{"id":2609,"date":"2012-06-30T12:44:09","date_gmt":"2012-06-30T19:44:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2609"},"modified":"2012-07-03T22:49:22","modified_gmt":"2012-07-04T05:49:22","slug":"how-to-take-control-of-your-own-dating-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/30\/how-to-take-control-of-your-own-dating-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How to take Control of Your Own Dating Life"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"> Why You Feel Helpless in Dating <\/span><\/h2>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Emotional Manipulation, drama, and taking Control\u00a0 In Your Dating Life!<\/p>\n<p>This is my first article in 8 months and it\u2019s going to a bit lengthy so grab a cup of coffee, get comfy and let\u2019s go.\u00a0 The majority of the articles are about attracting women, selecting mates, and improving your self-esteem and confidence.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve never claimed to be an expert in relationships.\u00a0 However, through my own relationship failures and observations of others, I\u2019ve come to learn a few pearls of wisdom which I\u2019m sharing with you.\u00a0 There are underlying fundamental principles that we all need to grasp.<\/p>\n<p>Two weeks ago, at a social event, I met Jimmy for the first time.\u00a0\u00a0 He has been experiencing a great deal of problems with a woman he is been dating for 4 months.\u00a0 A friend encourages me to advise Jimmy, why by the way, knows nothing of my blog, eBook and such.\u00a0 Perhaps, you can relate to the type of issues he experiences with his pseudo girlfriend.\u00a0 I am willing to bet most men these days have been through something similar on numerous occasions.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The Person involved:\u00a0\u00a0 Who is Jimmy?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Jimmy is one of the good guys.\u00a0 He is the guy you want your friend or sister dating.\u00a0 He has a good job, he is interesting as a person, and he is someone you can count on.\u00a0 He is the one you\u2019d call when you\u2019re in a jam.\u00a0 Here is the irony: he is also the most easily manipulated.\u00a0 His desire to do good deeds is leveraged against him.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The situations.\u00a0 Who is he dating?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>4 months of Dating this girl (let\u2019s call her Lisa), one who emotionally manipulates him, fills his life with drama, and yet strangely Jimmy blames himself.\u00a0\u00a0 Somehow, he comes to believe he is doing something wrong, and that he can\u2019t do anything right to make this relationship work or make her happy.<\/p>\n<p>There are women like this out there. Plenty of them.\u00a0 I wish the world was a perfect place where less people had Children (and less often), and the people who did, took time to raise them and have great relationships with those kids.\u00a0 You and I know, that\u2019s not how things are.\u00a0 So you will run into such people and it\u2019s best you learn how to deal with it.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Unnecessary Instigation of Drama:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Lisa consistently makes comments that end up in arguments.\u00a0 These comments end up in dramatic exchanges where no one can benefit.\u00a0 I advised Jimmy that he was being pushed around, and he was quick to reply, \u201cOnly towards the end. I kept her in check in the beginning.\u201d He is completely wrong about his method of \u201cKeeping her in check\u201d and I\u2019ll come back to that a little later.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/drama-queen.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2612\" title=\"Drama Queen\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/drama-queen.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"253\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>What are these drama-instigating comments, you ask?\u00a0 Well, here are 3 of them Verbatim that Jimmy shared with me. Take a look at these gems:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8211;\u00a0<em> I am upset right now. I feel like if I jumped off a bridge, No one would care!<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>&#8211; Sometimes, I am just a lot happier when I am not around you!<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>&#8211; You\u2019re so positive. You always have this positive and helpful attitude. I think you just keep me around to balance yourself out.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s examine a couple of these individually:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">I am upset right now. I feel like if I jumped off a bridge, No one would care!<\/p>\n<p>In Law school, it\u2019s my understanding that they teach you about \u201cLoaded questions\u201d such as <em>\u201cHave you stopped beating your wife yet?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In NLP, this is called a double-bind: Meaning that WHATEVER you answer this question with, you\u2019ve lost.\u00a0 Regardless of whether you answer \u201cYes\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d you\u2019re guilty.\u00a0 It\u2019s a simple logic trap.<\/p>\n<p>This principle applies here.\u00a0 When she said \u201cIf I jumped off a bridge, no one would care\u201d, there is no real solution to this.