How To Execute The Direct Opener

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Let’s talk about how to execute a Direct-Opener in the real world.  What’s going to exactly happen when you open directly?  Sometimes, the direct openers is the best choice, specially if it suits your personality.  It seems simple enough.  Get your balls together, muster up the courage, and go and tell her you want to meet her.  So what’s the issue?

If you’ve read advice on the Internet from various seduction gurus, you may be under the false impression: “That’s it.  End-all, be-all solution.”  You may think that once you blurt out “I want to meet you,” she will jump all over you.  Hey, start playing wedding bells and round up the bridesmaids.

Internet Marketers and bullshit artists have you under the impression that an orchestra will start playing in the background and the Royal servants shall throw rose petals before your every step as though you were the Prince or King Jaffe Jafur from Eddie Murphy’s “Coming to America.”

OK, so let me tell you what’s ACTUALLY going to happen in the real world so you can carry out the direct-opener properly, and actually conduct these approaches with some level of success.

More than likely, upon blurting out a very Direct Opener, you’re going to get this reaction:

  • Deer in the headlights look!

She is going to have a blank stare on her face.  Why?  She doesn’t know how to react.  She is a bit stunned.  Imagine this: You’re the girl, running errands, buying food at the supermarket, you just threw some bread and cheese in your basket, and suddenly, whamo, there it is:  Someone comes up and says he wants to meet you.

How do you react?  You probably would have this look on your face that’d say, “OK, go on….. continue….”  This is the same reaction you’ll get from the majority of women.

-You might get a smile and “Thank you.”  (In some instances)

-She might become excited and may even say, “Cool.. What’s your name?”  (In rare instances.)

However, even if you physically look like Brad Pitt, the last option is going to be rare.   Hence, you must be expecting that contingency.  This is not a negative reaction.  It’s just that of being a bit shocked and not knowing what to say.  For this reason, when you go super-direct with opener,

-          You MUST be able to carry the energy load for two people for the next 3-5 minutes.

-          You also must be able to carry the conversational load for the next 3 to 5 minutes.

Remember YOU approached them.  They didn’t approach you.  You walked up to an unsuspecting stranger.  Now, you must make conversation and carry the load for two people.  This will take somewhere between 3-5 minutes.  (I am going ballpark estimate.  I’ve never actually timed it.)  So what do you do?   This is where you conversational skills have to be sharpened and you ought to be able to diversify.

Important note:  By “Energy” I am not referring to being hyper-active and bouncing all over the place.  By “Energy,” I mean PowerThe Power and resolve to carry the load of being comfortable for TWO people. You ought to be comfortable for you AND her.  After a few minutes of chatting, she shall gain her own levels of comfort.  Until then…. You carry the load.

Remember, if YOU are comfortable, it’ll make others comfortable in interacting with you.  If YOU are nervous, it’ll make others nervous as well.  Ever watch a super nervous guy (or girl) try to give a speech in front of the class?  His/her nervousness made you nervous.  It made your cringe!!  Perhaps it made you feel sorry for them!  You wanted to give them a hug because you felt sorry for them.  Well, you don’t want discomfort or pity from other people.  Hence, you’re comfortable enough for the both of you.

Next, how are you going to create a pleasant conversation in those initial minutes?

Firstly, through those first minutes, you should have the social acuity to read her reactions to gauge her interest level.

Personally, I often choose to exchange names, and then I can take it a few different directions.  I may go into a story about whatever is going on in my life.  (nothing too deep or dramatic, just lighthearted conversation), or I may find out a few things about her and incorporate that into the conversation .

For example, it may be that she is from New York and suddenly the conversation can shift to a different direction.  Or it may turn out that she has a similar interest..   Or it may turn out that she just became a “Born Again” last year, and it’s pretty much over.

If you decide to go direct, you also have to pay careful attention to how you carry yourself.  How you come across always matters, and even more so, when you’re going balls out.

There are enough guys I’ve come across who don’t have really have anything interesting to talk about, dress horribly, and think that just because they can walk to a woman and say, “I think you’re beautiful.  I want to meet you” that she is going to melt in his arms.  In reality, she is looking for the nearest emergency exit point.  These guys do not achieve results because they were sold a myth, a myth that told them the act of telling a woman they’re interested in her was a magical key that opened all doors.  They might as well have been sold a bridge in Arizona.

