{"id":281,"date":"2009-02-16T13:09:15","date_gmt":"2009-02-16T20:09:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=281"},"modified":"2011-01-03T19:49:32","modified_gmt":"2011-01-04T02:49:32","slug":"why-cockyfunny-is-killing-your-interactions-with-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2009\/02\/16\/why-cockyfunny-is-killing-your-interactions-with-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Cocky\/Funny Is Killing Your Interactions with Women!"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"> Why &#8220;Cocky\/Funny&#8221; may be ruining your chances, and what you can do about it!<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>If you are on the Internet seeking dating advice, chances are good that you have come across a concept called cocky\/funny.\u00a0\u00a0 About 6 years ago, a gentleman started writing countless articles and newsletters promoting the concept of cocky\/funny.<\/p>\n<p>Like you, I was excited about it.\u00a0 It was a novel concept that seemed interesting and seemed to get a reaction out of people.\u00a0 It also seemed to piss off quite a few women at the same time.\u00a0 Over the years, I ran into a lot of guys whose chances with women were being destroyed by cocky\/funny as\u00a0it was being\u00a0taught.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re reading this right now, you may be one of those guys who is struggling to make cocky\/funny work for you.\u00a0 If you have been at it for a while, chances are good, you&#8217;ve upset and insulted your fair share of women in the past year(s).<\/p>\n<p>Thus, once and for all, I am going to break down HOW cocky\/funny is ruining your chances with women and how you can go about fixing it, and how you can <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">APPLY <\/span>it in a way that is effective and practical. This article is a bit long so set aside 10 minutes, kick back somewhere comfortable and take in what you&#8217;re about to read.<\/p>\n<p>First, we ought to understand the social-psychology of cocky\/funny.\u00a0 The cocky part is designed to give the man some artificial value of being cool.\u00a0 The funny part is to make people laugh and take the edge of by injecting humor into the social interaction.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s taking a line that a proverbial &#8220;Cool guy&#8221; would utter and giving it to someone who may not be as cool.\u00a0 The problem is that the line is lost in translation.\u00a0 It&#8217;s common knowledge that most communication is non-verbal, and teaching the verbal part of a concept to someone while leaving out the non-verbal is a recipe for disaster.<\/p>\n<p>In the long run, a cocky line cannot provide the illusion of confidence for someone who comes across otherwise.\u00a0 It may even buy him a few minutes sometimes, but the illusion will be shattered.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Therefore, it&#8217;s more effective to polish one&#8217;s overall approach.<\/p>\n<p>So let&#8217;s dissect the problems and look to replace them with solutions:<\/p>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Problem 1:\u00a0 Usage of Cocky Funny<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The way cocky\/funny is taught is to borderline insult a woman with a humorous touch to take the edge off of the insult.\u00a0 These are lines that can easily be misconstrued as an insult, and often, they are perceived as insults.\u00a0 When that happens, the cocky\/funny advocates reply with, &#8220;Well, she just doesn&#8217;t have a sense of humor.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Then again, maybe she just does not like being insulted.\u00a0 Below are some examples of the cocky funny lines taught:<\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;Nice shoes, did you buy them new?&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;Nice Outfit.\u00a0 Where is the rest of it?&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;You just want me, like all the other women.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;Nice Photo Portrait.\u00a0 Have you considered wearing more makeup?&#8221; <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(OK, I made that last one up.)<\/p>\n<p>Granted, you could approach 10 women, and 2 of them may respond favorably to such an advance.\u00a0 However, why would you handicap yourself like that?\u00a0 Why not use something that could effectively elicit a favorable reply from 8 out of 10?<\/p>\n<p>So should you throw away cock\/funny?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Learn to tease and have fun.\u00a0 Some of the guys started calling it <em>&#8220;Playful &amp; Confident&#8221;<\/em> a few years back and that&#8217;s a good motto.\u00a0 Being playful and confident is neither insulting and nor is it obnoxious.