Do You Hate the Pick Up Industry?

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 That’s the question I am asked sometimes, whether it’s through email, or on Facebook, and so forth.  Some guys even offer a multiple choice option: Is it because of reason XYZ?  So do I really hate the “Pick Up Industry?”  Do I dislike certain individuals?  Do I like certain concepts or ideas?  Or do I just like stirring the shit every so often? 

 Since some of you ask, here is a little blog entry that’ll help provide more clarity. I suppose I should address two separate issues here.

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  • Issue # 1:

 

First is the comedy-factor.  It’s nearly impossible to ignore the rich source of good laughs and comedy the seduction community can provide.  To be more clear, the so called “Dating Gurus” are unintentionally funny individuals.  Socially creepy people who are outcasts of society trying to give normal guys with normal jobs dating advice is just funny. 

 Maybe I am going after an easy target here but the comedian in me can’t help but have good laughs about these “Gurus.”  That can easily be misconstrued as hate.  Certainly, there are individuals who hate the seduction community and are consumed by it, but that’s taking it a bit too far.  An occasional laugh is therapeutic; an infatuation with dating-gurus is not. 

 I spend the majority of blog writing articles that provide solid advice, and my objective with most of the “Dating” articles is to write for someone who has no idea the “Seduction Community” exists. 

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  • Issue # 2:

 The dangers of seduction-infatuation. 

 Having been involved with the community, I’ve learned a lot of cool stuff and have made some good friends.  Whereas I struggled in “Cold-approaching” women in the beginning, I now don’t have issues talking to women anywhere.  Flirting with women out and about has become second nature and that’s the gratifying part of the whole thing.  It also has enabled me to look inside and learn things about myself, my beliefs, and ideals.

 I also find it to be sad that 80% of the guys who enter the community won’t be able to improve very much and may even suffer blowbacks to their happiness. 

 Henceforth, along with providing dating tips and guidelines, I also try to issue a stern warning to guys.  It may help prevent some men from getting sucked into a weird psychological trap, and for others, it may serve as a wake-up call by allowing them to see themselves from 3rd person perspective.

-  The Hobby analogy. 

 People often want to compare “Picking Up Women” to other hobbies like playing sports or music.  So let’s examine that briefly.

Look, any activity you partake in can become a hobby or even a slight obsession.  You could start playing tennis for the first time in your life, and you may become enamored by the sport. Soon, you are on the court playing 4 nights a week, and you find yourself watching Tennis on TV as well.  Soon after, you start following the matches of Roger Federer and company, reading articles in Tennis magazines and on the Internet.   

You may enjoy Tennis so much, you even take time to watch some of the classics.  You look on ESPN classics and watch various classic matches, Andre Agassi to Bjorn Borg,  Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe, Ivan Lendl and Boris Becker, and the list goes on… 

 You’re fully invested in the sport of Tennis.   So what’s the problem? Nothing.  Playing Tennis 4 times a week is a healthy activity, and so maybe you’re a bit obsessed, but it’s not as if you’re skipping work or obligations to run to the Tennis court.  For the most part, the new Tennis obsession enhances your life in some way.  You make new friends on to play Tennis with and you’re now exercising four times a week.

 Problem arises when people treat “Pick Up Artistry, Seduction Community, Dating,” in the same manner as the Tennis aficionado above.  The Tennis aficionado gets a certain sense of joy as well as physical benefits from playing Tennis.

  • The wannabe pick up artist has traded in his personal happiness for the validation of women he approaches.

 What if you struck some sort of a balance within the community?  You can’t!  

 When you’re constantly following various gurus’ advice, when all of your surrounding friends’ conversations are about pick up, number closing, make-outs, which girl you laid, when you’re worried about what your friends may think because the last girl you were with, “you couldn’t lay,” when you have to discuss the latest technique you just read about………………….

You cannot get away from it!  You’re sucked in and now it’s going to take work for you to crawl out of that hole you dug for yourself. 

