keep on purchasing.<\/p>\n<p>See, this is not like the Beetles or the Rolling Stones putting out a new album every year for your musical enjoyment.\u00a0 You have a choice to buy that or not buy it.\u00a0 Hey, you may not even like those bands.\u00a0 Regardless of your affinity for the band, you\u2019re able to make a conscious decision.\u00a0 In self-help, you\u2019re not able to make that conscious decision.\u00a0 Technically, you have the power to make the decision, but psychologically, it&#8217;s already been made for you.\u00a0 (A lot of good marketing operates on this platform.)<\/p>\n<p>The self-help guru has already bypassed your critical thinking.\u00a0 He has already convinced you that you need his wisdom forever and ever, and ever.\u00a0 In fact, it&#8217;s almost like your life would be empty without him constantly pumping you with his wisdom.\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0\u00a0 At least, this is the behavior of most self-help marketing machines.\u00a0 They want you to chase that dragon for a lifetime.\u00a0 The ones that achieve cult status want you to bring your friends along for the ride.<\/p>\n<p>The truly brilliant ministers of propaganda make self-help a\u00a0 part of your identity.\u00a0 Devout followers now swear by it and come to believe that this new information has somehow transcended them from the rest of humanity.\u00a0 Come to thin think of it, there is another form of doctrine that operates on the same plain of ideology: <em>Organized religion<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>These are doctrines that become part of your identity and sense of purpose.\u00a0 Whether someone is serving Jesus or a new age spiritual guru, he\/she ought to perhaps come to realize that in some way , this has become his\/her way of life. This is his identity.\u00a0\u00a0 This fulfills his sense of purpose.\u00a0<em> When you dictate a human being\u2019s sense of purpose and identity, you own his\/her soul. <\/em>You truly do.\u00a0 You can get him to willingly murder abortion doctors, or a wear suicide bomber vest.\u00a0 <em><br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<p>(And if you read the blog often, you recognize the repeated resurgence \u00a0of <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Purpose\/identity<\/span> theme \u00a0often. Pardon the heavy psychology, but it&#8217;s important to slap yourself upside the head with realizations.)<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s imperative for all of us as human beings to have a sense of purpose and an identity.\u00a0 However, you have to ask yourself: Isn\u2019t silly to have your identity be that of someone who spends tens of 1000s of Dollars on self-help?\u00a0 IS this something to be proud of?\u00a0 Could this be something in retrospect to find redeeming?<\/p>\n<p>Oh, but I can see it now.\u00a0 The influx of anger from gurus and their devout disciples alike: \u201c<em>Ha!\u00a0 You just don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The problem, my dear Watson, is that I DO understand and hence why you should reevaluate yourself if you find yourself knee deep in the thick swamps of self-help without a paddle.\u00a0 Take a look at yourself from a third person perspective.<\/p>\n<p>In essence, imagine looking at a biographical movie of yourself on a big screen TV.\u00a0 We could all use a reality-check once in a while.\u00a0 Before you do that, maybe you ought to look at my friend\u2019s wife, who has spent tens of 1000s of Dollars on seminars trying to acquire the \u201cMillionaire Mindset.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She is still not a millionaire.\u00a0 She is not even a 100,000er.\u00a0 In fact, had she spent that 20,000 Dollars on buying some stock from Apple 6 years ago, she\u2019d have some decent return on investment right about now, but I digress.<\/p>\n<p>Look at it this way: \u00a0People who are fit and healthy do not repeatedly attend weight-loss conventions.\u00a0 Sure, a fitness aficionado (me included) will pick up a new book \u00a0here and there as a hobby but it takes an entirely different type of animal to spend 1000 of Dollars on repeated seminars every single year.<\/p>\n<p>There is a sense of absolutism that self-help gurus operate with.\u00a0 Simply put, it is an \u201cAll or nothing\u201d mentality.\u00a0 \u201c<em>You\u2019re either with us or against us\u201d<\/em> mindset drives their business forward forever.\u00a0 None of their preaching can really be proven or unsproven.\u00a0 It can\u2019t be confirmed or denied.\u00a0 It just exists in this plain of fluff caught in a time-space vacuum of ambiguities where only the truly privileged who pay over the course of 50 years can truly come to grasp.<\/p>\n<p>This sense of absolutism must exist because their authority cannot be questioned.\u00a0 You need their enlightenment forever and ever.\u00a0 Critical thinking on your part cannot be accepted.\u00a0 If you can bypass critical-thinking, you can control someone\u2019s actions and behavior.\u00a0 Henceforth, logic, rational, and reason must be eradicated at all costs.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>A religious person will convince you that a guy rented a small studio apartment literally inside a whale, and that another guy took\u00a0a pair of every single specie of\u00a0animals on a ship the size of a modern aircraft carrier which he built without any tools or even a hammer.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>A self-help guru will similarly convince you that he holds the key to enlighenment and anyone who challenges this assertion will be met with character attacks: &#8220;<em>You&#8217;re negative.\u00a0 You don&#8217;t get it.\u00a0 You don&#8217;t want to get it.\u00a0 You&#8217;re just trying to bring others down&#8230; and etc&#8230;&#8221;\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Should all self-help be discarded?<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0No.\u00a0 Reading books or attending seminars that give you basic building blocks are useful.\u00a0 I\u2019ve found value in them and I think so have other.\u00a0 Hey, I write a Blog that gives dating tips.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u00a0even share some of the psychological concepts\/tools I have come to learn. \u00a0It\u2019s just how long and how much money you devote to this endeavor and how many years you spend that can become borderline ridiculous.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0Did you go to a Tony Robbins seminar?\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 I went to one too.\u00a0 I really enjoyed it.\u00a0 I\u2019d even recommend it to you except I worry you may fall into the trap of becoming a disciple.\u00a0 I\u2019ve personally met people who have been involved \u201cStudying\u201d with Tony for almost a decade now.\u00a0 (And there are no signs of them leaving the compound anytime soon.)\u00a0 Again, imagine that for a minute: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">10 YEARS of studying Tony<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>If people immersed themselves in self-help for a year or two to get out of a hole, then there\u2019d be no cause for concern.\u00a0 Often, it\u2019s not how it works.\u00a0 OK, I can see the frustration of the malcontent now:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cMan, this guy does Not get it. What do you have against people improving themselves?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>A common response from a self-help guru, I\u2019d presume.\u00a0 I am an ardent advocate of improving oneself.\u00a0 \u00a0You could pick up a book on philosophy, you could enroll in a college course, you could start a physical fitness program, you could start a new hobby\u2026.\u00a0 Wait, How about learning to speak a new language???<\/p>\n<p>Those are all ways of improving oneself, and don\u2019t require you to repeatedly spend 10,000 Dollars a year for the next 10 years.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>So to bring this full circle: What is the goal of self-help?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The goal of self-help is LEAVING IT.\u00a0 You have certain issues and so you delve into self-help.\u00a0 In some cases, professional help may be required. In other cases, you get through that period, and you learn some good things.\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s advice on having a more fit body, a healthier diet, or effectively flirting with the opposite sex, you learn good solid tips that will help guide you. You may even spend a couple of years in it.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, you can learn good information from self-help.\u00a0 It may benefit you in providing some perspective and teach you some applicable tools to get over the low point you\u2019re in at the moment.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>But do remember: The Goal of Self-Help is Leaving it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Cameron<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Goal of self help . Are you ready for this?? This is one of those articles that may not be liked by those of you knee-deep entrenched in self-help&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-philosophy","category-human-social-psychology-and-behavior"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2516","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2516"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2525,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2516\/revisions\/2525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}