Leading The Sexual Chemistry with women . 

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 I want to help you guys understand and grasp a monumentally important key in interacting with women:  Leading the Way Sexually!

   There are gigantic volumes of discussion on “Direct vs. Indirect,”  which one works better, what the advantages are, and what you should choose.  Last weekend, I had a lengthy discussion with Josh [Swinggcat] regarding this dynamic.  Occasionally, he sticks his head in my blog and reads a few posts and our discussions usually become highly philosophical.  He is one of the very few “Dating Gurus” who understands social psychology on a very high level.

 He says to me, “I’ve seen you do direct openers in nightclubs/bars, but more than anything, I’ve seen you turn the interaction sexual quickly.  What would you call that?  Directly sexual?  It’s not necessarily direct right off the bat, but then, it can be explicit in sexuality.”

 He has a good point, and talking with Josh [Swinggcat] is always productive because it gives me a  3rd person perspective of some of the things I do personally. 

 Direct openers are great in the sense that they lay a platform to receive some sort of an agreement immediately.  She is either interested or not, and you’ll know within 15 seconds by explicitly throwing out there.

 Ever seen the film Ocean’s 11?   In the beginning, Danny Ocean [George Clooney] has a quick meeting with Matt Damon’s character.  He presents an airline ticket to Las Vegas and tells Matt’s character, “Got a job for you in Vegas.  You’re either in, or you’re out!  Right Now!”  In some effect, that resembles the dynamics of Direct Openers.  You’re either in or you’re out, but keep in mind:  We’re still talking about Openers.  You still have to be interesting and flirtatious after the fact.

 Openers are a like boat designed to get you across the river on a journey where you’re never going back.  Once you get across that river, you discard the boat.  You don’t carry it on your back. 

 Now days, the majority of openers that I do are situational.  I just start talking to a girl!  There is a level of assumed rapport there, and I simply start making comments.

 However, as we’re chatting during the interaction and the chemistry is right, things can become sexual quickly.  Note: This is in the context of Bars and such.  It’s an important distinction that I’ll get to later.  (And I don’t much go to these place anymore.)

 I’ll give you concrete examples of real life personal experience to illustrate the point:

 I am talking to a girl at some bar.  We’ve been chatting for about 10 min, and we’re getting along well. There is good physical chemistry and banter there.  She tells me that she’s been working out in the gym.

She
(Pointing to her biceps)
Yep, I’ve been lifting.  I am working on the guns!  

 

Me:
Nice.  Let me see.  Flex for me.

 

She flexes and she has a little bit of muscle. 

She: 
See, I told you.

 

Me: 
You’ve got nice guns, but I gotta be honest.  I can appreciate
 the guns, but what I really like is a 
is a nice round butt. OK, I admit it, I am an ass-man.

 

 At this point, she turns around and sticks her butt out.     (Or I’ve had situations where I’ve been an gentleman and assisted her by holding her hand, motioning she ought to spin around.  Sort of like a ballroom dance move.)

 

She:
See, I got a nice booty.

 

Me:
Yes, you do!  I like a nice butt that could handle a good smack without crying and yelping.

 

At this point, depending on the sexual vibe, I may even give her a good smack on the ass.  

 This is what I call being Direct by Sexually Leading the Interaction.   At this point, an intense sexual bond has been established, and we’re both thinking dirty filthy thoughts whether we like it or not.   Josh tells me, “You realize you threw a lot of compliance tests out there?  You had show you her bicep, flex it, then turn around show you her ass, and let you smack it.  That’s a hell of a compliance ladder.”

 And quite frankly, it didn’t occur to me.  I don’t think of it that way.  I’m having fun flirting.  Whether it’s a compliance test or not, I really don’t give a shit.  I want to have fun and establish a sexual vibe given the context of the situation.  (We’re both in a bar, both drinking, both attracted to each other, and both enjoying the other’s banters.)

  I emphasize the latter because I once had a workshop client that was about to spank a girl in a Barnes & Noble bookstore.  He had read on the Internet that women like to be spanked and he was cocking his hand back to spank her in between the bookshelves……….. Next thing was a scene out of a movie.  It involved me trying to intercept him in slow motion, yelling “Nooooooooooooo”  (also in slow motion), as he was about to whack some unsuspecting girl on the ass in the middle of a bookstore because she didn’t read enough books or something lame along those lines.

 Back to the Example I just gave with the girl flexing her biceps:

  These are little examples of leading the interaction sexually.  See, at this point, it does not matter HOW YOU OPENED the conversation, it only matters how you charge forward. 

 A good example of this dynamic is depicted in the show “Californication.”   I am a bit behind as I only started watching it this past season (in it’s 4th season).  I did so because on a date, a girl compared me to “Hank Moody” and I wasn’t sure if that were a compliment or an insult.   Hank Moody is the character played by David Duchovny in Californication.  All you need to watch are a few episodes to understand the vibe that he is putting forward.  Granted, the show is very well written, the dude is good-looking, and he speaks eloquently through his sexual innuendos which sometimes resemble his internal soliloquies.  The Hank Moody character can be over the top and his model of behavior may not be one you want to emulate.  However, you still can learn how to project that sexual energy and Directly applying sexual leading on a date.

 You may say to me, “But Cameron, I don’t want that kind of a girl!  I am looking for a girlfriend, and I don’t want the type of girl who let’s some random guy she met 10 minutes ago smack her on the ass in a bar, even if it’s you Cameron!”

 

 OK, fair point.  . So then, what gives?  Here is the important note to take away that’s going to help you for the rest of your dating life (and you’re getting it for free on my Blog): 

 At some point, somewhere, sometime, you must LEAD the Interaction Sexually.  Let’s use the same example from above:  It may be on the first date, second date, or third date.  It may be in the privacy of your own home with no one else around.  At some point, you have to establish a sexual chemistry even if you’re out in the market looking for a wife..

 It doesn’t have to be so blatant as a smack on the butt, but you have to create a little bit of sexual tension in a non-sleazy way.  (Groping someone randomly too quickly would fall under the sleazy way.)   It may not be with some girl you met 10 minutes ago in a bar, but then it may be with someone you’re on a date with. 

 Keep your eye on the ball, as they say in sports.  Keep your focus on leading the interaction sexually, because rarely will women (specially in their 20s) do it for you.  It starts with a decision, and that is the decision to establish sexual chemistry.  Next challenge is learning when and where to do it.  That comes with experience and gaining social intelligence (calibration.)

Cameron

 PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Audio Course  here:  Building Attraction with Women