Why 90% of Men Fail in the Seduction Community


90% of men who seek dating advice do not improve much in this area!

Sad, isn’t it? That means that potentially 9 out of 10 guys reading this blog right now are frustrated and upset about the fact that they don’t meet and attract girls on a consistent basis. They’re not even looking to be players, but on the same token, they don’t much enjoy their forced celibacy either.

I seem to get more than my fair share of emails from guys who are upset about studying someone’s method or attending some workshop which didn’t really help them at all. Why guys think I am some sort of community-police, I have no idea. Perhaps it’s from reading my blog or hearing me on the Barry Kirkey Radio Show. I don’t mind the emails. Man, I can feel their frustration through the emails. It sucks.

It shouldn’t be that that way, but it is. I am going to blow the lid off why this is happening and why:

So let’s start with the success rate. 20% of guys reach some level of success and 80% remain frustrated. In this process, a strange phenomenon occurs. The former leave and the latter guys stick around.

We probably ought to define “Improvement.”? It’s normalcy in socialization, going out, meeting a few girls here and there, FLIRTING with them, date a few girls, get a girlfriend perhaps. We are not talking aspiration of becoming some silly acronym. (mpua, master-pick up artist) and so forth. Some say my 20% estimate is generous but I am sticking to it. So let’s pick out some hypothetical numbers and apply the stats:

Random Year: 10,000 guys find the seduction community of whom 2000 found success. 8000 didn’t really improve substantially. This happens on a yearly basis. In 10 Years, time, you have 80,000 guys who haven’t improved, and are still lingering around. This number keeps compounding.

Those who graduate move on with their lives. They reacclimate themselves into normal society and normal flow of things. (Why normal? Because talking about pickup incessantly and giving field reports to your buddies on a daily basis and talking new DHVs is NOT normal, especially when a guy is nearly 30 years old.)

Of the guys who do graduate, some stick around and become teachers who really know their craft. They understand the process and are able to explain it to others. It’s sort of like the Top Gun academy where if you graduated with honors, you were given the opportunity to come back and be a flight instructor. Some of those guys would include , Sinn, Stephen Nash, Swinggcat, and Barry Kirkey who does a radio show on the community now. I’d throw myself in that category. It’s important to note that none of these guys, including me, came in with commercial aspirations. We came to the community for our own self-improvement. We planned on leaving it and somehow it turned to a job. Be that as it may, a few of us are still planning to leave it in a few years.

If you’re reading this, there is a good chance you may be in the struggling part.


In order to IMPROVE IN THIS AREA OF LIFE, you have to address 2 distinct major areas.

  • Social Skills,
  • Social anxiety,

  • Addressing Social skills:

Conversational skills, ways to flirt, subcommunication, ability to socially vibe, sense of humor, story telling, social intelligence (formally referred to as calibration.,) and even Tonality and Body Language. These are the things a dating coach could help you with.

  • Addressing Social Anxiety:

Most guys experiences some forms of social anxiety, whether it’s walking around talking to people in a bar, or interacting with people at a house party full of strangers. Sometimes it comes down to a question of self-worth; a question of who you are. A guy may feel that women don’t like him, but it’s really because of his poor childhood experience with his parents. . Maybe he feels that his father or mother didn’t like him.

A dating coaching cannot help much with such issues. A woman can’t fix them either. That problem will be taken care of when he lets go. This is where the therapy comes in. Ever been to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting? I have. I went to one to support a pal. AA people treat alcohol as though it’s some evil entity in a science fiction movie. “Set Phasers to stun! Shoot the bottle of Jack Daniels.”

Alcohol is not the problem. It never has been. It’s just a means for the alcoholic to escape his issues. It’s an escape vehicle. This is what A.A people do not understand, it seems. Similarly, many guys in the community want to use women as the escape vehicle for how they feel about themselves. That’s why it’s important to get yourself fixed in conjunction with learning the social Skills. It’s a two-prong approach.

If you suffer from massive amounts of anxiety or fears, then it might be of benefit to see a therapist. I am not a doctor and I don’t give medical advice. As for forms of therapy, I am a big proponent of Hypnotherapy. I believe it’s the most effective. The problem is it’s difficult to find good hypnotherapists. Very difficult, in fact.

If that’s not your cup of tea, then choose what you think is best for you.

Having these fears, men and women alike, try to satiate that need by trying to get validation from the opposite sex. It’s either that or they take refuge in some “Spiritual” mumbo jumbo designed to provide answers they seek. “Improve your energy field, change the color of your aura from Green to Magenta, Study more Deepak Chopra.” A 100 books by Deepak Chopra and the gang is not going to help anyone develop social skills and it probably won’t help someone get over anxieties and fear based emotions caused by trauma.

This brings us to the field of quick fixes. If you are struggling with women, I can guarantee that you have experienced some, if not ALL of these below. You’ve perhaps attended a workshop or even idolized someone you saw on TV.  Maybe you read Neil Strauss’ ode to illusions of Grandeur called, “The Game.”   Never mind the fabrications in that book.  Let’s get to the heart of the matter:

80-90% of men do not improve because of the following:

  • Quick fixes:
  • Garbage Advice

*America is the land of opportunity for the quick-fix salesman. Part of this falls on the shoulder of the consumer. Many American consumers are not vested in themselves. They won’t want to hear about going to the gym and receiving the proper nutrition. They want the pill that’ll make them lose 20 pounds in month while they eat Cheesecake and pie all day. So let’s address the various categories of terrible advice.

