Why She Is Not That Into You

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A blog reader asks the following question which is a sentiment shared by a lot of men.  Read his (lengthy question) because chances you are dealing with the same issues.

Hi Cameron,

I’m unaware of how active you are nowadays, or what specific types of question you respond to on this address. But I’ll take my chances anyway in formulating this  letter for two reasons; firstly I have nothing to loose, and secondly because I recently discovered your writings and your general ideas seem to resonate with my own beliefs and values. In other words, you seem to be a guy I’d trust much more than most other dating advisers that are out there. You’re the only one to even mention the word honor as far as I know, a central value in my world. I write this in the hopes that you’ll help me with much needed and confidential advise.

What is my problem in a nutshell? I always seem to attract women whose feelings I don’t reciprocate, and I am always attracted to women that don’t share my feelings. Until recently.

My situation now is this: I’ve started seeing this girl whom I actually like. And the romance doesn’t necessarily seem one-sided. I have seen her a couple of times, and whenever we are physically together, there is a lot flirting and sexual tension going on. However, this girl is often very flaky. When I suggest we hang out, often she’ll have other things to do, which is fine. But I always had a feeling smth more was going on, as during certain periods she could seem “cold” in her texts. This suspicion was born out recently. Whenever the time came to decide whether we’d take it to another level (i.e. sex) she’s had excuses, which again is fine, if you’re not ready to have sex this exact moment I’m not going to be a douche and pressure you. But the last time was a different excuse. I met up with her and a couple of her friends (I was with one buddy of mine) and as usual there was a lot of flirting, a lot of sexual tension (and a lot of alcohol).

As we go on talking, she says “why did you bring your friend? we could’ve gone to my place for drinks” with clear insinuations, which to me was a dead giveaway. As the group disperses I’m left with the girl alone (my friend took a hit for me and went off with one of her friends, I’d do the same for him) and we make out for a long time, in the cold night. As time obviously has arrived to make a move or get a cold, she suddenly hesitates. Her words are these (literally) “this is going to happen, just not tonight, I am confused about something in my life right now“. I didn’t make a big fuss about it, but it was a clear change from her earlier invitation to have drinks at her place. Upon asking her what this confusion was about, she says “nothing interesting, don’t worry“.

My immediate suspicion is that she has a boyfriend or some other love-interest. What else could you be “confused” about? In fact in one of our “dates” she spoke of an ex-boyfriend who keeps texting her. I didn’t think of it much, as it sounded as he was actually bothering her, and I didn’t want to appear jealous, which I wasn’t (because I didn’t suspect anything). Either way, she apologizes on facebook and says it is no big deal, and that she’ll tell me what it is later. I meet her (this was last week) after she suggests we grab a coffee together. But as we meet, she is clearly distressed by some events that had gone on (friends visiting, another friend experiencing a tragedy and in need of her console) and as I ask her about the “confusion” she says she’d rather not talk about it. She says “don’t worry” to which I respond “I am not worried, just curious” to which she responds with a teasing smile “keep being curious then” .. extremely annoying.

My question is what you make out of this, and what you propose I do. I know, it’s asking a lot and obviously it’s difficult to judge the situation by what I just wrote. A lot of things are left out in this one-sided narrative.

But I write this because I finally met someone that I actually like, both in physical terms but also intellectual terms (she likes to party but is no classical party-girl archetype, she is extremely sharp). Should I pressure her further on telling me what the confusion is about? Should I give her space to think things over? The last option I’ve applied more or less the last whole week, since she actually proposed I go to a party with her and her friends but I declined as I had promised a buddy to hang together. I know I should be prepared to just walk away, but do you sense from this excerpt of a story that all is lost and over? Is this a permanently cemented vagina?

Best regards and hope to hear from you soon.
Kennie from Chicago

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Firstly, thanks for the good words.

The timing of your email is rather appropriate as I was just giving some advice to a friend who is dealing with very similar circumstances.  His concern of “Sometimes we hook up, sometimes she pushes me away.  I think it’s her defense mechanism.  She is afraid to get close so she starts to do things to push people away.  If I could find a way past that, I could get past her defenses, and win her trust, etc, etc, etc.” There are a lot of men who share the above frustrations.

