Rapport Lives Forever

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Talk to a friend the other day, we used to pretty close.  Hadn’t spoken since to him since 1996.   The wonders of the Internet and modern day communications….  On a whim, I did a search on facebook and found his profile.  Got an excited reply back from him, and so we got on the phone.

Things have changed since we graduated college together.  He is married and has 3 kids, and as for me, well, I am giving dating advice on the Internet.  That was all irrelevant though. We started chatting and it was like old times again, laughing about the mischief we used to create at a university where we couldn’t stand most of the faculty in the department, (who probably couldn’t stand us either, I am pretty sure.)

Yeah, there was A LOT of, “Man, remember the we did this and we did that, and the timet where we we made a video about Professor L***** basically calling him an asshole?  It wasn’t so much the nostalgic reminiscing that was intriguing.  It was that we had the same fun crazy conversation we had back in college, making fun of things, goofing off, laughing and bullshitting around.

Halfway through our rather lengthy phone conversation, my old pal’s comment echoed my own thoughts.  He said, “Wow, this is weird.  This conversation is like not a day has passed by.  It’s like we picked up right where we left off.”

Touché.  12 years gone by.  Technologically, it seems like a century for a couple of guys who studied Television and Film production.  Back then, we edited ¾ inch video tapes on giant machines with huge knobs, and connected to the Internet through AOL which gave you 10 hours of internet access per month.  But then It took 12-16 hours just to download one single page on the 24k dial up modems.

However, rapport never dies.  When two people have a connection, regardless of gender, sex, ethnicity, color, creed, it lasts forever.

So it got me thinking about the world of dating, the advice people read, and the tangled webs they become caught up in.  Most of the advice is written from a perspective of dehumanizing women and in order to make the process a tactical military operation.  What happens in the process is that guys get caught up in a world of tactical operations where they cannot connect with women. Why?  Because they cease to see them as human beings.  Read typical seduction community field-reports and they sound like this:

“I went out with HB 7.56, did a neg, a DHV, a DLV, and threw in some cocky funny to please double D.  Extracted target back to my place after telling her I had weed (which I didn’t, haha).  Told her a story about my childhood and how my mom and I went through some problems, (thanks to PUA asswipe for that Story.  It rocks)   Anyhow,  HB 7.56 went down on me and then I said I had to leave.  Oh, and here is a photograph of her.”

You don’t have to be Sherlock fucking Holmes to see the absurdity of that.  But then it’s not surprising when I have some 20 year old kid emailing me telling me that he has approached 3000 women and has less than 10 dates to show for it.

Just statistically playing the law of averages at a supremely conservative 5%, he ought to have had a 150 dates (with different women) out of that.  I understand his frustration and I understand his dilemma.  Being even more frustrated, he turns to more tactics.  Perhaps he needs better tactics, maybe his DHVs are not up to par, or maybe he needs to do more back turns, more negs and learn to be more “Alpha.”

Yet, he fails to see the elephant in the living room: He is not connecting with them on ANY level.  He is conducting a dancing monkey performance, and he is not suave enough, or enough of a con-man to sell it.  (Yes, I emailed the kid back telling him about my opinion of his issues, and how he needs to start fixing it.)

But I know that he is not alone.  There are other guys out there going through the same thing.  They may not be batting at .1% (one tenth of one percent) in getting dates, they’re not doing too stellar either.   The first issue is that guys get sucked into gimmicks instead of developing themselves to become more well rounded individuals.  The second issue is that they don’t connect with people in general, MALE or FEMALE…

This is by no means advocating that guys run out profess their love to some woman they’ve known for 30 minutes. That’s not what I am talking about.  It’s having the ability, and more importantly, the desire to go forward in establishing connections with people you like and respect.  (And on the same token, cutting off the leeches and douchebags that are undesirable persons.)

At the end of the day, gimmicks are forgotten,social proof can dissipate,money can be blown, but a human genuine connection is the only thing that lasts. Even if you haven’t talked to someone in 12 fucking years, and you pick up the phone to reconnect.