How Do I Date 9s and 10s? The Super Attractive Women?
I received the following in an email. Good questions are appreciated as they give me ideas on what to write about next. So here is the email:
I stumbled upon your blog after reading an article you wrote about phony PUAs and “flash game.” Your honest and open approach is admirable. It’s refreshing.
I’ve been in the community for about 1.5 years now, faithfully going out about three times per week and doing day game at school. (I’m 23.) I’m also proud to say that I have a real social life, hobbies and friends too, which seems to be a rare thing amongst the community guys I’ve met. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. After reading your article, you seem like a guy I could trust to give me a quick piece of advice. If so, I would be grateful.
Essentially, I can go out to a club and come home with a few legit numbers or get a pull from 7s or 8s. (Nothing wrong with these girls, nice people.) I believe this and know this; it’s just how it is. However, I’m still having trouble breaking through to the really hot girls, the 9s and 10s. The few community guys around here are good guys but also pretty new and awkward. I don’t have much for mentorship. I’m wondering if you could give me some insight regarding your experiences with breaking through with these hotter girls. Did you have any epiphanies or turning points that resonated with you as you were learning? Any practical advice?
Thanks for taking the time to read this letter. I will continue to read your stuff.
Nick from Canada
Before I get to the answer on this one, I’d like to point out to two things: I’m really not a big fan of the constant categorization of women by a number system. Imagine if women categorized men by “Level 1, 2, 3″ and so forth and it was all based on the level of income a man had. You think they were shallow bitches and you’d be right.
Look from the other angle, and “I want a 9, 10″ has the same social meaning. Having said that, (homage to Larry David’s Curb your Enthusiasm), I understand that this terminology is here to stay when discussing dating and attraction.
The 2nd issue is that rating is so subjective. Seduction Community people throw around 8s,9s, and 10s as though they’re just apples growing on a tree. In an article last year, I mentioned that to me the bench mark of that proverbial “9 or 10″ would be equivalent to a Sport Illustrated swimsuit model. If you’re going by sheer physical looks, then the person as to have striking features with or without make up.
As an example, here is a photograph of model “Amber Valletta” who coincidentally was in the film Hitch.
I picked her photo because on the web, I also found a B&W photograph of her wearing absolutely no make up. It was part of a series entiteld models without makeup. I thought it was brave and gutsy to volunteer for that. This is her with no makeup at age 35:
Again, even at 35, with zero makeup, she still has stunning features, and a very defined face. My point: How many guys giving dating-advice consistently date women who are extremely naturally attractive?
Well, I haven’t seen it, and I’ve pretty much met/hung out with all of these dudes. It’s just that in their boasting and claims, they like to brag about how they specifically date “9s and 10s.” This is from 6’5-inch (195 cm) tall Mystery right down to 3-foot (127 cm) tall Stephenson. They all want YOU to specifically know that they only date 9s and 10s.
Even if they did, (which they don’t), bragging about it to guys on the Internet makes you a bit of a douchebag in my book. But hey, that’s just my opinion. Bear with me here, there a point to all of this, and that is:
*If you truly are getting 7s and 8s, you’re doing damn well, and better than probably 80s% of the men on this planet.
So the first point is that you’re obsessing about something community influenced people obsess about: Chasing down 9s and 10s.
Should a man not desire an extremely beautiful woman? I didn’t say that. In my observation, most guys who do get the proverbial 9s and 10s, don’t put so much emphasis on doing so. And they don’t exclusively date 9s and 10s. One day, you’d see them with a cute girl, another time, it’s a totally average girl, and then one day the dude is hanging with a physically stunning specimen.
Make it a point to observe those kinds of guys and their demeanor. You’ll find what I wrote to be very spot on. Yet, it’s the community charlatans who create this myth of themselves in dating 9s and 10s, and even then, their ideas of 9s and 10s are women who don’t look very wholesome. You know the type…. Platinum blonde hair, wearing so much makeup that you need a jackhammer and some sort of an acid to try and break the hardened pancake makeup off of their face.
I am going to assume that the latter is not what you are asking about. With that thought in mind, would I claim I only date a certain type? No. I have dated extremely attractive women and I have dated ones whom I thought were cute (And usually more fun to hang with.)
It’s more of a case of “Getting it out of your system!” Then you can relax more and enjoy the women for who they are and how much fun you have with them, instead of valuing what others would rate them physically. Sometimes, you have to date a few super attractive women to get it out of your system. After you do, you won’t care about it as much anymore, because you will have stopped caring about the validation of other people regarding whom you date. And once again, that comes from within. It’s like you had to prove it to yourself to get over your own ego. (Or such has been my personal experience.) It’s like, “I came, I saw, I conquered, proved I could do it. Forget the rest of you.”
So, how do you step up your game to the next level to ATTRACT REALLY ATTRACTIVE Women?
- Part 1: Flipping that Inner-Switch
For starters, there is an interesting switch that has to take place inside your head. The conflict is that this does not occur with learning more tactics, techniques, and spectacular routines. Hence we come across that dreaded word: Innergame.
