{"id":2569,"date":"2011-07-11T23:32:29","date_gmt":"2011-07-12T06:32:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2569"},"modified":"2011-09-03T10:35:03","modified_gmt":"2011-09-03T17:35:03","slug":"a-key-to-successful-relationships-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2011\/07\/11\/a-key-to-successful-relationships-in-life\/","title":{"rendered":"A Key To Successful Relationships In Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

A key to Successful Relationships in All Walks of Life<\/span><\/h1>\n

.<\/p>\n

I was talking to a female friend the other day. She was frazzled, and a bit disgruntled about a conversation she had had with a colleague of hers.\u00a0 It had left her with a conundrum of sorts.\u00a0 She was caught in a philosophical bind after the conversation.<\/p>\n

Before I go further, I ought to provide you with some insight regarding her.<\/p>\n

She is really a smart girl, one of the smarter girls I’ve known, and she is what some people would refer to as a \u201cdo-gooder.\u201d\u00a0 Perhaps, it’s one of my favorite things about her: she is an idealist.\u00a0 She sees the way the world is and wants to somehow make it better.\u00a0 She strives to create a better environment.\u00a0 I mention this because it’ll be relevant momentarily.<\/p>\n

She tells me about the conversation she had with her colleague.\u00a0 This colleague\/ acquaintance was ranting to her that everyone is selfish.\u00a0 Ultimately, we are all selfish. We do things for ourselves, not for other people.\u00a0 He tells her that there is no difference between what she or he does.<\/p>\n

She tells him about the type of work she does, charitable causes she volunteers her time for, and so forth.<\/p>\n

“Well, I work with foundation x,y.z, and I put a lot of time and sacrifice and donate a lot of my time to improve this situation..’\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

To which, her detractor replied: \u201cYes, but you do it for them, because it makes you feel good.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

She was visibly upset.\u00a0\u00a0 It’s a bit of philosophical conundrum.\u00a0 How can such two people be see similarly? \u00a0 Thus,\u00a0 the following conversation took place between us:
\n.<\/p>\n

She
\n\u201cHow can he say everyone is selfish? I do so much, and work hard, while he does x,y,z….\u00a0\u00a0 He compares those together and makes it sound like we are completely similar?\u00a0 It makes me mad, and it’s f*cked up.\u201d\u00a0 (And this is someone who usually doesn’t curse)<\/p>\n

Me
\nYeah, I’ve heard that argument before.<\/p>\n

She
\nIt’s bullshit.\u00a0 How can people say I’m selfish when I do for others?<\/p>\n

Me
\nWell, he is right in some ways.\u00a0 We all do things because in some way they make us feel good. Even the sacrifices we make server a greater purpose within us.<\/p>\n

She
\nCome on!\u00a0\u00a0 You can’t compare….<\/p>\n

ME
\n—You’re right.\u00a0 You can’t.\u00a0 I’ve heard that argument before and it was from a sleazy boss that I had.<\/p>\n

She
\nwhat did you say?<\/p>\n

ME
\nNothing at the time.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t the right situation to argue.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve realized though, it comes down to values. We all have core values.<\/p>\n

.<\/p>\n

So then, what do I mean by core-values<\/span>?<\/p>\n

If you figuratively stripped away all of the layers off of someone\u2019s personality, you\u2019d get to their essence, their core Values.\u00a0 These are values that govern their lives, and they\u2019re the fundamental building blocks of what follows.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let me put it this way; take someone who has dedicated themselves to charitable causes.\u00a0 Mother Theresa is the prominent and clich\u00e9 example that pops into mind.\u00a0 She helped people because it made her feel good.\u00a0 She certainly didn’t do it because it made her feel bad.<\/p>\n

On the other extreme, take as an example someone like Hitler. Committed genocide, atrocities, killed millions of people, some of them his own. Wanted to rule the world, etc, etc…. \u00a0 Why? It also made him feel good at the end of the day.\u00a0 He certainly didn’t do it because it made him feel bad.<\/p>\n

Both people did it to make themselves feel good. \u00a0 It’s WHAT<\/strong> they felt good about, that’s key here.<\/p>\n

One felt good helping other people live a better life. The other felt good by ruling as a dictator, committing murder, and conducting ethnic cleansing of men, women and children of all ages.<\/p>\n

