The Cemented Vagina

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  A couple of weeks ago, a friend was in town.  He is preparing to move to Los Angeles, and someone I met through my late friend Seth.  This guy knows about the type of work that I do in the dating-field and so he asked me questions regarding a couple of girls he is interested in. 

 There was one in particular that he really wanted to get out on a date.  Upon whipping out his iPhone, he showed me a lengthy chain series of SMS Text exchanges.  This texting must have gone on for a couple of weeks with no real substance to the conversation.  At the end of this exchange, he was not too much closer to getting the girl to come out for a date than he was in the beginning.

 I first corrected his obvious mistakes in his texts.  Quite a few texts exhibited approval seeking behavior and some were way too long.  You can’t constantly write paragraphs of texts when the other person’s replies are just one liners.  It’s an uneven flow.  It’s too much investment on your part, and not enough investment on her part.  She is not committed enough to whatever relationship you have, while you’re really going above and beyond the call of duty. 

 Having corrected his obvious texting mistakes, I took it one step further.  I gave him the Cemented-Vagina test.  I told him I’d thought about posting it on my blog quite sometime ago, but I never did.  He insisted that I must do so, as I owe it to all men, as it had given him a new perspective and clarity.

 This is by no means a pessimistic view of women.  It’s not about cruelty, castration, or objectification.  Rather, it’s about realization.  Realization of how you live your life and the decisions you make. 

It’s an exercise of the mind.  Here is how it goes:

 So the next time you’re talking to a girl, in her 20s, imagine that for some odd reason she poured concrete in her vagina.  Maybe she watched one of those boring French movies and couldn’t take it anymore.  It doesn’t matter.  There is cement in the vagina.  If asphalt helps you with the imagery, use that. Once cement solidifies, there is nothing going in, nothing going out. 

  So you have a Cemented Vagina.  It’s solid!  Tough with density of a brick wall, it’d break your hands if you hit hard enough.  Point being: your penis is never, ever, ever, going inside it. 

 So here are a series of questions for you to answer:

  • Would you continue talking to her? 
  • Would you continue texting her?
  • Would you wonder why she hasn’t returned your most recent texts? 
  • She promised to meet you on Wednesday night but flaked, do you care? 

Now, that you know it to be a physical impossibility for your penis to enter her vagina, do you care anymore?

 Take a moment and run this exercise on all the girls you currently know!  Yes, all the ones on your networks, all the girls on your cell phone, and this also includes all of the ones in your precious facebook account.  Do so and you shall be amazed.  Or maybe you’d cry!  You’ll realize that all of the stuff you’ve put up with was for chance to line up a landing formation for your penis into the tunnel of love. 

 I’d speculate that 8 out of 10 girls you associate with would immediately fall off your radar if you applied the cemented vagina imagery exercise.  2 out of 10 may fall into the category of, “Yes, I’d still talk to her!  She is a cool person.”

 Look, there are going to be girls/women that you like, and women whose company you enjoy.  Ones you engage with in interested discussions, ones who share common interests, and hold similar values, the ones you laugh with, and you two share a ton of inside jokes that only make sense to the two of you.  Romantic relationship or not, you like them as individual people.  You actually like them as human beings. 

 The real question is, how many?  Perhaps what percent fall into that category? 

 Now, look at your phone and look at the unreturned text you were thinking about emailing someone like me about.  Apply the Cemented-Vagina exercise.  You couldn’t have sex her with a rod made out of solid steel, let alone your penis.  Ahhh, you feel silly, don’t ya.  It happens to all of us.    All of that effort was to make a precision strike on what my friend Steve P. calls “A small piece of real estate.”

 You probably have met your fair share of douchebags, idiots, and the like in the male population.  You probably didn’t dwell on why they didn’t return your texts or phone call.  Sure, maybe it was annoying at first, because you were trying to arrange a meeting or had something to talk about…..  Nevertheless, shortly after, you forgot about it and moved on quickly.   Why?  Well, no piece of real estate between their legs that you were interested in.  Let’s be honest here.  We are not talk about friends or people whom you had an emotional investment in.  For the most part they were acquaintances.  “Stranger” is a better adjective for it.  The “Strangers” who didn’t have the desrired piece of Real Estate, you estranged rather quickly….

 So where does that leave the average guy?  Am I advocating that from now on, you should only associate with women you like beyond sexual attractions?  That would be nice, but I am not going to take that much of leap into an idealistic scenario.  Plus it’d be hypocritical of me.  I don’t even do that myself!!!  I’d like to tell you that I approach every girl with the noble intention of pursuing a relationship, but it’s not the case.  While I am open to the possibility, I quickly discover after 90 seconds of conversation that she is not ever going to be someone I am interested in dating long term.  Yet, I continue to converse with her.

