Toxic Personalities in Human Relationships

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In Part 1 of the Solely External Validation-Seeker, I talked about individuals who possess this personality trait.  It’s a toxic trait that will eventually destroy your relationship with that person if you’re someone who has deeper aspects to his/her personality.

If you deal with certain segments of society, then naturally you’re going to experience more of such encounters.  Sometimes, this is just the byproduct of too much time spent in the nightclub scene.  Can’t tell you how often I’ve heard, “Women are just shallow whores” or “Men are selfish assholes.”

The problem is a great percentage of the people you run into at nightclub type of venues in big cities are the externally validated, empty people. The danger in that is that it skews your perception of the opposite sex.  Men will start thinking women are shallow, superficial bitches, and women will think men are shallow, selfish assholes.

They’re both right given the circumstances which they have chosen to evaluate people.

To be fair, some cities such as New York are a bit different as they seem to have a lot of bars and pubs where people hang out to socialize.  They are not necessarily your average “Party” Crowd.    Los Angeles, on the other hand, doesn’t really offer that alternative.  (Which is unfortunate.)

Someday, most of these people will get married for various reasons.  For some, it’ll be economical, and others just cultural.  A great deal of them will go through bitter divorces involving grief and scummy lawyers, but that was self-evident long before the words “I do” were ever exchanged.    I’ve come across men who were multi-millionaires with forever sworn enemies named, “my Ex-wife.”

Part of the goal of this series on toxic-personas is to provide clarity and provide keys on recognizing toxic traits within people.

Facebook provided a good example that everyone can relate to these days.  Everyone seems to be on there.  Even people’s pets have profile pages now!

You’ll observe that people of similar ilk display the same behavior patterns.  You’ll come to recognize those behavior patterns quickly with the power from a little observation and common sense.

Case and point: You’re talking to some individual at a party and she mentions how much she loves going to rehab. (No, not for substance abuse.  That’d mean she is actually trying to better her life).  This is a different type of “Rehab.”

So, what is Rehab?

Well, let’s put it this way: If we lived in the Star Trek era, (say another 300 years into the future), and the United Federation of Planets gathered up all of the biggest douchebags in the galaxy from various planets and put them all at a weekend afternoon pool party in Las Vegas, you’d have rehab.

It’s the newest greatest craze in Las Vegas.  Gigantic pool parties with booze flowing that are essentially night clubs during the day time.

Business wise, it’s brilliant!  Dating wise, it’s a disaster.

I’ve never been to rehab (pool party or the drug addiction kind), but I’ve talked to enough rehab frequenters to know the type of individuals going to this.  I am sure some people go for fun, but there is a good majority who go repeatedly and often!  They’re the “rehab types.”

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"Rehab" Pool Party

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So what’s the point of this rehab discussion?  Here is a no-nonsense practical application:

You’re at a house party, (or some social gathering), talking to a random girl and she tells you how much she enjoys going to rehab in Vegas OFTEN. Right then, you can deduce quite a few things from that simple admission.

  1. She sleeps around often and indiscriminately.  (Looking for quick lay?  This is your chick!)
  2. She often gets drunk and makes out with guys, but cannot later even explain why she made out with some guy she has no interest in.
  3. Most likely, she will not make a suitable partner if you’re looking to have a serious relationship.

Let’s give it fair balance, however.  This is not one sided by any means.  What if you’re a female reading this and can recall conversations with dudes telling you they love rehab that much?  I mean, what if you’re one of my female friends asking me what I think of some dude you just met at a party?

“He mentioned he can’t wait till the summer to go to rehab in Vegas every few weeks and this dude is past his mid 20s?   It’s overwhelmingly clear, my Dear Watson: He is a Douchebag!”

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Stories of Rehab :  Meet Gino!

I hang out with Gino 2 or 3 times every fiscal year.  You’d like Gino too.  He’s fun to hang with, and likes to joke around.  He is also quick to tell me about his latest exploits and he doesn’t even know I write a Dating-Blog!  Come to think of it, he is the first person who introduced me to “Rehab.”  He keeps telling me how I should go.

