3 Ways to create an Edge to attract girls!

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In the last Blog entry, I talked about how men who experience CONSISTENT results have an edge, so now let’s talk about you!

Before I answer that question, I have to yet again remind you that everything I am telling is based on me making 1 assumption:  That assumption is that you’re cool guy who is able to socialize with people, and you have some social intelligence (calibration.)  Remember, without being cool first, the edge is meaningless.

The first order of business is for you to do an honest self-assessment.  What are you good at?  What are your strong points?  It could be something as simple as that you’re a physically handsome man or that you’ve always had a good sense of humor, and naturally made people around you laugh.

The key is to not go against the grain.  Allow me to illustrate through real life examples from back when I was teaching a lot of weekend workshops.

I remember one workshop client who had a good sense of humor, but it was all dry humor. He was a funny guy, but when he approached women, he started spouting off routine stacks in a hyperactive manner with a gay/effeminate sounding voice.  His clear edge was his quirky personality and his dry sense of wit, and yet he had abandoned that in the name of “Game.”  He was actually working against himself.

Another workshop student of mine was a good-looking guy with a pleasant sounding Scottish accent (probably due to the fact the actually was from Scotland). He had interesting stories, and had lived in various places such as Japan.   Clearly, he was a normal fun guy to talk to.  Yet, I observed him approach girl with “Jealous Girlfriend” openers and dancing around.   “Man, what the fuck are you doing?”  I asked him.  Good-looking guy with a Scottish accent who has interesting stories of traveling to various parts of the planet!  That’s his edge.  That’s what he needed to work on cultivating as his strong foot forward.  Instead of conveying that, he is asking opinions about jealous girlfriends and telling dumb stories that don’t even match his personality..

Take sometime to think about what you can work on that’d provide you with an ability to distinguish yourself a little bit.  Let’s be clear: When I say distinguish yourself, I don’t mean that you have to stand out like a sore thumb or dress in fuzzy hats and fishnet shirts.

Just being able to distinguish yourself a little bit from the rest of the crowd goes a long way.  Yet more clarification: Distinguishing yourself is in no way implying that you ought to conduct a “DHV” or “VHS” by doing a “Best Friends Test.”  It has to be something that is a part of you.  Something you can develop even further.  Embrace it.  Much like the Scottish guy, don’t chuck it away in order to spit out “Game” you read by some dating guru.  Hone your own abilities. Your edge should be built around your core persona.

One’s edge could come from a variety of sources.  These generally fall into 3 broad categories

  1. Physically driven
  2. Personality Driven
  3. Lifestyle Driven

Let’s assess these one at a time.

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  • Physically driven:

It could be naturally given to you.  You were born good-looking, but you gained a bunch of weight at some point and you also dress like shit.  Then again, you may not particularly have a good-looking face, but you’re 6’4″ tall and got a good physique.  (Or you build a good physique.)

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  • Personality Driven:

This will be different for everyone.  It all depends on what you start out with.  What do you bring to the table?  Are you naturally funny/humorous?  Great, then build on that.  Are you passionate, artistic, very smart, charismatic or charming?  If you have a little bit of ANY of those, then you could build on that as well.

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  • Lifestyle Driven:

Lifestyle is rather expansive. Maybe you worked your ass off in college and beyond, and now you have a great job.  Maybe you’ve traveled to various places in the world, or perhaps you believed in philanthropy and spent 3 years in the peace corpse in some 3rd world country.  Or you could work in environments that are conducive to being around certain kind of women.

See, it’s not always about money either.  Your lifestyle has to be conducive to the archetype you desire. Lifestyle really influences the TYPE of women you attract.   The lifestyle category really begs for an elaborate explanation.

Do you want to bang nightclub chicks and you got time on your hands?   Then get a part time job at those environments.

Now, if you’re the aforementioned philanthropist who spent years in the Peace Corpse you’re naturally going to attract a different kind of woman than the guy who works as a DJ or bouncer at a nightclub.

