Seduction Community Myths: They’re all Tests!
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“After drinking 2 bottles of water, she said she desperately had find a bathroom to pee. Is she testing me?”
Sometimes, a little common sense goes a looooong way.
Continuing with my tradition of shattering Seduction-Community myths, I am going to tackle the idea of “Tests by women” today.
The idea of tests or “shit-tests” came about as a result of guys cold approaching women and running into certain consistent patterns of behavior. It was then further compounded by pick-up theorists who enjoyed reading a lot of books on evolutionary psychology. These books, while intellectually appealing, turned already fearful men into even more paranoid beings.
So then, do women test men? Actually, yes, sometimes they do. Then again, sometimes, it’s not even a conscious test. Sometimes, it’s par for the course. Sometimes, it’s just things people do and whether you stand fast by your ideals or relinquish them in order to appease someone else determines your ability to pass these tests.
If you’re cold-approaching women in bars (especially the club-skank variety), the amount of these little games exponentially increases. I don’t know what it is but something about frequent nightclub patrons brings out the worst in human behavior.
So you have to learn how to pass these tests. Sometimes they’re subtle. It may be a simple question such as, “All you want is just sex, isn’t it?” Or it may be a simple statement such as “I am not sleeping with you tonight.” How do you answer that? Do you know??
Your reply could be one sentence also, but that one sentence, could determine if the interaction moves forward or if you’re basically done. That exchange may literally take 10 seconds to transpire. Those seconds could either help you really get in with her, or they could really blow your chances of moving forward. This might be where a guy who is considered a “Natural”, one who generally does well with women wins over the guy who consisently falls short. The former instinctively knows the right response. The latter has no clue.
But then is everything a test? That’s when we get into silly areas of the community. I remember having a recent conversation with Jon [AKA Sinn] who was telling me about a seduction-forum where a student asked, “She just told me her sister has cancer. Is she testing me?”
Wow, is this the level of paranoia that people degrade to? If that’s a test, what isn’t a test? What can you possibly rule out as not being a “Test” at this point? What if a hurricane wiped out her house? Where can you possibly stop at this point?
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“She said, she is starving! She hasn’t eaten all day. I wonder if it’s a test! What’s the proper reply to the hunger test? If I only could contact a wise dating-guru right now.”
Guess what? Not everything is a test. It’s the freakazoid behavior of well indoctrinated community folk that takes simple everyday questions/comments and turns them into deep grandiose matters of inter-galactical importance.
Women are not out to get you. They’re not sitting home plotting how to fuck you over. They are not some unknown species. Some day, I don’t know when, Dating gurus will come to see that women are people too.
Unfortunately, one of the byproducts of the community is paranoia about tests. There is even one dating advisor who goes around saying, “Everything out of her mouth is a test.” He is a nice guy too. I just don’t want to imagine what it’s like to walk around life with that sort of paranoid thinking in my head.
“Oh shit! She just said, I have stomach cramps. It hurts. What kind of a test is this one? Oh shit, oh shit!”
“She just said she is busy this week, but asked if we could get together next week! Oh shit! What if she is just using me by keeping me around all week, making me linger.”
Look guys, sometimes a little observation of normalcy is a good thing. It’s what I like to do too. That means take a look at one of your friends who is involved in a relationship, preferably a couple who are somewhat normal, not ones camping outside Star Wars conventions dressed like Vulcans. (Which would be reallyyyy fucking weird. Geeks who showed up to the wrong geek convention.)
Hence, look at one of your pals who has had a girlfriend for a few years and see what they do. Sometimes, it’s going out to dinner, enjoying a couple of drinks, to come home, relax and watch reruns of “Law and Order” which they recorded on their Tivo. Sometimes, they have arguments and they find a way to resolve the issue.
At least, that’s my observation.
They’re not out to get each other. Similarly, women are not out to get you and they’re not sitting strategizing to take you down. They’re not plotting against you and given a choice to meet a cool guy versus being single, most women would take the “Meeting a Cool” guy option. That’s it.
