The Girl Friend – Worthy Test.  Is She Worth Keeping?

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As you gain experience dating different types of girls, you’ll come to quickly find that some are really worth keeping around and a whole lot of them will fall into the proverbial “Dime a Dozen” category.

Thus, naturally, as you interact with enough girls, you will undoubtedly observe that they fall into certain types archetypes who follow very similar patterns.  You’ll come to naturally understand what these patterns are, and will recognize them subconsciously.  You’ll also devise methods to help you recognize what/whom you’re dealing with.  Many people do this subconsciously without ever being aware of it.  I just happen to enjoy deconstructing these subconscious patterns of force.

Remember the great film I recommended titled, “A Bronx Tale?”  In that film, Sonny had devised his “Door Test.”  It was a test to seek an individual’s propensity to want to contribute and give back.   From that, Sonny concluded if she was a keeper.

I have the Vegas Test.  It’s designed to figure out if a girl is worth having a relationship with.  Would she make a good girlfriend for me?

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Introducing the Vegas Test:

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At some point, during a lengthy conversation, the topic of Vegas will come up.  It’s not posed some sort of a quiz, but it’s more of a casual mention.  The reaction to this tells me what I want to know.  And sometimes her reaction to going to Las Vegas is:

“OH MY GOSH!   Oh my gosh!  You don’t understand!  I love Vegas!  I really really love Vegas.”

Cue in the violin.  It’s all over.  That’s a girl that’s not suited to be a girlfriend.  Perhaps, better cue in the old catchy Roxette song.  “It must have been love… but it’s over now…..”

OK, silly sentimental pop songs aside, the Vegas test is a very serious matter.   OK, it’s not so much a case of that one particular statement being the definitive answer, but it’s more so a case of this being the final straw.  It’s the final clue in a series of tell-tale signs.  It’s the proverbial icing on the cake.  I really don’t like that cliché, but don’t have a better one right this moment.

I don’t claim the Vegas test to be infallible or a 100% accurate.   However, I will add this:  The Vegas test has never failed.

Nope, not even once.  If ever I’ve come across a girl who has broken into a frenzy over Vegas, it’s always proven to be that she is not worth pursuing.  Just as importantly, any girl I’ve ever come across worth keeping has never had that reaction. In fact, her reaction has been quite the opposite.

What reaction are we talking about, and to what?

This is not about a couple’s getaway for a romantic interlude or a boyfriend girlfriend trip.  We’re talking about groups of girls who cannot wait to arrange a weekend to Vegas.  This is the type that can’t wait to go to “club rehab” in the summer time at the Hard Rock and if they live in Southern California, they probably attempt to arrange several trips a year.

Upon hearing the news that there may be a potential weekend trip to Vegas, they’ll almost break into a full fledged seizure, and quite possibly an impromptu rendition of the Safety Dance.

If you’ve never seen this, you’re in a for a treat!  Feast your eyes on this incredible video…..

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Spectacular visual feast:  Creepy English guy dressed like a fruitcake trying to look tough while running in the field with a pirate shirt tossing dwarfs, while other villagers, hobbits, elves, gremlins and ghouls jump for joy.  They’re All doing the safety dance (and a song that will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day!)

The concept of this video is amazing.  You could round up a group of 100 stoners and potheads, provide them with the finest LSD and “Magic shrooms”, and yet not be able to come up with something so bizarre and random.

Plus I never quite gathered or deduced whose safety this dance was for.  Was it for his safety?  Or was it for the safety of villagers?  Maybe it was a cleverly coded method for identifying drunk carriage drivers in the olden days?   Not to mention that the entire Safety Dance is just ONE move, as depicted in the freeze frame at exactly 1:25 into the video.

I can’t get over the serious look and game face determination of the lead singer as he marches for the Safety Dance.  It’s as though he is leading the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s.

