How To Develop Strength & Power as a Man
Like you, I’ve read my fair share of self-help advice. I’ve listened to enough people, and have taken from it what I can. It can be a slippery slope however. Too often, self-help becomes sort of a religion where people become void of independent thought, and depended upon their guru of choice. Phrases such as “Keep Your Power” and “Don’t give you power away” become common place cliches.
How do you create that power? Some say power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. If so how do you get it? There are all sorts of techniques out there as to how to create the illusion that you’re powerful, and there is much advice to the tune of “Don’t give your power away” or “Keep your power” in the dating realm and interpersonal relationships between human beings in general. (Be it lovers, coworkers, your boss, and so forth.)
But then, you have to wonder, is power merely a position? Do you have to be appointed to some sort of a higher position to have power? Certainly, someone can point to a dictator and say he has power. He can order executions at will, and controls the army. But that’s really not the kind of power we are after, (And if that’s what you seek, you’re reading the wrong blog.)
So perhaps power is the wrong word to use here. Dating-coaches specially talk about “Hey, keep your power. Don’t give it away.” Certainly, it’s well intentioned, but power is not about control over other people. Really, what it comes down to is personal power. The personal power you have over your own actions, and you don’t need to attend 25 Tony Robbins seminars to gain control of it. It’s power over things YOU Can control, your decisions, ideals, emotions, and actions.
I’d say what we’re really talking about is Strength.
Strength is what we’re after in this realm. Not physical strength, but rather, mental strength. Mental strength is what separates many phenomenal athletes from just the good ones. Personal strength is respected, whereas power often times enforced.
So how do we build that strength? I believe that strength is built through accomplishing goals. To be more specific, setting up small tasks and accomplishing them. Much like physical strength, it’s built in increments. If you were going to make it a goal to lift 200 pounds (or whatever,) and all you can lift right now is 50, then you would need to build that strength. You’re not jumping from 50 to 200 overnight. But you can build the strength gradually.
Same comes with mental strength. It’s built over a period of time, but it’s stuff no one teaches you in school. They teach you everything else but there is no class on how to create resolve and what you want.
Strength is about resolve, it’s about not compromising, and it’s about keeping and acting in line with your ideals and values.
A good example of Strength is action is the popular movie “Gladiator” starring Russell Crowe. In watching the film we find 2 central characters: We have Caesar’s replacement played by Juaqin Phoenix; and we have Russell’s character Maximus.
We love Maximus, but can’t stand the new Caesar. Maximus has strength, the Caesar has power. Maximus’s strength comes from within, where as Caesar’s power was given to him by the position he was awarded. Nobody watches that movie and likes Caesar, though clearly he rules the entire land. With the pointing of his thumb, he can decide the fate of a man, and yet he fights to have any sort of respect through his reign. Yet, no one walks away from that film wishing he were that Caesar character. People walk away wanting to be similar to the Maximus character for he represents all of the things we wish we were.
Maximus stands for ideas and virtues that we respect, or wish we could have: The ability to stand for what we believe in, loyalty, valor, courage, and follow-through. He stands for strength and honor, and it’s the reason why such characters throughout the history of cinema as well as literature have been revered.
All of that seems great and flowery perhaps, but where does it leave you? A lot of men who seek advice online are seeking that strength in their relationships. It may be in approaching women, feeling better about themselves, or maintaining a better relationship with their girlfriend/wives.
Sometimes this issue is compounded by a philosophy of “Get laid at any cost” which certain people tend to possess and pass down. Walking away from a situation as an option, because then you didn’t get laid with that particular girl, and hence you lost. That certainly is one perspective, but keep in mind that it’s just one perspective, and if you were to observe men who are most successful in attracting women, you’d find that those who do display personal strength are far ahead of those who do not.
Yes, in other words, our character Maximus would do far better in attracting women, and the friendship of other men than would your average “Compromise yourself to brag that you got laid at any cost” person.
Here is what it all comes down to: A person possess certain ideals and values which he is not willing to compromise, be it in dating or whatever the scenario may be. Here is a quick dating example just for kicks: An attractive girl you’re talking with (or dating) talks negatively about a friend of yours whom you hold in high regard. What do you do?
Do you tell her that you hold that person in high regard, and while she is certainly entitled to her opinion, you’re not going to stand for your friend being slandered? Or Do you say nothing hoping that your silence will enhance your chances of getting laid?
There is difference in strength and intestinal fortitude. Again, to hammer the point home, it’s the reason we admire Maximus. We know beyond any doubt that if he were our friend, he’d speak up in that situation.
It’s that he will stand for his ideals. It’s why the following photograph is one that is infinitely powerful and timeless:
A man versus tank is the equivalent of a mouse challenging an elephant. Yet, that guy is willing to stand there and face the consequences, while standing up for his values and his ideals.
Strength comes from within. It’s easy to be the guy in the tank. It’s not easy to stand up knowing you may get flattened into a pancake by that tank. That’s the difference in strength. The guy inside the tank has power. The guy standing in front of it has strength!!
“All of this Strength-talk is great, Cameron! How do you build it?”
Strength is built by setting up small goals, and then, accomplishing those small goals. Every single time you accomplish one such goal, you build strength. You build resolve. Some people call it character.
Lacking resolve and strength of character, people turn to all sorts of mythical creatures, invisible genie in the universe who brings you things while you sit on your behind making demands. But you and I know better than that.
You know best where you’re at in life. You know your own strength level and different people are at different points. It’s not a judgment on who is better or stronger. It’s simply knowing where you are and where you want to go. If you need more strength to get where you’re going, then you need to start by making small changes, taking those incremental steps.
It’s really the only way to do it. Don’t take my word for it, however. Study the lives of historical figures and you shall find the same pattern. Whether your goal is to achieve great things, get a new job, or simply lose 50 pounds of fat, it starts with setting up small goals and knocking them down.
You may say to me, “This is a dating blog and this advice doesn’t help me immediately. If I attend a house party, I still don’t know what to say to a girl standing nearby. I don’t know how to make proper conversation and flirt, and etc, etc, etc………..“
That’s a fair point. This article is not about approaching, what to say, how to flirt, obviously. Those are skills you learn as you go along (and yes my 16 CD audio course is a great resource for this), and yet, you have to still realize that there is a balance to be struck.
As for me personally, I’ve learned that you have to take steps to build strength, and to put it in layman’s terms, you don’t jump from lifting 50 pounds to 500. The guy who wins the most Valuable player award in professional sports didn’t get there in one giant leap either. It took guts and it took courage and along the way, he also built strength.
You have to find ways to bolster your identity, who you are, what you stand for, and what you project on to the world. Since this blog is dedicated to the dating, then it ought to be mentioned that those things [Identity & Values] cannot be determined by the validation of women in a nightclub. Just as similar, if you’re a woman, that identity can’t be determined by what sort of a man you date or how wealthy of a man you land.
Strength comes from within.
It’s that simple.
Again, how do you build strength? One inch at a time. It’s the inches around us that add up.
In fact, who is better at giving long motivational speeches than Al Pacino? Pretty much, No one. And let’s be honest, when you have Oliver Stone as Director and Pacino as lead actor, you have the movie making equivalent of an orgasm. So with all of that mind, sit back, blast that volume high, and watch the Inch by Inch Speech from the end of “Any Given Sunday”:
“Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing.”
PS. The article that you’ve just read will significantly impact your dating life.. Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work. Get a copy here: Building Attraction Audio Course