Understanding Why Women Flake


Where do flakey women go?  Understanding Flaking.

I’ve got another gem for you today!  It’s holiday weekend here in America, and this is my holiday gift to you guys, even if you live overseas (which quite a few of you do.)

In a previous Blog entry, I discussed the reason as to why certain girls flake after  being so interested in see you during the initial cold-approach interaction.  You can find that blog entry here: Emotion, Logic, Why women Flake, mixed with Zen

What’s noteworthy is that Blog entry was written for a particular Archetype of woman.  By no means does it apply to all women.  So today we are going to talk about Why Flaking happens.    It is a complicated subject.  I don’t know that there is any one tactic to eliminate flaking; despite what Dating-gurus want to sell you in workshops. “Never have women flake again!” to me reads like “We are full of shit and we know it!”  You can’t completely eradicate it through normal channels because certain type of people are flaky individuals.  You can take steps to minimize it and that’s what we’re discussing today.

A lot of it has to do with the archetype of woman you’re chatting with.  Some girls are pretty much going to be in line with what they say and I can tell that the interaction is solid. But then there is that flakey personality type and man, these days, I can almost smell them.  Any combination of traits and behavioral characteristics reveal their flakiness, including even their TONALITY!

You interact with human beings long enough and you start recognizing patterns of behavior and trends and that people, men as well as women, fall into some general archetypes. And a lot of times you can recognize a flakey girls’ propensity towards that type of behavior.  Her conversational threads, her sense of humor, her stories and yes, even tonality can give away the fact that she is flakey.

It’s going to happen, and you can’t really become angry because it’s what they do.  This is further compounded by the fickle nature of cold-approaching.  I know the temptation may be to yell at someone or call them on being unreliable but you have to realize that you’re dealing with different value-systems.

For example, you might be the type of person who values dependability.  You may be reading this right now, and you might think of yourself as the sort of person who says what he/she means, and does what he/she says.  Giving “your word” may be something you take seriously.  Heck, some people take it to extremes.  Talk to a stereotypical hardened military type about meeting him at 08:00, and if you show up, at 08:01, he is going to want to know why you’re late and irresponsible.  “It’s just a minute” is not going to be a good enough response

When dealing with party chicks, you’ll have to go approach the situation with the understanding that they have a different value system.  They value social stimuli and social position.   [PS. There is a lengthy Blog entry to come on understanding Party Chicks.] Interestingly enough what these girls respond to, is how their social position is affected.   Their attitude is very much similar to the high school girls you see in the movie “Mean Girls.”   (In fact, you should rent and watch that film.)

Their social status and placement in the social totem pole is the most important thing in the universe for them.  This is why Bouncers and club promoters have so much power to these girls.

They could BLOCK the girl from going in the club where the popular roam inside.  This is the new place to be seen and not being allowed entrance to such a place would severely decrease her place on that social totem pole.  Such a travesty could not be allowed to happen. Actually, sometimes even standing in line is tantamount to social disaster.  It’s the equivalent of telling an average person to go eat out of a garbage can with bums in the nearby corner.

Guys who experience the least amount of “flakiness” with this archetype of woman are not guys who have “Tight Game” or “Cool routines” but rather, they’re the ones who have some say in influencing the popularity of that girl within her social bubble.

By the way, part of this can be cultural as well.  Having talked to guys who’ve lived in the far East, I can tell you that certain cultures have their own cultural dynamics.

Then again, people who have the sale value system behave similarly.  From what I understand, the importance of “Brand names” and labels are so important in places like Tokyo these days that they’d put the most superficial Beverly Hills girl to shame.



Where Do Girls Go When They Flake?


    A buddy of mine once posed the following questions:  Where DO they go?  They cancel on me an hour before we’re supposed to meet, but then where do they go? Is there a secret hideout where they all gather?

    In my experience, these are the bigger/better deal type of girls. It has to do with their value system and what they covet. So let’s say you’re having a small cozy gathering/ house party at 8 pm on Saturday night and you invite Flakey party chick. She tentatively agrees to attend on Thursday.

    However, on Saturday afternoon, her friends call and there is a “Cooler” perceived party in a mansion somewhere. She’ll immediately choose to upgrade. The reason they are noncommittal to their appointments is that they have to wait til the last possible minute to see if a bigger/better deal is going to happen.  If they are attractive, then chances are good, there is plenty of offers on the table.