They just had different core values.\u00a0 It’s that simple.\u00a0 Now, those are two extreme examples but they help blatantly in illustrating the point.\u00a0 We all do things that make us feel good, and those are governed by our core values.<\/p>\n

I did tell my friend that,\u00a0 \u201cAnd by the way, for future reference, anyone who ever brings up that argument in a discussion is someone who wants to screw u over.\u00a0 It\u2019s usually a scumbag type, who is looking for a way to rationalize his own behavior so he can sleep better at night.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t encourage it.\u00a0 Better to have identified a scumbag and move on.\u00a0 Interestingly enough, con men and swindlers also use similar type of faulty logic to justify what they do.\u00a0 Even they don’t want to feel bad about what they’re doing.<\/p>\n

Well, all of this sounds like a wonderful philosophical discussion I had with a friend, but what’s the point of this article, you may be wondering.<\/p>\n

Simple: When it comes to dating, relationships, and friendships, it’s best to seek people who haves similar core-values.<\/strong> Just as mother Theresa and Hitler wouldn’t make good friends, neither do people with less striking polarities.<\/p>\n

If you’re the ambitious type who also likes to discover new places, learn about new people and cultures, you’ll have a hard time working a relationship where the other individual lacks those values.\u00a0 Your relationship will inevitably fail.<\/p>\n

It’s only a matter of time.<\/p>\n

If it’s one axiom I’VE COME TO know by heart in terms of relationships, it is this importance of sharing similar core values with friends, girlfriends, lovers and so forth.<\/p>\n

People often make the mistake of thinking that friendships are built solely on commonalities.\u00a0\u00a0 Even more so, some people mistakenly assume that strong relationships are formed only because of shared hobbies. This couldn’t be further from the truth.<\/p>\n

Nowhere is this discourse or idiosyncrasy, more apparent than in large groups brought together by a commonality.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Core values form deep friendship.\u00a0 Whether it’s a college fraternity\/sorority, social club, or the ski club, people can be definitely brought together through a common hobby.\u00a0 People who share the same common hobby can possess vastly different core values.\u00a0 What you\u2019ll observe is that over the course of time, people with similar core-values WITHIN those common groups will be bound together.<\/p>\n

This was part of the experience of the infamous Project Hollywood that you may have read about.\u00a0 People were brought together by a common hobby.\u00a0 That’s all it was, a hobby, and yet quickly, people of similar values bonded and eventually, the entire thing imploded.<\/p>\n

On the surface, everyone pretended to get along, but underneath something deeper and darker was brewing. In the famous words of Morgan Freeman from \u201cThe Shawshank Redemption<\/em>\u201d it was like \u00a0geology: \u201cStudy of pressure and time.\u201d<\/p>\n

That’s what that is: when you have dissimilar core values, it’s pressure through time and that will disintegrate.<\/p>\n

Irrespective of age, gender and ethnicity, people of polarized core-values will inevitable clash. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Oliver Stone\u2019s epic Vietnam movie, \u201cPlatoon<\/em><\/span>\u201d does an extraordinary job depicting this amongst American soldiers who are essentially on the same side.\u00a0 (PS. If you haven\u2019t seen \u201cPlatoon<\/em>\u201d, well, you\u2019re probably missing one of the greatest war movies ever made.)<\/p>\n

College fraternities\/sororities, business partnerships, corporate boardrooms, marriages, relationships, sports teams, friendships, and the military will bring people together for a common cause per se.\u00a0 Even then, the\u00a0 people fighting for the same military will either attract or repel each other based on core values.\u00a0\u00a0 Again, Platoon<\/em> does a superb job of clearly depicting the sheer conflict that rises out of clashing core-values even amongst people fighting on the same side.<\/p>\n

Core values can range from loyalty and integrity to being ambitious and being progressive.\u00a0 As an example, liking to travel is a hobby.\u00a0 Even it’s your favorite thing in the world, it’s still a hobby.\u00a0 On the other hand, having a deep rooted desire to constantly evolve and learn new things could be considered a core-value.<\/p>\n

In the dating world,\u00a0\u00a0 you\u2019re better off recognizing it early, and choosing close friends and lovers carefully.\u00a0 Divorce lawyers make a killing off of people who haven’t.<\/p>\n

While this blog is mostly concerned with dating, it’s good to be reminded of some of the most fundamental principles in human relationships:\u00a0 That it comes down to sharing similar Core-Values.<\/em><\/p>\n

.<\/p>\n

Cameron<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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