Some discount it, and others who teach it really don’t understand it. You have woo-woo people running around quoting things out of various books, and selling it as some holistic fix-all solution. They don’t really get it either. These are the people who think a genie runs everything and if you sit on your ass wishing for a 10, then the genie will just plant one on your cock. I am also going to assume you’re more intelligent than that as well!
So, how does “Innergame” help? How does raising your confidence help?
Because you have to not care. That you are somewhat careless is not the result of some tactic, but more a manifestation of your inner beliefs and ideals. If you’re at a nightclub chatting with a very hot girl, you have to really not care all of that much about the whole thing. This doesn’t mean that you should act boring and disconnected. Quite to the contrary, it helps to be charismatic, interesting and intriguing. It’s just that really have to not care all of that much about the end-result.
That she doesn’t call, return a phone call, or has a 100 guys lusting after her & catering to her every wish has to NOT faze you. Again, seriously, look at the Mickey Rourke demeanor in the clip I posted last week. Yes, it’s a cheesy fantasy scene for men, but imagine if the woman had looked at Mickey Rourke, snubbed him by turning around and looking away without saying a word.
He’d still ride off on his Harley and move on. He wouldn’t go to study more game, or consult a 6’5 magician in goth clothing/fishnet shirts. He would not care whether he was stuck in step A1, A2, or Z54.
He’d just ride off either way, WITH or WITHOUT her…
It’s not something you can teach in an article, but it’s important to understand and recognize the type of behavior that is needed….
- Part 2: Social Value Scale
The other part is working the social value scale. Really “Hot Women” have the option of going out with almost any man who is straight, and so they opt to date the highest value person on social scale they can find.
Bear in mind that the social-scale changes depending on country, culture, and even circumstances. In college, a partying van-wilder type may be held in high esteem but after college, he may regarded as a drunken idiot. This social value does really change depending from one subculture to another.
The college-football player may rule the scene and have extreme high social value in his university, but if he does not make the NFL Ranks, he’ll be showing up at your door trying to sell you a Hoover Vacuum cleaner.
Not only can it change over the years, but it can change from one specific venue or niche to the next. Another example: In a night club, a DJ has high social value. His name is printed on the flyers promoting the event, people kiss his ass, and he even has galactical DJ battles with other DJs…. During the day, or even at a nice cocktail party with succesful people in the real world, he is just a jerkoff with little musical talent who plays other people’s music. So it can change that quickly….
See how that can change depending on specific scenarios?
Even more examples: Look at some of the dudes who claim to be sex-master/tantra teachers. After you meet them in real life, you too would conclude that they couldn’t make a distinction between a gaping asshole and a gopher hole. Yet, it doesn’t stop them as using that as a calling card to tell women that they’re respected tantra teachers. Guess what? A few somewhat attractive dimwitted women here and there will eventually fall for it. And really that’s all they need…. That’s another example of working the social value scale.
What this mean for you?
Based on where you live (country, state, culture), and where you hang out (College, nightclubs, cocktail party, spiritual retreats, the library, poetry readings, whatever……), you ought to learn to work the social value scale a bit. That’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourself.
The Inevitable Conundrum & Conflict:
There is one problem here as you may have picked up yourself already: The two components I just mentioned are diametrically opposed. They’re working in exact opposite directions. If you really did NOT care at ALL, you wouldn’t take time to work the social-value scale, and if you choose to work the social value scale, then by default, you do care to some extent.
You have to be able to strike a compromise between these two forces. Maintaining a balance between partial apathy and establishing a social value baseline is the trick here.
In essence, you have to work the social-value scale a little bit, and yet, sport that attitude of “I am willing to walk away.”
In the initial phase of meeting the really attractive women, that partially apathetic attitude, displayed and demonstrated through underlying demeanor, is going to work wonders.
The reason confidence is important is because this demeanor is more implicit that explicit, and it requires a deeper resolve than just superficial pretense. I say “Partially apathetic” because it does not mean you can’t show interest or have fun. You can express interest in her & be very flirtatious, but if she does not reciprocate, you’d have be willing to walk without care.
95% of men are not willing to do that! (By the way, that’s just a guess by me, not a scientific study.)
Balancing both of these components is important. In the dating realm, you often see men who try to work the social-value scale in order to pick up women, but they lack the attitude and the edge required. You’ll see a garden variety of men pretending to be rock stars, scenesters, or connected to the social scene, but they lack the attitude I just described in this article.
So if you wanted tips, here is my usual style of bullet points to summarize the article:
- Work on your self-image, having more attitude/edge. This means that you actually may have to do less as far as high-energy bouncing off the walls type of behavior. The old adage “Less is More” comes into play here. Show interest, but also, be willing to walk away.
- Work the social value scale a little bit when and where you can. Work Your niche in your particular environment where you meet women most often.
- To get a more thorough understanding of my concepts, get a copy of my Ebook or Audio course.
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