There is a place on the planet where time stands still, where the inhabitants stand aloof and indifferent as the wrinkles in their skin show their many years spent baking on the beach under a sunny blue sky that shines in every season.
There are words that cease to have meaning in this place. Well, it’s not the words. It’s the concepts or virtues that these particular words have come to define for us: Loyalty, integrity, passion, philosophy, Art all cease to have any significance.
It’s the place that resembles the “Eloi” people in H.G. Wells’ Time Machine movie (from 1960.)
It’s the only place I know where you talk to a 22 year old guy and he tells you,
“Wow, Bro, last weekend was crazy man.
We started drinking at 1 in the afternoon,
kept it going til 3 am,
So wasted man… ended up at John’s house,
next think I knew I woke at noon the next day
on the couch with no pants on… crazy…
then we had breakfast and
started drinking again…
hey, you going to the party this coming Fri..?”
And you figure, “hey, he is 22 years old, going through his partying College Phase.”
Then you talk to a guy who is 45 years old, AND he has the exact same mindset, and tells you the exact same story.
This place is called the “South Bay” area of Los Angeles. It describes cities Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Torrance and vicinity.
This is an amazing place. If you visit Los Angeles, and you’re interested in seeing a complete vaccuum of anything that resembles any culture, then you have to spend a few days there. You won’t completely grasp the local culture until you attend a few house parties and mingle with the locals.
If you’re a perpetual frat-boy, you’ll love this place and you won’t want to leave. They’ll have to drag you away by your hair… If you have any depth to your character, you’ll feel like you’re in some surreal land where outside of the normal time/space continuum. A place that may nauseate you worse than the massive alcohol consumption ever could.
Somehow these people have found a way to create “high-school forever.” The same principles apply. The king and the queen of prom have been replaced by the popular guy who throws the most “kick-ass” parties close to the beach. The “Prom King and Queen” have tried hard to capture and recreate their glory years of highschool past.
It’s not that everyone who lives in the South Bay is this way. There are people of character, especially if you delve further into Torrance and such. However, the area within a mile radius to the beach is densely populated by the frat boys and the wannabe high school girls that have recreated high-school forever.
It’s a love/hate relationships for me. On the one hand, I basically grew up out there (since middle of High School) and have met some of my closest friends here, have had some good times, and love the beach area. (Note: my close friends are not part of the hollow crowd.) There is something uncanny for having a stroll by the beach in the late afternoon on a warm sunny day in the middle of the winter. At times, this place can feel like paradise. Beautiful beaches, hills in the background, low humidity, and weather that revolves around 75 degrees (24C) every day of the year.
In many ways, that’s the draw of the area. You have beautiful scenery, and warm enough weather that allows you to talk around in a T-Shirt in the middle of winter while the rest of the world is fighting frostbites and blizzards. But then that’s what draws the party crowd.
A few nights ago, the movie “The Beach” was playing on HBO, and though I am not a real fan of this movie, I caught 10 min of it. A fortuitous coincidence as it happened to be the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio goes back to the mainland to purchase supplies and he sees the masses of drunken idiots. In disgust, he utters about how “Cancers and Parasites of society” dwell here. In some ways, it’s very reminiscent to the South Bay.
Yet, it ought to be mentioned that these are not evil people. They don’t have bad intentions, and there is no malice involved. In fact, if they see you at a bar, they may offer to buy a drink and if you go to their parties, they’ll provide cocktails free of charge. It’s just that they care about nothing. Artistic expressions (Be it Music, Paintings, Film), Philosophy, literature, culture, history have all been rendered obsolete here. So have values such as loyalty, integrity and a sense of responsibility to anything or anyone. All that matters are parties, cocktails, getting wasted, drinking more, talking about the following weekend and conversations about being drunk and parties past, and present. They really are the Eloi people of “Time Machine.”
There are probably plenty of places in America (and Europe) where 21 year old spend a good chunk of their time partying. Then, at some point, those people are past that stage. This usually takes place some point in their mid to late 20s. They don’t stop having fun, but they discover a few other passions and hobbies in life.
Not in the South Bay. You could meet people nearing 50 who’d make 22 year-old blush in shame. It’s essentially a bubble of empty tin cans walking around. The land of the Hollow people devoid of any soul, and yet these exists a scientific anomaly. A science phenomenon where life-form composites of elemental oxygen, carbon and hydrogen atoms seems to gravitationally pull massive quantities of the alcohol molecule from miles around.