Yes, it’s partly an “Intellectual Problem” as you alluded to in your email title.  However, I’d suggest that what you (and my friend) deal with in part is more of an epidemic.  It’ an epidemic of modern times and modern male/female relationships.  You are frustrated by it, my friend is frustrated by it, and guess what, *I* used to be frustrated by it.  Yes, to the insane point of learning so much about this stuff, that I now have this incredibly rich blog dedicated to the topic.

Of course, it’s always easier to give advice when one is not emotionally involved in the situation himself.  When there are no emotions vested, it’s rather simple to apply logic, rational, and reasoning using the human brain to explain things.  Once your emotions kick in, our judgment becomes cloudy and our decisions are based on feelings rather than reason and logic.

Nevertheless, Stay with me here.  I’m going to explain this situation properly and though it may seem redundant at times, the article’s intention is to hammer the point home as the cliché goes.  In essence, if you can grasp what I am about to describe on a subconscious level, then this blog article is going to change your dating life for the better.

By the way, you’re right.  I’m not in the business of doing dating workshops/seminars anymore.  These articles are more of a public service announcement than anything else.

Let’s examine your current situation from a bird’s eye point-of-view.   Better yet, I’d like for you to imagine from a 3rd person perspective as though you were watching a movie.  We have an actor and actress playing the role of you and this girl you’ve mentioned in the article.  You get to view your own story on the big screen in a theater near you.  We could put on a fucking IMAX if it helps the visualization of seeing this movie.  Leave your emotions at the door.  Grab some popcorn, (with butter if you like), some drinks and let’s watch this film.

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Look at it from a 3rd Person Perspective.

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In this movie, we see a simple story of “Modern day guy likes girl.”  She seems to at times reciprocate his advances, other times,  she doesn’t.  One day she tells him, “Hey, come to my place for drinks” and a few hours later, she says, “Well, this is not going to happen tonight.”  Another day, she says, “I’m confused, but don’t you worry about it.”    Another day, she tells him “I’m not in the mood to talk/chat/go out”…. On another occasion, when he shows concern for her welfare and well-being, she merely disrespects him by saying, “Hey, keep being curious.”   We find our protagonist (the dude) confused and hurt.  He seeks answers and can’t explain why he is being treated this way.  Part of him knows he deserves to be treated better, and yet, this further exacerbate the situation to add to the massive confusion of why his good will and good intentions are being met with disregard and lack of reciprocity.

Are you with me thus far?  You still watching this movie?

By now, you may have noticed that our protagonist in this story is purely behaving from a reactionary standpoint.   The formula looks something like this: She does something he reacts.  She does something else, he reacts once again.  He is back on his heels, off balance, reacting to everything being thrown at him, and while on rare occasions, he may react correctly, he is still approaching the situation from a reactionary point of view.

You also see this in sports: Whether you’re watching basketball, football, boxing, MMA, you see this dynamic being played out.  Great athletes and teams dictate their game plan, instead of merely showing up and reacting to what’s being thrown at them.  This is why basketball and football teams spend hours in the film-room studying game tape to formulate an effective strategy.

If a boxer has a great reach advantage, he is going to use his jab effectively and fight from the outside.  If a MMA fighter knows that his advantage is his submission game, he is going to take the fight to the ground to try to work his submission attempts.  A fighter who is shorter and more compact will want to get inside, jam his opponent and throw heavy body punches.   Whatever the situation may be, the great athletes/teams are going to implement their game-plan instead of blindly reacting to the other person.

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Implementing Your Game Plan

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If you watch sports at all, you’d say, “Yeah, that’s almost common knowledge.  Logically, it makes sense.”

Back to the modern day epidemic:  Men no longer declare their standards.  I wrote a whole blog article regarding  establishing your standards.   TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR DATING LIFE.  Read that article again after this one.   More than ever before, we live in a mostly emasculated western society.  Men have lost sight of the masculine energy  and hence it has created gender role confusion.   Remember what I wrote in the aforementioned article regarding the balance of masculine and feminine energy.

