{"id":69,"date":"2008-10-14T00:02:46","date_gmt":"2008-10-14T07:02:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=69"},"modified":"2010-05-31T23:08:37","modified_gmt":"2010-06-01T06:08:37","slug":"why-most-life-coaches-are-jerk-offs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/14\/why-most-life-coaches-are-jerk-offs\/","title":{"rendered":"Why (most) life-coaches are jerk-offs!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0Why (most) self-help coaches are jerk-offs!<\/span><\/h2>\n

.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it:<\/p>\n

\"\"You and I cannot deny that there is plethora of books written on the topic of self-help. \u00a0Just walk into Barnes & Noble right now and check out books designed to teach you how to live\u00a0your life. \u00a0Some are pop-psychologists and some are modern day prophets who seem to have all the answers. They call themselves “Spiritual Teachers” and instill words of wisdom amongst the confused masses. \u00a0<\/p>\n

I was at a friend\u2019s hosue the other day, and while I was sitting on the couch, I noticed a particular self-help supposed spiritual book designed to help you live a happier life.\u00a0\u00a0 It got me very curious so\u00a0naturally,\u00a0I picked it up and started reading what it had to say. \u00a0 While one out of ten books might have useful information, the other 9 just make for great entertainment, and this fit the bill.<\/p>\n

There were different chapters that dealt with different issues, and much of it was common truisms that seem to make sense. \u00a0Then there was a chapter that talked about dealing with those who upset us and I thought this should be interesting. \u00a0Perhaps, they have some good useful tips people can utilize to get over the bullshit. \u00a0<\/p>\n

But then, according to this book, the reason we are angry at someone, is because we see our own qualities within that person.\u00a0 So if you have a boss who is an insensitive prick and demanding, you are angry at him because PART OF YOU is an insensitive prick.\u00a0 If you hate someone because they\u2019re rude and abusive, it\u2019s because part of you is also that way, and that\u2019s why you dislike that person. \u00a0<\/p>\n

So in order to reconcile, you have to overcome that part of yourself you see in that person.\u00a0 This is the same crap some psychologists will tell ya. \u00a0Now, I\u2019ll be the first to tell you that you have to let bygones be bygones and life is full of assholes. You gotta get over it.\u00a0 I get that, and yes, I am a big advocate of positive thinking. \u00a0But this modern psycho babble about you\u2019re seeing yourself in them is why you hate them? \u00a0This is their explanation and solution?\u00a0<\/p>\n

A 100 years of this science and this is the best they can come with?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is what our society has been reduced and dumbed down to?<\/p>\n

Some 5th grader explanation that would probably insult the intelligence of most 10 year olds?<\/p>\n

Ya know, when I was in my mid teens or so, I got my first car.\u00a0 It was one of those old VW Beetles.\u00a0 1972 model.\u00a0 Cool car.\u00a0 Man, I liked that car.\u00a0 It was simple, efficient, cheap, rarely broke down even though it was ancient. \u00a0It has a manual stick shit and was air-cooled. (that\u2019s really irrelevant but I threw it in.)<\/p>\n

I had just graduated high school and used to catch a lot of Dodger baseball games. \u00a0It was cheap and it was fun to go sit in the bleachers for 5 bucks to watch a whole baseball game live.\u00a0<\/p>\n

One day, while watching a baseball game at Dodger Stadium with a high school buddy , someone stole that 1972 Beetle.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think anyone would steal a car that old, but apparently, they were popular.\u00a0 (As I found out later, thanks to the kind policeman.)<\/p>\n

Needless to say I was pissed off, the way ANYONE would be when\u00a0Some motherf*cker steals yours transportation. \u00a0<\/p>\n

It\u2019s just too bad I didn\u2019t have such self-help books around at the time.\u00a0Otherwise, I could have realized that perhaps part of me had always wanted to steal a car, and perhaps I was secretly a car-thief who just had never acted on this wild fantasy, and that\u2019s why I was angry with the car thief who stole my car at Dodger Stadium that summer night.\u00a0 Perhaps I was seeing my Grand-Theft-Auto anger in that car thief and that\u2019s why I resented him at the time.<\/p>\n