<\/p>\n<p>Key Note: Please understand that this is not a situation where a friend is confessing their sorrow or bouts with depression.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all had friends in the dumps.\u00a0\u00a0 This is NOT a situation where she experienced something tragic and now she wants to vent and get it off her chest.<\/p>\n<p>However, when in the heat of an argument, someone throws something like that at ya, it\u2019s not a confession or a cry for help.\u00a0 Its sole purpose is designed to get a reaction and TO EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATE YOU INTO A RESPONSE.\u00a0 Most people fall into this manipulation because they feel the moral obligation to help the individual in need.<\/p>\n<p>That moral obligation becomes irrelevant the moment you realize that the aforementioned statement WAS <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">NOT<\/span> A CRY FOR HELP.\u00a0 It was one person in the relationship attempting to manipulate the other.<\/p>\n<p>Some will emotionally manipulate you.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a cry help.\u00a0 It\u2019s emotional manipulation. They&#8217;re counting you to be be morally conflicted.\u00a0\u00a0 They\u2019re counting on you to try and help.\u00a0\u00a0 When you do, you\u2019ve taken the bait.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li> Jimmy&#8217;s Mistake:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>He replied: <em>\u201cNo, you\u2019re wrong!\u00a0\u00a0 *I* would care.\u00a0 I care about you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2613\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2613\" style=\"width: 275px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/whiner-and-complainer.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-2613\" title=\"Why Do You Say That?\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/whiner-and-complainer.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"183\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2613\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Why Do You Say That? I Care....<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p><em><br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In his mind, he was challenging her because he was adamantly disagreeing.\u00a0 His faulty reasoning equated to this being a way of not backing down and not being a push over. In reality, he was completely failing to handle it properly. There is a solution and we\u2019ll come back to that as well.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p>Next statement:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>When I am not around you, I am so much happier.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Jimmy\u2019s awful reply:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>Why do you say that?\u00a0 What do I do that makes you so unhappy?\u00a0 All I\u2019ve done is try to make you happy.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Wow, where do I start with this?<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li> You\u2019re not responsible for making someone happy in a relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s his\/her responsibility for making themselves happy.\u00a0 Just as it is YOUR responsibility to make you happy.\u00a0 Capiche?<\/li>\n<li>Happiness has to start from within first.\u00a0 If a person is not somewhat content with his\/her life, it\u2019s doubtful that a girlfriend or boyfriend will make him\/her happy. Psychologists almost unanimously agree on this.<\/li>\n<li>Your peace of mind comes first. Henceforth, when that individual is causing unnecessary drama, it\u2019s your responsibility to keep you happy.\u00a0 Simple logic: If you\u2019re peace of mind is compromised, see step #2.\u00a0 You\u2019re unhappy, and therefore, by our simple deductive logic, you cannot be good for anyone else either (including Family, Friends, Pets, etc.)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Most of all, it\u2019s motherfucking disrespectful.\u00a0 You would not tolerate that from your male pals.\u00a0 If your male buddies said that to you, you wouldn\u2019t take it.\u00a0 A small percentage of you would tolerate that from your male pals, and your priority right now should be getting that handled. \u00a0 Dealing with women is secondary for you.<\/p>\n<p>However, the majority of you reading this would never tolerate such behavior from another dude.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, this is the main pitfall of romantic relationships:\u00a0 you take abuse that you would not otherwise take in hopes that you might get sex.\u00a0 The lure of the vagina is held in front of you like a carrot on a stick and hence the hopefully pursuer of the vagina thinks he\u2019ll get some if he takes some (abuse.)<\/p>\n<p>In this process, you lose confidence in yourself, your self-esteem takes a hit, and ironically enough, women will disdain you for being a wimp. Many women will flat out tell you that they don\u2019t like men who are wimps.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, you may tolerate disrespect because you\u2019re hoping you might get to stick your penis in her vagina.\u00a0 (see older blog post: Cemented Vagina.)<\/p>\n<p>To the contrary, this is the opposite of what works.\u00a0 This is precisely what separates the proverbial \u201cBad Boy\u201d from the perennial pushover.