{"id":757,"date":"2009-05-10T01:01:51","date_gmt":"2009-05-10T08:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/?p=757"},"modified":"2011-01-03T19:05:45","modified_gmt":"2011-01-04T02:05:45","slug":"analysis-of-approaching-women-directly-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/attractwomenanywhere.com\/blog\/2009\/05\/10\/analysis-of-approaching-women-directly-part-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Analysis of Approaching Women Directly, Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Direct Approach Series, Part 4<\/span><\/h2>\n

Balancing Acts of life.\u00a0 Pushing The Edge and still being Socially Savvy!<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

.<\/h2>\n
\"\"
George Carlin<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\"\"
Lenny Bruce<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In the last article, I mentioned that one of the issues you’ll run into is people selling you doctrine.\u00a0 If there is a holy grail of becoming more attractive to women, it’s enhancing your Attributes.\u00a0 There is no substitute for coming across as someone who is fun, interesting, and confident.\u00a0 Someone who is socially pleasant to be around, joke around with with, ho also has a high self image of him\/herself.\u00a0 (This applies to both sexes.)<\/p>\n

Should you go Direct or Indirect?<\/p>\n

First, part of this depends on your experience level.\u00a0 If you’re a beginner, your first priority ought to be socializing <\/strong>with as many women as possible.\u00a0 The more time you spend with women, the more comfort you gain in being around them.<\/p>\n

Put aside direct or indirect and focus on having conversations with a lot of women.\u00a0 The exception to this would be a guy who has a lot of females around him, except they’re all your friends.<\/p>\n

If you’re the guy who grew up with a lot of sisters and\/or have female friends you spend time with, then you ought to start focusing on being more sexual with your intentions.\u00a0 You’re most likely already comfortable being around women, you realize their quirks, their personalities, and tendencies.\u00a0 Now, step it up.<\/p>\n

In my experience, that is a very small percentage of guys seeking advice on dating.\u00a0 That is the subsection of men who suffer from having repeatedly been told, “Let’s Just Be Friends” by women.\u00a0 As a result, they have female friends, but the women they desire, do not reciprocate the same romantic interest.\u00a0 That hurts like a bad kick in the balls.\u00a0 I know.<\/p>\n

Yet, there is a sliver lining if you’re that guy.\u00a0 If you have even one female friend whom you spend a lot of time with, you’re already way ahead of the curve because you are comfortable socializing with women.<\/p>\n

If you are not that guy, then the focus is on socializing with women.\u00a0 Your focus should not be becoming a Pick up Artist.\u00a0 It should not be memorizing tons of theory and tactics designed to pull a club-chick back to your house.\u00a0 Your focus is becoming comfortable.<\/p>\n

What if you’re more experienced?\u00a0 What if you have been jumping around from various schools of seduction?\u00a0 You become infatuated with indirect, then direct, then this or that?<\/p>\n

Wait, perhaps you should go the way of “Natural Game?”<\/p>\n

Without Social Intelligence, there can be no Natural Game.\u00a0 These are the simple facts of life, Without Oxygen, there can’t be water, and without the Internet, there can’t be online trolls.<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Applying Social Intelligence:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Going Direct with your openers could be of value in certain circumstances but keep in mind that it has to be balanced with social-pleasantries.\u00a0 If you are at a house party, you can choose to go up to women and introduce yourself. After all, it’s a party and part of the point is to get to meet new people.<\/p>\n

    However, there has to be a balance.\u00a0 Something over the top is going to backfire.\u00a0 You can’t approach every woman at a party and tell them that you like them and ask for their phone number.\u00a0 That’s a good way to be labeled a dirtbag who is never invited back again.<\/p>\n

    What if you’re talking to a mixed group of guys and girls at a social function?\u00a0 You still don’t know which girls are single and which ones are there with their boyfriends standing right next to them.\u00a0 Again, you don’t’ want to be a douche bag.<\/p>\n

    This is a situation where you start talking about random topics until you can establish a vibe with one of the girls, or you establish the group’s dynamics.<\/p>\n

    What about at work?\u00a0 Well, it’s typically not a good idea to date coworkers but happens all the time. \u00a0You can’t tell every attractive woman at work you want to date them.\u00a0 It’s a good way to get yourself fired quickly, or be called into “Human Resources” for a sexual harassment lecture.\u00a0 Your best bet is to make normal conversation, feel the vibe, then start with the innuendos.<\/p>\n

    Any closed small environment normally lends itself to a more neutral style of\u00a0opening.<\/strong> A closed small environment could be a classroom, an office\/apartment building, or a very small town.\u00a0 You don’t want to be “That guy.”\u00a0 The guy who is aggressively hitting on any and every woman within proximity,\u00a0 Take the gym as an example of a closed environment.\u00a0 If you frequent the same gym 4 times a week, you could blow out through the gym pretty quickly, if you aggressively hit on every attractive girl you came across. Sometimes, you have to pick your spots, and be a bit more smooth about how you approach the women.<\/p>\n

    Granted, you could say, “Hey, I know the type of woman I like, and when I see it, I go after it!”\u00a0 I’d say, excellent, go for it.\u00a0 If you’re going to be judicious and selective, that’s fine.\u00a0 Pick your spots.\u00a0\u00a0 It may even turn out that over the course of a few months, you date several women from the same gym, but there is a way of going about it that is socially pleasant.<\/p>\n

    On the same token, there are situations that require you to push the envelope.\u00a0 There will be times when you meet a woman who is looking to have a good time and you have to aggressively push the envelope.\u00a0 By the I mean, you have to pour on the sexual innuendos and escalate.<\/p>\n