    • Note: This behavior is not limited to women, as there are plenty of men with the same mindset.

    The problem with the “Seduction Community” is that it tries to pass the blame to women as being the only sex exercising this behavior.  It’s unfortunate and highly inaccurate.

    There are a lot of men who behave In this fashion because they have the same mindset. If you want to delve deep into the psychology of it all, at the end of the day, you’re dealing with people who are “Value Takers.” They are not interested in offering value, but they’re interested in taking it.

    I’ve got an acquaintance who Is a guitar player In a band.  Invite him to your party and chances are 75% likely, he won’t make it. Tell him that some big music producer is going to be there, and chances are 99% that he WILL make the party. Again, he wants to take value, but coming to your party otherwise, and maybe even bring a 6-pack of beer to contribute is not in his nature. Contribution is not in his nature.

    That’s one of the main characteristics that gives away this archetype:  Never contributing on any level.  I am willing to bet that you’ve had some acquaintances/buddies in the past who exhibited this pattern of behavior.  Maybe they were the type to always seem to need a favor at every turn…

    The same thing applies to flaky women. Guys who consistently are able to deal with flakey women offer them some value, OR DANGLE something in front of them.

    Scientists have discovered that male Monkeys in the jungle actually LIE about having extra food in their possession, in order to entice the female monkeys to come to them.  (And it works!)

    So, it’s pretty much like any big city amongst humans, except men use cocaine to lure the females back in to the after-hours party. (And it works!)

    • So it comes down to this: Either associate with a better class of people, or ENTICE them with some VALUE they CAN TAKE.


    VALUES they can take generally come in the following 3 categories:

    1. Physical stimuli/Drugs,
    2. Power/Money,
    3. Social Status.


    If YOU can entice them with values they want to suck from you, they will be much more likely to show up.  Heck, you could live in a relatively small town and a house party that is known as the “Go to spot”  could be that Social Status gambit.

    It’s up to you to figure out what lure you’re going to use if you’re going to deal with this archetype.  Again, I ought to reemphasize that this is not pooling all women together.  It’s just a certain segment of society and it includes men too.

    In my experience and observation, men who experience the least amount of flakiness with this archetype are those who can play the social status game.  Shallow values gravitate towards shallow values.  It’s that simple.  They have learned to dangle the proper carrot in front of the proper donkey.  Now, it could be that the guy is wealthy or it could be some popular-nightclub doorman she does not want to piss off.

    The other part of it, you can’t worked up over it.  It’s not that big of a deal.  Understand that certain individuals flake consistently.  If you had to gamble, you’d be better off betting that they were more likely going to flake and not show up.

    See, this is the secret “Naturals” have known all along: What these type of women do is really irrelevant.  You can’t get worked up over it.  This type of girls are a “Dime a Dozen,”  ”They’re like busses, you miss one, there is another one coming”  you’ll hear “Naturals” say.  I used to hear that back in college and not understand where they were coming from.  But really, you can’t even care that much.

    If they show up, you don’t get that excited, because it isn’t that exciting.   It’s like a Zen state.  It’s like Zen meets dimwitted surfer.  Imagine Keanu Reeves from “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” trying to talk philosophy.   Sometimes, that’s the level of sophistication you’re looking at.  It’s only the Seduction community that turns everything into a battle plan.  I enjoy delving into the deep psychology, but for practicality, I like to simplify.

    I know this post would come across quite disturbing to the average person not involved with “The Game”, but it’s the realities of the social dynamics that take place everyday.  It goes on ALL around the world.

    Yes, I know it’s ugly.  Yes, I know it’s shallow.  Yes, I know it portrays dimly a certain segment of our society, but welcome to the Game.  If you’re going to deal with the value-taker type, then you’d be understand what you’re in for.

    It’s for this reason that some guys resort to “Scam-Game” in order to lure this archetype in.   It’s like putting bait on a fishing rod in order to sort of corral them.  While I don’t engage in scam-game, I do find account and stories of it humorous.

    I have a humorous account of the greatest scam-game I’ve ever heard and I am going to post that in the next Blog post….

    Until then, here is what you have to answer for yourself:

    • *What archetypes of women are you interested in?
    • *What class of people do you want to associate with?
    • *If you want to pull social-status infatuated women, are you prepared to deal with it?
    • *If so, what kind of a social lure/bait are you going to use to make things easier for yourself?



    PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are a supplement and supporting material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women