Let’s say you wanted to attract your typical run of the mill stripper.  Telling her you spent 3 years doing Philanthropy work will not impress her.  However, tell her you want to invite her to an awesome party, and that you got some cocaine for her, and you’re suddenly Mr. Charming.

People often identify “Lifestyle” with having lots of money.  Yes, that’s one facet of it.  There are guys who have cultivated lifestyles that are conducive to their exploits despite their lack of finances.

DJs, Club Promoters, doormen, strip-club employees, could all be making less than a middleclass salary but within that subsection of society, they have created a viable lifestyle and some sort of social proof.

The same applies to a Yoga teacher or a personal trainer at the gym.  (And let’s be honest: 70% of personal trainers are clearly douche bags.)   Yet, they are able to climb the totem pole because they have placed themselves in a position of authority, even if it’s for a very small subculture.

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As for personality, there is a huge factor in what you convey about yourself.

It amazes me when I see guys who have done interesting things in their lives and yet they have no idea how to convey those stories.   Back when I was teaching bootcamps, I came across guys who had traveled all over Europe, to the far East, guys who had visited the Pyramids in Egypt and been on archeology trips in Israel.

Yet they were clueless in conveying the life they had lived.  A frat boy who spent a weekend in Utah came across more interesting than these guys who’d lived through noteworthy experiences.  So conveying your personality is also a skill that can be acquired.

Storytelling is a vehicle to conveying personality and by no means the only one.  The gist of it is that if you have done “Cool things” in your life, then you ought to be able to convey that in a compelling manner.

Why is it that the Frat boy who has spent half his life in a drunken haze can come across as more engaging than the guy who has traveled to far ends of the world, been to the Far East, traveled to Egypt and seen the Pyramids?  One guy has learned to convey some personality and the latter has not.

Storytelling crosses the line as it can also be considered a great attribute to possess.   It’s an attribute that crosses over to the “Edge” category when it enables you to describe the life you’ve lead.

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How about improving physically?

There are basics that every man should adhere to.  Your presentation speaks volumes about you.   It’s shocking to see how many guys I’ve seen at seminars who wanted dating Advice from various “Gurus” and yet no one was bothering to tell them the obvious.   That they looked like guys who didn’t know what they were doing.

So Start with:

*Hair:  Get a haircut that looks good on you.  If you’re mostly bald and have the horseshoe hair, shave it clean.  Either way, it ought to look organized.

*Facial hair:  Well managed, whether it’s a goatee, the wolverine Look, Miami Vice 5 O’clock shadow, or clean shaved.  It ought to look managed.

*Dress:  This area needs its own chapter.  For beginners, start learning about dressing well.  You don’t have to break the bank but learn to add pieces at a time. No Sweatshirts, sweatpants, loose clothing that looks like you walked off a set of a rap video.

*Shoes:  yes, I created a whole separate category for shoes, because they’re that important.

*Regular exercise: Another must-do category.  The benefits of exercise and why it’s important would need a Blog entry all themselves.

Should you attend a dating seminar at some point, take a look around at the guys seeking advice.  The majority look disheveled and unkempt.  No one bothers to tell them this.  Their personal presentation makes it glaringly obvious that they don’t enjoy the company of women in their lives.  I know it sounds harsh, but it needs to be said.  Most importantly women can discern this.  They can identify a guy who doesn’t get it.

This might be a good time for you to go through photographs of yourself taken in the last 6 months or a year.  Look at your outfits in the various photos, your hair, and your physical demeanor.  Is there a consistent pattern?  Take steps to fix that.

And please question any “Dating Guru” who tells you these things don’t matter.  Go with your instincts.  If your gut tells you the guy is creepy and full of shit, it’s probably because he is.

What if you already have an edge?  What if you’re one of the guys who sends me email who has career together?  The successful professional who easily makes over a 100K per year but has dating/women issues?  If you’re on that boat, you need to focus on the core attributes.  Focus on increasing your personal social & flirtation skills as well as gaining social intelligence regarding women.

The combination of having the proper foundational skills as well as an “Edge” will create consistent, and more importantly, long-lasting results.

Cameron

PS.   The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary/supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my 16 CD Audio course here: Building Attraction with Women