<\/p>\n<p>I have articles on how to tease and flirt and you may want to look at those at some point.\u00a0 Explaining how to use humor in the interaction requires an entire article on its own. For the time being, remember to be playful and confident.\u00a0 Playful, in essence, is being childlike.\u00a0 It&#8217;s learning to have fun and play.<\/p>\n<p>Hence, instead of trying to show you&#8217;re cool by the throwing out lines, you&#8217;re best served by displaying charm and confidence.\u00a0 You can TEASE and be fun, but the cocky-insult lines will have you shooting yourself more often than not.<\/p>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Problem 2:\u00a0 Timing of Cocky funny<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When and where do you use cocky\/funny as it&#8217;s taught?\u00a0\u00a0 What demographic of women do you think it&#8217;s best suitable for?\u00a0 Have you ever asked yourself this question?<\/p>\n<p>Well, the kind of cocky\/funny that has traditionally been taught is effective on club skanks and strippers.\u00a0 You should also note that sometimes these observations of these concepts were made in strip bars and night clubs.<\/p>\n<p>Cocky insult lines can work in those specific environments for two reasons:<\/p>\n<p>A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The social matrix of the environment.<\/p>\n<p>In a strip bar, for example, most men have zero value.\u00a0 Normally, the average guy in a strip bar is deemed by the stripper as a pathetic f*cking loser paying cash to see naked women flaunt their tits and ass.\u00a0 The borderline insulting comments are designed to somewhat reverse that dynamic or at least, to level the playing field.\u00a0\u00a0 Telling a stripper, &#8220;You just want to use me for my body&#8221; can be funny given the circumstances, because it&#8217;s drawing on the reverse premise of what is going on.<\/p>\n<p>Making the same remark to a girl in a library or a bookstore has no context and can backfire very easily.<\/p>\n<p>B.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Insecure women<\/p>\n<p>Despite how they come across, these types of women are extremely insecure on many levels.\u00a0 Hence, a borderline <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">insulting<\/span> cocky\/funny comment exposes their insecurity while reinforcing what they already subconsciously believe about themselves to begin with.<\/p>\n<p>Lesson for you to take away:\u00a0 Look at the environment you&#8217;re in and the type of women you are interacting with.\u00a0 If you find yourself in a strip bar, or talking to some platinum haired blonde with 55 pounds of makeup and collagen enhanced lips at a nightclub, then the cocky Insult lines actually do seem to get a reaction.\u00a0 Any reaction is better than having someone ignore you.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, if you&#8217;re approaching a different archetype, then cut down the insult lines, use more normal humor and joke with her as though you&#8217;ve known her for years.<\/p>\n<p>Another gigantic mismanagement of the cocky\/funny application occurs during compliments.\u00a0 It&#8217;s a dumb thing to do, and yes, I have done it too.\u00a0 When a woman pays you a sincere compliment and you reply back with a cocky\/funny put down, you&#8217;re basically pissing on her nice compliment.\u00a0 You&#8217;re discouraging that behavior.\u00a0 The next time she wants to say something nice to you, whether it&#8217;s &#8220;You have a great smile&#8221; or &#8220;I like your sense of style,&#8221; she&#8217;ll be subconsciously be thinking, &#8220;I better not!\u00a0 It&#8217;ll just give this prick another reason to fire back at me.&#8221;<\/p>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Problem 3:\u00a0 Persona\/delivery of cocky\/funny<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Another common issues arises from the personality of men who are attempting to be cocky\/funny.\u00a0 Men are taught to be serious.\u00a0 They are explicitly told that, &#8220;The woman shouldn&#8217;t be able to tell whether you&#8217;re joking or being serious.&#8221;\u00a0\u00a0 They are also taught to use a very serious monotone delivery rivaling Frankenstein with the charisma of a doorknob.<\/p>\n<p>Once again, bullshit advice.\u00a0 Guys who use cocky\/funny effectively &amp; consistently have a persona that is CONGRUENT with that type of humor.\u00a0 A character you can reference for this would be Vince Vaughn&#8217;s character, Trent, in the movie <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">&#8220;Swingers.&#8221;<\/span> (Actually, you can watch any number of Vince Vaughn movies (Wedding Crashers, The Breakup,) and you&#8217;d see the same effect, but let&#8217;s stick with Trent from Swingers.)<\/p>\n<p>Trent&#8217;s persona could be conceived as a cocky\/funny type.