Why Do Some Nice Guys Finish Last in Dating?

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There is an old saying in the English language, “Nice guys finish last.”
Is it true?  Well, sometimes…
Does it have to be that way?  Not at all.

You want answers? I got them for ya!

If you’re a man who is socially fit who is the proverbial “Nice Guy” then this is one of the most important articles you may ever read.  I am going to divulge what steps you need to take to overcome your hindrances without complicated routines, dressing like a freak, or complex algorithms.   If we strip away the complexities, what we are left with is basic & simple elements that we can apply successfully.

In Part 1 of this series, Dating Tips for Socially Fit Men, I discussed the three important elements of Emotionally Charging your Conversations, Being Spontaneous, and Having more Fun!  These are traits that’ll enable you to emotionally attract women more to you.

Let’s continue with part 2 now:

Ever heard the expression, “Nice Guys Finish Last?”   If you’re reading this article and you fit the demographic of Nice Successful guys, I KNOW beyond any doubt that you identify with that expression.  In fact, it made you cringe just as you read it a mere 10 seconds ago.

I am going to help you overcome that seemingly weird conundrum and you don’t have to become a jackass or a total prick either.  You don’t have to read countless books on evolutionary psychology and engage in mental masturbation.  Simplicity and application are key here.  There are certain repeated mistakes “Nice Guys” make that force women to lose attraction for them.  In part 1, I discussed three elements and in part two, I am going to continue building on that.

Let’s continue with more elements that can benefit you in creating a permanent change in your ability to attract women.  Keep in mind that you don’t have to go all out on ALL of these elements being discussed.  Spontaneity is great but if you just can’t muster too much of it, you can get by without it.  However, there are some “Attributes” that you cannot do without.  The next one I am about to share is one of these.  Sorry fellas, but you don’t get a pass on this one.

The following is a “Must-Have” attribute and it is:

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  • LEADING

When it comes to your interactions, you do not lead.  It’s not that being nice is a detriment.  It’s that lack of leadership is an emasculating quality.  You don’t have to transform yourself to a John F. Kennedy or a George Washington, but you do have to lead more.

There are three types of leading:

  1. Physical/decision making
  2. Emotional
  3. Conversational

If you have my Audio-course or Ebook, Building Attraction, you’re probably already familiar with all of these as I go into detail for each one, and how each one works.

For the time being, you have to stop being wishy-washy. It’s one of the most unattractive qualities a man can possess. It doesn’t mean you have to be overbearing or domineering.  It just means you have to be able to make up your mind or make a decision.  I normally give my restaurant example.  If you asked her, “Where would you like to eat?” and she can’t think of anything, it’s up to you to pick one and follow through.

Going back and forth because you’re both indecisive is only going to make her lose respect for you subconsciously.  It doesn’t work both ways.  A woman is allowed to be wishy-washy, and a man is not going to lose attraction towards her.  The reverse of that, as you’ve just learned, has dire consequences.

Obviously, the best way to do this is to take charge: “Hey, I know a great Sushi place!  You’ll love it!“  Yes, it’s really that simple.  “You’re allergic to fish?  OK, I know a really cool quaint Mediterranean restaurant that’s a lot of fun.” Or “What? You’re vegan!  Go date somebody else.”

So why do some guys finish last?  It’s because they can’t make decisions, at least around women.  You may be one such guy. If you can’t decide where you want to go, what you want to do, what you enjoy, or where you stand on certain issues, you’re going to lose appeal in her eyes quickly.  Read the paragraph above again!  I’m willing to bet you’re often wishy-washy.

“But I enjoy being a nice guy,” you may say to me.

Fine.  Somewhere you got the idea in your head that deferring decision making to your date is what a nice guy is being about.  Want to be a gentleman? Good.  Engage in Chivalry and be courteous.  Open doors and pull out a chair for a lady, and if she is cold, offer her your jacket.  Take care of your woman, but don’t sit there not knowing what the fuck to do.  Don’t stand around not knowing what you like and where you want to go.

