Want an example of how the community can make people weird?  If you’ve read the blog, you’ve probably seen me allude to it, sometimes implicitly, sometimes blatantly explicit.

What’s wrong with wanting to date more chicks” someone asks, but the issue is not about having better choices of women to date.  It’s the socially awkward behavior that permeates from those too deeply ingrained within the seduction community thinking.  Here is an email Evite I received for a birthday party.  It reeks of, what my friend Barry Kirkey, would call “Douchy Behavior.”

A little background: So this guy is a friend of an acquaintance type deal.  I’ve met him a few times, he seems ok, has some money, and a nice place in a prestigious part of town.  All good things.  He is not a bad guy and I can get along with him in person.  At some point, he turned towards the community and it did help him.  On the same note, studying social tactics too much  turned him into the dark side.

He is not a bad guy, and certainly, I have no ill will towards the dude.  I do get along with him, and I think he means well.    However, after reading the Evite he sent out, I am sure you’ll agree it deserves a good ripping.   So let’s explore the Evite I received last week and have some fun with:

The first paragraph:

—–
Guys work with me here. I NEED an easy accurate head count. There’s too many of you keep track of. This EVITE is the Guest List. Please stop calling and texting and facebooking (?) about how excited you are if you didn’t reply yet on the Evite. Otherwise it means NOTHING, it doesn’t put you on the list and I won’t feel bad that I won’t be able to help you at the door. Save yourself pain and RSVP on this EVITE right away. You can adjust your RSVP later if plans change. If you didn’t get the Evite it’s because I don’t have your email address, please send it to me. Thanks :)
——

The first paragraph borders on douchy behavior but it can be tolerated. It’s completely UNNECESSARY to CAPITALIZE the words “Need” and “Nothing.”  The parts about not feeling bad about not being on the list are again walking that fine line of douchy behavior but we are all collectively going to let that go.  It all pales by comparison to what’s about to come. …..

—–
About bringing friends… ok, you know how a perfectly good clean piece of paper can be devalued if you write some useless crap on it like scribbled art or bad poetry or you just happen to spill some shit on it? Well, a lot of people are like that; a careless waste of perfectly good flesh, bone and muscle.
—–

Well, thanks ol’ Wise Guru.  Apparently, the Evite has gone from an electronic-invitation to some sort of a parable, wrapped in a Zen analogy to teach the rest of us a lesson in life and values.  The levels of condescension are off the Richter scale.  It’s not so much the belief itself that’s the issue.  A lot of people feel that way.  Putting on an Evite to people you are inviting to a party, is what pushes the Douchbaggery to unprecedented levels, never seen before in a party invitation.  By the way, did anyone else catch “Brain” missing from the combo of flesh, bone and muscle?  Probably because the right application of one would prevent a humanoid from attending this party.

——-
I like meeting unique driven exciting attractive good people. If you have friends like that, great, bring them. But I would rather you bring with you a bag of dirt than a belligerent drunk friend who lacks the capacity to be held responsible for his actions. If I really wanted to hang out with a bunch of disoriented animals I’d go to the zoo or go club hopping in Hollywood. You will be held responsible for your friends.
—-

Fuck, where do I start with this one?  It’s comedy that writes itself.  There is just so much material.  So many directions you can take it!  First, it sounds like a personal ad on match.com.  I too enjoy meeting driven exciting people, but I’ve learned enough to know that the quickest way to have them run for the hills is to send an idiotic invite like this.

You have to love the disciplinarian military attitude of “You will be held responsible for your friends.”  Somehow, I picture the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket yelling at the top of his lungs, “Private Joker, why did you bring Private Piles to this party?  Why is Private Piles not able to handle his liquor?  Private Joker, why are you not taking care of this mess Private Piles has created.  You think this is funny? Answer the sergeant Private Joker.”

This, in effect, is the evite Version of the famous “Dimitri the Lover” Phone voice mail floating throughout the cyberworld….

——
Heavy priority for Girls, they’re more important. Check with me about inviting Dudes I don’t know. Even better, send me to the facebook page of the friends you want to bring.
——-

Yes, we have to qualify out friends to the great maestro of this monolithic, historical party.   Upon his approval, perhaps out male friends will be approved by the supreme leader.  However, it does not stop there…    There were 4 to 5 emails sent over a period of two weeks, but I am showcasing only two at this point.  Here is one more below.