\u00a0 He simply gets away with saying a lot of things that other men would not. WHY?\u00a0 Because people see him and think, &#8220;Awww, that&#8217;s just Trent.\u00a0 He is just goofing around as usual, having a good time.&#8221;\u00a0 No one is insulted by Trent because people take him as someone having fun even if he is coming across as cocky.\u00a0\u00a0 &#8220;Hey man, that&#8217;s just big T, Trent!\u00a0 He is having fun!\u00a0 You can&#8217;t get upset at Big T.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-284 aligncenter\" title=\"Trent \" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/trent.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"297\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Most guys seeking dating advice don&#8217;t have a persona\/attitude like Trent, or they wouldn&#8217;t be seeking dating advice to begin with.\u00a0\u00a0 Hence, just because Trent&#8217;s lines work for him does not translate into those lines working for another man who doesn&#8217;t have the same attitude.<\/p>\n<p>A guy could be a studious, intellectual type who is not very gregarious.\u00a0 It doesn&#8217;t mean he cannot be successful in attracting women.\u00a0 However, for that guy to use the same approach as someone like &#8220;Trent&#8221; is a recipe for disaster as mentioned before.\u00a0 Is this starting to make sense?<\/p>\n<p>If you enjoy teasing, and like doing so often, then build (or Develop) a persona that is consistent and congruent with that delivery.\u00a0\u00a0 You must develop the PERSONA first and then the lines can be used in accordance.\u00a0 Cocky lines with the wrong persona amount to poor interactions.<\/p>\n<p>If you still seek other visual examples, then there is one blockbuster film you&#8217;ll have to watch a 2<sup>nd<\/sup> time.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps the greatest personification of a &#8220;Cocky Funny&#8221; personality is portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. in the movie, &#8220;<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Iron man<\/span>&#8220;. His attitude through out the film depicts his extremely cocky demeanor, and yet he manages to come across as likable.\u00a0 This is key.\u00a0 People are not insulted by him because at the end of the day, it&#8217;s all a joke and he is HAVING FUN!\u00a0 The people interacting with him can clearly distinguish that he is just a big kid having fun.\u00a0 Is he being a cocky smart-ass?\u00a0 Yeah, but it&#8217;s all in good spirit.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-285 aligncenter\" title=\"Cocky Funny Persona\" src=\"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/iron-man.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"206\" \/><\/p>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Problem 4:\u00a0 Frequency of Cocky\/funny<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>At some point, there has to be a real person inside the cocky\/funny shell.\u00a0 Back when I was reading dating advice, I remember someone asking a question from the cocky\/funny guru regarding its usage.\u00a0 He asked, &#8220;I used some lines to tease her.\u00a0 She was eating it up and having a good time.\u00a0 At what point should I stop?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The writer of cocky\/funny manifesto replied back, &#8220;What is wrong with you?\u00a0 What would you ever stop busting her balls?\u00a0 That&#8217;s what has gotten you thus far.\u00a0 Why would you ever stop now?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>That, right there, is perhaps one of the single worst pieces of advice ever written on dating.\u00a0\u00a0 After incessantly &#8220;Busting her balls&#8221; on a date, I once had a woman tell me that she wasn&#8217;t enjoying our interaction and that she wanted to go home. It was a bit disturbing to me, since I was following the cocky\/funny motto and berating her nonstop.\u00a0 Hey, by all accounts she should have been all over me.\u00a0 With that much cocky\/funny, she should have been proposing marriage to me. I guess she just didn&#8217;t like being picked\u00a0 on by some guy who had asked her out on a date.<\/p>\n<p>Teasing properly can be fun and it can enhance the interaction by making more interesting and flirtatious.\u00a0 However, at some point, there has to be a real person there.\u00a0 <strong>At some point, a man and a woman have to establish some rapport and have a real conversation, even if it&#8217;s something as simple as where they grew up or what they studied in college.<\/strong> Making fun of a person&#8217;s reply every time gets to become very obnoxious very quickly.<\/p>\n<p>This does not mean you stop teasing completely.\u00a0 Rather, you <strong>sprinkle<\/strong> it in.\u00a0 Imagine teasing as if it were <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">table salt<\/span>.