The Direct Approach Series, Part 4

Balancing Acts of life.  Pushing The Edge and still being Socially Savvy!

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George Carlin

Lenny Bruce

In the last article, I mentioned that one of the issues you’ll run into is people selling you doctrine.  If there is a holy grail of becoming more attractive to women, it’s enhancing your Attributes.  There is no substitute for coming across as someone who is fun, interesting, and confident.  Someone who is socially pleasant to be around, joke around with with, ho also has a high self image of him/herself.  (This applies to both sexes.)

Should you go Direct or Indirect?

First, part of this depends on your experience level.  If you’re a beginner, your first priority ought to be socializing with as many women as possible.  The more time you spend with women, the more comfort you gain in being around them.

Put aside direct or indirect and focus on having conversations with a lot of women.  The exception to this would be a guy who has a lot of females around him, except they’re all your friends.

If you’re the guy who grew up with a lot of sisters and/or have female friends you spend time with, then you ought to start focusing on being more sexual with your intentions.  You’re most likely already comfortable being around women, you realize their quirks, their personalities, and tendencies.  Now, step it up.

In my experience, that is a very small percentage of guys seeking advice on dating.  That is the subsection of men who suffer from having repeatedly been told, “Let’s Just Be Friends” by women.  As a result, they have female friends, but the women they desire, do not reciprocate the same romantic interest.  That hurts like a bad kick in the balls.  I know.

Yet, there is a sliver lining if you’re that guy.  If you have even one female friend whom you spend a lot of time with, you’re already way ahead of the curve because you are comfortable socializing with women.

If you are not that guy, then the focus is on socializing with women.  Your focus should not be becoming a Pick up Artist.  It should not be memorizing tons of theory and tactics designed to pull a club-chick back to your house.  Your focus is becoming comfortable.

What if you’re more experienced?  What if you have been jumping around from various schools of seduction?  You become infatuated with indirect, then direct, then this or that?

Wait, perhaps you should go the way of “Natural Game?”

Without Social Intelligence, there can be no Natural Game.  These are the simple facts of life, Without Oxygen, there can’t be water, and without the Internet, there can’t be online trolls.

  • Applying Social Intelligence:

Going Direct with your openers could be of value in certain circumstances but keep in mind that it has to be balanced with social-pleasantries.  If you are at a house party, you can choose to go up to women and introduce yourself. After all, it’s a party and part of the point is to get to meet new people.

However, there has to be a balance.  Something over the top is going to backfire.  You can’t approach every woman at a party and tell them that you like them and ask for their phone number.  That’s a good way to be labeled a dirtbag who is never invited back again.

What if you’re talking to a mixed group of guys and girls at a social function?  You still don’t know which girls are single and which ones are there with their boyfriends standing right next to them.  Again, you don’t’ want to be a douche bag.

This is a situation where you start talking about random topics until you can establish a vibe with one of the girls, or you establish the group’s dynamics.

What about at work?  Well, it’s typically not a good idea to date coworkers but happens all the time.  You can’t tell every attractive woman at work you want to date them.  It’s a good way to get yourself fired quickly, or be called into “Human Resources” for a sexual harassment lecture.  Your best bet is to make normal conversation, feel the vibe, then start with the innuendos.

Any closed small environment normally lends itself to a more neutral style of opening. A closed small environment could be a classroom, an office/apartment building, or a very small town.  You don’t want to be “That guy.”  The guy who is aggressively hitting on any and every woman within proximity,  Take the gym as an example of a closed environment.  If you frequent the same gym 4 times a week, you could blow out through the gym pretty quickly, if you aggressively hit on every attractive girl you came across. Sometimes, you have to pick your spots, and be a bit more smooth about how you approach the women.

Granted, you could say, “Hey, I know the type of woman I like, and when I see it, I go after it!”  I’d say, excellent, go for it.  If you’re going to be judicious and selective, that’s fine.  Pick your spots.   It may even turn out that over the course of a few months, you date several women from the same gym, but there is a way of going about it that is socially pleasant.

On the same token, there are situations that require you to push the envelope.  There will be times when you meet a woman who is looking to have a good time and you have to aggressively push the envelope.  By the I mean, you have to pour on the sexual innuendos and escalate.

