The Aristocrat Blowing Big Farts

While Stephen Nash was in town, he got in touch with an acquaintance we’d met in 2004.  He is an interesting character with certain abilities that are somewhat rare.  In essence, he is a representative of a certain archetype.  He is the spawn of a certain way of being.  He represents the Aristocrat with the big farts.  That’s part of the adventure of having been involved with this stuff.  It’s having met such a range of individuals who normally you wouldn’t cross paths with, and probably wouldn’t want to either.

Granted, part of this Blog is about dating, but I am more interested in people, social psychology and human interaction and character.  So with that in mind, let’s get to the Aristocrat.

Chances are you may have met such people at some point.  If you haven’t, they’re exactly like the stereotype you see portrayed in movies.  Their patters of behavior are usually similar and contemptible.   So who are they?

They’re the type of people who are always bragging about something grandiose; they host get-togethers with their quasi-friends, at douchebag parties, and pat each other on the back as they subtly try to do outdo each other, but they pretend that that they are not trying to do that, and the other sides pretends to pretend that they don’t know what’s going on within the dynamic.

All in the meanwhile, the entire place stinks with their farts, and everyone knows exactly what is going on.

You know they’ve been in the room, because they’re out blowing big farts.  You can smell they have been there after the fact.  They actually want you to know they’ve been there.

Walk into any conversation and you’ll hear namedropping about where they went for vacation, whether Monaco or some resort in Thailand that cost 10, 000 dollars per night in the case of our acquaintance we for dinner.  Here is the kicker: The stories are never described in the sense of sharing the good time with someone else so that they can enjoy it vicariously through you.  There is always the subtext of “Look at how great my life is” and “I am better than you are” to every conversation.

The conversational dynamics are one sided.  They never seem to ask how you’re doing, or they may ask briefly but they don’t care for your answer. That becomes evident when, after 2 minutes, they change the topic immediately.

Sometimes such people even give you advice!  Yet, the advice lacks any human compassion.  It becomes abundantly clear that they’re not giving you advice because they care to see you better or they want to help, but it’s so that THEY can feel like some powerful guru.  (Even if they are not in the guru business.)

These are the people who want you to believe they’re in the intellectual elite of society.  Their average IQ is somewhere around 110-120.  There exists the problem: They’re definitely smarter than the average person, but not smart enough to see how fucked up they are.

Los Angeles seems to attract a special breed of these people.  It’s difficult to say which city has the most pretentious Aristocrats, LA or NYC.

Signs of the Aristocrat who blows big farts:

  • Drives a V-12 Jaguar that gets 9 miles to the Gallon to an Environmental meeting,
  • Can’t shut up about Yoga and health, but consumes every narcotic known to man.
  • Loves to discuss spirituality, and tell you about the latest spiritual book, but doesn’t give a shit about you or anyone.  Its self-absorption is unrivaled.
  • Loves to feel superior discussing art, and can be very critical of other people’s art, but the common trend is that he/she produces Nothing artistic and creates no expression that is pure and worthwhile.  An ideal person to become a professional music critic.

He/she is the Pretentious Aristocrat blowing big farts!!!

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  • Back to the dinner Stephen and I had with the wannabe Aristocrat:

In his own mind, he is a legend I am sure.  In real life, he is a worthless mooch.

He has made a career of siphoning things off of other people, but in his mind, he sees himself as a swashbuckling adventurer.  He speaks as though he has done spectacular things that would leave mere mortals in envy and yet, on some level, he is a glorified bum.

For this reason, I’ve nicknamed him “Wannabe Dangerously.”

He is not a pick up teacher or a dating advisor and you’re not going to hear about him very much, yet most of the guys from back in the project Hollywood know him.  Thus, I can’t use his real name in this post, but his persona sure begs being dissected.  He is not even an Aristocrat, but he is a wannabe who has learned to infiltrate their circles and leech off of them.

