Why Certain Women Disdain Your Good Deeds


 I have had a few guys write and ask questions regarding a particular excerpt in one particular blog post.  The post was “Definitive Series on Party Chicks Part 2″ and here is the excerpt I wrote:

“Everything is designed to garner attention, and yet they will disdain you for giving them that attention. That is paradox in all of this, and it’s the cornerstone of what so many guys miss. The psychological reasons for the disdain warrant an entirely different essay altogether. (That’d perhaps be good fodder for a different blog entry.)”

One of the readers commented on the Blog that he wanted to know more and he is not the only one.  A few guys emailed me and had the same request:

Dude, seriously, if you have the time and kind enough to type it up, would love to read a more in depth breakdown of the above!

 OK, so let’s talk about the reasons why this phenomenon exists.  I’ll talk about the reasons why, and perhaps more importantly, how to deal with it.  I am assuming that this is a common experience shared by a lot of dating-advice seekers.

 Well, to really understand this, you gotta dig a bit deeper.  You have to understand self-image, the conscious and subconscious mind.  Since so many guys are asking me about it, I’ll explain it and I am going to delve a little bit into the intellectual side before bringing it back to the caveman side.   To clearly understand and grasp what I am going to discuss here, please read the previous article on the Subconscious mind, Self-image, and beliefs and fears.  You can read it here:

Understanding the Key to Your Behavior: Your Subconscious mind!

 This article is an important primer.  It took me a while to understand this stuff myself, and I had to look at the deeper structure of the psychological reasons behind it, and learning hypnosis and such helped provide a clearer picture of the overall scenario.  Why all the psycho babble?  Well, you asked the question,  So we need this primer to understand the deep psychology of a behavior.  So assuming you read that primer article, let’s get to answering the question.

  • Why would someone be uncomfortable with your good deed?  

- Reason 1:  The obvious one: needing to impress, kissing ass, trying too hard, etc…

However, in the party chick blog article, that’s not the modality I was referring to.  Sometimes, even doing a kind gesture, even without neediness, can result in their disdain towards ya.  Why does this happen?  How is that you could do something nice for someone, and they dislike you for it?

 Do remember that simply knowing this on an intellectual level isn’t going to be supremely beneficial to you.   Knowing how to apply the information is what’s going to be of benefit. I’ll get to that later as well.

  So back the Party-chick/attention-whore archetype.   You’re dealing with a type that is insanely insecure.  Heck, a lot of us have insecurities here and there, but this type of person takes it to a whole different level. 

  • Deep down inside, in their subconscious mind, they have a very low self-image of themselves. 

In this case, let’s talk about the really cute low-self imaged cliché stripper with a slim waist and big tits.  This will help you with the imagery.  So with that visual in mind, imagine the following scenario. 

  •  Hypothetical Scenario: 

 Imagine you’re in the same social circle and you make a run to a  run to local restaurant to buy a sandwich for yourself.  While standing in line, you recall that one of the girls in the group was pretty hungry and think to yourself, “I’ll get her a sandwich too.  It’s 5 bucks and I’d appreciate it if someone did the same thing for me if I were hungry.”

 You come back and give her the Sandwich, and somehow, she is less nice to you NOW than before.  You think, “What the fuck?  Not only I don’t get a basic thank you, but now she ignores me.”   You’re upset.  You think,

 ”I did something really nice for her, and in return, she only became MORE Rude to me! Why?”

 Why?  You want answers?  Well, here you go.

 You’re dealing with a person who has an extremely low self-image of herself.  On the outside, she may act arrogant, rude, and snobby.  She may dance around, strut her big tits in low cleavage shirts, and pose like a model every single time a camera remotely points towards her. 

Objection your honor!   Irrelevant.  Irrelevant. Irrelevant. 

If you could pull a Mr. Spock out of your ass and do a motherf**king Vulcan Mind-Meld with her in order to see inside her mind, you’d see that:

Subconsciously, she thinks she is a piece of shit, and that’s all that matters.  It’s what the subconscious believes that matters.  (As you ought to know by now from reading the last article.)

Now, you come along, and do your good deed.  Here is the big question:

  • What kind of a person does something so nice & thoughtful for a piece of shit?

 An even bigger piece of shit.  An even bigger loser than even she is.

 Again, I never said the subconscious mind was logical.  It acts out of EMOTION and those emotions are greatly affected by one’s self-image.  In those sequence of events, sometimes your kind and thoughtful gesture leads to disdain.

On the same note, what kind of a person takes photos with various women and puts them online as trophies that he has banged?  What kind of a person takes photos of women who were intimate with him and shows them to random stranger to show how cool he is?  You getting to see bigger picture here?

 You can see this behavior in men as well.  In fact, if any of you read the book “The Game” by Neil Strauss, are in for a treat because I have numerous anecdotal stories from the time spent in the famous “Pick Up Artist” house..