<\/p>\n<p>Look, there are only 2 reasons why you would ever take that sort of crap from a woman that you\u2019d never take from a man, (barring any bizarre circumstance like she\u2019s kidnapped your parents and holding them as hostage)<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Lure of Sex.\u00a0 Hoping you\u2019d dip your penis into her vagina<br \/>\n<\/strong> . \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<strong> <\/strong> <strong> <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Your sense of self-validation is somehow tied to being with her.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>The first is self-explanatory. The latter is more complicated.\u00a0 Sometimes, a man\u2019s sense of self-worth and validation comes from the particular woman he has just started dating.\u00a0 A false of sense of cockiness\/coolness can come from this.\u00a0 Maybe she is extremely attractive and you feel cooler when walking into a restaurant and turning people&#8217;s heads&#8230;.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, when she can giveth, she can also taketh away.\u00a0 Most of us have been there at one point.<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re reading this and you\u2019re 22 years old, you may wonder why some girl is dating a \u201cBadboy\u201d and overlooking you.\u00a0 I wondered the same when I was your age.\u00a0 No one had an answer for me, really.\u00a0 Luckily for you, if you stumbled upon this blog, you\u2019re learning those answers right now\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s examine the clich\u00e9d bad boy, one who was in the news often last year: Charlie Sheen.\u00a0\u00a0 Anecdotally, I once met Charlie Sheen for about a minute, and thought he was a pretty cool dude.\u00a0 Quite likeable actually.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But the question is: Why would ANY woman on the planet date a guy with that sort of reputation?\u00a0\u00a0 There are a multitude of reasons, but for the context of this blog post, let\u2019s stick to two of the main underlying reasons mentioned above.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2611\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2611\" style=\"width: 315px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/charlie-sheen-winning-resized-600.jpg.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-2611\" title=\"Winning With Tiger Blood\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/charlie-sheen-winning-resized-600.jpg.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/charlie-sheen-winning-resized-600.jpg.png 315w, http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/charlie-sheen-winning-resized-600.jpg-262x300.png 262w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 315px) 100vw, 315px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2611\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Winning <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Charlie Sheen may be partially crazy. He may be a self proclaimed Rock-star from Mars with Tiger Blood.\u00a0 He may have cobra DNA.\u00a0\u00a0 He may be some warlock master, but you know what he is not?\u00a0 Desperate for the sex. He is not Needy.\u00a0 He knows what he wants and if you can\u2019t deal with it, he\u2019ll go elsewhere.\u00a0 Deep down inside, he knows something:\u00a0 There are millions of vaginas, but only 1 Warlock master with Tigerblood.<\/p>\n<p>Why He Wins:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>You can\u2019t lure him with promise of sex.\u00a0 If he has to pay a 1000 Dollars for the hottest escorts\/prostitutes in Hollywood, he will do so gladly.\u00a0 BUT he won\u2019t succumb to your \u201cDangling a pussy in front of me like a carrot on a stick.\u201d<br \/>\n.<\/li>\n<li>His sense of validation does not come from the woman he is with.\u00a0 Come on, man!\u00a0 He has Tigerblood.\u00a0\u00a0 You saw the interview!\u00a0 You\u2019re cool for hanging out WITH HIM, not the other way around.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s that simple.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Charlie Sheen&#8217;s new sitcom just scored record ratings for a debut TV show.\u00a0 Some people say we watch him because he is a train wreck.\u00a0 That&#8217;d only be interesting for 30 seconds.\u00a0 I believe we watch, whether we know it consciously or not, because we are attracted to someone who lives his life in accordance with his own standards.<\/p>\n<p>So then, what do you do?\u00a0 How do you change your behavior?\u00a0 Do you carry a baseball bat and start swinging at disrespectful people?\u00a0 The answer is somewhere in between.\u00a0 Obviously, this is partly tongue in cheek but the principles hold true.<\/p>\n<p>So how does this tie to you and your dating life?\u00a0 You know I\u2019m a big fan of bullet point recaps, so let\u2019s do that.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li> A lot of you end up in abusive relationships, where you are emotionally manipulated.<\/li>\n<li> You tolerate abuse that you would not tolerate from any male.<\/li>\n<li> You tolerate that abuse because of the 2 reasons I mentioned above.<\/li>\n<li> Learn to recognize signs of emotional manipulation.<\/li>\n<li> Understand where you\u2019re desire to do the right thing is leveraged against you (like Jimmy)<\/li>\n<li> Never ever engage in these silly arguments that can never end up productive<\/li>\n<li> Learn to be able to set standards for codes of conduct you accept.