{"id":2660,"date":"2012-11-12T07:00:23","date_gmt":"2012-11-12T14:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=2660"},"modified":"2025-08-12T17:24:34","modified_gmt":"2025-08-13T00:24:34","slug":"why-is-sending-mixed-signals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2012\/11\/12\/why-is-sending-mixed-signals\/","title":{"rendered":"Why She is Not That Into You"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why She Is Not That Into You<\/span><\/h1>\n

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A blog reader asks the following question which is a sentiment shared by a lot of men.\u00a0 Read his (lengthy question) because chances you are dealing with the same issues.<\/p>\n

Hi Cameron,<\/p>\n

I’m unaware of how active you are nowadays, or what specific types of question you respond to on this address. But I’ll take my chances anyway in formulating this\u00a0 letter for two reasons; firstly I have nothing to loose, and secondly because I recently discovered your writings and your general ideas seem to resonate with my own beliefs and values. In other words, you seem to be a guy I’d trust much more than most other dating advisers that are out there. You’re the only one to even mention the word honor as far as I know, a central value in my world. I write this in the hopes that you’ll help me with much needed and confidential advise.<\/p>\n

What is my problem in a nutshell? I always seem to attract women whose feelings I don’t reciprocate, and I am always attracted to women that don’t share my feelings. Until recently.<\/p>\n

My situation now is this: I’ve started seeing this girl whom I actually like. And the romance doesn’t necessarily seem one-sided. I have seen her a couple of times, and whenever we are physically together, there is a lot flirting and sexual tension going on. However, this girl is often very flaky. When I suggest we hang out, often she’ll have other things to do, which is fine. But I always had a feeling smth more was going on, as during certain periods she could seem “cold” in her texts. This suspicion was born out recently. Whenever the time came to decide whether we’d take it to another level (i.e. sex) she’s had excuses, which again is fine, if you’re not ready to have sex this exact moment I’m not going to be a douche and pressure you. But the last time was a different excuse. I met up with her and a couple of her friends (I was with one buddy of mine) and as usual there was a lot of flirting, a lot of sexual tension (and a lot of alcohol).<\/p>\n

As we go on talking, she says “why did you bring your friend? we could’ve gone to my place for drinks<\/em>” with clear insinuations, which to me was a dead giveaway. As the group disperses I’m left with the girl alone (my friend took a hit for me and went off with one of her friends, I’d do the same for him) and we make out for a long time, in the cold night. As time obviously has arrived to make a move or get a cold, she suddenly hesitates. Her words are these (literally) “this is<\/strong> going to happen, just not tonight, I am confused about something in my life right now<\/em>“. I didn’t make a big fuss about it, but it was a clear change from her earlier invitation to have drinks at her place. Upon asking her what this confusion was about, she says “nothing interesting, don’t worry<\/em>“.<\/p>\n

My immediate suspicion is that she has a boyfriend or some other love-interest. What else could you be “confused” about? In fact in one of our “dates” she spoke of an ex-boyfriend who keeps texting her. I didn’t think of it much, as it sounded as he was actually bothering her, and I didn’t want to appear jealous, which I wasn’t (because I didn’t suspect anything). Either way, she apologizes on facebook and says it is no big deal, and that she’ll tell me what it is later. I meet her (this was last week) after she suggests we grab a coffee together. But as we meet, she is clearly distressed by some events that had gone on (friends visiting, another friend experiencing a tragedy and in need of her console) and as I ask her about the “confusion” she says she’d rather not talk about it. She says “don’t worry<\/em>” to which I respond “I am not worried, just curious<\/em>” to which she responds with a teasing smile “keep being curious then<\/em>” .. extremely annoying.<\/p>\n

My question is what you make out of this, and what you propose I do. I know, it’s asking a lot and obviously it’s difficult to judge the situation by what I just wrote. A lot of things are left out in this one-sided narrative.<\/p>\n

But I write this because I finally met someone that I actually like, both in physical terms but also intellectual terms (she likes to party but is no classical party-girl archetype, she is extremely sharp). Should I pressure her further on telling me what the confusion is about? Should I give her space to think things over? The last option I’ve applied more or less the last whole week, since she actually proposed I go to a party with her and her friends but I declined as I had promised a buddy to hang together. I know I should be prepared to just walk away, but do you sense from this excerpt of a story that all is lost and over? Is this a permanently cemented vagina?<\/p>\n