“Wannabe Dangerously” [WD] always manages to attach himself to people with high social status.  What’s more fascinating is his ability to be able to charm people of high social status into giving him things, allowing him to stay at their mansions, etc.  He is a charming version of Cato Kalin.  He has gone through long periods of not having an actual home and yet he has managed to find places to stay.   We are not talking crashing on your pal’s couch here.  We are talking having your own room in a magnificent house for free.  This is his specialty.

Perhaps, the most interesting thing about him is his ability to convince himself that he is somehow drawn to these people because he genuinely thinks of them as interesting cool people.  IF he lived in Africa, he’d have his own suite at the mansion of some Warlord who slaughtered women and Children for breakfast, and “Wannabe Dangerously” would convince himself that this warlord was a genuinely good guy who was trying to help these people.

In the “Project Hollywood” days, it was no different.  He would come around and focus on charming those whom he saw as having value in his eyes.  He’d hover around Mystery and Tyler while being condescending to many of the other guys there, (even though the other guys were actually more genuine, cordial dudes who ultimately were more interesting as well.)

Barry Kirkey used to joke about how WD just wanted to suck Tyler all the time, and Seth called him, “3 Stories.”  To this day, if you want to get a reaction out of Barry, just bring up the experience of dealing with WD.

Part of WD’s ability to charm certain high status people is that he is a snob just like they are, and somehow they are able to connect on that level.   In essence, he does not attract high social status people who are actually genuine people.   For the most part, he tends to attract people who are likeminded like he is, and then he somehow charms them into giving him free shit.  This guy could make a million dollars if he could ever reverse engineer how he is able to charm and seduce pretentious rich people into giving him free services.

Part of that ability comes from his grandiose stories, and this is why Seth had nicknamed him “3 Stories.’  Seth had met WD on several occasions and every single time, WD had repeated the exact same 3 stories by him.  He uses the grandiose stories to charm very tactfully.  Well, except for one time when he met a New Yorker acquaintance of mine who had just moved to Santa Monica.

Wannabe Dangerously figured the guy in his 20s didn’t have a whole lot of money so he figured he’d cut through the chase and discover if the guy has rich parents.  He posed the question: “So, what’s your story?  Are you one of the Rich New York Jews?”

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The saga of “Tittlian logic”

In true form, WD, kept us informed of his newest stories and one in particular was some new pseudo bullshit science that was meant to tantalize us and encourage us to worship him.

Wannabe Dangerously turns to us and says, “Have you heard of the concept of Tittilian logic?”  (Ps.  I have no idea how to spell this and if you do know, email me.)  Stephen and I have not heard of this grand concept, so the mad genius decides to inform us of what it is.  He starts to focus on me more as he explains the concept, but he sets it up as though it’s something so profound, so deep, that I should be experiencing goose bumps as he tells me.

So, as I am wondering if I should break out a protractors, and if WD is going to share knowledge that will require drawings of cosigns and tangents, advanced Calculus, theoretical physics not to mention the usage of Euclidian and non-Euclidian geometry, I think that maybe I should even get my brother on the phone (He is a mathematics genius), and prep for this even, WD starts his rant:

“You see, it’s this incredible concept that challenges cause and effect.  In our universe we think as cause happening before the event.  That is the way Cause & Effect is traditionally thought of.”

Words on a screen cannot do his explanation justice.  I’d have to do an impression of WD.  His body language has to be witnessed, his tonality has to be heard.  His face occasionally looks up towards the ceiling as though he is grasping the knowledge from the Heavens and his arms move up and down, while his voice jumps a few octaves every so often.  It’s as though Einstein is talking to a group of first graders who just started school.

We concur with his basic premise of “Cause and Effect.”  I am familiar with basic physics after all, and  Newton’s first law, although I think WD would find it hard to believe.