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Let\u2019s revisit Jimmy\u2019s dating life.\u00a0 After my 15 minute conversation, I could see Jimmy was in deep thought.\u00a0 His reaction showed the facial expressions of a man who got it partially, but he still had not grasped the bigger picture I was trying to paint for him.\u00a0 Hopefully this verbose, sometime redundant, blog post has provided you with clarity.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>SOLUTIONS FOR YOU (And Jimmy) WHEN FACED WITH SUCH SCENARIOS:<\/strong><strong> <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Do NOT ever engage in these discussions.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>They\u2019re not logical.<\/li>\n<li>They\u2019re not cries for help or sincere confessions.<\/li>\n<li>Nothing good can come from discussing these issues.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>As mentioned before, this was Jimmy\u2019s mistake.\u00a0 Jimmy, thinking that he is challenging her and (not backing down) made comments such as, \u201cWhy would you say this?\u00a0 You\u2019re wrong!\u00a0 I Care.\u00a0 I\u2019d care if you jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Depending on HOW LONG you\u2019ve been dating (or are married), there are various ways to handle this.\u00a0 The earlier in the relationships, the more stern you can be.\u00a0 IF you\u2019re married and have 2 kids, assets, and a mortgage, well, you sort of have to walk more gingerly.\u00a0 If you\u2019re 3 weeks in, show her the exit door.<\/p>\n<p>So a month in the relationship and she says: \u201cNo one cares. (snivel). If I jumped off a bridge, no one would care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My sick sense of humor: Well, with that negative attitude, you\u2019re prob right.\u00a0\u00a0 Or if you&#8217;ve had enough:\u00a0 \u201cI care!\u00a0 You might be wearing my watch.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>OK, this is basically a nice way of showing her the exit door; and that\u2019s a good thing.\u00a0 Let&#8217;s say, you&#8217;re married and things just are not that simple.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Well, If you can\u2019t discuss the issue, and you can&#8217;t talk about it, then what do you do?\u00a0\u00a0 CALMLY, tell her you\u2019re not going down that road.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cLook, you\u2019re being hysterical right now.\u00a0 Come back and talk to me when you\u2019re calm and want to enjoy our time together. I\u2019m not having this discussion.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And yes, you will immediately receive a plethora of accusations:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYou\u2019re selfish.\u00a0 You\u2019re a jerk, you\u2019re an asshole.\u00a0 You don\u2019t care about my feelings.\u00a0 You don\u2019t care about what happens to me.\u00a0 You only care about yourself.\u00a0 How can you be so selfish? How can you be that way?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Many of you shall fall into that trap.\u00a0 Oh, how I warn you.\u00a0 How I try and prepare you.\u00a0 Yet, many of you will fall into that trap, because it\u2019s new to you.\u00a0\u00a0 You need practice being firm and assertive.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK.<\/p>\n<p>Come back and read this blog post again.\u00a0 Some of you will make it through and survive.\u00a0 Because you know that is a pattern, almost like an emotional chess game. She moved her pawn forward, and now she has moved her knight into position and has checked you.\u00a0\u00a0 If you engage in that argument, checkmate; you lose.\u00a0 You lose your peace of mind; you lose her respect &amp; attraction as well.<\/p>\n<p>Again, \u201c<em>Honey, you\u2019re being emotional and hysterical.\u00a0 I don\u2019t appreciate the emotional manipulation. We\u2019ll talk when you\u2019re feeling better.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>You may be a married guy reading this and you may identify with this all too well.\u00a0 First, understand that things got to this point, because you never exercised your assertiveness in the beginning.\u00a0 Now, you have more work to do.\u00a0 Gotta stand firm.\u00a0 Gotta stand tall. The first time will be the toughest, just as it is the first time you stand up to a bully.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<p>More Examples:<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2615\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2615\" style=\"width: 297px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/8db296f5b11c63fa8fdf288d1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2615\" title=\"Even MORE Drama\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/8db296f5b11c63fa8fdf288d1-297x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"297\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/8db296f5b11c63fa8fdf288d1-297x300.jpg 297w, http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/8db296f5b11c63fa8fdf288d1.jpg 542w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 297px) 100vw, 297px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2615\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Even MORE Drama<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, I thought I was done writing this article.