Toxic Personalities: The Incessant complainer


You’ve known the type.  Whether it was at school, work, or social gathering, you’ve come across them.  You know the type, they like to complain about everything.  Regardless of when or where your run into them, regardless of how well they’re doing, they’re going to complain.

It’s a personality trait.  This is a key distinction.  The constant complainer, in and of by itself, does not constitute a personality archetype.  It’s merely a trait of a particular personality type.

A very intriguing book I was recently reading broke all human personalities to 9 main Archetypes.  Most likely, I’d deduce, that constant complaining is an unhealthy behavior in one or two of these particular archetypes.

This is NOT to be mistaken with venting.  Wanting to vent or to express frustration over a topic is a normal human tendency.  It helps “get shit off people’s chests.”  Most of us have done it. Got a crappy parking ticket, lost your wallet, whatever…  And you just want to vent to get that crap off of your chest.

The constant complainer is different as he/she likes to complain about whatever topic is within his or her grasp.  If she can think of it, she’ll complain about it.

Case and Point: An acquaintance of mine, friend of a friend, is one such type.  Nice guy, by all accounts and cool to hang out with…. For about 2 hours.  After that, you pretty much feel your energy has been sucked out of you.

What does he have to complain about?  Nothing legitimate.  Healthy guy with healthy family, he has a successful business, owns property and has his toys (cars, bikes, etc). He us doing well by all accounts. You can better bet he’ll complain about everything under the sun, and then some.  It’ll never stop.

Ironically enough, his wife is very similar to him.  So, in some cosmic way, the universe makes sense.  The two of them somehow get along.  Good for them!

What’s the point? This personality trait is not limited to any specific gender. For some of these people, it’s just a way to relate to others.  Maybe they never learned to relate to other human beings socially outside of complaining.  In a way, it’s a method for them to gain rapport.  For others, it’s how they draw attention to themselves.


OK, enough pseudo-scientific psychological mumbo jumbo!  What does that it all mean?

Simply put: AVOID this type in Dating!  That’s sort of the point of this article.

The incessant complainer is not someone you can happily date, (exception being if you’re one yourself as noted in example above.)

  • First Date Scenario:

So you’re on a first date with girl you’ve recently met.  (or maybe you’re a girl dating a guy, for the 5 girls in the planet who read this blog.)  You’re having dialogue, it’s going OK, and then you’ll notice that it starts.

You can quickly identify the constant complainer by the end of the first date.  By the time, you hear the 3rd complaint, you pretty much will have been tipped off that this is someone you don’t want to go on a 2nd date with.

Again, barring legitimate vents about a particular issue, you’ll discover that the complainer will literally find issues to bitch about.  You can try to inject a bit of fun into the conversation, but quickly they’ll bring it back to a complaint of some sort. When this happens, you ought to cut your losses short.

WAIT!  What if YOU are a constant complainer?  What if you just read this and thought,

“Oh shit, I just realized how much I do that!”

Well, consider it an epiphany, courtesy of me, free of charge!  Work on eradicating this bad habit.  You picked it up somewhere along the way, and it stuck.  Just like smoking cigarettes or eating donuts at breakfast, it’s a habit!  Habits can be changed.  If you choose to go forward with this habit, you’re going to drive away quality potential mates.

Sometimes, the random complains come in a wide variety of topics. In the extreme, it takes the ugly form of complains that demean another human being based on superficial values.  You may be at a party and you hear: He took me to a 3-star restaurant. Can you believe that?  I don’t eat less in less than 3 star restaurants.

You’ll find that this personality type also will find fault where others do not.  In a restaurant, the food could be: Too hot, too cold, arrived too late, arrived too early, was better last time, was cheaper another time, not as good as another time, and it never stops.

These are non-hostile random complaints.  You can’t even sympathize with the constant complainer.  If you’re living in Cleveland and are livid with the way Lebron James handled himself this past summer, we get it!  You’re pissed off, and we can empathize.

It’s directed hostility towards a certain issue person.

The incessant complainer doesn’t even have focused complaints. They just arrive from every angle.  The weird thing is that sometime these are really nice people.  In the aforementioned of my acquaintance, I can honestly say the guy is a nice guy and he’d even help you out in some spots.  You just can’t spend more than 2 hours with him.

Energy vampires.  That’s what the incessant complainers basically are.  You’ll feel drained and may not even realize why.  This is a toxic personality trait.  If you’re on a date and notice this pattern, you probably should reconsider pursuing that relationship.

Stay tuned for the next article where I’ll discuss another toxic trait….


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