Whether you approach it from a purely scientific perspective, A million years of human evolution, or an eastern Tao spiritual philosophy, this balance of masculine and feminine, (Yin and yang) must exist in harmony.  Otherwise, we are left with unhappy women who evolutionary don’t want the burden of what is meant to be a man’s job, and we are left with frustrated men who feel though as they have no say or power.

I am willing to bet that if you take an honest look back at all of your previous interactions with women in dating, you will find that you have consistently operated from a pattern of being reactionary instead of setting some standards.  The imbalance of gender roles has further been compounded by our superficial modern society and the age of “Kardashians” And shows such as  “Housewives of buttfuck wherever” .  Somehow, it became OK for a subset of women to just behave rudely without repercussions.

Moreover, because women are more emotional creatures, you’re going to deal with this sort of thing a lot more often.  Women will tell you that THEY themselves have this scenario with their own female friends.

Simply put: it’s extremely rare for your MALE Friends to tell you, “I’m having such issues man, got a lot on my mind, but hey, don’t you worry about it.”  It’d be even more rare for a male friend to tell you, “yeah, well, hey keep being Curious.”    For the most part, this is not our Modus Operandi as men.  (And if a dude is acting that way, well then, he is just being a dishonorable little bitch..)  Men of honor do not behave that way.

Now, having said all of the above, let’s revisit your issue with this girl.  As I said, there are probably millions of guys with similar problems.

First: you’re too preoccupied with trying to stick your dick in her.  Nothing wrong with being a sexual person, but you can’t obsess about the sex portion of it.  It makes you come across as needy and desperate.

Let’s recap the events with her:

She gives insinuations that she wants to be alone with you, then when you’re alone, she suddenly has a change of heart.  She then tells you she is confused, but she can’t talk about it.  She wants to have sex, but not right now.  She speaks of some mysterious confusion she is experiencing.   Then on Facebook, she communicates with you that she is going to divulge information about this “confusion” later, but when the time for “Later” comes to at the coffee shop, she tells you, “Hey don’t worry about it” ….   AND THEN, When you express concern for her well being and that you were curious as to what was bothering her, she blatantly disrespects you with “Keep being curious.”  On top of all that, she constantly flakes on you. Now you write me, asking “Do I still have a chance with her?”

Are you kidding me?

I know this is a lot of information to integrate into your own psyche all at once.  To do so means to have self reflective and introspective moments, where you delve deep into your own psyche and deprogram your current programming.

Here is the problem: Up until now, you’ve probably sought advice from anyone and everyone.  You’ve knocked on every door.

  • You could ask (And probably have)  a plethora of dudes, more clueless than you, and they tell you their worthless offerings which have no basis in reality.
  • You’ve purchased books from your local bookstore written by psychologists who’ve told you that “You don’t listen enough” and that “Women like a guy who is sensitive and is a good listeners”    (And man you’ve done enough listening to outdo most court reporters.)
  • You get advice in seduction community that is laden with “Secret tactics” and using a cool routines to try to overcome what you just described.
  • And lastly, you’ve been a sucker for various Scam marketers (oops, I mean “Internet Marketers”) who packaged shit products coupled with great sales letters/tactics to get your money.
  • Maybe you even asked a couple of guys who are naturally good with women, and they just told you “you think too much” (and they’re right), but they just weren’t able to articulate the solution in a somewhat concise yet analytical way, explained in a way that it could penetrate to your subconscious mind.
  • You maybe even asked other females, who in their best intentioned way said something along the lines of “Give her some space, and let her figure it out.”  (Not the worst advice, but not going to solve your issues either)

Yet, what you haven’t done is take a look at yourself, your own behavioral pattern and make a change to start laying down some standards.

It’s time to make a change in your approach to dating women.