\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 It was 90% finished, just had to be reread.\u00a0 Before I was able to publish it, a friend called me to chat about issues is having with the current he has been dating for the last 2 months.\u00a0 \u00a0They\u2019re not an \u201cofficial\u201d couple but they spend virtually all of\u00a0 their free time together.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Scenario: My friend Bill, pretty busy dude on his own account, makes plans to meet this girl.\u00a0 When he gets to her apartment, she starts moping and acting distant.\u00a0 She claims, that she is in a sad mood and that she needs \u201cAlone time\u201d.\u00a0 He tries to console but to no avail.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>She insists that she wants to be alone.\u00a0 He goes home.\u00a0 She confides to him the next day, that she called a friend to come over to have popcorn and ice cream.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, my friend cleared all of his events that night just for her, and when he got there, he basically got punked.\u00a0 That\u2019s really what we\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 On top of that, Bill felt inadequate and mistrusted. Why would she not confide in him, and yet call someone else to come over.<\/p>\n<p>Before I get to essence of the problem, I\u2019d like to establish baseline demographics for this blog.\u00a0 Without exaggeration, I receive emails from people who read my articles from all over the world.\u00a0\u00a0 From U.S. &amp; Canada to Europe, to the Middle East to Hong Kong and Australia.\u00a0 Most of YOU who read this blog are educated, intelligent and have decent jobs.\u00a0 Most of you, in my estimation, act with some sort of honor.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, the action that Bill\u2019s girlfriend just took is something you would never do to a friend.\u00a0 I certainly would never do it.\u00a0\u00a0 Man, You wouldn\u2019t sleep right at night, if you felt that you somehow cheated a friend.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d never tell your friend to clear his schedule for one night to come see you, only to turn him away to go home, because you suddenly just didn\u2019t feel like it.\u00a0 For starters, if your friend had any self-respect, he\u2019d advise you you are an asshole, and on top of that, you wouldn\u2019t feel good about yourself as mentioned.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Yet, you tolerate an inexcusable action that you would never commit yourself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>WHY?<\/p>\n<p>Because of the 2 aforementioned reasons above.<\/p>\n<p>SOLUTION: From this day forth, you start setting Standards.\u00a0\u00a0 Up until now, you haven\u2019t set standards.\u00a0 You have tried to get involved in logical arguments.\u00a0 Let me paint a picture for ya:<\/p>\n<p>(Yes. For some of you, I know this can get redundant but it\u2019s absolutely necessary to hit from every angle until most people reading this get it.)<\/p>\n<p>Case and Point:\u00a0 Let\u2019s assume you\u2019re the Owner &amp;\u00a0 CEO of a small business that employs 10 people.\u00a0 Your family\u2019s livelihood, your children\u2019s future college funds, the well being of your 10 employees and their families all depend on this business making money.<\/p>\n<p>What if you had 1 person who showed a repeated pattern of screwing up, negligence, and incompetence?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYeah boss, sorry about earlier this week.\u00a0 My college friends were in town, and we got so trashed with my old frat bros on Sunday that I couldn\u2019t work on Monday, and then Monday night stuff came up, and I got here 2 hours late on Tuesday\u2026.Totaly missed the meeting with the clients but whatever\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Would you sit there and try to explain?\u00a0\u00a0 Seriously.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\u201cListen Timmy. I don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re so negligent.\u00a0 These other employees have families and mortgages.\u00a0 If our business goes under, everyone loses.\u00a0 This hurts my feelings.\u00a0 Oh wait, you don\u2019t feel like talking anymore because you\u2019re in a bad mood now?\u00a0 No, I am not trying to upset you.\u00a0 No, I am understanding of your feelings, Timmy.\u00a0 Well, when is a good time to chat Timmy?\u00a0 Tonight maybe?\u00a0 OK, I\u2019ll sit by the phone and wait for your call so I can discuss this issue\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Ok, you get the point.<\/p>\n<p>You would never fucking do that.\u00a0 It\u2019d be either, \u201cTimmy, you\u2019re fired\u201d or \u201cTimmy, if this ever happens again, no matter what excuse, you\u2019re gone!\u00a0 Never Again!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2616\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2616\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/trump_yelling_pointing1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-2616\" title=\"We Have STANDARDS Around Here\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/trump_yelling_pointing1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/trump_yelling_pointing1.jpg 300w, http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/trump_yelling_pointing1-200x300.