Best regards and hope to hear from you soon.
\nKennie from Chicago<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

——————-<\/p>\n

Firstly, thanks for the good words.<\/p>\n

The timing of your email is rather appropriate as I was just giving some advice to a friend who is dealing with very similar circumstances.\u00a0 His concern of \u201cSometimes we hook up, sometimes she pushes me away.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s her defense mechanism.\u00a0 She is afraid to get close so she starts to do things to push people away.\u00a0 If I could find a way past that, I could get past her defenses, and win her trust, etc, etc, etc.\u201d <\/em>There are a lot of men who share the above frustrations.<\/p>\n

Yes, it\u2019s partly an \u201cIntellectual Problem<\/span>\u201d as you alluded to in your email title.\u00a0 However, I\u2019d suggest that what you (and my friend) deal with in part is more of an epidemic.\u00a0 It\u2019 an epidemic of modern times and modern male\/female relationships.\u00a0 You are frustrated by it, my friend is frustrated by it, and guess what, *I* used to be frustrated by it.\u00a0 Yes, to the insane point of learning so much about this stuff, that I now have this incredibly rich blog dedicated to the topic.<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s always easier to give advice when one is not emotionally involved in the situation himself.\u00a0 When there are no emotions vested, it\u2019s rather simple to apply logic, rational, and reasoning using the human brain to explain things.\u00a0 Once your emotions kick in, our judgment becomes cloudy and our decisions are based on feelings rather than reason and logic.<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, Stay with me here.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to explain this situation properly and though it may seem redundant at times, the article\u2019s intention is to hammer the point home as the clich\u00e9 goes.\u00a0 In essence, if you can grasp what I am about to describe on a subconscious level, then this blog article is going to change your dating life for the better.<\/p>\n

By the way, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 I\u2019m not in the business of doing dating workshops\/seminars anymore.\u00a0 These articles are more of a public service announcement than anything else.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s examine your current situation from a bird’s eye point-of-view.\u00a0\u00a0 Better yet, I\u2019d like for you to imagine from a 3rd<\/sup> person perspective as though you were watching a movie.\u00a0 We have an actor and actress playing the role of you and this girl you\u2019ve mentioned in the article.\u00a0 You get to view your own story on the big screen in a theater near you.\u00a0 We could put on a fucking IMAX if it helps the visualization of seeing this movie.\u00a0 Leave your emotions at the door.\u00a0 Grab some popcorn, (with butter if you like), some drinks and let\u2019s watch this film.<\/p>\n

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Look at it from a 3rd Person Perspective.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

.<\/p>\n

In this movie, we see a simple story of \u201cModern day guy likes girl.\u201d\u00a0 She seems to at times reciprocate his advances, other times,\u00a0 she doesn\u2019t.\u00a0 One day she tells him, \u201cHey, come to my place for drinks\u201d and a few hours later, she says, \u201cWell, this is not going to happen tonight.\u201d\u00a0 Another day, she says, \u201cI\u2019m confused, but don\u2019t you worry about it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Another day, she tells him \u201cI\u2019m not in the mood to talk\/chat\/go out\u201d\u2026. On another occasion, when he shows concern for her welfare and well-being, she merely disrespects him by saying, \u201cHey, keep being curious.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 We find our protagonist (the dude) confused and hurt.\u00a0 He seeks answers and can\u2019t explain why he is being treated this way.\u00a0 Part of him knows he deserves to be treated better, and yet, this further exacerbate the situation to add to the massive confusion of why his good will and good intentions are being met with disregard and lack of reciprocity.<\/p>\n

Are you with me thus far?\u00a0 You still watching this movie?<\/p>\n

By now, you may have noticed that our protagonist in this story is purely behaving from a reactionary standpoint.\u00a0\u00a0 The formula looks something like this: She does something he reacts.\u00a0 She does something else, he reacts once again.\u00a0 He is back on his heels, off balance, reacting to everything being thrown at him, and while on rare occasions, he may react correctly, he is still approaching the situation from a reactionary point of view.<\/p>\n

You also see this in sports: Whether you\u2019re watching basketball, football, boxing, MMA, you see this dynamic being played out.\u00a0 Great athletes and teams dictate their game plan, instead of merely showing up and reacting to what\u2019s being thrown at them.\u00a0 This is why basketball and football teams spend hours in the film-room studying <\/em>game tape to formulate an effective strategy.<\/p>\n