WOW, this psycho-babble is so cool.\u00a0 It explains so much.\u00a0 All of the world\u2019s problems solved be reconciling through seeing yourself in other people. \u00a0Life-coaches really do have all the answers!<\/p>\n

Imagine a child in Africa who had most of his family slaughtered by a War Lord who rampaged through his village, killing and torching everything. \u00a0(Shades of scenes from the movie “Blood Diamond”)<\/p>\n

Child
\n(Innocent voice, thick African accent)
\nMother, what happened to our village?<\/p>\n

Mother
\n(speaks with thick African accent, war torn)<\/p>\n

My Child.\u00a0 The War-lord mumba lamba just rolled through
\nOur village and burned everything down.\u00a0 He raped, killed and pillaged.<\/p>\n

Child
\nAnd where is Grandpa?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nGrandpa has his head chopped off with a machete by
\nMumba Lumba, along with Grandma, and some of your aunts
\nand uncles.\u00a0 They were all murdered for no reason.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nI really hate mumba-lumba.\u00a0 I hate this place, I hate this world,
\nAnd I hate everything here.\u00a0 I am so angry about what happened.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nLucky for you, I have read AMERICAN SELF-HELP Books and I
\nhave realized the problem.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nOh, you mean that the world is full of greedy assholes and we have to
\nLearn to deal with it? \u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nNo! It\u2019s that PART OF YOU Has always wanted to rape, burn and murder.
\nAnd now you see yourself projected though Mumba-lumba, and
\nthat\u2019s why you hate him so much.\u00a0 You see yourself in him.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nWow. Thanks mother.\u00a0 I am glad we have American Self-help books
\nwritten by greedy luney American fat cats.\u00a0\u00a0 Because I had originally
\nthought I was angry at the War-Lord Mumba Lumba for killing people
\nin my village and murdering my grandfather whom I loved so much.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nYou’re welcome.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nNow, when I go out to play football, I play alone because many of
\n\u00a0the village\u2019s children were also slaughtered.\u00a0 When I cry myself to sleep
\nat nights in sadness and pain, I know that it\u2019s because part of me
\nalso wanted to commit this horrible tragedy
\n\u00a0and THAT IS THE REAL REASON why I am really mad.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nYes, thanks to the Americans for their self-help books and products.\u00a0
\nIf it weren\u2019t for American Life-coaches and pop-psychologist,
\nhow would the world survive?\u00a0 Oh WAIT!
\nI know the secret.\u00a0 Seriously, I mean I really know THE Secret.
\nIt\u2019s an infomercial disguised as a documentary and
\nit’s\u00a0called, \u201cThe Secret.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nWow, The Secret. Sounds great.\u00a0 What is it?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother\u00a0
\nWell, there is this genie in he universe waiting to take your orders.\u00a0
\nYou just make a wish, like getting CHECKS IN THE MAIL for just
\nsitting on your ass and wishing, and the genie just does it for you.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0Child
\nWow, the Americans are wise.\u00a0 How does it work?
\nWhat ACTION DO WE TAKE?
\nDo we grow some crops? Maybe plow a field?
\nMaybe get a job, or an education?\u00a0\u00a0
\nPerhaps Learn a trade or a craft?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nNo!\u00a0 You just wish and think about it. The genie does all the work.\u00a0
\nYou just sit on your ass.\u00a0 That\u2019s the key: Picture it in your mind,
\nthen sit on your ass.<\/strong>\u00a0 You just MANIFEST it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nWow. But then, why was our village raided, our friends slaughtered
\nand our homes burnt down?\u00a0
\nWhy would genie do this?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nHmmm,\u2026.. Child, even at age 9, you\u2019re very wise.\u00a0 The reason is that
\nyou manifested this.\u00a0 You manifested the raiding of the village and
\nthe beheading of your grandpa.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\n(weeping, sobbing)
\nBut I LOVED Grandpa. He taught me many great thigns and told me stories.\u00a0
\nI miss him. I miss him so much.\u00a0 And now his head sits on a platter
\non Mumba-lumba\u2019s wall.\u00a0 I did not want this.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nShut up!\u00a0 You manifested it!\u00a0 That\u2019s what \u201cThe Secret\u201d says.\u00a0
\nSo now you must Manifest us, food, shelter,
\na ticket to get the fuck outta here.\u00a0
\nStart manifesting boy.\u00a0 Picture a plane ticket to America.
\nIt\u2019s the greatest land with the wisest coaches.\u00a0 We will go there.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nHow did America become so great?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nIt\u2019s a great land because it was founded by wise-men.\u00a0 Not quite as wise as
\nthe people in the secret, but almost as wise.\u00a0 Some were named
\nGeorge Washington<\/strong>, Thomas Jefferson,<\/strong> James Madison,<\/strong>
\nJohn Adams,<\/strong> and Benjamin Franklin<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/em> They were visionaries
\nand smart men who created a new country and a new Constitution,
\n\u00a0the likes of which the world had not seen before.\u00a0 Their ideology
\nwas based on the Philosophies of John Locke, Thomas Paine and
\nThomas Jefferson, which went against the dogma of organized religion.
\n\u00a0They caused a revolution and won the war against the English.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nHow?<\/p>\n