There are some women are manipulative bitches from hell, and there are some men who are complete scumbags who probably deserve to be hit by a baseball bat. It goes both ways.
Beliefs and actions like paraoia about women being evil is one of the main reasons why people outside of my close friends do not know I am involved in this business. (Well, that compounded by the fact that many dating teachers are creepy mofos.) So please, keep this our secret.
Wait, I guess I am just not that “Alpha.” Otherwise, I’d wear this job on my sleepve….. Which brings me to the subject of another community myth, “Alpha Male Behavior,” but that’ll have to wait for another Blog Post.
By the way, what is the proper response to the examples I mentioned above? How should you reply to, “I am not going to sleep with you tonight?” Well, for that, you may want to get a copy of my audio course. I spend a good 45 minutes to explain what is a test and what is not, and then provide a formula that you can use for the rest of your life to answer such questions. If you want to learn that, it’s up to you.
I agree with much of this post. But the example of observing an established couple is not really comparable to the interaction between a couple in the early stages of courtship. And that’s because many women, perhaps subconciously, do test men in many ways before they trust/commit themselves to an established ‘relationship’. Its probably due to the fact they feel they have more to lose if they get the decision wrong (e.g. social impact, the fact she can only bear a child once every 9 months or so). As well as qualifying men with questions, they’ll also do stuff like flaking dates to see if you’ll keep trying to re-arrange (testing how serious you are about her). And of course they’ll sometimes show ‘challenging’ behaviour to see how you respond.
In general, I think the behaviour to show at all times is to be relaxed, and playful/flirty for most of these tests, but do have clear boundaries and call her on her behaviour if she crosses them (e.g. flakes a date too many times). Or just let her go and ‘move on’ – perhaps she’s not passing *your* test of a quality person.
I do think this is a real phenomena to varying degrees, for *most* women though.
Hey,
The example of the couple is to show a “Normal” relationship and to point out that women are not sitting out there plotting against you. It’s to eradicate paranoid thinking that is instilled in men within the community.
An actual example of what could be perceived as a “Test” is mentioned.
Flakiness is not necessarily a conscious test. It could be, but some people are just flakey in general, men included. There is no thought process involved. (There is a blog post coming on that.) And yes, they may test your patience this way and you may be better moving on….
Great article Cameron. It reminds people that women are for the most part just people. Not everything she says is a test, she may just be talking.
Most of the “theories” and learning social “intelligence” from the community comes from the type of women that they are meeting. It turns out that not every woman is as neurotic or ego driven as the club girls, who knew right?
One important fact that community greatly overlooks is that when a confident, real man meets a real woman there are no real tests. There is no great obstacle that you have to overcome in order to get physical or closer to her. There is NO TRYING involved at all, it’s simply natural.
Overcoming test after test just to get into her pants is the same as trying to get a woman to like you-it’s just less obvious. You are working to keep her attracted to you. You are working hard just to get to the finish line.
No pussy is worth working for.
It’s much easier and more peaceful (less thinking involved) to go with an approach of NOT trying to get her attracted to you. Instead go for the ones that are already attracted to you or your type. “I like you and you like me, good.” or “You don’t like me, oh well.”
Guys, who overthinking things too much to begin with, are going down the drains with the paranoia that’s being perpetuated. They care too much about the “tests” because they are scared to screw things up with the girl. The irony is that the moment you worry about screwing it up (losing her) you have already lost her.
They care too much about building attraction because they don’t feel naturally attractive to begin with. When you find yourself attractive so will other people. If you don’t find yourself attractive you are forced to use tricks and scheme your way into getting girls to go home with you.
She tests you to find out whether or not you are the real deal. If you are the real deal, a confident man, then you don’t have to have prescripted responses or look out for the tests because you will just act and respond the way you naturally do.
Alex
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