  • The Magic Pill advice:


The same concept mentioned above applies to dating. The snake-oil sales guy steps in to take advantage of people’s thirst for the quick fix. This is the guy who doesn’t really understand the process and cannot really help your dating life, yet seems to release a NEW product every 4 to 6 months. I know quite a few of these guys, and unfortunately, I can’t name any names, but it’s up to you to be judicious. Next time, someone tells you “Do Nothing and lose 30 pounds in 30 days,” understand that he is full of shit. On that note, apply the same principle when someone tells you, “Get ANY GIRL You want in 5 minutes or less.”

Seriously, if you’re not willing to work on yourself, you’re not going to improve your chances of attracting women.  To Attract a Higher Quality Woman, You Must Become a Higher Quality Man. That does not happen over night. However, with a bit of work, you can improve and achieve that.  Questions is, are you dedicated?

Take a look at successful superstar athletes: People like Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant are born with a gift of better genetics for athletic competition. Despite this propensity for athletic prowess, they still WORK HARDER than all of their peers.  If they’re willing to put the work, why shouldn’t you?

  • The Routine Stack teacher  (often seen peacocking.)


This is a memorized script that you spout off to every girl you come across. I am not going to deny that it can be helpful for some beginners as training wheels. However, a “Routine Stack” is not a substitute for a personality. 10 minutes in and the guy is done because when he reverts back to himself, what is he going to be then? It’s not that the routines are evil. They can help. Just remember that they don’t create personality. Bars in big cities are full of guys who are able to talk to a woman for 10 minutes and then they got nothing left.

  • The Cool guy from high school figure:


This is the dating coach who can’t really teach you many social skills. There are one or two good nuggets in his presentation, but fucking hey, I wouldn’t want to pay 5000 dollars for just a couple of small pieces of information. Most of the guys who come to the community are usually the intellectual types who probably were not too popular in high school. (I know I wasn’t.) They weren’t in the “in crowd” or hanging with the jocks and the football team.

Now, for 5000 dollars, they can hang with a older clone of the same cool high school guy who used to ignore them, while he runs his errands, picks up his dry cleaning and goes to the Whole Foods supermarket. It’s the price to pay to feel cool by hanging out with the snobby prick from high school. Of course, he is not going to tell you that. He’ll tell you he is helping you meet women in everyday environments such as the dry cleaners, but in reality, you’re paying for the privilege to hang out with him. 5000 Dollars to hang out and and go buy groceries at Whole Foods Supermarket with Biff Tannen.


  • Mc Spirit, (The McDonalds of Spirituality):



A little spirituality is good to give you peace of mind and some wisdom. However, like we do with everything else in America, we try to cash in at whatever expense. McSpirituality stores pop up everywhere and they all have the answers. At the end of the day, this McDonald movoment of Spirituality sitting on your ass watching the secret and manifesting is not going to improve your conversational skills or improve your ability to flirt with women. It’s not going to make you FUN or interesting.

I’ve come across creepy guys who tells me they watch “The Secret” 5 times a week and work on their energy fields. It’s helpful information to all of us. The guy is still creepy, except now we also know he also has no life or hobbies.

I wish that it could be that easy. I wish you could sit on your ass, watch the secret and manifest a fantastic physique. Actually, now that I think of it I don’t wish that at all. Years back, I went through a crappy period where I gained a lot of weight. I’ll spare the story for some other day, but I eventually lost that fat. How? I ate the right foods, bought the right supplements, and worked my ass off in the gym. I still have a shelf of all the books I purchased on bodybuilding, and various fitness endeavors. I got the correct information and APPLIED the knowledge.

If it were as simple as just sitting and “manifesting,” then everyone would walk around with the body of a Greek God. Let us be glad that it’s not easy.

  • The technology salesman:


Anyone who uses the word “Technology” in his advertising, you can conclude is technologically rimming you in the ass. I’ll share a well hidden secret: People have been f*cking for millennia. They’re going to f*ck for 1000s of years to come. It’s just that our species and (All other species) depend on procreation to continue. The modern day man f*cks as did the Cro Magnon man. Well, OK, we added Astro-Glide, and flavored lube that gets hot when you blow on it. But aside from that, the process is still the same.  F*cking is F*cking.

If you hear someone using the word, “Technology” to help you attract women, run for the hills. And cover your ass while running, because if he catches up with you, he will rape you. Do you really think “Technology, ancient patterns, sophisticated algorithms help the guy below attract a woman?”


  • Other quick fix advice that is Useless shit:

Feel good advice by guys who read self-help books. This guy has read Eckhart Tolle a 1000 times over and now is regurgating it in the dating field.

“Hey, Just be yourself, and let go of your ego.” Well, that’s great, but what if being himself means being socially awkward, nervous and quite sitting in the corner of the room. Fuck that. I say strive to be yourself. Be yourself in that you are true to your CORE VALUES, whatever those core values are.

The “Just Feel good” advice does not help a guy become interesting, fun, and engaging. It does not help him develop balls, nor does it help him learn to flirt with women and enjoy witty repartee.  It’s not that guys cannot be helped.  It’s that they’re given terrible advice.

If YOU find yourself stuck in the same place while you’re spinning your wheels going nowhere then start from the basics. It’s You need to be committed to work on 2 areas:

  • *Social Skills  (Developing the proper Attributes, and social skills, Ability to vibe, ability to Flirt.)
  • *Confidence of the self and social situations. (Eradicating anxiety, finding sense of self-worth)

A good place to start developing the CORE Skills you’ll need forever, beyond ANY quick fixes:


Regardless of whether you seek dating advice from me or someone else, you ought to have an overall roadmap on how you’re going to get there.  Focusing on the 2 areas I’ve mentioned here is a good start.  My goal with this post is to provide you with a bird’s eye (Macro) view of the that roadmap.