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2616\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">We Have STANDARDS Around Here<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Is this beginning to make sense?\u00a0 Some of you reading this right now actually ARE Business owners and get this intuitively, and YET, YOU STILL run your romantic relationships by taking abuse.\u00a0 Yes, she is not your employee.\u00a0 You are, however, the CEO of your own life.<\/p>\n<p>In your business, YOU SET STANDARDS!\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBe on time, do the work, you get paid every 2 weeks on Friday, etc, etc, etc.\u201d<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">SET STANDARDS for your personal life.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>How SHOULD Bill engage her?\u00a0 He can do so by setting standards!<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>\u201cNo, we made plans, and we are going out as planned.\u00a0 This is unacceptable.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mope around you.\u00a0 When I see you, I expect a big smile and positive energy.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Bill should have right then and there SET STANDARDS!\u00a0 That is one of the themes of this article.<\/p>\n<p>And of course, he was most likely going to receive the typical replies of \u201cYou don\u2019t care about me, you don\u2019t get me, you don\u2019t have respect for my feelings.\u201d\u00a0 (Remember Jimmy\u2019s girlfriend?)<\/p>\n<p>And this is where you must be a Jedi knight.\u00a0 You do NOT engage in this discussion.\u00a0 Remember that you would not engage in this discuss with your incompetent employee who is costly to your business and peace of mind.\u00a0 You repeat your standards.<\/p>\n<p>And see this is Bill didn\u2019t do.\u00a0 Bill did not set standards.\u00a0 He became engulfed in a constant drama. Every week his mind was consumed with this girl.\u00a0 She did this, but then she said that.<\/p>\n<p>What Bill didn\u2019t realize at the time, was that there are dates out there, just as there are better employees for the business owner example.<\/p>\n<p>There is a girl who\u2019d greet him with:<strong> \u201cHey, I know how much you LOVE Cheesecake and I saw this article about the best cheesecake spot in town!\u00a0 I really want to take you there for a slice.\u201d<\/strong> (Bill happens to be fanatical about cheesecake.)<\/p>\n<p>Just as there is an employee for the business owner:\u00a0 \u201cHey boss, the meeting went great and clients want to sign with us!\u00a0 I\u2019m excited\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 To which you can say, \u201cI\u2019m giving you a fucking bonus! Nice job.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The above is a functional relationship.\u00a0 It, however, starts with Setting Standards.\u00a0 You just need to imagine the right type of person and uphold that standards.\u00a0 If John Lennon were writing this article, he\u2019d tell you, <em>\u201cImagine a woman who takes you out for cheesecake!\u00a0 I wonder if you can\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Speaking of John, another brilliant artist who didn\u2019t set standards in his romantic relationships.\u00a0 In came an evil conniving weasel named Yoko and the rest is history.<\/p>\n<p>I started to write a 2 page article, and this is what ended up as final copy.\u00a0 20 different ways and analogies of explaining the same damn thing from a slightly different angle.\u00a0 Jimmy didn\u2019t completely get it, so I am hoping you will.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2617\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2617\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/Ermey.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2617\" title=\"I Am Setting Standards\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/Ermey-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/Ermey-300x225.jpg 300w, http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/Ermey.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2617\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I want HAPPY, SMILING, AND WILLING.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Get a sheet of papers and start writing down bullet points for your standards.\u00a0 Please remember these are not about core values which I wrote another article about. It&#8217;s about basic codes of conduct.\u00a0 Every business, sports team, and even the Marine Corps have codes of conduct for their employees, athletes, and soldiers.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;d advise you to write down standards &amp; Codes of ethics you will have for relationships:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I have standards that my date sticks to plan, and does not flake.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I have standards that my date is smiling, glad, and HAPPY TO SEE ME.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I have standards that&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;\u00a0 &#8221;<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, I don\u2019t claim to have mythical answers.\u00a0 This is not an alleged biblical story of some dude going up a mountain and coming back down claiming to have heard God speak to him or send him a holy text.<\/p>\n<p>When you really think about, it\u2019s actually somewhat common sense.