In this article, Take Control Of Your Dating Life, I mentioned the story of a friend of mine who cleared his busy schedule on a Thursday night to go visit his girl, and when he got there, he was told that she wanted to be alone.  Later, he learned that two hours after he went back home, she called a male friend (not a lover) to come over to eat ice cream and help her with something.

What did he not do?  Set standards and DECLARE Those standards:  Something along the lines of  “Hey¸when I see you, I want us to have a good time, laugh and enjoy each others’ company.”  Since you’re new to doing this, you’re going to experience some highs and lows.  At times, you will go overboard and overdo it.  It’s part of learning process.  It’s like trying to shoot a basketball from 15 feet away.  When you’re a beginner, sometimes you shoot too hard and it ricochets off of the backboards.  Other times, you should with too little force and you throw up the proverbial “Air-ball.”

You find the right balance eventually.

So let’s start your path to recovery:

It is motherf**kin’ irrelevant whether she is confused, this, that or the other.  (OK, I add a few curse words to give it more gusto. Put on the ear muffs if you’re offended.)

What are YOUR STANDARDS?   Are your standards that when you meet you have fun, have great conversation, not hear about her ex boyfriends, that she smell good, laugh, flirt, etc?  Good?  Then those standards have to be expressed  if need be.

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Stand For Something.  Have Standards.

OK, to ensure the comprehension of these concepts in a rather short blog post,  I’m simplifying everything.  [By the way, I realize this is a gargantuan blog post but this topic could warrant its own book, so relatively speaking it’s a short essay.]

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Stand for Something

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When we were kids, we were attracted to comic book characters like Superman, not just because they had superpowers but because they also protected people who needed their help.  I’ve chosen superman because he is one of the most internationally recognized and the most cliched of heroes.

Those comic book heroes stood for something.  They had certain core values and upheld themselves to a certain standards.  What was Superman’s?   “Truth, Justice, and The American Way.”

Forget the fact that in our current political arena, those things have no meaning, but as kids they made sense and made you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.   These were super virtues and these heroes upheld them.  They were not compromised and these characters had such profound impacts that we even hold on to them as adults.

If were to apply the lack of standards we uphold in modern dating to Superman, then we’d find that Superman would easily be duped for this:

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sold out for this?

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It’d be simple to rewrite this comic book. Lex Luthor would find some woman to offer Superman her vagina so long as he agreed to allow a train to crash off of a cliff, or to allow Lex Luthor to rule the city as a dictator.  Superman, desperate to get laid would relinquish his responsibilities and virtues to get laid in seedy hotel somewhere in Metropolis.

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Understanding Your Own Social Programming

I’m going to deviate from the main course and go on a brief tangent.  I’ll keep this segment short because it easily warrants its own blog article. However, it’s important that you realize how you’ve come to behave in this manner.    We live in a society that sells us everything through the power of sex.  As men, filled up with testosterone, we’d like to have sex, and lots of it. However, due to the incredible premium that’s placed on the vagina, we come to view it as a big deal.  We start viewing it as some sort of prize instead of REALIZING that sex is something natural and MUTUALLY beneficial for both people.   How much are you teased with this  until until you start compromising your standards?

Take look at this:

Dangling Pussy in front of Donkey

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That’s Madonna at age 50 still trying to tease you with her crotch photos.    At age 50, she is still trying to sell you and me on the sex.   Nobody seems to even mention that at this point with the amount of abuse that high mileage vagina has taken, along with the bad attitude, her vagina probably looks more like the Predator’s mouth after he takes his mask off.

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You want some of this?

You want some of this?

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Yet, this is still what’s selling and it still works.   That’s all fine and dandy, but you can’t compromise your standards because of someone squeezing their crotch in front of you.

Have you listened to the John Lennon’s song “Imagine?”  Do you remember the video for that song on MTV?  Do you remember the scene where he took his penis out and cock-slapped a few people as he twirled it around No?  Hmmm, that’s probably because he never made such a video.  If you like the song, you’ve liked it because at some level, it met your musical standards.  Not because he dick-slapped people to get your attention.  Some people enjoyed his music, some enjoyed what he stood for, but it wasn’t because he tried to behave “High & Mighty” above you due to having a vagina.