  I flirt with lots of girls where my only intent is sexual and nothing else.   When Mr. Testosterone takes over, there is little rhyme, little reason, no room for logic, and your mind is subject to treason. 

 So what’s the take away lesson thus far?  It’s that we should NOT take this stuff too seriously.  Sure, part of our ego, and self-pride gets involved and there is the element of validation that comes from that ?ber hot professional model liking us.  At the same time, apply the cemented vagina test to the hot model and again, you’re sort of left pontificating your actions, and time spent.

 Hey, if you did that, you sort of would be behaving like an attractive high status girl.  How is that?  In my experience and observation, women are more choosy in selecting sexual partners than men are.  We pretend to be selective, but let’s be honest, when there is vagina thrown at us and we’re single, we take it.  (And sometimes even when married, but that’s a different story.)

 If I told you, I’ve known female friends who during a private conversation complained they had not been laid in months, you [the male reader] would immediately reply, “Why, they must be ugly dogs!  Surely a half-way decent woman could get laid extremely easily.”   And I’d tell you that they are physically very attractive, and no, they’re not fat either!  (I Know that’s your next thought.)  We’re talking very flat stomachs.    If you’re female and reading this, you probably understand it.

  Women are just as sexual as men, but for some reason, they seem to exercise better self-control when it comes to engaging in sexual activity.  Part of it is that they have offers of sex thrown at them all the time.  Now, you can get to all the evolutionary psychology and sit here to mentally masturbate about how men are genetically geared to spread their seeds while women must be careful because they can only bear one child every 9 months, and yada, yada, yada…  It is what it is.  The point is if you were to engage in that similar of behavior, you’d be in essence emulating the behavioral pattern of the proverbial “Hot chick” with high self-esteem. 

 Actually, doing so, is a lot more difficult.  Why would even want to try pal?  After all, you’re not a hot chick and you’re looking to clean up any vagina thrown at you.  Well, it’s that if you could successfully accomplish this exercise, even for a short period, you’d notice a huge difference in your interactions. 

 Essentially, if you could even for just 1 week, put away any expectations of sex on the interactions, it would effectively eradicate any neediness.  In layman’s terms: When you don’t expect pussy, you can’t possibly be needy.  Unless you’re one of those annoying multi-level marketing people who wants to sell your dumb schemes, you’d have no need to keep a conversation going, no need to get a phone number, no need to have her return your last SMS text, no need to push for a date, no need to impress your male friends with a girl you just laid.  The cemented vagina has halted of that.

  That’s part of the point of this post.  

   What if you’re in college right now and confused?  You’re the university student who is trying to figure out how to infiltrate that particular sorority that houses the really attractive and really snobby girls.  Maybe you know one or two of them from one of your classes.  Apply the Cemented-Vagina test.  Suddenly that entire sorority has come down with the cemented-vagina epidemic.  You can’t have sex with that girl or any of her sorority sisters, ever!  No one can!  It’s physically impossible. The laws of physics prevent it.  How much value do you put on trying to socialize with the girls of that sorority now?

 It’s Damn Frightening, isn’t it?? 

  What’s the greater point of all of this?  What if you could zoom out and see the bigger picture?  If you could step back, or rather step up a couple of hundred miles into outer space, right about the orbit of satellite and look down from the satellite-view perspective?

 Again,  don’t take this stuff so seriously.  You approach girls and date various ones.  You have sex with some, and others won’t be interested.  But if you’re approaching them just to have sex, then it isn’t that big of a deal if they’re not interested.  And if you’re looking for a girlfriend or relationship, you interact with enough girls until you find the ones that DO PASS The test of the cemented vagina.  If you still enjoy her as a person even without the sex, then you have something.  Then the sex is the proverbial icing on the cake as the American cliché goes.  It creates the complete package. 

 I’ll share my experience.  You may have sex with a lot of girls/women in your lifetime but the truth is you’re only going to remember a small percentage of those women….   And the ones that you do remember, well, it will NOT be because of the sex.  It’ll be of the times spent together, the silly stuff you did, goofy moments you shared together, fun activity you engaged in or moments that moved you emotionally.

  So my friends, if you’re confused and feeling dejected, if you’re knee deep in game-theory, and caught in a whirlwind of tactics of how to reply to that last text or say on that next phone call, Pause, take a moment, take a deep breath and apply the cemented vagina test.   It may alleviate all that self-imposed pressure you’ve put on yourself and it may just give you a new perspective.   It just may change your life for the better.

Cameron

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