Wannabe Dangerously continues:

“Tittilian logic challenges that.  It says sometimes the effect brings about the cause.  For example, when someone says, ‘I want to go to the moon.’  Well, the causes that would enable that to happen haven’t even happened yet.  The causes are not in place yet to allow that to happen.  The causes come from the vision and the effect.

Unimpressed, I reply:

“Sounds like, a person’s idea being a cause or a genesis of sorts that triggers a sequence of events.”

Wannabe Dangerously is displeased.  Condescendingly, he replies:

“well, Yes, you can get into circular logic that way.”

I tell him, “Seems like a lot of events in the world, both good and bad, have come from ideas of certain people.  Ideas are the cause of a chain reaction.”

The Mad genius is pleased again.  He tells me, “Yes, that’s what this is about.”  Then he continued with his story that reeked of more bullshit which is not worth writing about at this time.

The key point to take away is that this is the calling card of this archetype.  Take some concept which is relatively simple and exaggerate it into something intellectually spectacular,  and discuss it as though it’s something that would leave Einstein and Newton in envy, and then have a condescending attitude about the fact that you knew it and your opposition (Errrr..I mean pals)  didn’t.

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The Story of Benzo, and the UNTOLD end of “Project Hollywood”:

the Story Neil excluded from the Book

Most of the original and noteworthy characters mentioned in “The Game” had fled “Project Hollywood” in the last few months.  Little is talked about that time period. Stephen had fled back to NYC,  Barry, suffering from depression & OCD, had embarked on some peace finding journey, and Herbal’s room had been turned to a barracks.  I didn’t go around anymore either, but Wannabe Dangerously used to pop over there to hang out.  (Mainly because he had nothing else to do.)

Apparently, some guy named Benzo had moved in to the house without paying any rent.  It seems like no one knows his REAL first or last name. He was simply Benzo, a conman who had promised the remaining residents of the house a free stay in a private room at his mansion in Manhattan.  His promises were endless and “Benzo” seemed congruent because he seemed to believe his own crap.

Only problem was that Benzo had nothing.  He was now living at the mansion for free and they couldn’t get rid of him.  This is completely omitted from Neil Strauss’ book (probably because it doesn’t involve Neil himself and to be fair, Neil himself wasn’t living at the house anymore.)

Benzo was a full fledged conman ripping off men who had their name on the lease, and they couldn’t get rid of him.  They called the cops.  The police arrived, and Benzo was such a convincing conman that he duped the police into believing he had a right to leave there, and that he was afraid for his life.

Here was a random asshole living in the house he didn’t belong in, with no paper work to support his case, and they could NOT Get rid of him!!

According to WD, things became so insane that eventually everyone just moved out, paying a penalty, ending the lease early and just leaving the House behind; letting the landlord deal with the remaining Benzo.  That was the real end of Project Hollywood.

The story, while alarming, is rather interesting.  A group of guys who had tirelessly studied and practiced manipulation tactics were conned out of their own residence.  Equally interesting to me is WD’s description of it.   He talks about Benzo with envy and admiration.

“He was great.  I love that guy.  We used to have lunch together…”
“He was just such a character.  Gotta love Benzo.”

Part of you can’t help but feel this disgust when listening to Wannabe  Dangerously.    Benzo is the guy who ripped off people whom he called friends.  He ripped them off for 1000s of dollars and WD ADMIRES him?   But then this is the not the first time WD has expressed admiration for such persons.

As I watching “WD” rant endlessly, I have a sudden moment of epiphany, one of those Chazz Palmintery at the end of “Usual Suspects” moments.  We’re talking one of those “Oh shit, I just realized who the real Kaiser Sose is!” type of moments.

I didn’t have a coffee mug, but the moment was so powerful I almost wanted to order a  mug of  coffee just so I could shatter it.

A Chazz Moment

I realize: Wannabe Dangerously IS just like Benzo.  He is a spitting image of him.   He, in essence, IS a Con-Man who believes all of his own crap.  Because he seriously & genuinely believes his own crap, he is able to convince others including his pals, his peers, and his own girlfriend.  This is why he loves Benzo.  He in some ways IS Benzo.