Similarly, the women you want to date ought to be upheld to your dating standards.  Everything else then becomes irrelevant.  I want to make sure no one misconstrues what I am saying.  The desire for sex is completely natural and nothing you have to apologize for.  However, do not allow people to compromise your standards through the lure of sex.  Most of this blog’s readers are intellectual men.   You recognize substance!  Uphold your standards for dating in the same way you’d do it for a book you read.   You don’t consider a novel a classic because of a few vagina photos.  You see each for what it is. You are able to decipher between Mark Twain and a low grade  porno mag.  Apply that same standard to your relationships.

Here is the Key Take-Away Message:  It’s not that the desire for sex is wrong.  It’s that you must STOP putting the pussy on a pedestal.  Your self-worth comes from your character within, and it is not determined by whether a woman will give you access to her vagina.

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Personal Examples & Application of Concepts in REAL LIFE Scenarios.

How do you set standards?  Let me give you a personal example:

I, much like you, do not want to hear about someone’s “Ex boyfriends” on a date.  I think most men and women will agree that it’s bad form to even discuss such a sour topic.

Regardless of what most people agree, there are some women (and unfortunately, idiotic dudes) who will bring this subject up.  If a girl I’m dating does this, it’s time to declare standards.  “Hey, listen, I rather get to know you better.  I don’t really want to hear about your ex.  And I won’t tell you about mine.”

How *YOU* do this will depend on your individual persona but it needs to be done. What if she can’t comply?  GOOD!  She can go home.  I just weeded out someone who wasn’t a good match for me without going through all of the bullshit you went through with this girl.   It also means not tolerating disrespect.  When she told you, “Keep being curious” it was disrespectful and it pissed you off.  Yet, you did nothing.  This is where you ought to declare standards.  However, in these situations, most men make 2 gigantic mistakes.  I know I’ve made them and most men I know have as well:

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  • Mistake # 1: Tolerating disrespect.  (she is blatantly disrespecting you.  You wouldn’t tolerate that from a man, would ya?)   Hence, you need to state your standards.

“Look, Don’t be disrespectful .  It’s unattractive and I don’t like it.”’

That’s it.  End of story, right?  Nope.  Like quicksand, you may be sucked into the trap of mistake #2.

  • Mistake #2 : Getting sucked into an argument or a debate.  “How was I disrespectful?  Why are you so rude/sensitive/ etc?    I was just trying to say……”

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Do not go down that road.  Remember you have standards that you adhere to, a code of conduct that you’ve come to expect.    “Don’t be disrespectful.  You know what you did.”

Worst case scenario:  You get up and walk away.  GO HOME AND LEAVE WITH YOUR SANITY KNOWING THAT THERE ARE PLENTY OF WOMEN OUT THERE WHOSE COMPANY YOU CAN ENJOY WITHOUT ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND BULLSHIT.

Also, drop the idea of intellectualizing relationships.  I wrote this article for this exact reason:

What If You Could Power Down Your Brain

Intellectual smart men try too intellectualize the everyday occurrences of relationships and dating.  Similar to my friend who mentioned, “She pushes me away.  I don’t know why.  I think she pushes men away as a defense mechanism.”

Dude, you’re not her shrink.  Keep it simple.  As an intellectual, you’ll appreciate this: Apply basic laws of physics.  Our universe works on cause and effect.   Remember Newton’s law:  Action and Reaction.

She disrespects you, you call it.

You’re on a date, she starts acting distant and weird, you tell her, “Looks like you have a lot on your mind, and I am tired. Gotta get up early.  I gotta go.”

What’s the message?  She has to also understand that HER ACTIONS cause a REACTION, which could be positive or negative.  Behaving in a rude manner will have repercussions just as behaving in a polite manner does.