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  • But I want to become a “Pick Up Artist.”   How do I become a PUA?

 

That’s the first problem.  Becoming a PUA is not glamorous, nor cool.   Please note that I didn’t say having the ability to date more women, or women of your choice was not cool.  I said being a “Pick Up Artist” is not all that cool.

 Do consider that most pick up artists (Aka Dating “Gurus” you run into come across as socially creepy people who don’t have any friends.  Basically, if you took away their employees and people who think they can learn something from them, they’d be alone.  Employees and fans are not friends.

 Don’t take my word for it.  Go to a casual house party with a dating-guru around and observe for yourself.  See, if you want to become like that dude.

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  • A skewed and warped view of women. 

 There is a lot of underlying misogyny that goes is passed on to dating seeker without him ever realizing it.  There is the guy who wants to teach you NLP secret patterns that’ll help you get laid to the guy who tells you that you’re not really worth much “Unless you have a 9 or 10″ on your arms as ornaments. 

 On top of that, most of the pick up artists deal with a specific segment of women and hence they project that impression of that segment onto ALL women.  Pretty soon, they’ll have you convinced that all women are “flaky bitches” who are always “testing” you or trying to get something from you.

 The would be dating-guru doesn’t consider the fact that, even if it were true, in order for women to want to get something from him, he’d have to have something to offer in the first place.  And gain I’d ask you:  Have you ever hung out with the so-called-pick up artists?  That’s irrelevant though.  He is going to have you convinced women are just walking vaginas anyway….. 

 So the impressionable would be dating-advice-seeker takes on the values of his guru whom he holds in high regard.  Women are called “targets” and the goal is to put your penis in their vaginas and then write a report about it.  He doesn’t really see women as human beings, certainly doesn’t see them as individuals having something to offer, or as persons with goals, ambitions, and their own set of values, beliefs as well as fears. 

 So then you have what amounts to be a good number of dating-gurus: Men with no real friends, no social circles, flakier than the women they complain about, socially mal-adjusted misogynists who want to get laid in order to find some sort of a validation within themselves as well as within their peers.  “Oh, loook, here is the photo of a girl I just laid.”

 And do you really want to be that guy?  That’s your decision. But let’s do a quick exercise together..

  •   The Mansion Party Scenario:

 Imagine if you and I rented a gigantic mansion to throw a gigantic party.  We then invite a massive number of Dating-Gurus to attend this little friendly fest to celebrate good times.  We tell them there is “Totally free alcohol” and you can bring whoever you want, including all of your friends.

This is what we’d see:  A house full of men with very few women.  We’ll get to the women part later.  Let’s get back to the men. 

 Some of the men would be dressed like flamboyant gay guys, some would be dressed goth and some would dress as Rockstars who just got off the stage.  They’d have NO normal friends from outside of the seduction community.  Some would have an Asian male-assistant who follows them around for some reason (for free), and some would bring along prostitutes. 

 You couldn’t really have a normal conversation with any of them.   Most would be out of shape as they don’t exercise, and they’d insist on breaking out their blackberries to show photos of some girl they allegedly laid recently.  Some would try to be more alpha, they’d be unnecessarily rude, try to talk over you or cut you off in the middle of your story in order to show that they’re cooler than you.  If you had brought your own non-community male friends, they’d be disgusted by this crew you’ve surrounded yourself with.

  To the Women part: The few who brought a female, would be with dimwitted, moronic, shallow women, basically the only women who’d even tolerate such men for more than 5 minutes, and even then, there’d be a feeding frenzy because the 70% of the guys who are without any women would try to hit on the 30% who did have a girl.  For all the talk of how often they get laid and how many women they have in their lives, fora ll the talk of abundance, they’d try to hit on every single girl at the party who is already with a dude. 

Now, I’d ask you once again: Are those men you aspire to be?  Again, your choice.