 Anyone who ever hung out at Project Hollywood experienced his fair share of backhanded insults by Neil Strauss at some point. He disguised them as jokes.  They became known as “Style-mogs.”  It was Neil’s attempt to show his superiority by belittling you.  It was his attempt to show that he was a “Cooler” guy to those around him.  This was behavior towards guys who had no ill-will against him, and initially thought well of him.  It’d all soon turn sour.  Just a matter of time. 

Then I realized Neil’s M.O.  His pattern on behavior was simple.

 In reality, his Modus Operandi is simple: Get in the first strike.  Don’t let them get the best of you.  If you meet someone for the first time, try to establish that you’re cooler than they are.  Don’t give them a chance to get a joke on you first.  Hey, that person may pull a joke on you, and embarrass you, but not if you get the initial punch in first.  If you get that one in, then the other person is just retaliating on some level, and you’ve already established that you’re cool anyway. 

 It’s born out of FEAR.  A fear that someone out there may be cooler than you, or maybe more suave or likable.  Insult them first, and establish a baseline.  Now, he may or may not be aware of this behavior consciously.  It doesn’t matter   Until you take steps to be cool with yourself, it’s difficult to be cool with others.  Until the subconscious mind is OK sharing the spotlight with someone else, you’re going to try to do things to out manuver them.

 This behavior can be seen in individuals in all walks of life.  If you live in the U.S, you probably are familiar with professional American-football player Terrel Owens,  otherwise known as T.O.  Despite all of his accomplishments as an athlete, his inner programming reeks of self-loathing and disdain for himself.  Hence, at every given opportunity, he does something to grab hold of the spotlight.  Granted, a lot of athletes love the spotlight, and most of us like our egos stroked.  It’s in our nature, and there is nothing dirty about it.  However, “T.O” takes it to a whole different level, because

- It doesn’t matter if his behavior hurts his team during the game by resulting in a penalty.
- It doesn’t matter if his behavior hurts his team or his teammates. 
- It doesn’t matter if his behavior serves as a distraction that results in his team losing games and consequently missing the playoffs.

None of it matters.  T.O wants his attention, and his deep-rooted insecurities wedged in his subconscious mind run that programming wherever he goes.  Every time he goes to a new team, he repeats the same behavior and in two-year’s time, his teammates can’t stand him, and he finds himself looking to go to a new team.

I give these examples to show that a low self-image can afflict male or females.  It can afflict the “Average Joe” or a famous American Athlete who plays NFL Football.

 People whose actions are driven from a low self-image often repeat the same pattern and now we’re back to your good deeds in the dating and attracting women realm.  Sometimes, doing a good deed for someone of low-self esteem will make them resent you.  The problem is that a lot of guys deal with this type of women and they conclude that “Women are bitches.”

 I won’t attempt to talk people out of that belief. It’s pointless.  However, perhaps, a better way to rephrase that is, “The type of women you choose to deal with are bitches.”  And in reality, they just really loathe themselves.  You may have just happened to catch he brunt of it.

OK, so now you understand the reasons for the disdain on an intelectual level.  It doesn’t do much good unless you can APPLY it.  So let’s get to the next segment…



So what does all this mean to you in the Dating/Relationship realm?

Well, here is what I’ve come to learn:

 When you want to do a good deed for someone, first decide if you’re doing it to impress them?   That’s the first basic rule.  Many times, guys will go out of their way to do nice things for women and it’s a bit too much too quickly.  You probably have read about this in various dating advice platforms, and it’s a basic truism of human interaction.  This behavior deseves its own blog post.  This behavior consists of everything from calling too many times to sending inordinate amounts of texts to buying gifts and doing favors when the relationship status does not warrant such behavior.

 Secondly, understand that sometimes doing unsolicited acts of kindness for low self-esteem people can backfire.  Granted, you may still do such things, but then, don’t frown and pout that they were “Unappreciative” or that they “Didn’t return the favor.”   It’s one thing if someone asks you for something, but if you’re just going to offer random acts of kindness, be more judicious as to whom the recipients of this act shall be.

So how does one decide if he should go forward with that doing that favor?  You can evaluate through a simple concept:

  •  Willingness to Contribute

 This is how I see it: If you’re going to do nice things for people, you’ll have to gauge their personalities, values and actions.  You may do something nice for someone once or twice, but if you see a pattern of lack of contribution from them, then cut it off.  No harm, No Foul as the great Chick Hearn used to say. 

 This applies to men and women equally.  Whether it’s a woman you’re dating or a male-buddy, you have to make a decision at some point if that person has the willingness to contribute something.  Contribution need not be financial or monetary.  It could be as simple as someone helping you move a sofa, or giving you a referral, or helping you put together a resume. 

 An important key to make note of is that you’re not expecting things in return and you are NOT asking for anything.  As the great philosopher Rocky Balboa once said in Rocky III, “Nobody owes nobody nothing.  Friends do because they wanna do.” 

 Once again, if you stick with that basic Rocky philosophy, (even if it sounds simpleton), you’ll be alright. If you have friends (or girlfriends) who do not want to do, then maybe you should consider new ones.


PS. The articles that you’ve just read will significantly impact your dating life..  Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Building Attraction Ebook