————————————-

2nd Email with List of Demands:

It’s at my place in the hills, an ultra modern remodeled house with gorgeous views, beautiful people, open bar, food, and complimentary Valet. Even if it wasn’t mine, I can safely say this is my favorite party every year.  Pictures are here:

Then, there is a list of bullet points from the Supreme Leader  himself.  (MY Commentary in Parenthesis)

  • We all love Rules, these will be enforced

Rules:
- Girls must dress hot. Guys must dress like they didn’t just come from a Sports Bar
(Fair enough, but the wording could have been better than what he chose. Dress upscale would have been sufficient.)

- Be social, introduce yourself to at least 10 people you don’t know, not just of the opposite sex. Meet each other
(Fucker, trying to take over my job here.  You gotta love when there are mandates for meeting others.)

- Think sophisticated chill Lounge, not loud Dance Club, not Sports Bar
- All men must be respectful of women
(Well, there goes the plan of clubbing some chick on the head and dragging her back to the cave.)

- All women must scrub the floors clean with toothbrushes and while they’re down there they must pray in my general direction 3 times
( Somewhere out there David DeAngelo is smiling.  Cocky/funny gone wrong as usual.  Bad timing takes douchy email to staggering heights.)

- There will be no Cocaine at this party. Seriously guys, lay off that shit.

-  There will be no Alcohol at this party. Just Kidding, there’s plenty :)

(OK, that one is actually socially pleasant and friendly.  It’s too bad he couldn’t apply to the rest of his email.)

- I love to meet unique driven exciting attractive good people. If you have friends like that, great, bring them.
(Fuck, here we go again!  I wonder if President Obama is available to go.  I shall send him a text.)

- We have room for one very large fat girl at the party, so all the other girls will feel better. Who’s gonna be the lucky fatty?
(I could have sworn I saw something about being respectful to women earlier….   While a “Locker room joke” guys make amongst only men, there is no place for it on the evite.  At this point David D is jumping for Joy like he won the Superbowl.)

- DO NOT THROW CIGARETTES IN MY PLANTS
- DO NOT THROW CIGARETTES OFF THE BALCONY INTO THE FLAMMABLE HILLSIDE BRUSH
- My Neighbors, don’t piss them off. Don’t honk your horns outside, or laugh and yell. You can breathe outside, but that’s about it…
(OK, he is trying for humor, but it’s too little too late.  It’s the equivalent of a rapist putting on a condom.  You’re still not going to like it the overall presentation. )

- If some monkey throws a plate of food on the floor, it doesn’t mean that now it’s ok for you to do it. DON”T BE A MONKEY
(This perhaps is the most condescending and retarded comment of the entire list.  Apolgies in advanced to developmentally slow people.  They’d never say such things.)

- DO THE MATH: 35 pound petite girl + 60 pounds of alcohol = Messy Problem — Drink Responsibly
- Report to me if anyone behaves fucked up creating a lot of bad vibes

(The Supreme Leader wants up to date reports on who is creating bad vibes.  Well, suppose someone pointed out the big fatty as being the chosen fatty of the night, and she starts sobbing.  Now, I ask you:  Is he creating bad vibes, or was he simply following the instructions of the supreme leader.  What’s a party goer to do???)

- Just be cool and thoughtful. Some of you have gone over and above to be helpful and help clean up afterwards. I appreciate that and you’re always welcome here
(
If you assist the supreme leader, he will be pleased.  You may get an invite next year!

- I love you guys. Well, most of you guys and can’t wait to see you again :)

(Wow, I hate to see what sort of emails he sends to people he does NOT love.  The Evite has taken a reiligous tone at this point.  Very biblical.  The supreme leader will burn people in hell for the slightest infractions but that’s because he really loves you.)

My personal entertainment aside, what’s the point of this email?  It’s that no person outside the seduction community would normally send such emails.  It has “DHVs, Qualifiers,” and poorly timed, poorly presented “Cocky Funny.”    Yet, there is irony in all this.  He wants quality people at his party and his Evite is a sure fire way of turning off the very people he wants.

A proverbial “Cool Guy” wouldn’t set foot to such a party after reading that.   High quality women with high self-esteem won’t want to be seen at such a gathering.  It’s a good place to see low self-esteem folk and perhaps few party chicks who’ll tolerate anything as long as you can offer social value and/or stimulus.  There will probably also be some foreign women who can’t speak English well enough to discern the douchyness of this email.

To be completely fair, I should mention the backdrop this story.  At last year’s party, some unsavory characters showed up.  Some losers, weirdos, and criminal types came to his house.  Well, I don’t want that in my place either.  However, he could have said just that.  He could have expressed his concerns and maybe inject some humor.