  • Action >>>  Reaction
  • Cause >>>  Effect

Cause & Effect. Simplify

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Like an onion, we’ve peeled away all of the layers down to the core, to the essence of the most fundamental principles.   We’ve stripped it down to the most basic laws of physics that govern our universe.  There is no more thinking about “I wonder why she said this,” and I wonder “what she really meant by that.” Or “Why does she push me away, is it a defense mechanism?”

First lesson,  establish what your standards are.  Relationships as well as the business environment and the military has a code of conduct.   If you’re in the United States Marines and your entire platoon has to be up at 6 am, one person cannot choose to sleep in til 9 am.  Doing so will be met with harsh penalties.

Similarly, your standards may be, “I expect people to show up when they make plans with me.”  It’s simple, and yet, how often do we completely let that slide?

But why?  Because we allow ourselves to be compromised due to the promise of sex.

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What To Do When She Flakes

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Let’s bring it back full circle to the question you asked in the beginning once more time:

This woman frequently flakes on you.  She is confused.  She disrespects you. Admonishes you for bringing a friend, hints you should get rid of him and then she’d let you enter her pussy, and when you do tell your friend to be a team-player and to go home, suddenly she has change of heart.

How about Kennie starts applying his standards?

By the way, I realize that at times the tone of this may come across as sort of “Holier-than-thou” but rest assured that the experiences you share are ones I’ve been through as well.  I’ve made all of these mistakes in the past, and set out to learn what they were and learn ways to correct them.  (And a yellow pages sized blog later, he we are.)

Back to standard settings: So let’s you, like me, and like most human beings do not enjoy being flaked on.

  • Scenario:  You talk to a girl and make plans for Thursday night.  She tells you :

“Well, I’m not sure yet.  Let’s talk Thursday early afternoon and confirm for sure.”

    [This is one that I bet without exaggeration millions of men across the planet can relate to.  It’s certainly happened to me.]

    What do you do?

    Well, BEFORE reading this article today, you’d probably do what you’ve always done.  Say something along the lines of “OK!  I’ll text/call you Thursday and confirm then.”

    You did so because you hoped there would at least be a 50/50 chance of seeing her. You even became excited about your potential Thursday night date.   In your mind you reasoned ,“Well, what do I have to lose?  I’ll call her on Thursday and Hopefully we are still good to go.  It’s a good 50/50 chance.” By doing so, you lost.  I’d bet most of the time, you were flaked on!  Little do you know that when you agreed to those terms, you weakened your position as a man and became someone without a backbone in her eyes.

    In most cases, when women are wishy-washy about plans, it means you’re a “Last resort” option.   You’re the like the 5th option on her social calendar IF NOTHING ELSE works out.  In NFL Football analogy, you’re the 5th option for the quarterback.  “Let’s see, my wide receivers are covered, the slot receiver is not in position, tight end and running back are busy blocking.  OK, Let me throw a pass to this grunt Fullback working like a dog.  Let’s throw him a bone.”

    To prevent this scenario, understand 2 things:

    1. Become more attractive as a potential mate.  My Ebook, Building Attraction Secrets,  is a good place to learn that.  It’s over 200 pages of my findings and it’s not something I can type in a few sentences.  You must know and develop the basics of how to become an appealing man.  There are behavioral & belief changes that will transform you into a more attractive person.
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    2. Establish standards.  (and yes, doing so also makes more attractive as a man.  It works hand in hand.)
    • How do you establish standards?

    Recently, I was reading a book regarding relationships by Dr. Glover, who is a PH.D and a Psychotherapist.  He calls it “Managing Expectations.”   It’s a different way of saying to establish standards. So we can also use Dr. Glover’s verbiage and say,

    • What are your expectations?

    Well, it’s simple: You announce how you do things and your code of conduct.  If you’ve been deeply entrenched in “Pick Up Artist” advice, you’ve come across men who are trying to overcompensate with over-the-top bravado.  You seem them jumping up and down, chanting out loud “Let’s go get some pussy.  Yeah, ra, ra, ra, fuck some bitches:.”

    It’s completely unnecessary and even somewhat counterproductive.  Not to mention these are grown ass men behaving like teenage boys.

