What Do Women Want?
That’s the question that was posed to me at a social gathering the last week. Well, it started more as a grievance. “Man, I just don’t know what women want. I’m confused. I’m a nice guy. They don’t want to date me. What do they want? Cameron, do you know?”
Random question arbitrarily asked at a social gathering and then directed towards me by a guy who has no idea about my past life. This guy doesn’t know about this blog, my Ebook written in 2005, or that I used to take guys “Out in the field” [More bars than I care to remember] to show them how to approach & meet women; from LA to NYC to Montreal to Berlin and Zagreb. But that was a previous life………
Hey man, I’m just some guy sitting on the sofa as far as the nice confused guy is concerned. So let’s answer that question.
What Do Women Want? I could give you a one sentence answer but it wouldn’t of much benefit to you. Take about 10 minutes, sit back and absorb what I’m about to break down and we’ll get to the answer. It’ll all make clear sense by then.
- WHO IS ASKING THIS QUESTION?
Let’s examine the person asking the question. I’m willing to bet you can relate to him. I’ll call him “Oliver.” His name is made up on this blog, but his credentials and situation are not. Oliver is smart and rather interesting if you got to know him. You have to get to know him because he does not PROPERLY express himself. Sure, he can talk about the weather and what’s going on around him, but he truly hasn’t discovered how to express himself so that his essence comes across.
He is highly educated from a really distinguished university, currently in the PH.D program. Yet he is confused, perhaps because he doesn’t know what his role is. Perhaps because feels like he is sinking in quick sand trying to contort his personal like a human pretzel at a circus in order to mold himself into something that he thinks women may want.
He is having problems dating but he is not alone. He falls under the vast majority of masses. His issues are not exclusive to him. There are countless men who complain about the same issues. I come across them every day. Why?
- How did it come to be this way?
That’s also a key point. It wasn’t always this way. Sure, there have always been the proverbial nice guys throughout history but to this extent? Seems very unlikely. It’s an issue that has risen to prominence in recent years and by examining the macro view of the issue at hand, you’ll also be able to more accurate pinpoint the root of your own frustrations.
Let’s take a look at the sociological aspects of this. As you probably know, I enjoy reading psychology literature from time to time and also like examining the evolutionary influences on our existence on the planet.
I was reading a recent book that pinpointed the current abundance of “Nice, yet with no dates, guys” like our pal Oliver. It comes down to two issues.
- The lack of Male parental influence.
- The negative side-effects of feminism in the last 4 decades
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Issue # 1: The lack of Male parental influence.
By lack of male influence, we’re not talking about runaway dads. Certainly, that’s an issue onto itself. However, even in families with supporting dads, the kids do not experience sufficient male influence. Think about this: You may have had the most awesome loving father who provided well for you and your family. He has always made sure you all had a great life. He busted ass behind going to work and coming home to provide for you. It’s not that he did something wrong. It’s more of a case of how society just changed.
If we went back a 100 years, we find that male boys often started working in their dad’s trade, at least to start with. Whether dad was a farmer or a shoemaker, the teenage boys followed suit, therefore spending A LOT OF TIME alongside dad. Since much of our behavioral patterns are formed by mimicking rather than straight teaching, we in yesteryears picked up Dad’s masculine influence.
We don’t see that often now days. Sure there are exceptions: We find high school football players who spend time with their dad who is a football coach, but then those guys don’t have dating problems.
Issue #2: The negative side-effects of feminism in the last 4 decades
Feminism was great in that it allowed women to be independent. If you’re a woman and you want to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a college professor, you have that opportunity. Somewhere along the line, things just went overboard to put it in layman’s terms. It turned ugly and now we have an emasculated male population base and a whole lot of frustrated females who complain they can’t find “Real Men.”
Making fun of men, especially white men is the most accepted form of insult in our modern pop culture. You may or may not have realized it. Watch movies, television, situational comedies, and the like: White males are constantly ridiculed. You’ll constantly see lines such as, “You have to forgive my husband, he is an idiot.” Or “Men, they’re such pigs/idiots/morons” and it goes on and on and on………….
You’ll never see the opposite. If you do, it’ll automatically be deemed as male chauvinistic or sexist or worse. And yes, I get that the world is run by white men. I don’t mean the heads of our government either. The chiefs heads of almost all corporations and Banks which ruin our planet and corrupt our democracy by buying our politicians are white men.
Yet, that doesn’t make it healthy to ridicule all men by association. This essentially has led to a massive of emasculation of all men.
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- Examining Pop Culture:
You may think, “Well, I don’t know if that has affected me.” Unless you grew up on a farm alongside your dad with no Television, it did. Look at the romantic comedy genre. Hey, I used to like these as a kid. The 80s made some of the best ones. Here is the plot of every single one: Some super nice guy nerd who wanted to date a cute girl but she didn’t notice him. However, through some unforeseen unusual events, they were brought together and she saw him for who he really was. She then fell in love with him and they lived happily ever after.