“Last year’s party was a blast, but unfortunately, a few uninvited people/shady characters showed up. I think a couple may have even been related to Bin Laden.  Needless to say, I don’t want any more uninvited criminals at my place.  This year’s guest list will be strictly enforced.  No exception.  I hope you understand the reasons for it.”

Now, you read that and think, “OK, I get it.  I wouldn’t want those types in my house either.”  Instead, what we have is the Evite-equivalent “Dimitril the Lover voicemail” and the sad thing is that this guy doesn’t get it. He has sent 3 or 4 similar emails, and they seem to become more condescending.   It’s just too bad none of the friends he loves so much take the time to tell him how idiotic his Evite is.  Then again, maybe they’re afraid of bringing about the wrath of the Supreme Leader.

I am at a dilemma.  On the one hand, I don’t feel like going to such a party for the obvious reasons.  On the other hand, I am so curious as to what TYPE of people will show up after reading such Evites.  Maybe they’re all Bloggers too and want to see the same thing.  I doubt it. Party is tonight.  I’ve RSVPed but as they say in Sports, it’ll be a “Game time decision.”

By the way, below are both emails, uninterrupted, without my commentary.

———————————

Guys work with me here. I NEED an easy accurate head count. There’s too many of you keep track of. This EVITE is the Guest List. Please stop calling and texting and facebooking (?) about how excited you are if you didn’t reply yet on the Evite. Otherwise it means NOTHING, it doesn’t put you on the list and I won’t feel bad that I won’t be able to help you at the door. Save yourself pain and RSVP on this EVITE right away. You can adjust your RSVP later if plans change. If you didn’t get the Evite it’s because I don’t have your email address, please send it to me. Thanks :)

About bringing friends… ok, you know how a perfectly good clean piece of paper can be devalued if you write some useless crap on it like scribbled art or bad poetry or you just happen to spill some shit on it? Well, a lot of people are like that; a careless waste of perfectly good flesh, bone and muscle. I like meeting unique driven exciting attractive good people. If you have friends like that, great, bring them. But I would rather you bring with you a bag of dirt than a belligerent drunk friend who lacks the capacity to be held responsible for his actions. If I really wanted to hang out with a bunch of disoriented animals I’d go to the zoo or go club hopping in Hollywood. You will be held responsible for your friends.

Heavy priority for Girls, they’re more important. Check with me about inviting Dudes I don’t know. Even better, send me to the facebook page of the friends you want to bring.

Also, I know it’s last minute, but if you’re not doing anything better tonight, I’m gonna be going to the French Tuesdays event at the Pacific Design Center with some friends. Come along and join us, this is one of their few events open to the general public. French Tuesdays is one of my very favorite mixer groups, it’s my style: classy, chill, beautiful sophisticated people. More info here:

We all love Rules, these will be enforced

Rules:
- Girls must dress hot. Guys must dress like they didn’t just come from a Sports Bar
- Be social, introduce yourself to at least 10 people you don’t know, not just of the opposite sex. Meet each other
- Think sophisticated chill Lounge, not loud Dance Club, not Sports Bar
- All men must be respectful of women
- All women must scrub the floors clean with toothbrushes and while they’re down there they must pray in my general direction 3 times
- There will be no Cocaine at this party. Seriously guys, lay off that shit.
- There will be no Alcohol at this party. Just Kidding, there’s plenty :)
- I love to meet unique driven exciting attractive good people. If you have friends like that, great, bring them.
- RSVP EARLY here with your number of guests. Space is tight. Last year the evite list got out of hand and over 500 people wanted to come. This year even more are invited. The list closes shut tight at 220 people.
- We have room for one very large fat girl at the party, so all the other girls will feel better. Who’s gonna be the lucky fatty?
- DO NOT THROW CIGARETTES IN MY PLANTS
- DO NOT THROW CIGARETTES OFF THE BALCONY INTO THE FLAMMABLE HILLSIDE BRUSH
- My Neighbors, don’t piss them off. Don’t honk your horns outside, or laugh and yell. You can breathe outside, but that’s about it
- If some monkey throws a plate of food on the floor, it doesn’t mean that now it’s ok for you to do it. DON”T BE A MONKEY
- DO THE MATH: 35 pound petite girl + 60 pounds of alcohol = Messy Problem — Drink Responsibly
- Report to me if anyone behaves fucked up creating a lot of bad vibes
- Just be cool and thoughtful. Some of you have gone over and above to be helpful and help clean up afterwards. I appreciate that and you’re always welcome here
- I love you guys. Well, most of you guys and can’t wait to see you again :)