Strengthening Your Innergame, Part 3


Gaining Confidence is a gradual process that takes time.  Similar to building muscles, it’s a process of constantly making gains.  On one hand, it may seem frustrating that it’s a seemingly lengthy process, but on the other, its effects are much more longer lasting.

Again, if you’ve spent the last 10 years weightlifting, those muscles are permanent.  Even if you abandoned weightlifting, for an entire year, you still could get back to where you were in a matter of a few months.  It won’t take years to get back what you took time to build.  That’s the beauty of it.  They call it muscle memory.

A high self-image built on a solid foundation is also long lasting, and tough to abandon.  Keeping with our theme, it starts with taking those steps forward.

In parts 1 and 2, we went over a rough outline of how you start taking your foot out of the trench to provide that wiggle room to keep moving forward.  In this part, we are going to focus on the pitfalls of quick-fix solutions.

If you’re enamored with quick-fix solutions that’ll solve your issues within 2-3 days, then please go ahead and try them now.  Stop reading my Blog.  When you fail miserably, then come back and reread what I have been writing.

There are two kinds of magic-bullet schools of thought:

  1. Innergame  Magic Bullet
  2. Outergame Magic Bullet

  • Let’s examine group 1:

The Innergame magic-bullet schools are those who sell and buy into the idea that sheer meditation at home can magically produce results one day.  This very well may be true, but I have yet to see one case of it.

If I told you about a performer who’d never been on stage in his life and was about to walk in front of a live audience, you’d expect him to have a bit of nervous energy.  Depending on the individual makeup of the person, there would more or less of it.  For some, it would even be combined with excitement.  But then what if I told that the performer who has never been on stage expects to meditate at home until one day he feels absolutely no nervousness at all and he can finally walk onto the stage in front of that live audience?

Most of you would laugh and think it to be obvious and absurd, and you’d be right.  Heck, some of you would even think that I was f*cking with you.  Yet, there are people convinced that they can meditate, or channel cosmic forces of the universe only understood by comic book heroes, that will enable them to “Cold-Approach” a woman they’ve never met before with zero nervousness, and with the comfort rivaling that of walking out of your bedroom in the morning into the kitchen.

This is the same group who thinks sitting home and reading Eckhart Tolle and/or (Insert self-help guru name here)  all day will suddenly solve all of their problems.

It doesn’t work that way.  At least, not in my experience and observation.  Sometimes, you gotta suck it up, take the hits, and we’re back to the words of the great philosopher Rocky Balboa: You Keep Moving Forward.

  • Let’s examine group 2:

The Outergame-magic bullet schools teache a set of skills that are predicated on the ability to learn a memorized script of routines and spit them back out verbatim.  Then they pile on top of that with strategies and tactics for everything.  They start talking about micro-loops, big-loops, loose loops, and they have so many acronyms and code words, they’d leave a spy in the intelligence business envious.  They keep working on their script and they keep trying to polish their loops, and start trying to run a military operations with steps C4, E2, and X55.

This group has an edge over group 1 in that they ARE actually gaining experience talking to live women.  Where they fail is that they neglect their core skills of developing a personality or solid communications skills. Most of the people in this group are good for about 10-15 minutes before they “Run out of Material” and have nothing left to say.  This is the same group of people that you cannot introduce to your friends, the same group that you cannot invite to a house party, because they don’t “act normal.”  (And we’re talking a wide range of normal.)

Let’s be clear on one thing: It’s not that the routines mentioned above are evil.  For some guys, it’s a good training wheel, but they are NOT a substitute for a personality.  Reading other people’s anecdotes and presenting them is not personality.   As a rule of thumb, The Routine-dependent guys are normally easy to spot at a house party because they can’t seem to blend with the other guys.  They can’t engage the group and assimilate as one of the guys who is bullshitting around, having fun and sharing a few laughs.

Sometimes, the members of this second category do experience success in dating women, because they are interesting guys with interesting personalities,  but they still categorically deny any effort to get over their emotional baggage.  As a result, they still can’t figure out why their increased success has not been fruitful in bringing them happiness.

If you feel like you’re not very good with women and feel like it’s always been that way, then start working on both parts of your life.  You have to make an effort to talk to more women in various circumstances.  The more you do it, the more you’ll feel comfortable around women in general.  You have to work on the emotional baggage and poor-self esteem.  You also need to work on developing and/or enhancing “Attributes” and traits that are attractive.  (Demeanor, Flirting, teasing, being sexual, being interesting, being fun, being comfortable with who you are, being masculine, etc…..)

That’s the way to salvation……. (proverbially speaking.)


PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women