That’s the difference between winning and losing.

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Next Trait:

  • Looking at Women as Sexual Beings,
  • Creating a Sexual Vibe

This is something that plagues “Nice Guys” sometimes.  It may or may not apply to you, but I’ve seen it affect too many guys.  This is a key ingredient that your mainstream articles in Maxim magazine and Dear-Abbey advice fail to tell you.

Many “Nice Guys” have problems associating sexuality with girls they like.  As if it somehow taints those women.  This is especially applicable to guys who grew up in super religious environments where the clutches of organized religion was forced on them at a young age.

Hence, it’s become difficult to look at women you like and respect in a sexual way.  All women have a sexual side to them.  It does not mean they sleep around or jump in bed with every idiot that comes along.  It just means that when you’re dating them, you have to be able to appreciate that.

This one is an internal shift meaning that “Dating Tactics” and “Pick Up Techniques” do will not help you.  You have to create a change in your beliefs…. Beliefs about women, beliefs about sexuality and beliefs about yourself.

This is where the typical dating coach cannot help you all that much.  You have to dig deep and discover the cause of the genesis of your beliefs and how you’re going to create new ones.   While all of that can’t take place from a blog post, what I can do is start a chain sequence of events that’ll jump star the process of enabling you to manifest that change in your beliefs and ideas.

I’ll share this story:   I remember coaching a guy during a workshop who had this very issue that I’ve discussing.  A hesitant trigger finger, is what I’d call it.  He’d date a girl for a while, and wouldn’t take things to a sexual direction.  He’d think to himself, “This is a nice girl.  I could see myself being with her long term.  She’d be a great girlfriend.”

All accurate statements.

Nice girl, girlfriend potential, and a nice person to have in your life over all.  That still doesn’t change that she is a human being and has a sexual side.  Unless your entire agenda is to invest time and effort to sleep with her one time and then never see her again, then you need to forget the thoughts of “Taking Advantage of her.”  It can’t be taking advantage when two people have mutual respect and attraction for each other.

Somewhere along the line, you developed a negative belief towards women being sexual.  Guess what pal?  That nice girl you want as a girlfriend or a wife also has breasts, legs, butt that she wants you to appreciate.  Furthermore, she also enjoys a mind-numbing toe-curling screaming orgasm just as much any woman on the planet.  She is a sexual being as well.  Appreciate her feminine sexuality.

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And remember the most valuable lesson to take away from this particular point:

  • Creating a sexual vibe which then creates sexual tension.

Don’t misconstrue this as having to quickly have sex with her. This is not about sexual intercourse.   Again: Sexual vibe & Sexual tension.   Also, it portrays you as a sexual being and it induces sexual confidence within her.    You may sleep with her within a week of knowing her or 10 weeks  (Depending on your environment & culture and surroundings.)    Sleeping with her is not the point.  Creating that sexual atmosphere is what we’re looking for.

“Nice girls aren’t sexual” is a big misnomer.  It’s a misconception that you must get out of your head.  The reverse of holds true as well.  Sexual appeal goes both way.

Ever see the “Sponge Worthy” episode on Seinfeld  (the TV show)?  If you haven’t, you should take a look at that classic episode.  Here is what happens in a nutshell:  Jerry is has started dating an attractive blonde whom he deems as just “Too Nice.”  He can’t see her in a sexual light and can’t feel that magnetic spark.  He decided to break up with her, prepared a break-up speech and is about to do so until…………  He opens her closet door and sees the entire closet filled with birth-control sponges.   (Reason being that sponges have gone off the market and she has stocked herself for decades to come.)

Jerry quickly changes his mind on the break-up. Why?  Because he now sees her as a sexual beast.  A sexual dynamo that will proverbially shake him all night long.  It’s a great episode.  Watch it.

The point however being:  Even an attractive woman could make herself unattractive by not coming across as sexual.  And if an attractive blonde woman could do that, imagine how much worse it is for a man.