The South Bay also serves as a good barometer for measuring someone’s character. If you take someone down there and they’re in love with the place, you probably want to chalk that one up as a superficial friendship that will never have substance. On the other hand, if they’re repulsed on some level, chances are that person has a bit of depth to their character.
The “South Bay” people will party with you, invite you to their home, and even treat you to cocktails and alcoholic beverages of your choice. This is all fine and dandy as long as you realize that you can never count on them to help you for anything in life, that the conversations will never have any depth and that if you bring a girl you’re dating to a party, the many meatheads who spent lots of time in the gym (who are also your pals) will hit on her. That’s all par for the course. If you get that going in, then you won’t be in for any surprises.
Collectively, they pride themselves that they’re not superficial because they don’t care about what kind of car you drive or how much money you make. Yet, they’re just as shallow in judging everyone based on how “Cool” they are. This is high school. I actually have many acquaintances who live in the area and I have partied with them as well. They don’t read blogs. They don’t read anything, actually. And really, if somehow through a cosmic coincidence one of them read this Blog-post, he’d reply, “Bro, you’re too intense. Chill out. You need a cocktail!!” And while I know that they accept me, (because I am fit and can shit-talk with the best of them), I also know that they would not be accepting of some of my friends who are not socially cool or physically fit.
After 20 years of living there, I finally moved out. Perhaps the greatest phrase to capture the essence of the South Bay came from an East Coast girl I was dating for a while. It encapsulated my thoughts on this region of the world in a one sentence:
- “The South Bay and Hermosa Beach, Where Frat Boys go to Retire.”
————————————————————
As always, I want this BLOG to give you practical tips while entertaining you on some level. So here are some social guidelines and pointers for “Getting in” with this type of crowd, regardless of whether you’re in the South Bay or not. (Party people fit into the same archetype worldwide, so these tips apply everywhere.)
- **Make sure to start sentences with the word “Hey Brooo…”
- **Talk about how you’re new to the area… Do some name-dropping about cool places you’ve partied at, “Monaco, Greek Islands, Other European places, And/Or South America/Brazil,” etc…. It’s not important you know anything about the people or culture of these places.
- **In fact, it’s better if you don’t know anything about them. Intellectual conversations about the cultural differences and tendencies of the people of these vastly different cultures can make you lose points very quickly.
**PS. No Mention Of Culture. Please! While abroad, do not mention having made an attempt to go to museums, learn their history, or understand their customs. These are signs of weakness. You only partied, damn it!!!
- **Do remember it’s key to talk about how much alcohol you consumed, and perhaps the drugs you took. Debauchery is what scores points here.
- **Be sure to show up with a six-pack or two of beer if you go to a party.
- **At a house party, Compliment people on their ability to make tasty cocktails. Say something warm and fuzzy like, “Hey Bro…. I’ve had A LOT of peach Martinis in my partying days, but bro….. this is something else. You gotta tell me how you make this stuff.”
- **Be Charming: “Bro, next time I see you at the bar downtown, I am buying you shots until you spill the beans on what you put that in Martini/Margarita/fancy cocktail…….”
- **When in a group of men, discuss the eloquent topic of how you “Banged” some girl, didn’t call her, and how she started stalking you. One of the guys may even say, “Whoa, was that Lindsey?? She did that to me too.” (And don’t worry, the women in that scene are just as shallow as the dudes, so it all works out.)
- **Talk about how the people at the party are such free spirited, have a great attitude towards life and are so easy going.
- **Use keywords, “Chill, chill vibe, easy going, kick-back, kick-ass,” in your vocabulary. (Note: these words relevant circa early 2008. If you somehow stumble upon this blog in 5 years, update your “Cool” jargon catchphrases. In 2008, these words apply.)
- **Oh, and compliment on how they’re NOT superficial. If you’re in the South Bay, talk about how “Hollywood people” are all about “The Industry” and how the South Bay is so “kick-back.”
- **Discuss some gym-related stuff! Something about a new workout routine you’ve discovered that can help add a half-inch to their biceps. They will think you’re awesome. (OK, you gotta look like you work out yourself!) Unfortunately, if you are not good looking or if you’re fat, the hollow people won’t accept you very well, unless you throw great parties, or are connected. So be prepared going in. Challenging them on the notion that you can outdrink them may win you some respect.