If a boxer has a great reach advantage, he is going to use his jab effectively and fight from the outside.\u00a0 If a MMA fighter knows that his advantage is his submission game, he is going to take the fight to the ground to try to work his submission attempts.\u00a0 A fighter who is shorter and more compact will want to get inside, jam his opponent and throw heavy body punches.\u00a0\u00a0 Whatever the situation may be, the great athletes\/teams are going to implement their game-plan instead of blindly reacting to the other person.<\/p>\n

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\"\"<\/a>
Implementing Your Game Plan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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If you watch sports at all, you\u2019d say, \u201cYeah, that\u2019s almost common knowledge.\u00a0 Logically, it makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n

Back to the modern day epidemic:\u00a0 Men no longer declare their standards.\u00a0 I wrote a whole blog article regarding\u00a0 establishing your standards.\u00a0\u00a0 TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR DATING LIFE<\/a>.\u00a0 Read that article again after this one.\u00a0\u00a0 More than ever before, we live in a mostly emasculated western society.\u00a0 Men have lost sight of the masculine energy\u00a0 and hence it has created gender role confusion.\u00a0\u00a0 Remember what I wrote in the aforementioned article regarding the balance of masculine and feminine energy.<\/p>\n

Whether you approach it from a purely scientific perspective, A million years of human evolution, or an eastern Tao spiritual philosophy, this balance of masculine and feminine, (Yin and yang) must exist in harmony.\u00a0 Otherwise, we are left with unhappy women who evolutionary don\u2019t want the burden of what is meant to be a man\u2019s job, and we are left with frustrated men who feel though as they have no say or power.<\/p>\n

I am willing to bet that if you take an honest look back at all of your previous interactions with women in dating, you will find that you have consistently operated from a pattern of being reactionary instead of setting some standards.\u00a0 The imbalance of gender roles has further been compounded by our superficial modern society and the age of \u201cKardashians\u201d And shows such as\u00a0 \u201cHousewives of buttfuck wherever\u201d .\u00a0 Somehow, it became OK for a subset of women to just behave rudely without repercussions.<\/p>\n

Moreover, because women are more emotional creatures, you\u2019re going to deal with this sort of thing a lot more often.\u00a0 Women will tell you that THEY themselves have this scenario with their own female friends.<\/p>\n

Simply put: it\u2019s extremely rare for your MALE Friends to tell you, \u201cI\u2019m having such issues man, got a lot on my mind, but hey, don\u2019t you worry about it.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019d be even more rare for a male friend to tell you, \u201cyeah, well, hey keep being Curious.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 For the most part, this is not our Modus Operandi as men.\u00a0 (And if a dude is acting that way, well then, he is just being a dishonorable little bitch..)\u00a0 Men of honor do not behave that way.<\/p>\n

Now, having said all of the above, let\u2019s revisit your issue with this girl.\u00a0 As I said, there are probably millions of guys with similar problems.<\/p>\n

First: you\u2019re too preoccupied with trying to stick your dick in her.\u00a0 Nothing wrong with being a sexual person, but you can\u2019t obsess about the sex portion of it.\u00a0 It makes you come across as needy and desperate.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s recap the events with her:<\/p>\n

She gives insinuations that she wants to be alone with you, then when you\u2019re alone, she suddenly has a change of heart.\u00a0 She then tells you she is confused, but she can\u2019t talk about it.\u00a0 She wants to have sex, but not right now.\u00a0 She speaks of some mysterious confusion she is experiencing.\u00a0\u00a0 Then on Facebook, she communicates with you that she is going to divulge information about this \u201cconfusion\u201d later, but when the time for \u201cLater\u201d comes to at the coffee shop, she tells you, \u201cHey don\u2019t worry about it” ….\u00a0\u00a0 AND THEN, When you express concern for her well being and that you were curious as to what was bothering her, she blatantly disrespects you with \u201cKeep being curious.\u201d\u00a0 On top of all that, she constantly flakes on you. Now you write me, asking \u201cDo I still have a chance with her?\u201d<\/p>\n

Are you kidding me?<\/p>\n

I know this is a lot of information to integrate into your own psyche all at once.\u00a0 To do so means to have self reflective and introspective moments, where you delve deep into your own psyche and deprogram your current programming.<\/p>\n

Here is the problem: Up until now, you\u2019ve probably sought advice from anyone and everyone.\u00a0 You\u2019ve knocked on every door.<\/p>\n