Part 9. The Whole Nine Yards. Recap of the series.
In my experience, most of the guys who seek dating advice on the Internet are often very logical, left-brain oriented people. Part of my goal is an attempt to bridge that gap between the expressive side of the brain and the analytical side.
With that thought in mind, I am writing a general outline of what’ve covered so far, displayed in a manner that is easy to understand for the analytical person. Keep in mind that this is not a system or something you should memorize. This is a guide. A guide to ideas and beliefs that give you a starting point. (Or help you identify where you’re stuck currently.) Think of it as a checklist on how to develop yourself to become more attracive & appealing to women.
- Non-verbal part of the communication supercedes the verbal.
- Your Attitude determines whether people buy what you say or not
- Getting caught up in seduction school doctrine is really silly
- Learn to understand the difference between a “Direct Opener” vs. being direct with your intentions
- Look at where you are currently with your comfort level with women
- If you’re not comfortable, your focus should not be on systems, methods or becoming a ridiculous pick up artist.
- If you’re more comfortable socializing with women, then focus on how you want to present yourself.
- How you present yourself and what type of “Game” you run depends on your identity.
- Your presentation is based on the self-image of yourself.
- Come up with a tagline or catchphrase for your self-image
- This will help you anchor down an identity for yourself that you can recall instantly.
- Your self-image must be believed by you! That’s what matters the most.
- Think about the actions you’ve taken in the past in dating women.
- What beliefs were the precursors to those actions?
- Evaluate your conversational skills
- Remember that just because you can throw a conversational opener at a girl, it doesn’t mean she is going to be jump all over you.
- Deer in the Headlights-look, is rather likely.
- Sometimes, the direct-opener is the best option
- In my experience, situational openers with mutual-interest work most efficiently. They’re incredibly smooth.
- The type of conversational opener one uses does not dismiss possessing the ability to FLIRT with women
- The failure to flirt effectively with women is one of the primary reasons why men squander many of their encounters with women after they get the conversation going.
- Be careful of taking blind advice from dating gurus and self-help gurus in general.
- Be weary of anyone who tells you it’s ok to be a fat slob.
- Be weary of anyone who chooses to give you dating advice while he/she looks like disheveled slob. Run for the hills.
- Bear in mind that many such persons, much like cave dwelling cannibalistic trolls, are misfits and outcasts of our society.
- Hence, be able to balance being able to push your comfort zone and yet be socially savvy. (See Blog post on pushing your comfort).
- “Social Grace,” still is a fact of life. Wearing fishnet shirts, devil horns and gigantic goggles on top of fuzzy hats is not pushing boundaries. It’s just ridiculous and makes you look like a freak.
- If your conversational skills are poor, your interactions will suffer.
- No amount of methods, negs, cocky/funny, will ever compensate for poor conversational skills. EVER! Get that through your head or you’ll always suffer.
- Read my 3 free PDF reports on “Natural Conversational Flow.” It’s a good starting point on conversational dynamics.
- Develop your social intelligence. Focus on being more socially savvy.
- Possess High Social Intelligence first, then Learn to Push Social Boundaries.
And to backtrack a bit to my earlier Blog entries:
- Decide what archetypes of women you’re interested in. (See my Blog posts on Archetypes and Demographics.)
- Develop an Edge for yourself in addition to many of the fundamentals I just mentioned above. Without fundamentals, the edge is meaningless. (See my blog post on “Do you have an Edge?”
There it is. A recap of the past week and a half of entries. If were to focus on playing basketball and practicing your skills consistently 3 to 5 days a week for the next 6 months, your basketball skills will have improved remarkably from what they are now.
Similarly, if you hit the gym and take in the proper nutrition for the next 6-8 months, you will look and feel significantly better than you do now.
Just as similar, if you focus on the stuff I mentioned above, you will inevitably achieve success. That’s the good news. If you want overnight magic pills or super-duper NLP patterns that make women bow down to you, be prepared to be without the company of females. Become familiar with celibacy.
On a positive note, practice improving the fundamental skills and watch yourself grow to new heights in any endeavor, that includes meeting, attracting, and dating women. Be willing to put in the work. You will reap the rewards.
Take care
Cameron
ps. If you stumbled upon this Blog, or need a refresher from time to time, Start from Part 1 of this series and work your way up to this Summary. It’ll be more practical to implement this way
I enjoyed your post a long time ago on another board called “The definitive post on direct” Many of the points in your series relate back to that post a few years back.
Funny thing is I got a CD by a Croatian guy a few years back and was sold on that fantasy. I went out and went up to girls with “I like you, I want to get to know you”, I even said it with a fake croatian accent!! Some got a kick out of it and some did run for the exits. LOL .
One thing I do notice is a direct opener can be a mixed with a mutual situational opener. If I see a girl reading a book I have interest in I can go up to her and say “I noticed you reading one of my favorite books on xyz topic, I had to come say hello for a moment” etc.
