Emotion & Logic in Male-Female Interactions

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One of the biggest mistakes men make in dealing with women is delving into the arena of hyper-analysis.  Add to that the fact that most men who come into the community are very left-brained analytical types and now they’re trying to master a process that’s very emotional by outthinking it.  It doesn’t work that way.  Logic vs. Emotion is one of the concepts I explore quite a bit in my audio product and I thought it’d be a good idea to revisit it again.

You can’t think your way into emotions, you have to feel your way, and that last statement is probably an alien concept to most men seeking dating advice.

I should clarify that I am not implying that logical people can’t feel and that emotional people cannot use reason.  It’s just that people have a primary mode of operation, a motus Operandi, so to speak.   You have some people who have excelled in Mathematics, physics and sciences, and you have some people who excel at being creative and expressing themselves through different mediums.  In rare cases, some people excel at both.  My friend Seth was that way.  He excelled in both areas.  I am arrogant enough to think that I excel at both as well.

Hence, a lot of the work I produce in this field is an attempt to bridge the gap between the logical mind and the emotional.  I try to take emotional expression and somehow define it in a more systematic manner that can be understood better by guys seeking dating advice.  It’s an attempt to define feelings from the emotional impact of “something” (Be it an idea, thought or action), and at the reasoning behind why that dynamic exists.

Hence, in some ways, think of me as a translator between two people who speak completely different languages.  I try to interpret in a way that is understandable to both parties…

And then there are blog posts just for sheer entertainment, but that’s a different story.

  • So how does this affect you in the dating world?

Well, for one, it shows itself in the construct of language. I’d estimate that a majority of the guys who seek dating advice are very fact oriented individuals.  Back when I was teaching workshops and boot camps almost every other weekend, I could guarantee that there would be a good number of engineers, computer and “IT guys” in the mix.

They’re all great careers and I am sure the intricacies of the field could be appealing in its own right.  However, they conflict arises in two various areas:

  • 1. In common every day stories,
  • 2. Being completely result oriented as opposed to experience oriented.

Issue # 1:

Not every story you tell has to have some great philosophical impact.  After all, you’re not Plato in Ancient Greece attempting to share your knowledge with the masses.  However, some of your stories ought to have an emotional impact.  What does that mean exactly?  That your audience ought to be able to emotionally relate to what you’re talking about on some level.

Guys often get lost in telling facts.  Facts by themselves are not interesting. Hypothetical Example (And I am exaggerating for effect): “I was in NYC 2 weeks ago.  I had a great time.  The NY skyline looked great at nighttime.”

However, if I told you about some fat guy next to me on the plane, and how I felt trapped because the disgusting bastard next to me had just eaten a giant cheese steak sandwich and kept farting while snoring as he slept, and to make matters worse, the cute flight attendant who kept walking by gave me weird looks because she thought it might possibly be me passing gas……

The story has an emotional impact on some level, because now the listeners can identify with what it’s like to be trapped on a plane with some careless pig leaning on ya.

The key to this is that the audience has to emotionally relate to what it’s like to be in your situation.  If you can create that dynamic where he/she can sympathize then the story is impactful.   There are several key mistakes that men make in storytelling and spouting off straight-laced “Factual Stories” is one of the biggest ones.

Issue # 2:

Trying to figure out a sequence of events that will lead to results.  That makes sense in real life, especially if you’re an engineer.  You want a FORMULA that you can plug the numbers into and get results quickly.  Hey, “A-squared plus B-squared equals c-squared.”  It makes sense, the numbers can change but you stick with the plan.

While there is a basic path that you follow in dating, there isn’t a sequence of lines that you can pull out to fit every situations.  I Supposed you get could have a gigantic chart displaying all possible scenarios, but then you’d become completely robotic and would behave like most “Pick Up Artists” within the community.  The problem with that is then you come across as weird, and while people cannot explain why, they just know that they are creeped out a bit.

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How NOT to learn dating tips

Worse yet, trying to apply that sort of behavior to every situation, makes you very “Matter of Fact” and logical.  So you have a guy whose main issue is that he is too logical, too monotone, too “Matter of fact” in his delivery, and you’re going to make him even MORE so that way??

Unfortunately, the systematic ways of the industry don’t help the scenario.  Isee charts that look like physics diagrams and people talking about DHV, DLVs, then loop back, make a left, go forward, turn around, make a right, do not pass Go, do not collect $200

It only makes matter worse for the guy whose is struggling because he is not having enough fun.

SO how do you start correcting this?  How do you start balancing the logic mind with the emotional one?

A.         Start with stories that have more emotional impact. Start practicing with baby steps.  This does not mean you have to become an NLP weirdo who starts asking people to imagine some poor dove in the air, then give it a color and watch crash into someone’s windshield.  Normalcy is preferred.

(And yes, if you’re that curious about Story Telling, you ought to check out my audio course. I spent an entire CD where I spend 50 minutes just on Story Telling.) http://www.attractwomenanywhere.com/audiocourse.shtml

B.         Simplify the process.  Focus on developing yourself.  Learn how to have fun with women.  It’d be beneficial if you had female-friends you could spend time with doing activities so you can start getting a FEEL for what it’s like to spend time with women.  This will help relax you and understand the dynamics of what it’s like to be around girls more often.  It’ll also help you in seeing that they’re human, and have their own issues to deal with, their own insecurities and such.

I have a follow up Post about Emotion and Logic and how it pertains to Flaking.  That’ll be posted tomorrow.  Stay tuned………