Let’s go the opposite route of a small closed environment.   You’re walking in the downtown area of a city, and you see a girl standing somewhere looking at some item talking to a clerk.  You have about 10 seconds before she starts walking again, continuing to move away.  You decide you like her looks/vibe.  What do you do? Think quickly.  Prob a good time for balls to the walls.  Many times, Direct-openers are the best available option, especially if you have a strong personality.  Go for it.  (In Articles to come, I will explain how to properly execute the opener.)

You can be direct with your intentions in the way you flirt, but walking up to every semi-attractive woman and saying, “Hey, let’s go out” gets to be a too much.

It’s a balancing act.  You want to be masculine, driven, going for what you want without apology and you still want to be socially graceful on some level.  Socially Graceful often becomes lost in dating advice.  It’s replaced with false bravado and the machismo of “Hey, have a strong reality.”

Let’s suppose you were invited to a formal White House dinner party with President Obama and other heads of state in attendance.  If you decided to wear “Assless Chaps,” you’re going to come across as a fucking idiot.  I don’t care how strong your reality is.

Wait, this just in!  We have a a photograph of a seduction community fanatic attending that White House dinner keeping his strong reality:

this is Not Cool

this is Not Cool

It’s not the most graceful thing you’ve ever seen, is it?  This gets back to the idea that most of us have to still function within society and carry some resemblance of class.  When that fact of life meets with the fact that most Dating/seduction coaches are outcasts and misfits of society, it results in a cluster fuck.   I am the first guy to say push the envelope but at the same time, you have to know where that fine lines is.  You can walk the tightrope but first you gotta find it.  It takes a good degree of social intelligence to know how far you can push that edge.

Now, on to the other far extreme:

A lot of guys have the opposite problem of the aggressive annoying guy who gets labeled a douchebag:  That’s being afraid to show intentions. A lot of guys will start conversations with women with the intention of wanting to date them, but they keep the conversations so platonic that it never goes anywhere.

Later on, when they ask her out, she is almost shocked.  There were so afraid to show interest in her that she feels awkward.  A good example of this:  Hot woman meets computer expert.  So the computer expert guy goes out of his way to help her with everything possible.  He offers all sorts of assistance.  The more savvy woman will get why he is doing so, but a lot of women don’t.  They figure, “Oh, what a nice guy.  Very helpful and cordial.”

Then 2 weeks later, when he professes how badly he wants to take her out and how crazy he is about her, she feels awkward and weird; as though there ulterior motives all along as to why he has been offering assistance.

This is why sub-communication and Flirting is essential.  If you can learn to naturally flirt and have fun, be comfortable with touching women (not groping) the interaction will inevitably go towards a certain different direction.  It will have taken a different path.

So in essence, you are not just communicating your interest and intentions to a woman, but rather, you’re communicating sexuality.

This is where 90% of men seeking dating advice fail.  They learn lines, pickup lines, routines and tactics.  That’s fine.  It’s part of the learning process for some people.  They do not, however, learn to communicate sexuality through the subtext of their interactions.

If you have been seeking dating advice and going through the motions for a couple of years now, you may find yourself experiencing sticking points.  You’re just doing the same old song and dance for the past 6 months, with the same issues surfacing.  Learn to improve the way you come across.  Learning more theory is not going to that for you.   You’ll have to  look inside and find yourself a bit, and improve from the inside out.

Once you know yourself and the proper social calibration, then you can start pushing the envelope.

Pictured up top are comedy legends George Carlin and Lenny Bruce.  They’re two of comedy’s icons, and also two guys who pushed the boundaries as far as they could, be it using obscene language or mocking/exposing organized Religion. At the same time, they had an incredible understanding of social dynamics and the possessed very high social intelligence.   You have to have the high social-intelligence first, then push social boundaries. That’s how this works.

OK, so we covered when and where to use direct, and understanding the need to push the edge, be aggressive and yet maintaining social grace.  We covered the issue of not being “That guy” who hits on every single woman he comes across, and also not being the guy who is afraid to show his intentions.

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Stay tuned for the next part in this series.  Tomorrow, I am going to cover more outergame.  I am going to cover:

-Situational Openers,
-Personal examples of situational conversational openers,
-Common mistakes in situational openers,
-The idea of meeting women in social circles versus Cold-approaching, the pros and cons of each.