How to be a Challenge to Women


I received a question about a guy wanting to know how he can be a “challenge” while he is being direct with women.  Fred wrote:

literally all girls say they like a Challenge.   now if a guy uses direct day game  like “you looked adorable,” how Can a guy demonstrate that he is a ” Challenge”?  i mean showing interest and demonstratig oneself as a “prize” in the first meeting?   literally all girls say “I am looking for a man who is a Challenge.”  In my opinion guy is a “Challenge” only when the girl already knows him through her friends and the guy behaves disinterested.


 What you’re asking about depends on a multitude of factors that affect the dynamics of the interaction.  In a simple format, here are those factors:

  • Context of Interaction:  How are you meeting? Cold Approach or through social circles. (there is a huge difference between the two.)
  • Personality of a girl.  What type of girl is she?   What archetype?  You talking to a ambitious educated woman or a club chick who is out drinking 4 nights a week?
  •  What she is looking for as well. 

 All of those factors influence an initial approach.  That’s why cold-approaching is a low percentage game.  She may be looking for a boyfriend and you come in way too “playerish” and the interaction goes sour.  You may present yourself as guy who has his shit together, good career, great friends, and she can’t handle it, because she is a loser really only comfortable being with another drunk loser who sells crystal meth on the side. 

 There are a lot of variables that come into play.  I just provided a few examples.  There is no holy grail of cold approaching.  Understand that.  It’s a percentage game, by nature.  You just try to create better odds by knowing what you’re doing and a bit of social intelligence. 


Now, with all of the above in mind, let’s talk about you wanting to be a challenge: 

      A.  A matter of Context and Interpretation.

 You have to also understand that the same sentneces has two different meanings to you and the girl.  You are looking to get laid!  You’re looking to stick your penis in her vagina.  Let’s be honest here.  So a challenge to you is getting her pants off.  When she means a challenge, typically it’s not about sex.  If she is attractive, she knows that if she takes her pants off, 90% of men would jump at the opportunity.  Even if she weren’t attractive, that’d still hold true.

 So you have to redefine challenge from her perspective.  What she means is a guy who isn’t easy to get, swooning all over her, and trying to kiss her ass.  Basically, a guy who has options of different women, so she feels like she got the prize by getting such a man who has so many options.


     B.  Being a Challenge is Not Something You Fake, It’s Something You Are. 

 This analogy will make it crystal clear for ya:  In the world of NBA Basketball, Lebron James is going to be a free agent this coming summer. [In case you have no idea about sports, a “Free Agent” indicates that a player can sign a contract with any team he wishes.]    Considering his talent and age, he is the hottest commodity in all of basketball.  Every basketball team will want him to play for them.  He can only play for 1 team!  Which team will land him? 

 Therefore getting Lebron James to play for your team is a challenge.  Why? Because he has lots of options.   He is not desperate or needy. 


 And by the way, “Awww, you look so adorable” is not really direct game. It’s more like someone trying to come across as slick and smooth after reading (crappy) advice on the Internet.  Direct game has to be sincere and unless you’re saying that line from a place of some sincerity, it’s more “Gamey” and she’ll know it.  

Here is a 9-series of articles I wrote explaining Direct-Game:

 Lastly, here is what it comes down to pay very careful attention to what I am about to say:  There are two schools of thought on how to become more attractive to women:

1.      Learn the correct sequence of tactics and social manipulations

2.      Actually become a more attractive person.

 I subscribe to the latter school, and consequently, what I teach indicates that.  You can either learn proper manipulations and sometimes those will even work in the short term, but you’ll be exposed in the long term.

 Or you can choose to become someone who has a high self-image, is interesting, engaging, and socially fun to talk with.  If you are the latter, then by default, you are a bit of a challenge because you have options and women know that.  Again, we are back to that sports analogy.  The super-star free agent athlete is not desperate because he has option.  If you have options, you’re not desperate either, and your demeanor indicates that.

 So will a girl think you’re a challenge?

 If she thinks you are a guy who is in demand by other women, you’re naturally a challenge.  And girls can sense intuitively if you’re a guy who has options.  Sometimes the mere fact that you’re able to flirt with them, smile, and be at complete ease around them without a smidgeon of nervousness communicates to women that you’re someone who can get it. 

 How will show know you’re a prize? Because you carry yourself like a motherf**kin’ prize!  

  Really, that’s the answer. I just went the long way in explaining it.

Take care


PS.  The articles on this blog will have a profound impact on your dating life.  Please realize that they are supplementary material to what I discuss in my expanded work.  Get a copy of my Ebook here: Building Attraction with Women