Mainstream Dating Advice – Yahoo Dating

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People find seek Dating-Advice from unorthodox sources when the conventional route has completely failed them.

 Have you ever made mainstream advice that left you somewhat disenchanted?  Maybe even a bit disgusted!  It’s usually advice that seems to make sense on paper but does not translate to your experience in the REAL World. 

 A while back, I logged on to Yahoo and saw a dating-advice column regarding attraction from one of their writers.  It was an article by a dude called “Rich” who was trying to share his pearls of wisdom.  Now, we don’t even know if he is the real author.  They may be just putting up his face as the poster boy for an article someone wrote.

 Nevertheless, they’re pushing it on their readership and since “Yahoo.com” does have a pretty large audience, you can bet a lot of people read this dude’s pontifications.  On one hand, he claim to be clueless, and on the other, he is giving advice to both men & women.  That’s the funniest part about the guy. He is like, “Hey, I’m clueless but lemme break it down for you anyway.”

 Apparently, this guy has his own dating-blog on a major magazine online, which makes his comments below ever more fascinating.

So let me print the actual excerpts from that article and I’ll provide my commentary below. Excerpts are in Brown Color.  My reply is in blue. 

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My friends and I have spent many a long night brainstorming that magic formula of characteristics that drives the ladies wild. It is impossible to know just what the mixture is supposed to be, but is there one characteristic that can work alone to make a guy really attractive?

Here are the nine characteristics we’ve come up with:

  • Sense of Humor

Everyone says how important sense of humor is and I’ve learned to look for it in women  I am lucky enough to be able to make women laugh, but I’m still super single.

–Super single? As opposed to just single?  Translation: I can’t get dates, nor can I maintain a meaningful interaction, but I write articles on the topic anyway because I enjoy giving advice on this matter. Yes, sense of humor is attractive, but this guy had to hold many nights of brain-storming sessions to discover this?  Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall during these brain-storming sessions where they also recently discovered about gravity, that the earth is round and that humans need to breath air to survive!

Nevertheless, sense of humor is a good attribute to possess.  It’s obvious but hey, the guy is trying.

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  • TrustworthyTrust is the holy grail of a relationship. It takes years to build it, and it is so delicate. There are few things that take so long to attain that can be destroyed so quickly. So a lot of us may finally settle on a very trustworthy person when we finally find that.

–Trustworthy is great for relationships but it does not turn on that animal magnetism that draws people.  No one looks at someone across the room and thinks, “Wow, I want that guy!  He just looks sooooooooo……….umm…. trustworthy!”

 Trustworthiness has nothing to do with attraction.  She only has to trust you enough to know that you’re not the midnight slasher. 

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  • KindnessThis seems like a no-brainer, but I’ve seen plenty of girls stay with guys who don’t treat them well.  So, I’m thinking that most women look for a nice guy, but the fact of the matter is that mean guys seem to get girlfriends too-and at a better rate than nice guys.    

—No, “Sense of Humor” was a no-brainer. Kindness is only relevant if you’re someone who is perceived to be of high social value.  Otherwise, it’s totally worthless, unless she is looking for a dog-sitter.  This is not to say that one should be a prick either.  Kindness is a good quality but learning to attract properly takes precedence.

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  • Money I admit it: I sometimes envision myself marrying rich and sitting there doing nothing.  I could lie out on my wife’s yacht and host lavish parties and hear about how crazy the Roaring 20′s were, when my wife’s friends were my age. Money is definitely high on a lot of people’s list: remember when Anna Nicole Smith married that really old rich guy? I doubt it was because she thought he was hot, funny, or great in the sack.
          
       

–Sometimes I envision reading an article where the author has a brain…. 

-Seriously?  Anna Nicole Smith?  Truth be told, I can’t tell this guy is that retarded or if he is playing a joke on the readers.  Sad thing is that I think he is serious.  Money does impress people, of course,  but by itself is really useful for attracting gold diggers. So if you want to attract strippers or the Anna Nicole Smiths of the world, sure, wear your wallet on your sleeve.   

-As for marrying a rich woman?  You’ll have to trade in your self-respect as a man.  Sort of reminds of the Bartender who was Tom Cruise’s Mentor in the movie “Cocktail!”  (Really Good movie if you’re interested in dating-advice, btw.)

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  • Super HotAs much as we hate to admit it, the first thing we notice about someone is how good or bad they look. But one of the first lessons we learn in the dating world is as beautiful as someone is on the outside, they could be ugly on the inside.    

–  Surely, he is fucking with us?  Being super hot helps??   Wow, was this another product of those hard working brain-storming sessions of the think-tank?   So if you look like a male Model, you’re going to have women who are physically attracted to you quite often.  That’s great Sherlock.  How about the guys out there who are average looking guys?  I guess they might as well go and jump off a cliff now…..

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  • Confident

Confidence is based on a lot of these characteristics. You are confident if you are talented, super hot, intelligent, or wealthy most likely. But confidence also enables you to treat people better, so you are kind and trustworthy as well. Because confidence includes so many of these other characteristic, it may just be the one major thing women look for in a man.