As you might have guessed by now, Gino just  hit “Rehab” a few times this past summer but he learned a new trick up his sleeve this time around.  He keeps hitting himself in the head as to why he didn’t start doing this trick years ago: You can trade cocaine for sex.

In a recent rehab adventure, Gino received a blow job in the toilet when he offered a girl some blow upon meeting her at the pool.    You should really see the exuberance Gino’s face.

I wasn’t there when Thomas Edison finally got that first light bulb to work and change the course of human history forever, but I’d like to think it was a grin as big and proud as Gino’s!  Yes, ladies and gentleman, you could use cocaine to lure chicks.  (Unlike most dating advice online by gurus, this trick does work!)

Is it right or wrong? It is ethical? Is it cool?  Well, that all depends whose perspective you look at it from.

I suppose if you’re the guy receiving the blowjob, you think it’s right!  I mean, if you’re Gino, desperately seeking a blow job from a random female, then giving up a few grams of cocaine to receive oral sex is “Fair Trade.”   You get a blowjob, she gets to snort coke, and the dealer you bought from may invest the money in something legit so it may even help the US economy in these desperate times.

Then again, if you’re the guy back in town who is actually dating the girl who is blowing Gino in a Vegas bathroom, you may think of it as a raw deal.   Upon her return home, you’d give her a hello-kiss, and be prepped to get a taste of Gino to go along with….

If you’re the father of the girl who is now blowing Gino in exchange for snorting cocaine, you probably feel like a failure as a parent.   Whether you were abusive, or neglecting , it’s irrelevant now.  It’s official: Beyond any reasonable doubt, you failed miserably as a parent.

If you’re the guy reading this blog right at this moment, you gotta decide which side of the friggin’ fence you are on.   Which guy do you want to be?   I don’t want to be any of them.

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Whooops

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So let’s bring this thing full circle from where we started: The Exclusively-externally validated stimulus junkie personality trait.

People’s actions speak louder than words.  I don’t know how old that cliché is, but it’ll never become obsolete because it’ll always remain accurate.

Are all “Rehab” party goers of Gino’s and miss coke-whore’s ilk?   Nope.  Not every single person obviously.  However, repeated patterns of behavior display the motivational factors in a person’s psyche.    If the repeated behavior exemplifies that of the examples in this article and the last, then you can be certain the writing is on the wall.

It’s inevitable that there will be problems with your friendships & relationships with the aforementioned type of individuals if you share a different set of values than they do.  It’s as inevitable as you right now throwing your shoe up in the air and observing gravity bringing it back down.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, this is not about sex.  It’s about what values people hold close to their chest.  So when I meet a Mr. “I try to go to Rehab 10 times every summer,” I intuitively have a strong gut reaction as to whom I dealing with.

So what do you know about that particular dude?

A.  Very likely that this guy will try to sleep with the girl you’re dating.  He may not succeed but he will try.

B.  He’ll party with you, but will ditch you to upgrade his situation.

C.  If you had a minor infraction (too many parking tickets?) that landed you in the county jail and you had to be bailed out on a Friday afternoon or else spend the weekend there ‘til Monday morning, well, if you were relying on Rehab dude to post bail and he had a 15% chance of getting a blowjob from a coke-whore, you better start befriending the biggest mother-effer in that jail because you’re spending the weekend.

(Note, not speaking from experience on that last one! It’s speculation on my part.)

Is it malicious or evil? Not at all.  It’s just the way they are.  Do you blame a stray dog running around for suddenly biting you?  Do you get mad at it and take it personal?  You might, but you also realize that the stray animal is just that.  It may bite you.

Same story with the solely-external-stimulus driven rehab junkie. He/she acts the way that comes from seeking that external stimulus that is  consistent with someone void of character.  Should you pursue a close relationship/(Dating/friendship/whatever) with that individual, you’re going to pay the price.

This is unless, of course, you’re a fellow person of the same ilk.  In that case, you’ll get along really well.

Choose Wisely.

Cameron

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