Mother<\/p>\n

They manifested it, of course.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nYou mean they rose up and FOUGHT battles to establish their new land?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nNo!!\u00a0 George Washington and Thomas Jefferson\u00a0 just sat on their ass!
\nThat\u2019 the Secret!\u00a0\u00a0 They sat for days on their ass
\nalong with the rest of the colonists and just asked
\nthe Genie of the Universe to take\u00a0 away their oppressors.\u00a0 They also
\nasked the Genie to create a new Constitution and he was happy to comply.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nAnd what happened?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nOne day, these founding fathers woke up and magically the
\nBritish army was gone! There was a new Land and a new Democracy.\u00a0
\nAND…. of course, they also started getting checks In the mail!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\n(overjoyed)
\nAmerica sounds great!\u00a0 A nation built on ideas, philosophy,
\nand manifestation carried out by just
\nsitting on your ass!<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nLater on, there was a evil man named Hitler who murdered people like
\nThe War-Lord Mumba Lumba, except his army was so big, he wanted to
\nRule the world.\u00a0 The Americans stepped in using \u201cThe Secret.\u201d
\nThey just sat on their ass and manifested that Hitler and his Army
\nto disappear, and in 1945, they disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nWhy didn’t Hitler and his army use “The Secret”
\nto beat the Americans?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nUmmm, ahh, errrrr….At the time, the Genie hadn’t yet learned to
\nspeak German.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nBut what if it had? Who wins when two opposing forces
\nask great Genie for conflicting favors?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nShut the f*ck up kid.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\nBut I heard something about an invasion at Normandy
\nwhere many young soldiers lost their lives.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nNever happened! It’s a myth. The Americans
\njust manifested for Hitler and the bad people to go away.
\nThat’s it. \u00a0 Stop asking so many questions, and start
\nmanifesting.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Child
\n(overcome by sudden sense of logic)
\nBut wait, if they manifested his demise, doesn\u2019t this mean that
\nautomatically they also manifested Hitler\u2019s creation?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mother
\nShut up kid.\u00a0 Start Manifesting those tickets, and some
\nWildebeest leftovers, or at least some beef jerky.
\nOtherwise, your ass is going to bed hungry tonight!<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s what happened. \u00a0The story does have a happy ending. \u00a0Miraculously, the mother and son DID Find some tickets to America when they came across some Mormon missionaries who also had manifestation on their mind, (though from a different genie.) \u00a0 Today, they live happily as pop-psychologists and life coaches.\u00a0\u00a0 They\u2019ll be making an appearance on Dr. Phil\u2019s show soon!\u00a0 Be on the lookout. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Stay good, and keep on manifesting.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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