Dating Women on Facebook, A guide

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“I got her facebook info!”

My friend says to me after an interaction.

- How about a phone number? (I ask)

Nah. just facebook for now.

Why did he do that?  Chances are you’ve done it too.  Why?  Why did you ask for her facebook?  Be honest now.   You wanted to get together with her.  For better or worse, a date is the idea  you had in mind.

Facebooking A girl”  for the purposes of dating her is a really piss poor strategy.  By the way, let’s not kid ourselves: You’re not facebooking a girl you met at random “to keep in touch.” That’s the equivalent of buying a porno magazine to read the articles back in the day.  (As a side note: Does anyone buy porno mags anymore?)   Anyhow, you’re doing the Facebook thing to get a date out of it.

Well, if that’s your goal, then step up the plate.  I know Baseball analogies don’t make sense to the vast International audience.  So, point being, be a man!  Show some balls.  Get the number.

If you don’t think you have enough of a solid interaction to get the number, then you don’t have much.  So you got the facebook, and now you want to date her.

How are you going to do that now? At this point, you’ll have to exchange emails on facebook, get her on the phone, then ask her to meet you out and about somewhere. Chances are getting her to come meet you on a date without ever having a conversation are going to be a lot more slim

In essence, you’re working backwards. By asking for her facebook, you went a step backwards, you still have to get back to square one and get the number.

The question is why do guys do this? Before you become defensive, you should know that most guys have done this.  Yes, I’ve done it too.

Truth of the matter is that sometimes you don’t feel like there is enough there in the interaction to warrant asking for a number.  You can tell when things are going well, and when things are just lukewarm.   In such times, it’s easy to ask for facebook, but feels tough to ask for a number.

Then again, for some guys, it’s always tough to ask for a number.

So facebook becomes the wussy way out.  It feels like a victory of sorts, because you got something.  but as I said, you haven’t got jack shit, especially if you log on to see that she has 359 friend.

If you actually know what you’re doing and didn’t ask fro the number, it’s because you felt that you didn’t have enough rapport or a fluid-vibe in the short interaction to ask for the number.

In that case, you still don’t have much.  That interaction is still too raw and hasn’t matured enough to enable you to move forward properly.  So you ask for the facebook hoping that something more could happen in the future.

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Keep this in perspective: What I am discussing here is asking for a facebook only because you wussed out from asking for a number.   This is not to be confused with a scenario where you exchanged numbers and then did facebook on top of that.  When girls like you, they’ll give all sorts of contact info, phone, email, driver license,

The idea of facebooking someone in order to get a date out of it is playing low percentages.  Can it be done?  Yes.  I have done it.  I have even worked it backwards where through email, I asked for the number and then called.

Was it more work than it should have been? Yep.

I got buddies who do the “facebooking” often.  Do you know how many of those girls they end up going out with? Less than 5%, I’d say.  (That just sounds better than zero, which is what the case it most often.)

Of course there are dudes who will swear to you they’re making this work left and right, but those are also dudes who date a lot of phantom women. You’ll never see them with the women  they’re supposedly meeting off of facebook, but oh, how they will brag about it to no end.

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Dating & Facebook can be intrusive

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Then there is the part of the equation where it’s intrusive.  If you work in an office environment, I don’t think it’s a good idea to add coworkers to your facebook account.  the negatives far outweigh the positives.

Furthermore, it’s simply intrusive.

Suppose you add someone to your facebook whom you just went on a first-date with.  Now, that can create havoc.  She’ll see other girls who flirt or interact with you on there.  Those girls could include ex-girlfriend from a while back, female friends, (girls you added because you were interested in them, but wussed out), not to mention girls who are, or have been friends-with-benefits at some point.

You add all of that up and it’s a recipe for disaster.

If  you’ve just met a girl at random, you’re better off asking for a number, and NOT adding her to Facebook.  Not until you’ve gone on several dates and feel like you get along on some level.

Please keep in mind these guidelines are meant for normal guys who want pointers for dating girls.  My advice is not geared towards aspiring “Pick Up Artists” or “PUAs.”  PUAs don’t have that many friends nor do they have any women in their social circles, so the problem really solves itself.

Back to the normal guy.  Don’t be a pussy.  Take the interaction further.  Don’t just settle for playing it safe and asking for a facebook.

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How To Use Facebook for Dating

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Is facebooking completely useless?  No.

There are ways you can use it to your advantage. The following are some scenarios where you can use this which usually depend on one’s lifestyle or job:

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  • Club promoter types, (Including promoters. DJs. hosts, event planners)

This is using facebook as part of the label that goes along with it: Social Media. It’s a way to conjure up a mass amount of people to make your event successful.  Along those lines, you could invite girls you’d like to get to know better as wel.

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  • Professional Event hosting.

Maybe you’re not the average coke-snorting club promoter but have a prfoessional association.  Maybe you host art gallery openings, or someone who is able to use social gatherings to your advanage to invite women to your environment  you could use this to your advantage.

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  • Going into Events:

Say you’re the type of dude who attends a lot of social events.  You have the sort of lifestyle where (for social or work reasons), you’re invited to various events.  In this context, you could use Facebook to invite the girl(s) you’ve met to the event, or perhaps ask her to go with you.

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  • You’re the Event host (non professional capacity):

An even better situation is if you’re the type who likes having social get-togethers or parties in your house.  Now it’s just common sense. “Hey, I’m having a house party on Saturday night.  It’d be great if you could make it, and feel free to come with friends…”   (Or something along those lines.)

What you’re trying to do is open that release-valve on the steam pipe to relieve the pressure.  Going to a party or an event doesn’t feel awkward for her, and if she is inclined, she may bring a girlfriend or two.  Most girls will not bring guys to this sort of situation, as they know better.

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  • Long Distance Situation

Say you live in NY and a girl you just met lives a 4-hour drive north of you in Boston.  You had a nice chat, liked each other, and agreed you were able to coexist despite the Yankee/Red Sox conflict.  On the same note, this is not really a dating situation.  You’re probably not meeting someone for a date who lives four-hour away. You Facebook each other, and the next time you’re in Boston or she is in NYC, maybe you’ll hang and have fun.  It’s not that serious.  This is a much more casual approach, and has more of a friendship vibe to it.  (Which is totally cool.)

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  • “Cool-chick scenario.”

This one is sort of a far out concept for some guys.  It’s out there in the realm of dating advice, but let’s say you actually liked her as a person and wanted to keep in touch.  For a variety of possible reasons, you’re not able to call often and chit-chat like high school girls.  In this scenario, Facebook serves as what it’s meant to be, “A Social Network.”

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Lifestyle, job, and social proof can serve as beneficial tools.  Most guys don’t have this scenario.  They facebook girls and end up collecting random individuals.

If the above situations do not apply to you, then you’re better off asking for a phone number and moving on.  If she is not going to give you a number, she is not going to want to date you from facebook either in most cases. (Unless you want to grind this out.)

Even more silly is trying to date girls off twitter.  Why waste so much time twitting back and forth with nitwits?  Not to mention that if she is a hardcore twitter, she ain’t worth dating in the first place.  (excluding work/professional reasons for twitting.)

Of course, to some of you this may seem like common sense.  Other will want to resist the notion and think it’s a great idea to befriend girls on facebook after a 10 minute interaction.

The latter group will hold on to that notion until they overhear a conversation between women that I have heard several times now: What’s wrong with men these days?  Don’t they have the balls to ask you out anymore?  They ask you to be a facebook friend….

When you hear that one, it may really sink in.

Cameron