Situational Openers To Meet Girls

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While talking about Direct vs. Indirect, I have omitted one category of openers that are probably the most practical.  Everyday, people strike up conversations in college classrooms, conferences, and small get-togethers.

Yet, most of the time, men don’t know what to do with these conversations.  I am going to talk about the 3 of the most common mistakes men repeatedly make in the beginning of these conversations that end up being costly.

First, I’d recommend that you should experiment with various types of approaches and see what works for you.  When I do 1 on 1 coaching consults, I devise a plan that is very specifically geared towards that individual based on his personality and lifestyle.

The introvert bookworm who is uncomfortable in social settings is going to need a different customized plan than the extrovert who has played sports all his life, likes bullshitting around, and telling jokes,  (And yes, I’ve come across both of these types seeking advice in the past.

So instead of writing an outline for person, I am going to discuss a bit about my personal experiences in this arena.   (And believe me, I have learned and tried every system/method you’ll come across, regardless of how silly and moronic it seems.)

I’ll relay my experience and some personal examples from cold approach situations, and from there, you can take away what  you can apply to your own person.

So what have I found works best personally?

-          In my experience, the ideal conversational openers are situational openers where both people have a vested mutual-interest in that topic.

Why is this ideal?  Because it lends itself to conversational flow that is interesting to both parties.  This is the 2nd most important reason why “Social Circle” meetings are always going to be superior to cold-approaches.    (The first one being that you’ve vouched for by a mutual friend, so there is that trust factor.)

So let’s use a personal example.  I come across a girl who likes Bon Jovi.  Heck, it may even be that she makes a comment regarding the Bon Jovi T-shirt I am wearing while working out at the gym.  So we start talking about our favorite songs. I ask her if she is one of those new fans or she knows the really good stuff from their 80s days.  (Again, this is inserting the idea of a challenge in a fun way.)

It turns out she is knows all of the classics.  And let’s be honest here.  That’s pretty fucking impressive.  The “Slippery When Wet” album came out in 1986 and she was born in 1985.   You do the math quickly and discover that she was 1 year old when these songs were released on the radio.  You gotta respect someone like that.

Then again, I’ve come across girls in their 20s who were into Led Zepplin and Doors music, we are talking stuff from the late 60s and early 70s.  A girl who likes musicians as opposed to guys who rhyme while wearing the pants around their ankles is pretty damn awesome.   You really gotta appreciate that.

So in this particular case, that mutual interest in good old rock and roll leads itself to natural conversational flow.  It does so in the the same way two dudes who are fans of a certain Rock band or a Sports Team start chatting.  (Except minus the flirting with the dudes.).

Imagine a time when you met someone at a party who had the same passion for a particular sports team, music, or movies that you did.  Then you started talking about the topic and the conversation just flowed.   When both parties have a vested interested in a mutual topic, the conversation just flows.  It’s effortless.  Pretty common sense stuff for most people.

The same principle applies to meeting a woman.  This is where your conversational skills come into play.  This is where you can transition into stories and personal experiences that convey your personality.  That is the art of being a natural.  You can convey your personality through these vehicles.

This is not a direct opener. Then again, it’s also not an “Opinion opener” where you’re asking about stuff you just do not give a shit about.  (jealous girlfriend, who lies more, etc…)

The key here is that at some point, you want to take the conversation past that mutual interest.  I don’t care if the mutual interest is collecting seashells on the seashore.  Move past it at some point.

The mistake men make is they get into a game of 20 questions.  Remember I mentioned two people having the same interest, not one person pretending to be interested.  Often, when one person pretends to be interested just to get somewhere with the girl, it distortes the dynamic.

Example:

A while back, I was out with an attractive girl at a social gathering when we ran into an acquaintance of mine.  Upon discovering she likes photography, he started to do ask her frivolous questions.  (His version of hitting on her, which was not a cool thing to do.)   I decided to indulge him and let him make an idiot of himself.  So the game of 20 questions began:  What’s your favorite camera? What type of stuff do you photograph? Which camera do use most often?  What’s your favorite scenery?  How does this camera work?  Is this one your favorite?  What kind of camera do you think I should buy?

The guy made an asshole of himself and in the process gave me a good example to use for years to come.  Now, if you were interested in photography yourself and talked to girl who was also interested, it’d change the dynamics entirely.  Suddenly, you can offer input and you can contribute to the conversation as well.  You could have talked about one of your favorite photos you’ve taken, and how you had to hike 2 hours to get the perfect spot where you have a 10 min window to capture the scenery before sunset… etc…  It makes for pleasant and interesting dialogue.

Look at it this way, you could be at a vitamin store and you start talking about nutritional supplements with someone who has the same interest.  This is vastly different than cruising through a “Whole foods” Supermarket and asking annoying questions, “How is the Tuna?  How is the Salmon?  Which Oranges should I pick?  How do I tell which ones are the good apples?  Hey, how do you choose your apples?”

The latter is the reason why most guys can begin a good situational conversation but can’t take it anywhere. Hence, most of the time, the mistakes fall into either of the following 3 categories:

  1. Asking a game of 20 questions, (because only one person has vested interest, it’s not mutual.)
  2. Starting the conversation on a mutual interest, but never moving past that topic.  (Talking about certain music, your occupation, mutual hobby)
  3. Keeping the conversation too bland.  This means you talk to a girl as though she were a guy.   No flirting, no teasing, and no sexual/romantic interest conveyed.

If you have failed to be effective with situational conversational-openers in the past, chances are you mistakes fall into the three mistakes I just mentioned.  If you correct those, it will greatly improve your success rate.

Ultimately, this is a process of growth.

Bruce Lee once wrote:

“True Observation begins when devoid of set patterns, and freedom of expression occurs when one is beyond systems.”

When it applied in this field, that simply means, you have to experiment and discover what your natural expression is.  Along the way you’re going to make some mistakes, but that’s part of the learning curve.

Tomorrow, I am going to breakdown how to conduct a Direct-Opener.  I am going to talk about the major surprise you’re going to repeatedly observe that no one else is talking about, what to do in such situations, and how to effectively execute your game plan.

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PS. As always, the articles are meant to expand your knowledge provided you have the basic foundations in place.  To build that rock-solid foundation, you owe it to yourself to read my Ebook: Building Attraction Secrets