Use the above tips above to make pals quickly in party situations, be it in college, small town, big town, or with some 47 year old dude in the South Bay donning an Affliction shirt.
They will benefit you, should you find yourself in such an environment looking to party for 1 or 2 weeks.
LOL,
Best post EVER!!!!
You forgot to mention the song…
Cougarin…
What’s your price for flight…
To fuck ***** ***** tonight!!!!
S
Yeah, but it’s gorgeous. And there are shallow people everywhere….even in Hollywood, where I understand you now live.
Tom,
Yes, the South Bay is gorgeous. That’s one of the things I love about it. (Did you not read the whole post?)
Hollywood can also be very shallow. The difference is that it hosts people from various part of the country: The Midwest, The South, the Pacific Northwest and etc… Those people usually have different values. There are also people who are artists, singer/songwriters, and so forth….
The South Bay, for the most part, has the party-people I described, and it seems to have them in massive quantities at different ages, moreso than anywhere else……
Did I strike a nerve?
———————————
Sinn,
Figured you’d enjoy that one! :)
Well, this is the preliminary post…. Don’t forget, the tale of Goldie-Locks is still coming!
Cameron
Cameron,
I’m realizing that my post sounded like I was calling you shallow, when I really just wanted to poke fun at Hollywood. (Another long-time LA resident here who happened to grow up in the Hwd. Hills, so obviously, no offense intended.)
Next time I will post more carefully, & I probably should have put in a ;-)
BTW, your podcast with Sinn was great. But one point, though — Benny Mardones is from Ohio, where the age of consent is 16 — as it is in most of the country! Don’t diss one of my favorite cheesy songs!
Anyway, great blog.
How exactly will they benefit me Cam? Is this last sentence meant to be sarcastic?
I live nowhere near South Bay or even the US but most of my childhood friends have grown to be the “always drunk and partying, fuck everything and get laid even at the cost of integrity” type. No interest in art, science, philosophy or passions. I’ve tried for many years to fit in, but I fucking can’t. It made me miserable and fucked up many aspects of my life.
I used to feel so bad to not be able to live “the life” even though I truly hated it. It is so advertised through the media though as the ideal one, that it’s so hard to even realise the option to reject it. And this links to the previous blog post about lacking self confidence unless you’re living according to your core-values and hang out with people that share them.
I hope more people will realise this through your articles and won’t fall in the same trap I did.
Cheers to another great post man :)
Hey Tom,
No offense taken man. I am sure the Hollywood Hills is not necessarily home to the most humble, down to earth people. Then again, it’s status quo for an elite rich neighborhood. You should write a post on the Hills. (I am serious)
SouthBay is supposed to have “Normal” down to Earth people which is what causes irony.
“Into the Night” is a great song! No arguments from me, man! Outstanding vocals, great melody…
————————
Dni,
I understand where you’re coming from regarding the drunken idiots. I edited the blog post to clarify what I meant. The tips-section was meant to help people who are spending a short amount of time in such environments “Get in” with the party scene.
Party for a week or two and then leave it behind…..
I still stand by the Rocky Balboa post: You’re much happier in life when spending time with people who share the same core values you do.
Where part of the world do you live?
I’m from Greece. This type of lifestyle is really the norm here, in the big cities at least. The ones that live it feel normal (yeah right..), the rest are trying to fit in.
And yeah, I’m not negative about partying every once in a while, but when all you do in your life is getting drunk and laying and manipulating chicks (that similarly have no real interests in life), it gets really fucked up. It just has to stop getting fucked up for the people that are worth more than that but keep trying to fit in.
I’m really glad to see a “pickup guru” ditching this type of lifestyle, ’cause it really has no real place in a healthy and quality human being, and people who get in the PU community are usually advised to keep going out every night and hit the venues pretending to be just like the bickest dicks out there (only creepier).
Hey Cam!
Great post, I always wondered if there was a place like that.
I dream of that kind of place after spending the cold winter here in Iceland!
But it’s funny how you said that time almost stands still there, I’ve always wanted to see people in their late 40’s behaving like high school kids!
Keep up the posts and I can’t wait to listen to the podcast!! :D
Cameron you didnt go to mira costa.