\u00a0 You want to sprinkle a bit of salt on your meal to give it a kick but you can easily overdo it and ruin the meal.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, use the table-salt analogy to your advantage from now.\u00a0\u00a0 Here is the formula: More teasing in the beginning of the interaction, and less teasing as you build rapport.\u00a0\u00a0 At this point, use it as table salt.\u00a0 Use accordingly but don&#8217;t over do it.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Recap:<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Men have been taught to be cocky\/funny.\u00a0 They are taught &#8220;To bust a woman&#8217;s balls&#8221; which, by the way, has to be one of the most moronic idiomatic expressions ever.\u00a0 My personal tip to you: If a woman you&#8217;re talking to actually has balls, you probably should move on.\u00a0 They never mention that part!\u00a0 But let&#8217;s digress<\/p>\n<p>How did this advice come to exist?<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not that the people promoting cocky\/funny manifesto necessarily had bad intentions or meant to dupe or deceive you.\u00a0 It&#8217;s just that they did not know any better themselves.\u00a0 They were not touting advice because they had discovered something that worked for them.\u00a0 Rather, they were making observations of other people that had a working model, but the observers never understood the nuts and bolts of it.\u00a0 They didn&#8217;t understand the nuances of it.\u00a0 On top of that, they weren&#8217;t really guys who understood dating and attraction.\u00a0 They were marketers.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s disconcerting to receive emails from angry men who have fallen flat on their faces repeatedly through the use of cocky\/funny.\u00a0 Hopefully, after reading this article, you have an understanding of <strong>how to apply cocky\/funny<\/strong> and understand its application in human social interactions.<\/p>\n<p>What to take away from this article, especially if you&#8217;re one of the guys who has experienced severely poor results from using cocky\/funny:<\/p>\n<p><em>1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don&#8217;t use insulting lines.\u00a0 Learn to be playful and confident, childlike. The source of your confidence comes from your aura and demeanor, not from insults. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Understand the type of women you&#8217;re interacting with.\u00a0\u00a0 (Are you talking to a girl who looks she just walked off a porn set or are you talking to a woman who is an artist or someone who is very spiritual and reads Deepak Chopra for breakfast?)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Make sure your personality is congruent with your approach.\u00a0 Again, take a look at Vince Vaughn in Swingers and Robert Downey jr. in Iron man.\u00a0 Understand that cocky-funny is part of an <strong>attitude<\/strong> and\u00a0 personality, not just lines.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Learn to cut back on teasing, establishing rapport, and using the salt shaker analogy.\u00a0\u00a0 More teasing early on, but as the interaction progresses, use it sporadically.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If you make these corrections, your success with rise.\u00a0 At the very least, you&#8217;re going to continue a normal interaction without getting &#8220;Blown out&#8221; because of some insulting line you learned from some guy who didn&#8217;t have grasp of the concept himself. On top of that, you now have a sense of the timing of this concept, when to apply it and to pull back.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<\/p>\n<p>PS.\u00a0 The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.\u00a0 Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.\u00a0 Get a copy of my Ebook here: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.attractwomenanywhere.com\/ebook.shtml\" target=\"_blank\">Building Attraction with Women<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why &#8220;Cocky\/Funny&#8221; may be ruining your chances, and what you can do about it! . If you are on the Internet seeking dating advice, chances are good that you have&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,10,52],"tags":[70,72,25,73,71],"class_list":["post-281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-human-social-psychology-and-behavior","category-in-field-advice","category-seduction-community-related-stuff","tag-cocky-funny","tag-congruence","tag-dating-advice","tag-dating-tips","tag-playful-confident"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=281"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2436,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281\/revisions\/2436"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}