He is a conman who has convinced himself of his bullshit.  There is no incongruence, no guilt, no remorse.  He marches on because he believes his own crap.

That is the secret to his ability to be a leech, sucking things from those with social status.  While to many of us, he is a contrived, pretentious, and shallow individual, he is still able to sell that crap to others because he genuinely believes his own bullshit.

The dinner with Wannabe Dangerously lasts about 2 hours, 80% of which featured him doing the talking.  As of now, Stephen and I don’t have mansions to offer him, so we are not high on his list of people to charm.  And despite having to endure condescension, the story of Benzo did provide some entertainment.

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PRACTICAL PORTION OF THE SHOW

As always, there has to be some practical aspects to the blog.  While the posts are meant to entertain, they’re also meant to give you something you can apply in everyday life:

  • So how do you handle such a situations?

What if you were to attend a party, or a dinner meeting, and had to interact with an Aristocrat with big farts [ABF]?

There are 3 primary options to choose from in such a situation.  Based on your particular personality and the context of the scenaior, you can choose which is appropriate:

  • Option 1: Ignore the Pretentious Prick

This is by far the best option.  The Aristocrat blowing big farts wants to ensure  that you give him respect that he/she has never earned.  Hence, the reason for blowing big farts.  He wants everyone to smell him from far away.  Ignoring him/her is the worst insult.  You’re unimpressed by his trip to Monaco, or how he had a recent steak that cost a 1000 dollars by cows that were massaged daily and jerked-off by courtesans with the finest hand lotion that cost a 100 dollars per bottle.

There is  1 caveat to this.   You can’t choose to ignore them if you have a meek personality.  You have to come across as a cool guy who is just unimpressed.  Think Steve McQueen

  • Option 2  :   “Outsnob the snob.”

This is a more fun option.  You  can opt to match their elaborate stories and raise the stakes.  You can then watch the Aristocrat with the big farts struggle to pull something else out of his ass in order to out do you.  Heck, he may even give you props.  Talk about how you (or your friend) visited some tiny Island in South America/Greece/Italy that’s only available to locals and you absolutely must know locals to even know the place exists.  Awww, this will partly drive the “Abf’ nuts to know that there is a place that he doesn’t know about, but at the same time, he will give you much respect for being able to match his/her snobbiness.   Talk about some pristine clean beach unavailable to tourists that’s not advertised anywhere.   Discussing this will earn the respect of the ABF

  • Option 3:   “Humor them a bit.”

Well, what if you’re not a position to choose option 1 or 2?  You could be a 24 year old recent college grad at some party and you’re talking to a guy who could potentially be your employer.  You can’t ignore him, and outsnobbing him will not get you the job.  You could be a guy in his 40s or 50s, who just moved to a big city like LA or NY and are new to the area and don’t want to rock the boat yet….

In this case, you have to indulge the Aristocrat blowing big farts.  Ask questions and you must seem interested in their pretentious answers.  Tell them, you’ve been considering a vacation, but are unsure whether you want to hit Monaco or some resort in Thailand.  You’ve heard great things about both places, but they’re both so fascinating and ever so interesting.  “What do you think?  What would you recommend Mr. ABF?”

Ahhh, they will give you a 20 minute explanation.  It’s not that they care about you or your vacation.  The AFB loves to hear the sound of his own voice, especially when it’s in the frame of being an authority.  You may have to eat a bit of humble pie on this one, and you can have fun tooling the ABF (Think Borat), but it won’t win you respect.  The ABF will tolerate you and even invite you to the next party, but rest assured that in his/her eyes, you have now been downgraded to 2nd class citizen.

Again, if you need that job, then you gotta do what you gotta do.  However, the 3 options displayed above have provided a roadmap on how to deal with the “Aristocrat Blowing Big Farts” Archetype person.