My name is Cash McPlummerson III, I don’t know you, but you probably
know me. You’ve seen my name all over high profile retail properties in
Los Angeles or in person out at the newest Manhattan Beach bar, I didn’t
notice you — don’t worry. I was probably wearing a blazer. My days are
always productive and my nights are always awesome. Did I tell you about
last Thursday? No? Shit. Well here it goes, another banner night
My buddies and I went to Morton’s for dinner. We do deals. We eat
steaks. I got the filet rare. That’s what you order when your shit is
this good. I didn’t eat the carrot. That’s gay shit. Anyway, our
waitress was hot! I’ve been seeing this girl, Ashley St. Standard from
Beverly Hills. I mean, she’s hot too of course, and even though she’s
pretty average in the sack and not too smart she was in a good sorority
at USC- the same one as my mom. I don’t know where she is tonight. Don’t
really care; sorry I’m getting ahead of myself. So Morton’s was fucking
amazing oh and we totally played credit card Roulette. I didn’t lose,
but I paid for the whole thing anyway. Who the fuck cares who pays, it
was practically a business dinner since we talked about all the deals I
have going on. I always have deals going on. So do my buddies. So then I
looked at my Rolex or was it my Tag, who cares it was like 10:30pm, it’s
EARLY! My buddy Turner Parkerton was so wasted; he’s a closer too.
That’s why we hang out. So anyway he just broke up with his girlfriend
who sucked balls by the way (I mean if she didn’t suck, I’d be dating
her) and we wanted to find some really hot tail for him I mean, since
I’m seeing that girl Disclaimer of the night, bingo baby!)…
I told Turner I’d drive, so we all got into my charcoal 5-Series. I mean
beamers are great that’s what guys should have. I’d get a ’07 Range
Rover, but I don’t want to beat it up driving down Rosecrans. The valet
took forever, so I just gave the dude a $20. I don’t have time to wait
for change. It’s just a bunch of ones. That’s not even money. We were
going to go to Shade and get a table and some bottles of Ketel, but we
didn’t want some North Redondo chicks throwing themselves at us and
drinking off our bottles. I don’t touch N Dondo broads anyway. So in the
car we all decided to go cougar hunting. Best sport in South Bay. You
know what a cougar is right? Yeah! So fucking hot. They’re old and rich
and all they want is sex. So they’re just like me, except older and
female. Not that I’d date one of them for real. But they’re good for
entertainment. So me and Turner went to the Bull Pen, it’s a cougar den
in there. Just roll in there in a hot white shirt and blazer and you’re
golden. Just a couple of bleeding deer waiting to get clawed. Cougars
can smell a guy with a Rolex from 100 yards. It’s half the reason I wear
one. Here kitty. So, I was talking to this one hot cougar and this fat
girl tried to talk to me. I mean she was ordering a drink, but still,
she talked to me and asked me to move over so she could get to the bar.
My friends and I close deals, we don’t talk to fat chicks, got it? It
pissed me off so bad a piece of my hair even fell out of place. I have
great hair at least that’s what my mom told me. It’s kind of wavy and
the ladies love it. My dad Cash McPlummerson Jr. has the exact same
hair; he’s in real estate too. Enough about me, back to the evening
So it was almost 1am and we still hadn’t found any ass for Turner, not
that it’s hard for me to find ass, because it isn’t. I knew where to go
(I ALWAYS know where to go), Shell Backs. Finding a drunk chick to hook
up with at Shell Backs after 1am is like shooting fish in a barrel, but
easier and when you look like me and Turner, it’s almost unfair. Shell
Backs was packed. This dude in a ribbed v-neck with spiky hair totally
spilled on one of my Ferragamo loafers and I almost beat his ass. “The
dealership in Hermosa called bro, the lease on your H3 is up, time to go
home” That’s what I said to him! My shoes cost as much as his car
payment. Loser…. No, I take that back, my tie costs as much as his car
payment. It was so goddamn funny. I can’t help it. I’m superior. I’ve
got so much more money than him, I mean my parents do, but still. When
they die, I’ll be way richer. You should have been there. I was wasted,
and I didn’t need to deal with a bunch of trash, Turner and I are too
good for that shit. What? You think it sounds like my night sucked? Are
you kidding me? So what if nothing happened! I don’t care, it was
awesome. $1000 dollars for dinner doesn’t even make me blink. I can’t
wait to tell all my friends tomorrow. I’m going to email them and tell
them how awesome it was. I’ll be in the office early of course. I’ve got
this deal to work on.