So here is the sequence of the destructive pattern “Nice Guys” fall into:  When you don’t see a woman as a sexual being, then you treat her as though she was a male buddy more than anything else.  This lack of sexual chemistry is unattractive and your date much like Jerry Seinfeld in that episode has trouble SEEING YOU IN A SEXUAL LIGHT.  Does this make sense?  A woman has to subconsciously know that you can carry that aura of masculinity into the intimate moments and (life in general) as well.

For those of you who are analytical, it’s a very simple linear process.

  1. You don’t see or imagine her in a sexual light.
  2. Thus, you don’t act sexual around her and neither create sexual chemistry/vibe.
  3. Therefore, she also does not see you in a sexual light.
  4. No sexual chemistry/tension =  Nice guy who is a friend, even if she started out liking you romantically.

So it’s rudimentary really.  Broken down to its most basic component, the dynamic now can be viewed with far more clarity.  (And you don’t need to waste your time reading 25 books on evolutionary psychology.)

(Disclaimers that I feel are important:  I am not advocating that you inappropriately grope women, molest them, or make rude remarks.  I am not saying treat your date as though she was trash.  I am also not advocating making crass sexual jokes you’d make with your male buddies.)    I wish I didn’t have to mention these but I they absolutely necessary for some guys.

It’s that you ought to create some sexual tension and express a bit of your sexuality. The more rapport you have with a woman, the more you can do this.

I’ll provide an example from personal experience and perhaps that will with crystallization of this idea concept. :

Let’s say I am on 2nd date with a girl, and the two of us are getting along pretty well.  We are having fun hanging out, chatting, flirting and so forth.  We are walking around as we approach an escalator.  Upon walking to the edge of the escalator, I pause and motion for her to go first.

-Me: You first, madam.
-She: Wow, you’re such a gentleman.
-Me: Of course, but what you don’t realize is my ulterior motive,
to be behind you so I could glance at your cute
round butt in those jeans….
-She: Hey, I had to work hard to get that butt!  It wasn’t easy.
-Me: I know…And that’s why I am being a gentleman …

So, there is an example of showing a glimpse of sexuality and then moving on.  That’s a real life example by the way.

So we had some innocent fun flirting.  It helps build sexual tension and creates a sexual vibe.  On that note, I should mention that I am very hesitant to mention such examples because I know a lot of guys will use it without tact.  However, when used properly, it creates a sexual vibe between you, and as mentioned earlier, it’s natural.  You’re a man, she is a woman!  You appreciate her feminine sexuality, and she appreciates a man who knows what he likes.

(Such comments are not to be made with women you barely know.  They’re not meant to be used with co-workers, (In the U.S, that’ll get you fired from a corporate job) and they’re definitely not to be used with your friend’s girlfriend or date.  Your reaction of “Well, Duh” would be well justified until you meet some of the people within the Seduction Community.)

So creating a sexual vibe could be accomplished with simple acts such as the aforementioned escalator incident . Depending on the level of rapport between you two, you can up the ante a bit, or pull back.  An often mistake some men make is that they think blatant macho remarks about sex create that tension.  Cliché’ construction-worker remarks and observations,  “Whoa, Louie,  look at the giant tits on that chick over there” are not going to create a sexual vibe.  It may make you feel cool around your pals but it’s not going to get the job done.

I only covered two points today, but they’re perhaps the two most important culprits contributing to the failure of “Nice Guys” attracting women successfully.  There is a lot of information, and you may want to review it a couple of time.  Look at situations in years past with women you were dating where you failed to make decisions, suffered from being wishy-washy, and were afraid to become more sexual.  Examine and learn from them.  Don’t beat yourself up over it.

Just learn and move forward from here.

Two attributes I covered today:

  • Leading (in all 3 variations)
  • Seeing women sexually & Creating a Sexual vibe.

OK, Part 3 is yet to come where I’ll discuss more elements and do a recap of all of these elements.

Cameron

PS. The very article you’ve just read will significantly impact your dating life (and probably save you 1000s of Dollars) .  Please realize that it is supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here:  Building Attraction Ebook