Dating & Attraction Tips for the Socially Fit Man

I was talking to a  female pal the other day, and we started to talk about her dating life, the guys she meets, & the dates she occasionally goes on.  She tells me about her dating experiences from time to time, and I always find it interesting.   It gives me a unique perspective to be able to see things from both sides. 

 So a little about my female acquaintance:   She is an attractive blond with a great career who by all accounts is a successful person.  Historically, she’s been involved in various long term relationships.  Currently seeking a guy to date that would lead to something more serious.

 Shoud be easy enough, right?  So what’s the problem?   She meets two types of men primarily. 

  • The Players.

These are the guys looking for hookups, getting laid, partying, one night stands, getting drunk often, and etc…  Pretty self explanatory.  They’re fun to spend time with, they’re interesting and demonstrate some personality but lack substance.

  •    The well put-together men.  Guys who have their shit together, lack any sort of edge. 

 

For lack of a better term, we could call them “Squares.” They lack sexual appeal on some level, but they have everything else going for them.  They’d be great for a long term relationship IF they could just fix a few minor points. 

 This Blog Entry is for the latter group of guys.  If you have your stuff together, and think you need a bit of help in attracting more women, this post is for you.  You’ve stumbled upon the right blog.  There is a “Seduction Community” out there and its advice has general good points, but it will also be more harmful in the long run. 

If you’re aware of that community, then chances are you’ve had your fair share of mishaps along the way.  You could try going the cocky/funny route, come off as a condescending douchebag, or you could try going the neg/peacock route and make yourself come across as an idiot., but really, you’re better than that. 

 Most Dating-Advice in that realm is written to the tune of “How to Get Laid, How to pick up chicks, how to bang strippers, how to attract night club girls,” and so forth.  It’s essentially written as a blueprint for lo self-esteem guys on how to attract low self-esteem women.  That’s fine and dandy, but then, where is the advice for a guy who actually has a cool group of friends, has a life, and just wants advice on the finer points?

 This post is for the guy who has life together.  He has a career, social circle of friends who are also successful, and is a viable member of society.  He just needs a few minor adjustments to help his “Game” so to speak.  What he does not need is “Routine Stacks” to approach club skanks, or dressing like a circus reject.  He wants to be able to date women of his choice.   I happen to know a few such guys, and let’s be honest here: It sucks to see them struggle because they’re the ones who need the least amount of work to be successful.  They have everything else going for them already.  They’re the ones who deserve the higher quality women. 

Disclaimer:  If you have aspiration of being a PUA [Pick Up Artist,] enjoy discussing “Game-Strategy” to no end, like to idolize dating gurus, and throw out three letter acronyms like they were good luck charms, this post isn’t for you.  Come back and read other posts that are more relevant to you.

Back to our socially well-adjusted guys.  Where are you going wrong in your dating?

You meet a girl you like.  You have things in common, and for intensive purposes should have a good match, but there is no spark and your interactions seem to dwindle after a while.  Part of this is due to the fact that you haven’t created an attractive vibe that’ll complete the puzzle.  You need to add a bit of sexual tension and a bit of excitement to your interactions. 

So let’s talk about how you’re going to do that.  This is part 1 of this series: 

 You ought to start by applying simple concepts into your everyday behavior.  Implementing a few changes will make a drastic difference in your interactions. 

  •   More Emotionally Charged Conversation.

This simply implies that you probably have too much of a “Matter of Fact” attitude and you engage in too much logical conversation.  Your way of talking about the weather, the office, or even your last weekend getaway is too fact oriented.  Your conversations do not induce any emotional reaction. They simply do not trigger an emotional response.  Now, not every conversation has to be some super dramatic event, and nor do you have the bitch-slap someone across the face to get a reaction.   It’s not only a matter of what topics you choose but it’s also presentation.  HOW you deliver and present your conversational topics & stories makes a gigantic difference in their effectiveness.

 You could take very simple topics, such as being forced to work more hours at the office, or your landlord is increasing your rent.  You could present those topics in a very logical manner or you could present them wrapped in a story that induces some sort of emotion and enable the audience (or your date) to be able to relate to your emotions on some level.   How to do that would take too long to describe, (and hence why I have an entire 55-minute CD devoted to just how to this in my Audio Course) but you you have to start working towards supercharging your conversations more.

 After dissecting it down to its most basic element, you’ll find simple emotions will serve as a good guide.  Here is one for example: Laughter.  If a little anecdote you just shared gets someone to laugh out loud with you, you’ve just induced an emotional response.  So in reality, it’s rather simple.  If your conversation is making her laugh, or it’s arising curiosity, or creating some sort of intrigue or inquisitiveness, then you’ve move past simple boring conversation.

  •   A bit of Sponteneity

 It’s not necessary to show up unannounced with two tickets to Fiji for a girl you just met 3 weeks ago.  In fact, that’d probably creep her out, and we’ll get to that in a bit as well.  However, incorporating a bit of spontaneity will create fun and a sense of adventure.  Most people live boring mundane lives and that could very well be despite making a hefty salary and driving an expensive automobile. Introducing spontaneous acts introduces a sense of adventure and it allows for fun.  The level of spontaneity will depend on the level of rapport between you two and the amount of time you’ve known her.  It could be something as simple as calling her up and going out for a slice of pie (or whatever).  It  makes things fun, and it’s a bit unpredictable too.  Speaking of fun, it brings me to my next topic which is:

  •  FUN

  There is not much substitute for being able to have FUN with someone.  If you look at your good friends throughout school, university, or now, you’d find that one common element was that you were able to have fun!  I don’t care if you played sports together, or slept outside on the concrete sidewalk to be first in line for tickets to a concert. Or if you just liked to engage in silly debates about superheroes in comic books.  You had Fun!   That element of FUN is so often forgotten.  If you look back at your poor interactions, you’ll find that this is probably what happened:  You went out to dinner, had conversation, it was pleasant, it was nice, there were no hostilities, but it had the feel of a job interview.  And unless you happen to be testing fluffers for an upcoming x-rated flick, Job interviews are not typically fun. 

 Fun is a good barometer for relationship compatibility.  For instance, I know that if I can have fun with a girl, I can continue seeing her in some capacity.  On the other hand, if she doesn’t share my sense of humor, doesn’t get my jokes, or doesn’t like to laugh in general, it’s all shot.  There isn’t going to be compatibility in there.   Based on your personality, you have to decide HOW you’re going to create a fun atmosphere.  Do keep in mind that some people are fun-challenged.  They don’t know how to have a good time, or they take themselves too seriously.  As mentioned, that serves as a good yardstick as to how compatible you’re going to be.

 A quick recap thus far:

We covered,

  • Emotionally Charged Conversations
  • Sponteneity,
  • Fun,

 The 3 mentioned points above seem so simple, and in essence, they are.  However, if you look back at your interactions, you’ll find the mentioned elements sorely lacking.  Implementing and incorporating might take a bit of time but it’s doable and it doesn’t have to be complicated.

 This concludes part 1 of this series.  Tune in for the part 2 where I’ll get more in depth about the issues that are holding you back. 

Stay tuned for Part 2………  (Dating Tips. Do Nice Guys Finish Last?)