Should you Masturbate Before a Date?


Let’s talk about an often debated theme amongst wise men: To Masturbate before a date or not!

-There are 2 schools of thoughts on this issue!  Two diametrically opposed ways of thinking:

One school of thought tells ya that you need to have your mojo, to go in with a fully loaded gun, to have that hunger and a bit of masculine aggression.  Hence, you must refrain from doing any such leisurely activity.

Another school of thought says, you gotta clean the pipes before you head out so you can think clearly, and have actually interesting conversation without thinking about having sex with her every 15 to 30 seconds….



The both seem to make sense, and both school make valid points.  So, I am going to clear the confusion up once and for all.  It all boils down to testosterone and before I can answer this question, we have to talk about the nuances of it.

Testosterone is a dangerous thing.  By comparison, alcohol gets a bad rap.  Testosterone will make you do things Alcohol never could.   When those levels peak, everything becomes blurred, lines of reasoning become curved, and your sense of judgment is worse than the guys who thought the Yugo would make a great import.

Yep, Testosterone make you do things you are not proud of.  It’ll have you thinking thoughts that are not proud of.  Testosterone will have you looking at the exhaust pipe of a car thinking, “I Wonder if anyone has ever fucked a car!  The Pipe IS Warm enough…..  Sure, when it’s too hot, it’ll melt the skin off, but man, you wait 15 minutes, and that baby is ripe.  It’s primed to go”

To this effect, I think somewhere, some guy, has tried this.  Somewhere in America, parents have walked in on their teenage son with his penis stock in the family Oldsmobile’s tailpipe parked in the garage….  Yes, that’s what testosterone will make you do.

  • So back to the age-old question is: Do you clean the pipes before a date or not?

This all depends on your testosterone levels, which vary based on a variety of factors: These include age, weight, genetics, and participation in physically grueling sports (particularly weight training).


If you are a guy who has a lower sex drive (for whatever reason), then it benefits you to refrain from participating in too much self-pleasure before a date. Let the testosterone-effect build up in your system.  Testosterone provides, Drive, Aggression, and as they saying goes, “it gives you balls.”   Testosterone is actually produced in the testicles, so the very thing that “gives you balls” is produced within them.  Kind of ironic, don’t you think?

When you’re curled up on the couch at home with the girl leaning on your shoulder, making small talk, you may feel that hesitation to go for a kiss or to escalate things to the next level.  The moment seems right and yet you are not sure if you should go for it.  You are feeling a bit nervous and unsure….  Hesitation creeps in.  This is where testosterone tips the balancing scale.  This is where Testosterone creates the difference!  It’ll give you edge you need to push the envelope.  Mr. Testosterone to the rescue!  (Intro 1950s music…)


Mr. Testosterone


On the other hand, what if you possess a relatively higher sex drive?  What if you are a horny sonofabitch and you have a date in 2 hours with a girl you really like?  Going in with a fully loaded gun blurs your judgment.  Walls of reality become concaved and you no longer can see straight.  All you can think about is, “Wow, what an incredible ass!  Wonder what kind of underwear she has on!  Imagine that ass bent over… aghghghgh”

Meanwhile, she is telling you about her grandma and the wonderful minestrone soup she used to make.  You can’t focus, you can’t concentrate, and your words aren’t so eloquent.  You’re more inclined to want to growl than to want to have an intellectual discussion about the influence of 19th century literature.

And it’s not that you don’t like the girl, and it’s not that you don’t respect her.  It’s that you’re just overwhelmed.   This is where it pays off to clean the pipes before you meet up.  Put out a batch, take a load off, no pun intended.  Suddenly, your head is clear and you can think again.  You’ve overcome your caveman desires and the primal reptilian brain to shift back to the thinking modern brain.  That fogginess is gone and there is daylight ahead.

Hence, this becomes a personal decision based on your testosterone levels and generally how horny you are on any given day.  That, I can’t determine for you.  You’re the best judge of your own body.  However, based on the guidelines above, make a decision as to how clearly you can think and whether you need to “Clean the Pipes.”  On the same token, if you feel fear or nervousness, refrain from doing so for a few days.  Let testosterone build up the courage in you to take the necessary steps forward.

There it is.  I’ve settled this  issue once and for all.  Have fun.