Value Taker  – A sense of entitlement

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Continuing in this series of toxic personality traits, we come to the examine the value taker.    This is a trait exhibited by individuals who have a great propensity towards self-absorption and a lack of willingness to want to contribute.

To compound the above mentioned issues, these individuals also may display a bewildering sense of entitlement.  I’ll explain that a bit later.

Like the complainer, the value-taker can become just as easy to spot, if you learn to know what to look for.   To start identifying this trait, you  just have to be aware of super basic tell-tale signs that give them away.

The most noticeable trait that is rather self evident is their complete disregard towards other people’s lives.  You’ll quickly note their tendency to not ask any questions about you.  When they do, it’s related to what they can siphon off for themselves.  It’s not about showing any actual interest in you.

So let’s assume you’re at a party, and you run to such types.  They’ll come into basic general varieties.

Type 1 : The Proverbial Gold-Digger who will dig for information: What do you drive?  Do you own or rent? What kind of a job?  They may not ask explicitly and blatantly, but they’ll try to investigate to discover this info.

Type II: Talk about themselves constantly.  Sometimes it’s the gold digger trying to impress you.  Having established you’re someone of value, she is going to want to make a good impression.  The most fascinating part this is that her own gold-digging prowess is limited by her lack of social skills.

It’ll sound like this: “Oh, I just moved her from Chicago, ya know I just love Chicago, but I moved out here, then when I got here, blah, blah, blah,… (2 min later)  then 3 weeks later when I was on this job, I heard that…. Blah, blah, blah…”

Their story is not anecdotal, nor does it have a point.  It’s not meant to entertain you, (because that’d be actually contributing something to the interaction), nor is it in the spirit of sharing and establishing rapport between two individuals.

It’s just a person talking.   It’s NOT whimsical, insightful, educational, anecdotal, humorous, or entertaining.  Just random words thrown in the air that follow enough of a format where they seem to make somewhat coherent sentences in the English language.  (or a foreign language for that matter.)

To go a step deeper, individuals with this toxic personality trait often display a sense of entitlement.  For some reason, unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, these people feel that they’re entitled to certain things.  For this reason, they’re the worst to deal with in any sort of relationship, be it friendships, business, or romantic.

You could easily gather a handful of various businessmen in a variety of industries and they could easily tell you the common behavioral patterns amongst problem customers who suffer from a sense of entitlement.

Let’s say you had some sort of a consulting service, and you’re one of the best at what you do.  Your rates for services rendered are an even $100 per hour.

A healthy person would enjoy your services, thank you for a job well done, and refer many clients towards word of mouth.

A toxic “Entitled” person would stay a half hour over time squeezing more of your services and time, (now up to 90 minutes instead of 60), and then at the end of all that, try to negotiate to pay less than the usual 100-Dollar rate.

Worst case scenario: He wasted an extra half hour of your time, paid you less than your current rates, and then may still want a refund 3 weeks later.   I have no respect for these types of people. They pull douchebag moves that are driven by their self-absorption and sense of entitlement.

As usual, this is not specific to gender.  Both men and women can possess this toxic trait.

What you can do about it:  Get the f*** away from such people.  These are not people you want to be involved with in relationships, friendships, or business!!

Sometimes, just the questions they ask you reveal enough insight that enables you to distinguish the toxicity within their personalities.  In business, it’s the difference between, “Wow, your rates are too steep man” versus “I can’t afford all of that right now.  Is there something else I can do or offer to make up for it?”

The latter person wants to contribute. This in fact reminds me of a friend of mine who is a fantastic kickboxer. He charges a good rate for his hourly services, but then, every so often I’d find random dudes helping him in various endeavor.

Upon being asked regarding a guy helping him build a fence in his backyard, he responded, “Oh, that’s ‘John’.  He can’t afford to pay me so I told him I’d teach him and he could help me build that fence.”

I told him it sounded like the Karate Kid movie all over again!  He laughed and agreed.

The point is, “John” was willing to contribute but the dude simply couldn’t afford to pay the cash required.  Working a job that paid him 12 Dollars an hour didn’t allow him to afford to pay 75 Dollars for a private lesson.

Was building a fence exact compensation? Nope, but it was enough of an effort that was worthy.   The kickboxing teacher expressed to me,  “OK, the guy is a hard worker, dedicated, wants to learn and is willing to put an effort to contribute in whatever way he can…..”

Will everyone be willing to do what my kickboxing teacher friend did? No, but you’ll find enough people who will help you if you are willing to CONTRIBUTE in whatever way you can.

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So let’s bring it all back to the dating application:

With a little bit of experience, you can ascertain the knowledge and gauge these traits rather instinctively. (Do keep in mind that we’re discussing specific traits within someone’s personality that spell disaster.)

If you’re talking to some girl at a random party and you find that all she does is talk about herself, you already know what you need to know.  Person is not suitable for long-term dating.

If for the same reason detect behavioral patterns that display a sense of entitlement, you already have learned that you should never consider seriously dating this person.  Come to think of it, you shouldn’t form any serious relationship with this person, be it in business or personal.

Now, you could take it to the extreme, date this type, even get married to her, become the most miserable man in your county, and suffer through a rough divorce that has you more bitter than the citizens of Cleveland towards Lebron James.

Or you could just realize what you were dealing with and not take them seriously.  Same thing applies to men. If you’re a girl talking to some guy whose speech reeks of “Me, me, me, I, I, I,” then you’ve just saved yourself the trouble of going on a few dates.

You already know the dude is a self-absorbed prick. You just weeded out someone who was going to be a huge waste of your time.

A sense of entitlement driven by a compulsion towards self-absorption in an extremely toxic personality trait.   On the polar opposite, you’ll also find people who are willing to contribute in whatever they can.

The hours you spend with a value-taker are wasted time that you could HAVE BEEN spending with someone with a sense of contribution creating a situation where both of you enjoy each other.

It was time you could have spend with someone enjoyable and a time you could have cherished looking back.     Once you internalize that, you’ll be in far better shape.

Cameron