    Simply tell her your standards and what your expectations are:

    “Hey, I don’t make plans that way.  That’s not how I do things.  If you’re interested in getting together, let’s do it when you’re a 100% Sure you can make it.”

    The beauty of that is in its simplicity.  No arguments.  No debateIt’s not rude. It’s not angry.  That’s simply how you do things.   This is what I was talking about with making it simple, cause and effect.  This is how you make plans and if she doesn’t like it, then Thursday is not going to work.

    If she can’t ever apply herself to behave like a decent human being, then she is not worth hanging out with.  Move on to another woman.  Delete her phone number/facebook/twitter.   Move away from the silliness.

    Granted, there may be extenuating circumstances.  Sure, if she is a heart-surgeon and she has to rush to the hospital to save a patient, you’re understanding of that.  Hey, she could even be a waitress working a shift and her boss asks her to stay an extra 3 hours to cover for someone who called in sick that day.  Those things happen, but even then, you’d get a text from your heart surgeon date saying, “I’m SOOOO SORRY!    I have to rush to the hospital or we could lose a patient.  Again, I apologize.  I’m free on Sunday, though! Would love to do it then!”

    Those are acceptable circumstances.  It came with an apology and a counteroffer of another date to reschedule immediately.   However, most of the time, you’ve been flaked on, it’s been that you were sort of the last resort.  She flaked, you agreed, because you hoped it’d get you somewhere.   “Hey, at least, I still have a shot” you figured.  Wrong logic.  You became a wimp in that moment.

    I used to have a buddy who flaked frequently.   At one point, we hung out often, but eventually, I stopped hanging out with him.  I still talk to him or see him once a year or so.  To this day, it’s the same conversation:  “Hey Cameron, it’s been a while.  We should catch up” he tells me every single time.  I always give him the exact same reply, “Sure! I’m down.  Give me a call, and we’ll get together.  I’m pretty busy so we’d have to make plans a week in advance.”  And then, he doesn’t call & I don’t see him for another year!  It’s fantastic.    Works out great for everyone.

    Remember that I am simplifying things here.  It’s a simple “Cause and Effect,” the basic governing laws of the galaxy.  It’s time to replace this:

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    Complicated Scheme, putting vagina on a pedestal.

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    With this:

    Cause & Effect

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    My recommendation:  With this current girl who is wasting your time, your best bet is to cut her loose. I know that’s tough to do when you’re emotionally invested.   Henceforth, establish your standards: When it comes to making plans, when it comes to hanging out, when it comes to what you do when you hang out, to how she behaves, to how much she shows respect.  Don’t ask about what she is confused about.  Do not be concerned about what she is confused about.

    • Avoid intellectualizing this stuff.  “I wonder what she meant and I wonder  if she were insinuating for me to……”
    • Avoid always being in the reactionary position. (remember the MMA/Boxer/Sports analogy)
    • Keep it simple, to the simplest governing laws of our universe.  Cause and Effect.

    Set your standards.

    • I don’t like flaky people. It’s super annoying a waste of time.  Let’s make plans when you’re a 100% sure.
    • I expect my friends/buddies/girlfriends to be honest and sincere.
    • When we hang out, I want it to be fun!  I don’t bring baggage into it and I look for the same.
    • I have a standard of having healthy adult sexual activity with a woman I’m dating.
    • And so forth.

    Remember, it’s natural for men to have a high sexual desire.  Testosterone fills our bodies with a lot of sexual drive and aggressiveness.  It’s that a man’s self-worth cannot be tied to whether a woman said yes or no to a date; nor can it be tied to whether a woman wants to sleep with us.

    Sometimes it’s counter-intuitive, but men who possess resolve & determination,

    Get a lot more of this naturally:

    And with that resolve  comes the essence of knowing that if the above, [As appealing and tempting it is], is going to play silly games and disrespect you, you do not hesitate to say “See ya Later.”

    ——-

    That could be my longest blog post ever.  However, if you read it, understand it, and APPLY it, it could just change your dating life forever.

    Cameron