What/who is a party girl?
Today’s article is about identifying who and what constitutes a proverbial ”Party-Chick.”
Generally speaking, party girls are stimulus junkies. They are constantly seeking new stimulus and more importantly, will upgrade to the new stimulus. Loud Clubs, party, being part of the “In” social crowd, [Social Hierarchy] alcohol, drugs, money are all sources of stimulus that motivate party girls.
This is vastly different than a girl who is mostly “emotionally present” girl who will want to connect feelings, share emotions, love, depth, life, and so forth. More often than not, the emotionally-present girl is not a one-night stand type of girl. This does not mean that she does not have a sexual side. It only means that she likes to have an emotional connection before becoming intimate, which then makes it more difficult for one-night stands.
Party girls love absolutely love attention. These are the type of girls you find in clubs dancing on a table while flaunting their g-string for everyone to see, and the more guys who pay attention, the more they enjoy it. And if that’s not working, well then, they’ll just start making out/kissing with another one of their girlfriends, as this is a surefire way to get the attention of the guys in the bar.
Everything is designed to garner attention, and yet they will disdain you for giving them that attention. That is paradox in all of this, and it’s the cornerstone of what so many guys miss. The psychological reasons for the disdain warrant an entirely different essay altogether. (That’d perhaps be good fodder for a different blog entry.)
If you’ve been to nightclubs and bars, then you’ve seen the above dynamic. You’ve seen girls kissing each other and making out! Now, if you’re not clear as to what’s going on, I got news for ya. The above is NOT a SEXUAL act. It’s an act designed to get Attention! That’s all that is.
If you plan to game these types of girls, don’t be the chump who stands their raising his beer in the air yelling, “Yeah, woohoo, cool!” They’re looking for attention and if you’re standing there yelling showing your support, then you’re bunched in with all the tools standing there gawking.
If you’re interested in pulling these girls out of the club, you have to display more attitude that they do along with social hierarchy. Don’t show any reverence towards their antics and be indifferent to their attention whoring tendencies. You’ll have to dumb down the conversation and you’ll find that you’ll have more intellectually stimulating conversation with a chimp at the zoo. We’ll get to all of that in due time. I am going to provide you with detailed instructions as to how go about conducting yourself properly at the end of this mini-series.
Not all party girls are this easy to spot however. Personally, I enjoy the company of really intelligent women, but I’ve been to enough bars and clubs that I have had my fair share of encounters with party girls. I’ve gone on dates with party girls, and yes, I’ve slept with party girls. It’s not my job to say what’s right for you. I can only help you understand how to make the distinction and tell you the pros and cons. What you do then is your decision.
Before you read any further, I ought to include the disclaimer that not all women at a bar are party girls. You’re going to run into 21 year old college girls at a bar having drinks and having fun! It does not necessarily make them party girls. As I mentioned in the first article, party-chick is more of a mindset driven from personal values.
- So then, how do you distinguish between party girls and emotionally responsive ones? How do you make that distinction? What are some of the tendencies of each of these?
As I alluded to earlier, party girls are always seeking more new stimuli. You’ll notice that during conversations, even after you have known them for a while, they will not delve too deep into personal questions. For example, they will not ask questions you about your family, siblings, background or what’s important to you, nor will they offer much information about theirs.
It’s a pattern that you’ll come to recognize now that you’re aware of it. I noticed this pattern with party girls I’d known for quite a while in certain social circles. In the beginning it’s tough to ascertain any sort of hypothesis that’s based on hasty interactions.
However, staying the course with such people can be awfully revealing. You could cumulatively engage in many hours of conversation over the course of 6 months or a year, and still, you’ll find that she still doesn’t know much about you. Not once has she asked if you have any brothers or sisters, which city you went to high school in, or anything that’s relevant to your background.
- You’ll then come to observe that pattern of behavior repeating itself constantly with little exception.
Emotionally-present girls look for a way to connect emotionally. The conversational threads will be vastly different. Party girls won’t offer or ask much personal information. You’ll note that most party girls are not really interested in discussing intellectual or cerebral topics. If you start discussing deeper topics, or delve into philosophy and such, you’ll start to lose them.
