The Direct Approach

Personal Examples, Self-Image, Beliefs & Behaviors.


Glad you’ve been enjoying this long series of posts on Direct, Indirect and sub-communication.  The overall feedback has been overwhelmingly positive and it’s good to see people are getting it.

In today’s post, I am going to talk about a lot of what I do personally.  This is in regards to the aforementioned conversation with Swinggcat in the very first post of this saga.

I gave some thought to the beliefs that I have behind the actions I take in my interactions with women these days and I came up with a few key points that I am going to share with you all.  Keep in mind that these are not things I consciously thing about when I am interacting with a woman.  It’s more a case of me sitting down and trying to reverse-engineer the beliefs behind my actions.

The goal is to provide you with a glimpse regarding my beliefs/behavior and if there is something you believe is applicable to YOU, then feel free to adopt that mindset.  The point, however, is not to copy me but rather to take away things you can apply yourself.   “My JKD is not your JKD,” Bruce Lee used to say.  (Another Bruce Lee reference? Come on!  Seriously?”)

There is no one-way of doing things.  Personal expression of the individual is not limited to mechanical methods. However, it seems that winning mindsets are often similar be it in the world of sports, business or personal development.  So throughout the post, I am going to switch between Innergame and Outergame throughout this article as I explain the process.

How should you go about approaching women and attracting them successfully?

This all depends on what type of game you play.  Well, game is a harsh word, so how about what type of archetype do you present yourself as?

Are you the fun social extrovert?

Are you the cocky jock who seems to enjoy needling people?

Are you the passionate artist/musician?

Are you the refined intellectual who is worldly?

Naturally, there is some cross over but it’s important to first know yourself.  You have to know what you’re working with.  Would you go into a car race not knowing what kind of car you were sitting in?  Without knowing what the engine size, torque, horsepower, acceleration, handling, braking, gearbox ratio, and top speed are?  That’d be pretty f*cking dumb. The same concept applies here.

If you’re the refined world traveling intellectual trying to carry out cocky funny “Nice Shoes, did you buy them new?”  insult lines that you read in a manifesto somewhere, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.  You’re working against the grain. You’re actually hurting your chances instead of improving them.

When I first started, I was going with the high-energy fun club guy.  That’s the persona I presented and it attracted a certain type of woman.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, it also turned off certain kind of women too, and those were the higher quality women.

So I had to look and embrace the core of what I was.  Truth of the matter is, I don’t really like talking about jealous girlfriends, or Britney Spears’s smile or newest haircut.  Who are we kidding?  I’d rather get my teeth drilled without Novocain at the dentist than have a conversation about Britney Spears.  It’s important to build something around your strengths and how you present yourself.  That’s how you build your edge.  (See, Edge Article for reference later.)

Wait!!  Let’s back up a step.

How you present yourself depends on your self-Image. Your self-image has to be believed by you.  After reading this article, come up with a tag phrase, something that can serve as a quick reminder in one sentence that explains your personal self Image.  This is how YOU see YOURSELF.     I have one for myself: “Passionate & Artistic Intellectual in a jock’s body.”

  • Create a Tagline for yourself

Come up with a self-image catchphrase for yourself.  It could be arrogant, it could be cocky, it could be grandiose.  This is one time where you can venture deep into self-indulgence.  It can be as egotistical as you want it to be, and you have full on permission to be rather arrogant.  But there is one gigantic condition: You really have to believe it. More importantly, your subconscious mind has to believe it.  You can tell yourself, “I am the greatest man in the galaxy” but if you don’t really believe that on a subconscious level, it doesn’t do you any good.

I am going to one step deeper and explain the deeper structure of psychology if you’re intellectually curious.  If you have a short attention span, skip this entire paragraph.  Your subconscious mind has to believe the statement beyond any shadow of doubt, because it has to withstand conflicting viewpoints.  It has to dismiss any evidence to the contrary.  EXAMPLE: If you opt for the “Greatest man in the galaxy” self-image tag line and are suddenly rejected by 5 straight women, what happens?  Well, if you truly believed beyond any doubt, you’d still believe it.  Your subconscious would just dismiss those 5 rejections. However, if you had any doubt, you’re resolve is now broken, and your subconscious mind concludes, “This idiot is just full of shit.”

If your self-image is suffering, then that’s part of your problem. Take steps to fix that as well while practicing the skills I am talking about in these posts.  The reason for the catchphrase tagline is that it’s an easy reminder, plus when I go with that mindset, I don’t see a reason why a woman wouldn’t want to be with me.  Does that mean they all do?  Not even close, man.  The mindset is important nevertheless.

A successful basketball play goes into every game thinking he is going to win.  Does he win them all?  Nope. His team will lose some games inevitably.  Yet that mindset of going to win every game does not change.  Your beliefs lead to your actions.

So tonight’s assignment is to take a few minutes and think about your self-image.  What is your current self-image?  Do not analyze it.  In fact, it’d be best if you allow it to bubble to the surface.  How?  By going to a meditation or a trance state. These are times when the subconscious releases the information, and information “Bubbles to The Surface” as I like to call it.

Also, think about what you’d WANT your self-image to be.  To some of you, this may seem like something trivial, but don’t procrastinate.  It will help you in your interactions & approaches.  At the very least, it’ll help you diagnose issues you may want to resolve.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk about some very personal beliefs of mine and how those beliefs manifest themselves into behaviors and actions.  I’ll also demonstrate through some concrete example on how these beliefs affect everyday interactions.

Stay tuned….. It’s going to get even better……


PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women