–Confidence is one of the most important ingredients.  BUT HOW Do you get it?  I’ve had workshop clients who were doctors, business men and lawyers, all successful in their careers who lacked confidence.  There are building blocks on developing confidence and it does not require being “Super Hot” or wealthy.

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  • Talented & PassionateWhen someone possesses a special skill, such as visual art or guitar virtuosity, they get tons of girls. People like Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, and Tom Brady can go out with anyone they want because they are skilled. Heck, I’d go out with them. Usually skill occurs in tandem with passion, another attractive quality. When someone is really good at something, but not “hot,” it makes sense that they can still attract a lot of women. It’s less annoying to see someone like this in a relationship than it is to see a rich mean guy in a relationship.

-However, none of it is even remotely as annoying as reading this guy’s article.  Let’s give he and his pals credit: They got one right.  Talented and Passionate is an important ingredient.  We can delve deeper into that by realizing why that is, but you could read about that in my other articles.

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  • IntelligentI am intimidated by women who are more intelligent than I am (which explains why I’m intimidated by about 97% of the female population). For a lot of people, intelligence is sexy. When someone is stupid, it’s frustrating and boring, which is enough to drive someone away.    

–Intelligence is attractive to other intelligent people.  In and of by itself, however, it only stimulates the logical mind, not the emotional mind.  Attraction is built through emotions not logic.  Hence, a moron with confidence could be a player while a noble prize winning Astro-physicist gets to watch from the sidelines. 

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  • ConvenientOne can argue that convenience is a huge driver for a relationship. Does he live near you, is he “ready” to be in a relationship, does he want to have kids or not? Everything matches up correctly. Sure, he may not be the best-looking guy or have a lot of money, but it’s just what you need and it’s been a long, difficult search.    

–Convenience can play a factor in relationships but unless you’re living in a cabin in the woods like the Unabomber, you’re going to have a lot of people around you in a normal city.  The convenience this guy is talking about is “Settling.”    Hey look, we’ve all probably been guilty of taking the easy route at some point.  That doesn’t mean you ought to settle however.

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If we put these characteristics on a pie chart, what would get the biggest piece of the pie with you? Again, some of these characteristics occur together: intelligence and wealth, talent and passion, kindness and generosity, convenience and wealth.

–I don’t know.  IF the character the Punisher was real and came to your brain storming session and shot down you and your friends, would anyone notice?  We could all speculate.

How often do women care about superficial things like money? It’s scary, but sometimes I fear that no matter how funny I am, if I had lots of money I could date any cute girl I wanted.

How do all of these characteristics shake out for you when choosing a boyfriend, and are there any you’d add to the list? Does confidence just take all of these characteristics into consideration?

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–This poor guy sounds more confused than some of the guys I run into at seminars and conferences.  The real question is how did he get a gig writing for Yahoo?  The point of this is not to single this dude out.  His writing are representative of what a lot of dudes feel when it comes to dating.

  To some people, the guy’s article will seem like common sense, and to others, it’ll be utterly ridiculous. The Internet as well as mainstream magazines are full of such advice.  This is why the seduction community was created in the first place.  Guys who were fed up with arm-chair theory, wanted something that worked.

  Granted, I’m having some fun picking on this guy for the ridiculous article he has put forth, but it’s important to note that his article is s a microcosm of what exists out there.  There are men who are resentful or disenchanted because they reflect the following feeling:

Hey, I am nice, caring, interesting, kind, and have a decent career.  Can’t attract too many women, (or too lengthy a dry-periods in between dates.).  Why is that?

 

 Hence, there are a lot of guys who seek advice in the alternative route.  However, only 10-20% find for success for reasons I mentioned long ago.   (Flunking in Community)

 As for the other 80%, many give up and go away.  Some insist on guru worship, (yes, the guy going to his 10th DeAngelo Seminar) and doing the same things over though he is not getting results.  And then,  a small percentage become angry for not having success in dating and turn their anger towards whomever they can fid in the dating-advice realm.

Truth of the matter is anyone can become improve in attracting women, just like anyone can improve their physique following the proper physical training and nutritional plan.  Most people will not put the effort in.  If you do you can LEARN solid skills that will help you, such as :

  •  Learn to Flirt more effictively
  •  Increase social intelligence (know what to say, and WHEN)
  •  become more interesting (Conversational skills)
  •  Learn to be convey sexuality,
  •  Learn to Lead (in all 3 ways.)
  •  Take steps to gain confidence
  •  Deal with anxiety, low self-image issues,
  •  Work on body language, demeanor.
  •   And more….

          

   If you’re not willing to work on key points, then you have no one to blame but yourself.  If you do work on them, you’ll attract more women and will never have to resort to reading mind-fucking articles such as the one written by “Rich” for Marie Claire magazine…. 

Cameron

Building Attraction Ebook