 But wait, it doesn’t even stop there.  Once in a while, one guy comes along who has ALL of the answers. He makes fun of the pick up artists, echoes some of the sentiments I wrote above, and talks about being a self-actualized man.  Even if he seems supremely creepy and weird, he sounds like he comes from a good place. This, you overlook the fact that he creeps the fuck out of ya and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.   His message at first seems appealing until you learn…….

  ….Until you learn that the dude is a night-stalker (wearing devil horns) walking the streets of Toronto looking for hookers and prostitutes trying to offer them a “Paradigm shift” as well as a couch and warm shelter, and then he tries to “Emancipate” them by turning those same hookers onto pornography, so they can become paid porn participants.  I won’t name any names, but that’s the sort of characters you get sometimes.  Naturally, this night-stalker walking dark Alleys of Toronto preying on hookers and crackwhores feels like he should be giving normal guys with normal jobs dating advice.  

So is the above “hatred” towards the community?  You can interpret it however you like.  I like to think of it as pointing out absurdities that make for good comedy, and in the meanwhile, helping prevent a few guys from getting sucked into the “PUA” trap. 

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OK, you’re not interested in that becoming like the PUAs or creeps above.  You do want to be better at attracting and meeting women.  So what are you to do?????

Here is what’d I recommend:

Decide what it is you want more.  The more specific, the better.  Here are a few examples off the top:

  • *I want to be able to talk to girls.  I get too nervous
  • *I want to be able to have more dates.
  • *I’m a virgin or (slept with 2 girls).  I like sex and want more of it. 
  • *I have a lot of girl-friends.  I want to have more women sexually attracted to me.
  • *I just got out of a long relationship and don’t know where to start.
  • *I want to find a girlfriend.
  • *I want more girls to be attracted to me.  I talk to many women, but they’re not all that interested.
     

 Once you know what you want to do, find the right advice that jives with you.  Stick with a few dating coaches instead of trying to master a 100 different things. 

Let me put it this way: Imagine you wanted to learn self-defense or become a better fighter and every week you switched styles.  1 week of Karate, then 1 week of kung fu, then 1 week of kickboxing, then 1 week of whatever….   6 months later and it’s all a cluster fuck.  

 Now, to compound that, imagine that some of the Dating-gurus are charlatans that are teaching you things that’ll never work for you.  Now, you’re really knee deep in shit.  You’re trying all sorts of new techniques, half of which were never meant to work, and out of the ones that’d be suitable for you, well, you never become proficient with any of them.

I hope that you find value in my blog and that it’ll benefit you.  I do sell products and I believe in these products, and I realize you may never buy any products from me.  That’s fine too.  Just don’t become a weirdo because you got sucked into warped misogynistic validation-seeking socially maladjusted way of the “Pick Up Artist” (or the creepy  night stalker who wants to offer you a paradigm shift over night.) 

  Go with your common sense.  There are good dating-coaches out there but many times, guys will allow their zeal for wanting to be better at attracting women overcome their most basic common sense.  A lot of smart guys find the community, engineers, computer experts, and a lot of highly educated people.

 Most of you would never allow a creepy guy dressed in drag, fishnets, or devil horns run your business.  No way, no how.  Yet, you somehow think the dating advice from that same guy is sound because he is a self-proclaimed dating guru.   Can you see the absurdity??

 Keep it simple.  In the Macro-view of learning to attract women, you need three general components: 

  • Attitude/big balls,
  • Social Intelligence,
  • Being an interesting/engaging person. 

 Keep track of those three general concepts.  It was one of the first articles I ever wrote on this Blog entitled “What Game Really is.”  Read it here:

What Game Really Is

 That was the first dating article I wrote on the Blog.  Nothing has changes since then.  If you want a general Bird’s eye view of Attraction between two human beings, you’re looking at those 3 basic components.  The details just fill in the blanks regarding the intricacies, but at the end of the day, it’s going to come down to the basics I mention in the article linked above.