Sound familiar? I bet you can name a handful of movies right off the top of your head right now. These all had a profound influence on your subconscious mind: That if you just stayed the way you were, somehow that “Cute bubbly girl” would discover you as though she were some scientist in a lab looking for Penicillin.
In fact, speaking of “What women want,” have you seen this?’
Synopsis: Mel Gibson is a player who gets afflicted with the disease of hearing the inner-thoughts of women in his presence. After constantly hearing their insecure and neurotic thoughts, he becomes in tuned with their issues, and by the end of the film becomes one of them. Then Helen Hunt falls for him.
They turn him into this leg shaving metro-sexual pansy:
Where is the ranting crazy person who is Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon?
In fact, if you want to learn to be better with women, watch the “What Women Want” movie in reverse. Well, that’d be difficult in practicality. Perhaps watch the last 30 minutes first. You’ll see an unsure confused pussified male trying to share women’s emotions, one step away from watching the Kardashian’s and going vegan. (Tho watching Kardashians is not really feminine. Just idiotic.)
Then watch the first 30 minutes, particularly the scene in the coffee shop where he gets the number and you’ll see what works and what doesn’t. You’ll see a FUN, Charming guy who knows what he wants, and as a result he attracts a lot of women. He is also the guy you’d want to have a beer with
The sad thing is that in recent years the movies have only gotten worse. If you’re 30 years old, you at least know of Martin Riggs. Just wait for the adult life of the kid who is just 10 right now being influenced by movies like the 40 Year Old Virgin. And you thought you had problems……..
By the way, let’s recall that along comes the “Seduction community”: As always is the case in history, when on group is suppressed in any way shape or form, there is a backlash, and the backlash is violent or aggressive. The seduction community really is that backlash.
Unfortunately, many of the leading people in the community are also “problem childs” hiding behind veils of false macho behavior and fake ego boasting. They still haven’t discovered the appeal of being comfortable in their own skin and what it is to be masculine. So in essence, they’re still searching for their identity and in the process they hide behind their false sense of ego-inflated player personas, trying to share reports of their successes. They’re not healthy either.
Either way, the fundamental problem persists because of men losing their way in modern society. Young males miss a strong male influence much like the kid in the movie “Gran Torino.“ Do yourself a favor and watch that film. [Clint Eastwood comes across more masculine at around 80 years of age than the entire cast of Twilight combined.] The scene where he takes the 15 year old kid to a barbershop to teach him how to chat and socialize with other men is not only classic, but an accurate depiction of what men are missing today.
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It’s important to take this cerebral bird’s eye macro view of the issue at hand. I have written an entire Ebook, “Building Attraction Secrets” discussing the dos and don’ts of meeting women. However, before you can start correcting problems, you ought to have a profound understanding of your own behavior.
Take a moment (or longer) and think about the following questions:
- What career would you seek if there was no chance of failure?
- How would you spend your days if you had a billion Dollars? (Sure, you’d travel, buy homes, etc, but then 2 years later, how are you spending your days when you get out of bed in the morning? What do you do?)
- How would your behavior be different if you had a handful of women of your liking willing to go out with you at any given time? Really think about this one. Would you really insist on walking that random girl’s dog everyday while she is out of town, IF you had 5 women of your liking waiting to go out or come over to your place?
- How would you spend your time if your time was limited? If we were told an asteroid was going to hit earth in 20 years and we had to go live in caves during an ice age, what would you? (OK, I’m giving you 20 years in order to prevent full fledged panic.)
- If you could have anyone’s life on the planet (or emulate it), whose life would it be and WHY? The “Why” is the most important part of this. You could say, “I want to be a Rock Star” but is that because you enjoy performing music in front of large audiences; OR is it because you just want to get laid more? Do you really want to play a show on a Friday night, pack everything up, travel on a bus to the next city, get on stage at 3 pm for 3 hours of tedious sound checks and rehearsals to play a show at 8 pm? OR do you just want the lifestyle (and to get laid)? The reason as to why you choose it is important.
The answers to these questions are monumentally important because they provide glimpses into your own inner psyche and tap your subconscious mind.
We can find the right answers, if we ask the right questions.
It reminds me of what someone once told me about taking classes in a college or university. People often complain, “What did math/physics/philosophy class ever do to benefit you after you graduated from school?”
Well, there are two types of classes. Ones that teach you how to do, and ones that teach you HOW TO THINK. While that wood-shop class is great in paying dividends and instant gratification by you building a wooden bench, it doesn’t teach thinking. You could walk around, pretend to be like Jesus, build a couple of tables but that’s the extent of it.
