How Do You Ask A Girl Out On A Date?

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This is the toughest thing for some guys to do sometimes, and to make matters worse, trying to beat around the bush only compounds the issue.

Typical scenario: Guy reads dating advice online.  He wants to be a player or discreet, or whatever. He starts trying all sorts of clever techniques to ask a girl out. The problem essentially is that a lot of guys want to use player lines and styles while they lack any sort of congruency with that vibe.

Sometimes, the basics work the best.  I mean something cliché that you see in the movies.  So what’s the obstruction?

Well, everyone wants to be a player. Maybe not every single dude, but a lot of the guys who seek dating advice seek so under the guise of becoming the proverbial Lothario, a Don-Juan, a ladies man, or the modern day Cassanova.  Now days, they call it being a “Player.”  (I’ll get back to the reason why this is later.)

Sometimes, becoming normal is the most important thing.  Then take it up a notch from there.  Hence, some of the advice seekers would be so far better off asking a girl on a date.

Can I take you out sometime?  (or would you like to go dinner with me)

[PS. And as you know,  I don't even endorse dinner dates, but you get the idea.]

Man, they’re so cliché, passé , old-school, they’re so…….. 1950s, like Richie Cunningham from “Happy Days.”

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Richie Cunningham

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Right?  Yep, it may be all of that, and it’d probably work better than what a lot of guys seeking dating advice are using right now. Guys find refuge on the Internet to seek advice regarding Dating, but often times, ending up stepping backwards.  They try devising clever schemes and roundabout unconventional means to try and ask a girl out.

They’ll talk about getting a number close, or a “Bridge” or whatever  vernacular is the current popular flavor of the day.  Surely, the terminology will change, but the concept is the same:  They’ll ask a girl out in nonchalant ways  such as, “We should continue this conversation later.  How do we go about doing that?”

This is to entice her, or perhaps drop the subtle hint that she should offer the phone number herself.  Some guys don’t even do that. They send an invitation to some obscure event without trying to imply the context that it’s a date.  Most of the time, it doesn’t work very we for those particular dudes.  Most such guys would be just better off trying the “Old-School” way most often.

But wait, I can almost hear the yelling and screaming through my monitor now:

“But that’s what losers do, pundits and hardliners scream and shout. What?  Ask a girl out? Go on a traditional date! Ha! That’s what chumps do.”

Well, Perhaps, but then I’d give a thumbs up to the chump who is out with a girl he likes on a traditional date, than a guy alone by himself under the illusion that he somehow is better than that chump.

I have a buddy (not in anyway involved with dating advice) who dates often.  His personal favorite thing to do is ask girls out on a dinner date.  Personally I highly advise against “Dinner Dates” and if you’ve read my Ebook, you are already aware.  That discussion is for another day.  Girls who are interested follow through, and no, it’s not because they want a free dinner (for the smart asses reading this right now.)   It should be said that my buddy is not rich or über -good looking.  However, he does dress well, and comes across as having his shit together.

So, why am I advocating the old-school method for some men?

For a variety of reasons:

A.  It makes sense in the girl’s perception of reality.  This is a very concept that deserves its own article.  However, for the time being, it’s important to understand that  she has a certain understanding of how things work in the dating realm.

There are years of conditioning that have lead to where she is now. Let’s observe:

Social Conditioning

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There were the middle school dances that started when she was 12 or 13 years old.
There were high school events.
There was homecoming.
Of course, there was THE PROM!

A guy asked a girl out and they went to the prom together, and then it just built on from there.  Not to mention countless movies that are built around this dynamic.  How many teenage romantic comedies can you name just now that are built around a girl or hapless guy trying to score that big prom date for that ever so significant high school event?

Being asked out on a date in socially conditioned and ingrained in our psyches, at least, with most of us in the Western part of the world.  (I am not aware how this works within a tribal society in the Serengeti plains of Africa.  Forgive my limitations here.)

And by the way,  if you’re a cool suave motherfucker like Mickey Rourke, go ahead and break all conventional rules.  Be the cool charming guy from nine and a half weeks.  Take her on a whirlwind ride and be the romance hero from a romance novel.  Wait, if you were that, you wouldn’t be online seeking dating advice.  (Between you and me, let’s be honest here.)

So you’re not a Mickey Rourke.  You want to be Mickey Rourke, but in order to become that guy, you need to have more girls.  In order to get girls, you have to start somewhere. So maybe you start the traditional way.

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Everybody wants to be the Fonz

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With more dates, you get more experience. With more experience, you gain more comfort with women, and your confidence grows.  When your confidence peaks, well, maybe you will be one cool suave mofo.    See, it all makes sense. (And that’s why this is the best blog of its kind on the Internet, but I digress.)

One thing we can surely on agree on is that meeting in secret lairs in subterranean dwellings with other unidentified organisms is not the way to go. So then, back to something conventional: IT makes sense to her

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B.  There is no misunderstanding of context.

Going on a date automatically implies a romantic context.  There is no misunderstanding, nothing lost in translation.  After that evening, either you’ll want to see each other again, or you won’t.  There is no misunderstanding of WHY you two are spending time together.  Often times, guys wonder if she knows what his intentions are.  Chances are pretty good that shoe does. However, asking her out on a “Date” per se puts some sort of a stamp on it.  It’s better than asking for an email address or a facebook.

Sometimes nothing screams “What A Big Pussy” louder than asking a girl for her Facebook contact info.

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C.  It saves time.  Some guys are actually busy as they have careers and a life.

I’ve come across guys who have their own careers, work, and so forth.  I’ve come across all types.  I’ve met guys who were married and now are divorced finding themselves back on the single scene.  Maybe YOU can relate to this?  They get online, receive some decent advice, but then they also find themselves dressing up in outlandish gear trying to make conversation with 23 year old Attention-Deficit Disorder suffering idiots in a night club full of sharks.

This is probably not the best use of your time, strengths, or resources. It’s best to play to your strengths.

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Is “Asking A Girl On A Date” an end-all, be-all, solution?  Not at all.  If you lack skills to make playful banter conversation, or lack skills to flirt and have fun with girls, you’re still going to have to develop those skills.  For certain men, it’ll be a terrible idea.  If you’re too nervous to even chat with a girl, you may be better off making some casual progress first before you start going the traditional route.  There are obviously various styles of dates and methods of asking someone out, and perhaps, I’ll do an article on that some other time.

For the moment, however, undoubtedly there are men who will come across this blog article and they’ll  identify themselves as guys similar to my aforementioned buddy.  Well put together, (groomed, clean, well dressed, and looking like you take care of yourself), these particular guys will benefit MORE from just asking a girl to go on a date than trying to use clever secret roundabout techniques to get a girl out. Asking a girl out will be far more efficient and effective than asking for “Facebook” or inviting her to some random party that you may be attending, and so forth.

But then, what if you want to be a player and come across as smooth?   That’s fine.  That’ll come with experience.  You just have to ask yourself one question:

-          Are you looking to come across as a “Player” because this means you have more women around you, OR, are you just interested in appearing “Cool” in front of your buddies, coworkers, and other people in general?

That, you have to answer for yourself.  While you contemplate that, remember sometimes the answer lies in simplicity.    Sometimes that simplicity is,

“Would you join me for a drink sometime!”

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