Cash McPlummerson III here. It’s been a while. I still don’t know your
name. Since my last dinner at Mortons, I’ve done 32 deals. April is
always a slow month. I’ve been in The Daily Breeze three times and Los
Angeles Magazine twice. I was wearing seven jeans and blazer in every
picture but who gives a shit, all the shirts and girls were different
— except for one. In fact this one cougar in training (CIT) I met was
so fucking hot I let her be in two pictures with me and I think I might
even take her out to dinner — on an off-night, of course. There was
just one problem…Just so you know; an off-night is where I don’t have
any other awesome deals, games, parties or buddies in town. They rarely
happen.
Let me catch you up. Yeah, I was seeing that Ashley St. Standard girl.
(Blonde, hot, didn’t talk too much) So what? She was like an 8-point
buck… sometimes you shoot one even though you know you’re not going to
put it on the wall. Meats still good, it’s just not trophy material.
Right? Whatever. Im only 24, you cant expect me to date just one girl.
So Tuesday, my other buddy Jefferson Davis and I were at this big party
for this club we’re in. It’s for the guys who do the biggest deals. We
look great, we drink scotch, were in the best clubs. All my buddies are
members. I decide who gets in. You couldn’t get in. Trust me.
Well, me and Davis were talking about our USC season tickets and how
good they are and all of a sudden, this girl walks up to the bar.
Kitten with full cougar potential? Check. Blonde hair? Check. Hot legs?
Check. Black pants? Check. Louis Vuitton purse? Check. Fuck off, I know
it’s gay to know about purses. But you’d be surprised how fast it gets
you laid if you give a girl one — even a small one. They’re only like
$300. I buy a couple at a time cause they help you if you get caught
cheating too.
Davis and I didn’t know her — which meant that she wasn’t from
Manhattan Beach but that’s ok, I’ll still date girls from North Hermosa.
I kept waiting for her to check me out. Girls ALWAYS check me out.
She’s standing next to me and then, I realized that my sleeve was
totally covering my Rolex! God, she probably thought I was poor. Not
her fault. Speaking of that, I wonder what poor people are doing right
now? Anyway I wear French cuffs to work. They’re usually monogrammed.
So I pulled back my left sleeve and BAM! She turns around. I’m not
kidding! Ask Davis. This shit happens to me all the time. Right then the
photographer comes up and she gets to be in two pictures with me. This
girl was having one hell of a day. Her name was Sara Simpleton and I
could tell she thought I was hot, so I told her all about me. Girls LOVE
hearing about things like my car and my season tickets. I usually try to
work in what street my parents live on, just so they know where I’m
coming from. That’s a deal closer. Always be closing (ABC, it’s my
bible)! That’s what my dad says. It’s what McPlummerson’s have done for
generations. You know what else closes the deal? The picture of my dog
on my Blackberry. He’s a yellow Lab named Beamer. Sometimes I say I have
two Beamers. Get it? I drive a Beamer and my dogs name is Beamer! Chicks
can’t keep their clothes on when you have a dog, they think it means
you’re ready to have kids. David fucking Copperfield doesn’t have a
better trick. I swear.
Where was I?
Talking to Sara. Right. She said she just moved here from somewhere.
Don’t know, don’t care and I think she said something about interior
decorating. My mom does that. NOT that my mom has to work, because she
doesn’t — but for fun. She buys lamps and stuff for my dad’s office.
That’s what girls are supposed to do.
THEN, I said, I want to take you to Flemings (it’s no Mortons but what
does she know?) this weekend, can I have your phone number, and she
says, “ok, it’s 818.” And I said, “310-818.”And she goes, “NO, 818” and
I go, “310-818 what?” And GET THIS. Her AREA CODE was 818. What the
fuck. I’ve said it before, I don’t dial long distance and I don’t do
long distance. But I do love cougars. Even young ones (CIT’s). And she’s
the hottest thing I’ve seen in years, and she still lives in the Valley.
So I got her number. NOT that I need a date, because I don’t I have
plans every night until September. We left the party and got in the car
to go to The 900 Club and Davis was laughing his ass off on the phone
with our other buddy Parkerton. He told me to have fun picking her up in
Chatsworth. Screw him. His Land Rover has like 17,000 miles on it. So
not new. And for the record, Parkerton hasn’t closed anything since
Reagan was in office.
Ill let you know how the date goes.