Shattering Community Myths: “Boyfriend Destroyers”

Shattering Seduction Community Myths

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I am starting a new topic on the BLOG entitled “Shattering Community Myths” which is aimed to provide some perspective on long standing community taught doctrine.  This is a community version of Myth-Busters.

• Today’s Myth: Boyfriend Destroyers.

It’s traditionally been taught to men in the seduction community that hearing the phrase, “I have a boyfriend” automatically means you made a mistake in “The Game.”  While this is what you’d usually label as “Bullshit,” there is a reason for it.  It’s due to the fact that lot of beginners will hear that quite often which really is a polite way of a woman saying “No, I am not interested in you.”   (OK, so this entry is NOT for beginners.)

However, at some point, as you get better at interacting with women, you have to let that model go.  You have to have enough confidence in yourself to know that you’re attractive and she likes ya, but she also has a relationship she is happy with.

I got news for ya:  Sometimes when a girl says I have a boyfriend, it really means she has a boyfriend.

It does not mean that you somehow screwed up in your approach.  It does not mean your game sucks or that you’re not a super “PUA.”   It just means she already has a boyfriend. The community then teaches that if you had some sort of a super-game, some super DHV, or some secretive NLP Pattern (Depending of what system you happen to follow) that you can steal her on the spot.

It doesn’t work that way.  And while women may be susceptible to being seduced, you have to ask yourself how much time and effort are you willing to invest to lead her astray.

Part of this stems from delusional community teachers who think that they somehow can “get” every woman they talk to.  Heck, maybe even they don’t believe it, but they sell themselves that way.

The sad thing is that these myths are perpetuated by guys who themselves aren’t really that good at attracting women.  The issue is compounded even further when you look at the guys who do have women around them.  You realize most of the women are not really quality people with any sort of self-esteem or self-respect. Yet, they feel no shame to announce that they can “Steal” anyone’s girlfriend.

As mentioned, many times, the boyfriend-objection is just a smoke screen to politely turn down a guy who really hasn’t sparked her interest.  I think that’s basic general knowledge.  Then there are moments when you have a good interaction, and with the help of some basic social skills, you can tell that she is interested in you. Everything from her facial expressions/the way she looks at you, to the way she laughs at your jokes to her tone of voice lets you know that she likes you on some level.  Then you get the boyfriend objection when you ask for a phone number to meet her later.

You have to trust your own abilities and skills enough to know that you did things right and that she does have a boyfriend. You gotta have a bit of confidence in your own abilities.

Obviously, yes, there are unfaithful people in relationships as wel.  There are women in relationships and marriages who cheat on their husbands too, but here is what it comes down to:  Women who are interested in maintaining faithful monogamous relationships don’t put themselves in compromising situations. Repeatedly and overwhelmingly, that has been my observation.

Yes, I have been to Vegas and have seen what girlfriends with boyfriends do.  The motto of “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” only further encourages the behavior.  And yes, I’ve been in Vegas talking to a group of 3 women who identified themselves as “Frustrated Housewives.”  The group leader turned to me and explicitly described her definition of sex: “I have the same definition as Bill Clinton. Oral sex is not a sexual relation” she proudly proclaimed. I am sure she probably got a mouthful that weekend and then some…  I have even had a situation where a girl slept with me to exact revenge on her boyfriend with having cheated on her months before.  (As she admitted to in the morning.)

So I am not exactly naïve as to what goes on in such circumstances.  I’ve seen and heard enough to have a fair understanding of what goes on in the nightlife.

I turn my observations to women and men who have successful relationships and see what they do right.  I look at friends who have had successful working relationships/marriages for 5 or 10 years (and these days, that’s saying a lot) and look at what they do.  I see that their wives/girlfriends don’t put themselves in compromising situations.  They’re not at the bar getting drunk at 1 am and they’re not going to Vegas with the girls.  If they go to Vegas, it’s with their boyfriend or husband.

Lastly, while we are on the topic, do NOT turn to the seduction community for relationship advice.  Don’t turn to me either. I am clear that I don’t give advice on how to make relationships work.  If you want to learn about relationships, find the feel-good-story couples in their 70s who have been together for 50 years and seem to care for each other to this day.  Learn from them.  Ask them what they did to make it work.

Asking a community person for relationship advice is like asking John McCain tips on how to fly a jet plane.  (Nice guy, but he lost 5 jets, only 1 of which was shot down.)

Back to the topic at hand….

Develop some confidence in your abilities. Understand that if you come across and cool, confident, and interesting, a woman is going to like you.  If she says she has a boyfriend, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you, or that you did something wrong.  Get those insecurities out of your head that you’re doing something wrong.

If you’re coming across as a cool, confident person who is somewhat interesting, you’re going to generate interest from women.  Some of those women will like you as a person but have a boyfriend and don’t care to jeopardize a good relationship.  The context of where you meet women also matters to a great deal.  (Again, back to the obvious Vegas example as a reference point.)

Sometimes, social interactions are really as simple as they appear.  Everything a woman says does not have some grand meaning that needs to be analyzed, dissected, and combated. .

–When a girl says, “I have a boy friend”, sometimes it really means just that she has a boyfriend.

–When a girl says, “I have to be up early in the morning,” sometimes it really means that she has to be up at 6 am to get ready to commute to her job.

–When a girl says, “Why are you wearing that outfit?”  It really means that she is curious why the fuck some guy is wearing a bumblebee outfit.  It’s not a test, or some weird evolutionary psychology at play that’s been brewing for 10,000 years.  It means that a reasonable person wonders why someone would dress like a clown.  (But this is topic of another episode of shattering community myths.)

–Sometimes, when a girl says, “I have to pick up my dad at the airport,” it really means the she has to pick up her dad at the airport, which is nicer than the alternative of leaving him stranded for hours.

–Sometimes when a girl says, “I am thirsty” it really means that she is parched and could use a glass of water to quench the human body.

This is kinda fun.  Feel free to extraploate. You’ll find that life is a lot simpler when you let go of a lot of the doctrine you’ve read by Seduction Community Masters.  In fact, read this very blog post, understand the gist of it, take away the main message, and then let it go.  If you insist on making more sense out of it, here is the point:  Not everything a woman says has a grand meaning.  Your life will be simpler and easier if you decide to not analyze every single thing a woman says or does…..

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PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women