\u00a0 You\u2019re tolerating unacceptable behavior that you would not conduct yourself.\u00a0 You create this pattern where you tolerate abuse, then act hurt and say, \u201cHey, I did x, y, z, for her, I was there for her, and she never appreciated it.\u201d\u00a0 And the cycle repeats.<\/p>\n<p>But then, if it\u2019s common sense, why can\u2019t you see your way out of it?\u00a0 When then are you stuck in this perpetual maze of social mess that creates drama instead of fun &amp; good memories?<\/p>\n<p>For the simple reason that your emotional mind is engaged and you can\u2019t think logically during emotional times.\u00a0 Our brains can\u2019t on both levels simultaneously.\u00a0 We are either extremely emotional or extremely logical.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (And if you\u2019d read my eBook, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.attractwomenanywhere.com\/ebook.shtml\" target=\"_blank\">Building Attraction<\/a>, you\u2019d already know that.)<\/p>\n<p>Nevertheless, the neurological reasons for this phenomenon\u00a0\u00a0 warrant an entirely different essay\/article altogether.\u00a0 The simple takeaway message is , it\u2019s much easier to see things with clarity for a 3<sup>rd<\/sup> party who is not emotionally vested in the situation.\u00a0 In this case, that\u2019s me.<\/p>\n<p>Hopefully, the example of the CEO and the incompetent employee provided that 3rd party perspective from the outside that you needed.\u00a0 Through easily seeing the absurdity of that scenario, you&#8217;re able to project it and overlap with with your own to see just how ridiculous and dysfunctional your relationship has been.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>It must be mentioned while your actions (or lack thereof) affect your relationships, they also plant the seeds for a much larger social impact.<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2618\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2618\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/community.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2618\" title=\"Social Impact\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/community-300x187.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"187\" srcset=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/community-300x187.jpg 300w, http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/community.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2618\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Impact On Society<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>By being complicit in taking this sort of abuse, you\u2019re reinforcing behavior that impacts our entire society.\u00a0 The girl that Jimmy dated will continue to do this with the next guy, because why? Because she can!\u00a0 Because she knows it\u2019ll be tolerated.\u00a0\u00a0 And in the meanwhile, the girl who was going to treat you out for a slice of your favorite cheesecake resorts to buying books such as \u201c<em>Why men love bitches\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Yes, that\u2019s a real book, and yes, I\u2019ve glanced through it, and yes, I saw it on a girl\u2019s bookshelf.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about the proverbial \u201cCool chick,\u201d good family, good relationship with her father, grad-school educated.\u00a0\u00a0 This is the girl who WOULD take you out for cheesecake.\u00a0 When asked why she spent money on such a book, she replied \u201cBecause men seem to like dating such women.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes, that\u2019s the world we create when we tolerate crap from shallow people, and that\u2019s the social dynamic we create <em>when don\u2019t set out to reward women who have substance and soul.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Set your standards in dating, it\u2019ll payoff in huge ways you never imagined before. \u00a0 OK, this is starting to sound Rocky&#8217;s speech at the end of <em>Rocky IV<\/em> after he beat the evil Russian,\u00a0 <em>&#8220;If\u00a0 I Can change, and you can change&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In the end, what have I really said? Probably the same short message that my favorite musician, <em>Billy Joel, ends every single one of his concerts with: \u201cDon\u2019t Take Any Shit from anybody.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Oh Yeah, and Set some fucking standards for behavior you will and will not tolerate.<\/p>\n<p>Cameron<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why You Feel Helpless in Dating . Emotional Manipulation, drama, and taking Control\u00a0 In Your Dating Life! This is my first article in 8 months and it\u2019s going to a&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[193],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2609","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-dating-advice"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2609","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2609"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2609\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2623,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2609\/revisions\/2623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2609"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2609"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2609"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}