Yes, his resolve is that strong and at first glance, that glare of determination makes you think he really is marching for a cause until you zoom out to see he is being followed by elves, clowns and gremlins.  Perhaps it’s the Safety Dance is to ensure the safe passage of these mutants?

Let’s get back to the Vegas test.  Needless to say, I could write an entire article on my fascination with this video, but I digress.

Wait a minute, why isn’t the Safety Dance video in the Smithsonian museum as the most amazing random compilation of shit ever assembled?  Why haven’t cultural preservationists taken notice?

OK, seriously, back to the article.

It’s safe to say (couldn’t resist the Pun, sorry), that if the girl LOVES Vegas and breaks into the safety dance, or any other dance, you’re looking at someone who is not a keeper.

(OK, if a girl really actually broke into doing the Safety dance in Public, she may be a keeper just for the entertainment value.)

It’s not the only test, but it’s usually a myriad of signals by the time you get to the Vegas question.. This last point just happens to be the big finale.  This is the Fat-Man equivalent of “Not good relationship material” Signal.  [Fat-man was atomic bombed dropped on Nagasaki]  If that’s too harsh, think of it as more a B-52 bomber carpet bombing an entire area.

Why is it such a big deal to like Vegas so much, someone may ask?   After all, people have various hobbies, likes, and dislikes.  This is true, and that behavior reflects back on an individual’s personality.

For example, if you knew a grown adult who enjoyed torturing and mutilating animals for no apparent reason, you’d probably think he wasn’t all together upstairs.  If you had children, you probably wouldn’t want to leave them alone with a guy like that, I’d assume.

The same representation of behavioral cues in reaction to various stimuli tell us a lot about a person’s trigger points and modus operandi. Vegas lovers of the aforementioned type are normally massive external stimulus junkies.  They do anything to get attention, be it positive or negative.   You can read the full analysis of stimulus junkies here:

Toxic Personalities in Dating: The Sole External Validation Seeker

Going one step beyond that, we get to core values.  Remember that this is the key component for being able to peg someone.  CORE VALUES Trump everything else.  How did Christopher Reeves’ Superman get the best of Lex Luther in Superman II?  He took a huge gamble, but he was banking on Lex Luther’s core values being greed when it’s all said and done.

Similarly, you can count that a Vegas lover’s core values are superficial external stimuli above all else and that’s a recipe for a disaster in a relationship.  (As it relates to my core values.)

Anyhow, if you needed to know the actual reason, there you have it.  If the pseudo-intellectual mumbo jumbo bores you, please go back and watch the Safety Dance video a second (or 10th) time.  Clear your head, come back and resume from this point.

A Vegas loving dude and woman may coexist well in some bizarre way, but that’s not my really my concern.  Which brings me to another point: This is NOT gender specific.  It applies to MEN as well.

If my female friend or cousin is looking to have a meaningful relationship/boyfriend and the guy can’t wait to pack a trip to “Rehab” at the Hardrock, I’d tell her the same thing.  Forget about it. He ain’t a keeper. (By the way, I’m talking someone more mature than 21 year-olds just figuring out what they want to do.)

So devise your own tests.  I shared one of mine.  It’s the Vegas test, and as I mentioned, it has never failed.  Even when I thought that it may have failed in case of a friend who was dating someone, months later, it still proved to be accurate.

The Vegas test works extremely well for me because it’s close to Southern California.  Everyone here is all too familiar with Vegas.

While the Vegas test may not tell me if a girl is a “Keeper,” it will definitely and unequivocally tell me whether she is NOT one very quickly.   Let’s be clear:  There are various reasons why someone may not be a suitable mate for you.  I’ve found the Vegas test to be an effective filter for one of those many reasons.

By the way, I’m very proud of this article.  Not so much because of the well thought out, well explained, accurate and practical advice regarding if someone is girlfriend material, but more so that I was able to work in two non-sequitur 80s songs, Superman II, and analysis of the Safety Dance video  into the article.

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Cameron