Outside Influences on Your Dating Life


My last article on this blog was written just over two months ago, and I am long overdue for a blog article.  It’s the holiday season and in the spirit of Christmas, I thought I’d chime in something I’ve been thinking about recently: The importance of your outside influences.

The majority of men who find their way onto dating-advice websites all share a common theme, and this overwhelming theme is often the catalyst that obstructs their path.  It hinders or stunts their success levels and sometimes it is compounded further by outside influences.

That common factor shared by most men is doubt and over-analyzing situations and the outside factors are friends and acquaintances who seem to sometimes suffer from similar ailments.

When it comes to dating women, I always say,

“It’s better to be a delusional optimist than a pessimistic realist.”

I should preface the above comment with a quick note: There is a baseline set of social skills required to experience favorable interactions with the opposite sex.  Heck, that baseline of social skills is essential in life regardless of which gender.  Furthermore, certain men as well as women lack effective flirting skills which often retards their chances of effective sexual communication and banter

Those skills are a must and if you’ve read my Ebook, you already know that I painstakingly cover a lot of such skills in various chapters.

But then, what if you have some of these decent skills and you’re still having issues?

Often times, it comes to a lack of belief in oneself and one’s abilities.  Doubt creeps in and a person starts visualizing “What if” scenarios.  From there, it’s a downward spiral.  The possibilities may be endless and that person is caught in a whirlwind of negative outcomes he/she is imagining.

Attraction and Dating is vastly different than most activities in life.  Part of the very mechanism of that attraction is confidence.  It also enables you to move forward more efficiently without hesitation.  Yet, it can be fragile and shaky in some and to make matters worse, you can be derailed by acquaintances who are discouraging.

Imagine a guy who in the eyes of society was not the best “Catch.”  Let’s say he is not physically very unappealing, and he is not the most socially smooth guy around.  (Not saying he is socially retarded either.  Just average)/

So this guy decides to approach quite a few physically attractive women.   He keeps getting shut down.  He gets everything from “Sorry, not interested” to “I have a boyfriend” and a slew of wrong numbers.  10, 20, 30, women later, he still hasn’t made a connection.   But then at some point, he meets one who is interested and who does like him.   Who knows the exact reason why, but for whatever reason, she digs him.

I’ve seen some weird shit out there, let me tell ya.

What’s the point?  Most guys would never make it past the first 10 women who expressed disinterest. They’d lose hope and confidence.  This situation will only be compounded by the naysayers around who at every turn will take turns trying to discourage him.

These discouragements sometimes can take a greater toll than you realize.   The point of this post, if you haven’t figured it out by now, is not to advocate being stagnant and never improving.  On the contrary, it’s to always improve oneself, but at the same time knowing that a little encouragement goes a long way in empowering you to push forward in the right direction.

So take a good look at round the people you hang around with most often.  Do they encourage you, or are they constantly discouraging you?  Do they truly want to see you do better or are they more worried about how they’d look in comparison to you?

You may have some serious decisions to make as far as whom you spend your time with.



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