Look, I know the intellectual inside you wants to discuss the social caste system of Ancient Rome that contributed to their downfall, or how the Ancient Persians used wind-energy as an alternative fuel, or perhaps what’d actually happen if time-travel were possible right now. I enjoy discussing these things too. This is the wrong type of girl to talk about such topics with regardless of how long you’ve known her. A new Prada bag from Italy? Now, that’s the stuff of legends.
So, have no worries. They’re capably of a wide range of topics to discuss. These are: Shopping, finding parties, relationship gossip, celebrity gossip, back to shopping and getting drunk again.
Party chicks are also the consummate “Bigger, Better, Deal” type of people. Remember, it’s all about the stimuli. Invite them to an after party in a nice mansion half way up the hill where they can smoke a couple of joints, and they’re ecstatic to come. However, on the way there, another guy invites them to a nicer mansion that’s all the way on TOP of the Hill with a better view, and hey, he is got cocaine instead of weed, and they’ll abandon you rather quickly.
A house half way up the hill with weed, is going to lose to the mansion all the way on top of the hill with cocaine, every time. Bigger, Better, deal doesn’t have come in the form of houses or drugs. It’s basically operating on shallow values, and whoever can offer the more “Socially-Cool” package wins. That’s the way it goes. It’s part of that game, and the people who play it, understand it. Just remember that it’s part of the game if you choose to deal with this archetype.
At first when it happens, you get a little pissed off. At least that was, my experience, and then you learn that this is part of the process. If you’re going to deal with this archetype, then learn how the game is played. Either that, or surround yourself with a different category of people.
The above photo is simply amazing if you understand the dynamics and the party girl psyche! Take a look at the photo again, and let’s get to it:
We have 3 girls vying for attention. Center girl in Black, Blonde in Brown dress on the left, and the obvious fake blonde in green dress on the right. Notice how each girl is trying to outdo the other one for attention! The center girl, by virtue of being the one in the middle has the least work to do! Our eyes naturally focus on her because she is in the middle. So she figures a simple sticking out of her tongue will do!
The one on the right, (green dress) needs to up the ante and so she opts for going for licking the center girl’s neck, and the one on the left is now really put it in a compromisable position. In this precarious position, how can she possibly salvage this to get more attention than the other two?? She is not in the middle, and licking the other girl move has already been taken. Can’t copy the girl in the green dress. Thus, the only way she can possibly salvage this is by trying to simulate oral sex on another girl to steal the attention back. Yes, cunnilingus beats the neck-lick!
The fascinating aspect of this is that consciously, they may not even be aware of what they’re doing, but the dyanmic above is exactly the motivation for the behavior witnessed above. Spend enough time with party girls in clubs and it’ll become 2nd nature to you as wel.
Again, this is not advice for any beginner. The point is that if you plan to pursue and “game” these type of women, then you had be prepared for such contingencies. Don’t bitch and complain about lack of loyalty and such. That’s not part of the equation here. It’s about stimulus and it’s about social hierarchy.. Now, the mansion example may sound very LA, but it applies to all party chicks. In some part of the country, a bigger better deal may be a guy who has cable TV and more than half his teeth. Different stimuli, same dynamic.
At the core level, if you wanted to understand the deeper structure of it, it’s about personal values. They are not evil, and nor are they operating with malice. They just are what they are. They have shallow values and if you understand that, then you can play the game on that level, if you so desire. Sometimes, it’s compounded by the absence of dignity and self-respect (As seen in photo above.)
Party chicks value stimulus and attention. This applies to men as well. You probably know guys who are stand-up honorable dudes whom you could call on if you were in a jam. Then again, you also know the type of guy who’d like to help you but a girl told him she “Might” hang out with him tonight, so he’d rather stay home by his phone waiting in case she calls, rather than come drive your ass to the hospital because you’re bleeding from the gullbladder.