    Let’s go the opposite route of a small closed environment.\u00a0\u00a0 You’re walking in the downtown area of a city, and you see a girl standing somewhere looking at some item talking to a clerk.\u00a0 You have about 10 seconds before she starts walking again, continuing to move away.\u00a0 You decide you like her looks\/vibe.\u00a0 What do you do? Think quickly.\u00a0 Prob a good time for balls to the walls.\u00a0\u00a0Many times, Direct-openers are the best available option, especially if you have a strong personality.\u00a0 Go for it.\u00a0 (In Articles to come, I will explain how to properly execute the opener.)<\/p>\n

    You can be direct with your intentions in the way you flirt, but walking up to every semi-attractive woman and saying, “Hey, let’s go out” gets to be a too much.<\/p>\n

    It’s a balancing act.\u00a0 You want to be masculine<\/span>, driven<\/span>, going for what you want without apology\u00a0and you still want to be socially graceful on some level.\u00a0 Socially Graceful often becomes lost in dating advice.\u00a0 It’s replaced with false bravado and the machismo of “Hey, have a strong reality.”<\/p>\n

    Let’s suppose you were invited to a formal White House dinner party with President Obama and other heads of state in attendance.\u00a0 If you decided to wear “Assless Chaps,” you’re going to come across as a fucking idiot.\u00a0 I don’t care how strong your reality is.<\/p>\n

    Wait, this just in!\u00a0 We have a a photograph of a seduction community fanatic attending that White House dinner keeping his strong reality:<\/p>\n

    \"this
    this is Not Cool<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    It’s not the most graceful thing you’ve ever seen, is it?\u00a0 This gets back to the idea that most of us have to still function within society and carry some resemblance of class.\u00a0 When that fact of life meets with the\u00a0fact that most\u00a0Dating\/seduction coaches are outcasts and misfits\u00a0of society, it results in a cluster fuck.\u00a0 \u00a0I am the first guy to say push the envelope but at the same time, you have to know where that fine lines is.\u00a0 You can walk the tightrope but first you gotta find it.\u00a0 It takes a good degree of social intelligence to know how far you can push that edge.<\/p>\n

    Now, on to the other far extreme:<\/p>\n

    A lot of guys have the opposite problem of the aggressive annoying guy who gets labeled a douchebag:\u00a0 That’s being afraid to show intentions. A lot of guys will start conversations with women with the intention of wanting to date them, but they keep the conversations so platonic that it never goes anywhere.<\/p>\n

    Later on, when they ask her out, she is almost shocked.\u00a0 There were so afraid to show interest in her that she feels awkward.\u00a0 A good example of this:\u00a0 Hot woman meets computer expert.\u00a0 So the computer expert guy goes out of his way to help her with everything possible.\u00a0 He offers all sorts of assistance.\u00a0 The more savvy woman will get why he is doing so, but a lot of women don’t.\u00a0 They figure, “Oh, what a nice guy.\u00a0 Very helpful and cordial.”<\/p>\n

    Then 2 weeks later, when he professes how badly he wants to take her out and how crazy he is about her, she feels awkward and weird; as though there ulterior motives all along as to why he has been offering assistance.<\/p>\n

    This is why sub-communication and Flirting is essential.\u00a0 If you can learn to naturally flirt and have fun, be comfortable with touching women (not groping) the interaction will inevitably go towards a certain different direction.\u00a0 It will have taken a different path.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    So in essence, you are not just communicating your\u00a0interest and intentions to a woman, but rather, you’re communicating sexuality.<\/p>\n

    This is where 90% of men seeking dating advice fail.\u00a0 They learn lines, pickup lines, routines and tactics.\u00a0 That’s fine.\u00a0 It’s part of the learning process for some people.\u00a0 They do not, however, learn to communicate sexuality through the subtext of their interactions.<\/p>\n

    If you have been seeking dating advice and going through the motions for a couple of years now, you may find yourself experiencing sticking points.\u00a0 You’re just doing the same old song and dance for the past 6 months, with the same issues surfacing.\u00a0 Learn to improve the way you come across.\u00a0 Learning more theory is not going to that for you.\u00a0\u00a0 You’ll have to\u00a0 look inside and find yourself a bit, and improve from the inside out.<\/p>\n

    Once you know yourself and the proper social calibration, then you can start pushing the envelope.<\/p>\n

    Pictured up top are\u00a0comedy legends George Carlin and Lenny Bruce.\u00a0 They’re two of comedy’s icons, and also two guys who pushed the boundaries as far as they could, be it using obscene language or mocking\/exposing organized Religion. At the same time, they had an incredible understanding of social dynamics and the possessed very high social intelligence.\u00a0\u00a0 You have to have the high social-intelligence first, then push social boundaries.<\/span><\/strong> That’s how this works.<\/p>\n

    OK, so we covered when and where to use direct, and understanding the need to push the edge, be aggressive and yet maintaining social grace.\u00a0 We covered the issue of not being “That guy” who hits on every single woman he comes across, and also not being the guy who is afraid to show his intentions.<\/p>\n

    ——————————————–<\/p>\n

    Stay tuned for the next part in this series.\u00a0 Tomorrow, I am going to cover more outergame.\u00a0 I am going to cover:<\/p>\n

    -Situational Openers,
    \n-Personal examples of situational conversational openers,
    \n-Common mistakes in situational openers,
    \n-The idea of meeting women in social circles versus Cold-approaching, the pros and cons of each.<\/p>\n

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