Or if I open direct in a museum with “I noticed you I had to meet you”, I can transition to talking about why I’m there and the kind of art I like etc establishing mutual conversation. Some of my experience.
Maybe you’ve experienced the same??
Hey Pras,
Thanks. I remember that post although I didn’t go anywhere as in depth in that post as I did in the past week.
As for cold-approaching, yep, you can definitely mix it up. If she is reading a book by an author you really like, you could start talking about that and then make your intentions known. It could also apply vice versa..
The “I like you” opener always seemed socially off to me. You know nothing about the person and yet you like them? Not saying it can’t work. I just never liked it.
There are better ways…..
Very true and cool stuff once again, it made some things clearer for me.
I would just add one observation I have (I am just a beginner): I’ve already achieved some success, got laid etc., but it hasn’t lasted for long. It wasn’t persistent. After relatively short time, “something went wrong” and the girl left.
Now I think I know why: after some point (having sex with her or seeing she’s really into me), I thought the “game was won” and fell back to my old habits.
So, the postulate is “If she left and you don’t know why, it’s because you’re not a MAN”. You learned this stuff and used it to get her, instead of using it to change yourself.
Hey Petr,
Glad it cleared away some of the confusion for ya.
And you’re right about using the material you learn to become a better person towards whom people gravitate. Look at this way: You’re already ahead of most guys in this field, including many who teach it.
Cameron
Hey Cameron: how would you “perform an intervention” on someone who desperately needs help but is unwilling to accept it?
I was out at a club with my girlfriend and my drinking buddy this past weekend. God bless him, because my bud was doing direct approaches on tons of women. The problem is, he doesn’t have the conversational skills or the presence or the confidence to pull it off. I told him you can’t just go up to girls and say, “You’re cute.” (Or rather, YOU can’t go up to girls and say, “You’re cute.”) His response? He changes his line to “You’re really cute.” My girlfriend has a better eye than I do, and later pointed out to me he really needs a better haircut and pants.
The problem is, my friend once paid $900 for some kind of dating or “pick-up” seminar, which he says told him everything he already knows about himself. One part involved walking down a hallway to a series of 9 different girls where they would evaluate his strengths and weaknesses. As a result, he’s reluctant to spend any more money or time on other systems.
What he’s doing isn’t working, yet he insists on doing things his way, in hopes that he will meet someone who gets him or appreciates his approach. How would you intervene?
(P.S. I’m not really going to perform an intervention, but I do want my friend to get some help so he can be happier.)
Dave,
I would not intervene all that much. In my experience, it’s very difficult to get people to change their habits unless THEY want to make the effort. (whether it’s quitting smoking, losing weight.)
So the best you can do is an attempt to help them see things from a different perspective. Then the person can take steps forward on their own accord.
The good thing news is that your friend is at least approaching women. The bad news is it’s not going anywhere, and he is not learning from his interactions.
If I were, I’d probably tell him that it’s good that he has chosen a style he is comfortable with (Which is direct.) But then, if you’re going to do something, anything, then make sure you do it the best you can.
Then I’d tell him to read this current Blog Series on the Direct-Approaching. Most importantly, I’d have him read Part 6 to begin with: How to execute a direct-opener.
Then after part 6, have him read part 2. (On non-verbal communication.) For his particular situation, those are the most applicable posts. Hopefully, that’ll peak his curiosity to want to read more and start applying himself properly.
Take care
Cameron
ps. Would you email me the name of the seminar he took privately?
I am always curious as to what sort of B.S. people sell out there…..
Good stuff, dude! Keep kicking ass!
I actually took a workshop with the Croatian guy :)
The audio CDs do sell a little bit that fantasy, though he never really says that if you do the opener correctly the woman will fall for you. But my experience is that properly executed direct openers, in the right circumstances, do generate a powerful reaction from women.
I used the “I like you” opener many times and it worked well for me. However, like Cameron I never really felt totally comfortable with it. I just liked someone’s look and body language, I didn’t really know if I liked the person.
I’ve also had some success with “funny” direct openers. Like “Do you know who you remind me of? Someone I should meet”.
Mojito,
The Croatian guy you speak of, has some good things to teach. It’s the other Croatian guy who concerns me with all of the “Alpha” b.s.
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As long as the opener is socially graceful…it’s good. But how far it’s socially-savvy is a matter of question.
I’ve a question for you Cameron. I’m really confused as to what flirting is. Is it being playful? But my experience, by being playful, you don’t get sincere girls. You only get the girls who are out to have fun.
And this is what a girl said to me once,”women love to be flattered, they love to feel special when they are flirted with. but that doesn’t make her to feel like you are boyfriend material.she is just having fun.”
this is true, i think. flirting brings in the sexual vibe. flirting challenges the women. flirting creates attraction, interest. but it’s the emotional connection, the rapport that ultimately makes her fall in love with you. the real you, your persona, your character is going to keep her.
and, FLIRTING should be sprinkled in, or the girl is never going to take you seriously again.