Classes like Math & Physics, from a neurology perspective, form connective pathways in the motor neurons in the human brain that enable various ways of thinking applying more reason and rational and the ability to find answers.
Since the evolved brain is humanity’s distinguishing difference from other species, then perhaps we can logically deduce that it might be important to foster its enhancement. So think about the questions above and then you find how often you are true to self. By answering these questions, you also find out how often you’re doing things in order to impress other people, particularly women.
It’s not a very masculine trait to constantly worry about what might please a woman. It doesn’t mean you should be an a**hole who insults them the way some teach. It just means you have to put living your life true to self as first priority.
It’s for everyone to discover what that means. For me, I have a simple motto when it comes to social interactions:
“I do what I say, and I say what I mean.”
It serves me well. Is it right for you? Maybe, maybe not. It fits my personality and core values. I do believe that for a man to embrace his masculinity, he as to be able to honor his word. Perhaps it’s because of what my dad used to tell me when I was a kid. “A man’s word has to mean something. Otherwise he is worthless.” Now, my dad wasn’t “Let’s go play football and throw the ball” type. He was always adamant that a man should be honorable.
He considered honor and integrity and coming through on your promises very “Manly” things.
A man makes a decision and he goes through with it, and if it turns out he has a made a mistake, he admits it. He fesses up to it, instead of trying to sweep it under the rug. These are masculine traits because they require fortitude, guts, and the ability to face the fire should you end up making a mistake, which at some point we all make. These are simple concepts, and yet ones men often neglect in their daily lives. It also means as a man taking a greater responsibility for the welfare of those around you. This is particularly sorely lacking in male/female relationships.
That means a man’s wife/companion could be an Ivy league graduated medical surgeon or a lawyer battling in court, but when she comes home, she stills needs the comfort of a masculine figure around the home. Why? A million years of evolution has wired us to have certain needs.
Whether you take an Eastern approach or a Western one, you end up with the same result. If you talk to my friend Steve, he’d tell about metaphysical stuff, energies, auras, Shamanistic stuff, and that in the Universe there exists a Masculine Energy and a Feminine energy and they’re like yin/yang to each other. They both fill certain requirements in the metaphysical world and they’re BOTH NEEDED. That’s really Steve’s specialty, so I’d leave it to him to explain the specifics of the spirituality to you.
If you talk to an evolutionary psychologist having studied the evolution of our species amongst others after a million years, well, he/she would tell you something along the same lines worded slightly differently. In the last 40 to 50 years, we have in many ways thwarted our natural ways only to be influenced by pop-culture to become sort of confused souls, proverbially speaking.
It’s incredibly fascinating to me that whether we take an extremely scientific approach or a metaphysical spiritual one, we arrive at the same conclusion. Furthermore, we can add unscientific anecdotal observations to this. Take a look at couples who have been together for 30 or 40 years who are HAPPY together, and you’ll find the same dynamic in their relationships. The feminine energy also plays a big part in this as men crave that, and it’s unfortunate that many females have forgotten how to provide that in our modern times. (That also warrants an entirely different article.)
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Let’s understand the basics, when it comes to dating and relationships.
- A man sets standards in his dating life. Read this: How To Take Control Of Your Dating Life
- His word means something. He makes decisions, and if he makes mistakes, he understands that it’s part of the human process. We make mistakes, learn from them, get up, dust ourselves off, and keep moving forward. (And yes, I can’t resist doing a Rocky reference.) This is the mark of great leaders.
- He understands that he has certain responsibilities and doesn’t shy away from them. He also understands that a million years of evolution has developed his brain properly to adapt and overcome his conditions.
And lastly, in a non-dating related context, he stays true to himself and his core values. Read This: A Key to Successful Relationships In Life
It’ not about being an insensitive prick, nor is it about becoming the abomination that Mel Gibson’s character became in “What Women Want” where he tried to understand women and experience what they go through, and to really share the same emotions to those same experiences. It’s about being that figure that provides Strength and resolve. Feel free to read this article: How To Develop Inner Strength
Reading this article won’t create instantaneous change, but it can be a very effective catalyst to create long last changes, one step at a time, everyday. The point is not to read this and argue with people about it. The chief goal is to better oneself and reap the benefits. Take time and think about it.
- 1. What is it that you want to do/accomplish?
- Where do you want to go in life?
- How are you going to get there?
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So now, having understood, all of that, let’s get back to Oliver’s question: What do women want?
They want a man who doesn’t worry about what women want. He stays true to himself and leads the way.
PS. Stay tuned for the next article where I’ll talk about SPECIFIC Behavioral patterns men have that blow their chances with women.
PPS. These days, this blog remains around as a free service to all people who may benefit and better their lives from it.