If this approach is taking place during the day (outside of a bar/club) scene, then the conversation may only be 5 minutes, and sometimes even less as she (or you_ may be in the midst of running errands. Those 5 minutes have to paint a picture that is appealing.  You want to be interesting enough that she years to see more, but the more difficult part is trying to establish a level of comfort.  There is only so much you can do in 5 minutes or less and that is the nature of the cold-approach.

You also want to have a few key points of interest you want to convey.  Certain attributes will be conveyed through your body language and tonality.  Beyond that, you want to convey a few things that are unique to you and help establish you as someone who has shit together, and give you some sort of an identity.

As a random example, let’s say you were a teacher who worked with kids.  Heck, maybe you even volunteer at some organization to help kids once a week.  At some point, you want to be able to work that into the conversation.  That way she knows you do interesting things, you’ve earned the trust of children’s parents so you’re safe on some level, and probably have been finger-printed by the State to ensure you’re not a psycho while working with these kids.

Does that guarantee that you’re certain to get a date out of this interaction? No!  But it far increases your chances of positive future interactions with that same woman instead of relying on gimmicks and routines that are irrelevant to your life.

Imagine the conversation she has later that day with her roommate or girlfriend, when asked if anything interesting happened.  She could reply, “Yeah, I just met this guy while waiting in line to pick up food at the restaurant a half hour ago.  He seems pretty cool, and does some work with kids…”  Or she could reply, “Yeah, some guy with a weird costume hit on me, and then told me, nice shoes, too bad they’re out of season.  Then told me it’s just not gonna work out.”  You don’t want to be remembered as a douchebag.

I picked an arbitrary example [working with kids] that was not glamorous to show you that you can work in various unique things about yourself.  You know yourself best so it’d benefit you to think about what 3 points you want to convey about yourself in a short conversation.

There are multiple ways to open a conversation with a woman, and I could write a 50 page book on the details and nuances of it.  Right now, the focus is understanding and making distinctions between direct openers, direct interactions, and direct subtext.

At the moment, let’s focus on one thing at a time.  If you’re going to open conversation with someone with a “Direct Opener,” be prepared to receive a shocked reaction.  It’s not necessarily good or bad.  It just is.   From there, it’s up to you to carry the energy level to create comfort in the next few minutes.

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So let’s do a recap:

-A warm approach is always going to be superior to a cold-approach.  That luxury, however, is not always there so it becomes important to be able to approach strangers. It’s a good skill to have in life.

-In my experience, the best conversational openers are topics of mutual interest.  If you both enjoy knitting, it naturally lends itself to a free flowing conversation.  (And if you really do have a passion for knitting, you’d probably become good girlfriends.)

-You can also opt to use a “Direct- Opener.”  Do remember that it’s not some master resolution.  Sometimes, it is the best choice.  This will also depend on your personality, how you carry yourself and your ability to communicate your sexuality.

-If you choose to cold-approach a woman during normal everyday activity with a direct-opener, expect a bit of a stunned reaction.

-It’s up to you to carry the conversation and the energy of the Interaction until she becomes comfortable.

-Carrying the energy does not mean jumping around, speaking so fast like you have had 3 shots of espresso after snorting cocaine, or trying to spin her around.  Don’t be a locust.  Let me be as specific as possible:  Carrying the energy means carrying the conversation and being confident and comfortable for the both of you.  It’s more abstract.  That means, she may be nervous, which means you have to be extra comfortable.  Your comfort demeanor will allow her to relax as well.

- If you’re being direct, there is no sense in being hyperactive.  The used car salesman vibe is conduct unbecoming of a fine lad.

- Regardless of whether you are direct or indirect, you still ought to come across and an interesting and appealing human being. At the very least, something about you has to want her wanting to see more.

-What 3 points do you like to convey about yourself?

- Take time to brush your conversational skills. Avoid conversational mistakes that annoy people.  A good place to start is by reading my 3 free PDF reports on “Natural Conversational Flow.”  Yes, they’re free, and you can get them by subscribing to my newsletter.

Stay tuned for the next chapter of this saga, where I specifically break down even further about how I go about approaching, my mindset, as well as other tricks of the trade.

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PS. As always, the articles are meant to expand your knowledge provided you have the basic foundations in place.  To build that rock-solid foundation, you owe it to yourself to read my Ebook: Building Attraction Secrets