It’s about what values each individual covets, and it’s not a sexist issue. However, this article is about party chicks, not “Party guys” or better known as drunk idiots. Make no mistake about it: There exists that direct male equivalent to the party-chick as well. It took me longer to notice, because, let’s be honest, I never wanted to have sex with the dudes. However, a party-dude equivalent will leave your ass stranded to chase a piece of ass across State-line. However, since most of you are seeking to deal with girls, let’s refocus.
- Back to tendencies of party girls:
Another tendency is that they’re not too often interested in time just with you, like relaxing at home watching a movie with you. There is not too much stimulus and social validation in snuggling up on the couch with you. It’s a matter of, “Where are the cool parties this weekend? Where can I find booze? Did a new shopping mall open here? Where is the bigger better party? Is it time to drink yet?”
Yet another tendency is that they tend to get hammered on alcohol quite often. A mistake men make is trying to change this behavior. If you want a woman who is not getting blasted with alcohol every single weekend, then date a different type of woman. Yes, it really is that simple.
- Don’t try to change a party chicks’ behavior!!
To use a surfing analogy, Understand what’s coming at you, ride the wave, and then at some point, it’s time to get off. The more hardcore ones are into a lot of drugs as well. They almost always tend to be good-looking girls and will try to use their looks as leverage to acquire things and get what they want. If you run into these girls, you won’t be able to establish too much deep rapport.
You’ll find that it’s difficult to establish rapport on an emotional level and even more difficult to relax and discuss something personal or intellectual. Another tendency you’ll observe is that they love talking about themselves but do not seem to be interested much in you or others. Some party chicks are “Talkers.” The kind of talkers that you can put on speaker-phone, leave the house to run errands and come back, and they’ll be still engaged in monologues.
They are very “Me, Me, Me” oriented so you’ll notice that it’s always about what their wants are. Some of them, I’ve noticed are the pain in the ass type of complainers. I don’t mean legitimate complaints, but the nagging types. “It’s boring here, let’s go” or “This food is too cold, ” meanwhile it’s 5 degrees cooler than it should be. Even if you haven’t dated girls like this, I’m guessing you’ve been around other guys who were dating such an archetype. Most of their friends are of the same ilk. The drama is never ending. If you married a girl like this, well, you probably fucked up.
These types of girls are drama-heavy. Coincidentally, they’ll constantly talk about how they “Hate Drama” but spend some time with them, you’ll find that you’re engulfed in a never-ending sea of drama. A simple visit to a restaurant is no longer an enjoyably act of breaking bread with a few friends. “Food is too hot, food is too cold, waiter looked at me the wrong way, there was an extra mushroom on the plate, I want a refund,” and it just never ends. Tip for you to remember from now on:
Any girl who discusses or mentions drama, is all about it.
You may or may not ever realize how much grief that is going to save you. Remember the above motto even when you’re reading personal-ads on a site like Match.com. If she says she hates “All that Drama,” it’s because she is constantly knee deep in it. People who are not engufled in drama, do NOT mention it, because it does not even occur to them!
Example: When you walk on a sidewalk of a busy street, do you ever worry about a giant piano falling on your head? Probably not! Why? Better yet, would you write a personal ad talking about “You hate pianos falling onto the sidewalk from the 10th floor?” Again, why not?? Because it’s not a common occurrence. If you lived in some neighborhood where pianos falling out of 10th story windows was a common occurrence, then you too would probably mention it, “Man, I am sick of seeing people getting crushed by those falling Pianos. Enough is enough!”
But as it stands, it probably didn’t even occur to you until I just brough it to your attention 10 seconds ago! Get my drift? ;-)
I am going to do a recap of all these points at the end. This post was meant to give you an understanding, as well as a visual representation (of some obvious cases) of party girls.
That’s a lot for today! Stay tuned for the next Article in this series!
PS. The very article you’ve just read will significantly impact your dating life. (And perhaps even save you from an ill-advised marriage!) Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work. Be sure to get yourself a Copy Today: Building Attraction Ebook